Hi I'm so mad. Lately when I get the kids in trouble my husband always says something and conflicting on what I'm telling them. I know it sounds lie he wants to be involve, but that's the problem I tell him what's going on he let's he kids know what he thinks then when I start to say something he tells me in front of them the don't need to hear it and be quite, in front of them. I always confront him about and "I make too much of everything". It wasn't always like this. Now what do I do? I feel like what i say dosent matter and my kids will lose respect for me.
So God works in mysterious ways, I had to have an unexpected surgery and to go to the hospital for a couple of days, so I got to talk to him and let him know how I feel. Also I had to be off my feet for the next couple days so the kids and my husbabd have all be working hard to help me and cleaning up the house. Hopefully this will show them they all need to appreciate me more. Thank you to all that replied I gave me a lot to think about.
These other mom's are so nice and understanding...Take him out back and knock him around!!! (tee hee) He has seemed to lose some level of respect for you along the way. Recognize THAT and address it as such, with him privately. If it doesn't work, seek counseling! Sounds like the problem doesn't start or stop there.
Parents need to show kids a united front. Those who disagree openly in front of their kids (about anything) make way for a huge opportunity for kids to take advantage and play one parent against the other. Clearly you disagree about discipline. Appeal to your husband's common sense and ask to discuss discipline 'ground rules' away from your kids [soon] and maybe even write down what you come up with . If you can't make progress, or if he continues to undermine your authority as a parent in front of your kids, you have a bigger problem than household discipline. You have a lack of respect in your marriage. Find a professional to talk with.
He is undermining your authority.
And you are absolutely right - his attitude and actions tell the kids that he has no respect for you and that they shouldn't either.
You need to sit him down and explain to him what he is doing - or have someone else do it -- like a psychiatrist or a counselor. He probably thinks he is helping -- we all know better! My son did that to my daughter while they were babysitting some kids. He learned -- mighty quickly -- that you need to always present a united front no matter what. You can disagree, but you need to disagree out of earshot of the kids.
LBC
You need to find a quiet, peaceful time to discuss this with your husband. Do it in a non-confrontational way if that is even possible. But try to find out from him why he is doing what he is doing and try to really listen to what he has to say. I totally get how irritating it is for you to be undermined like this but if you are confronting him, you may not be listening to to what he has to say and maybe that's what you need to do right now. Maybe there's something worthwhile there that you need to hear or maybe he's mistaken about what's going on and how to deal with it. But this is something for the two of you to talk out. And spend some discussing the issues that have come up with your children so far and how the two of you want to deal it with it from this day forward. If the two of you have already done all this a number of times and it still is not getting any better, then may I suggest couple's counseling for the two of you? Sometimes it's easier to hear another person's perspective if it is funneled through a 3rd person - a professional - and they may be able to give you some tricks on how to work together, not against, each other.
Hope this all gets better for you soon. Best of luck.
I would sit him down privately and address your concern. The issue isnt really if he agrees with how/ why you are punishing the kids, BUT the fact that you are not a unified parenting team. There is nothing more frustrating than when your partner undermines you in front of the children. Should there be a disagreement , discuss it away from the kids and come to a UNIFIED solution. Its not fair to the children NOR is it fair to the other spouse to force the children to have a "mean parent" and a "nice parent".
Consider asking your husband why he feels the need to do this. Is he struggling with being his childrens "friend" vs their parent? Does he have fears about his children hating him because he is disciple?
DIg to th root of the issue, discuss the ramifications of the way if affect you and the children.
Good luck.
Hello, My precious husband of 43 years passed away in March of this year. When we were raising our 4 kids, we had an unspoken rule that if either one of us disciplined any of them, the other would not interfere. If we didn't agree, we discussed it away from all of the kids. I would ask him to please not disagree in front of them. Maybe with a little backup, you won't "make too much of everything" as he thinks.
Good luck with your precious family.
K. K.
Hello A..
I know exactly what you are going through. Most couples disagree as to how to handle issues with their kids.
The best way I have found to handle things is outside of the heat of the moment. Kids end up with mixed signals that way.
If at all possible, try to think of the issues that are coming up on a consistent basis and calmly bring those issues up when you and your husband are alone. The goal is to get his philosophy on the issues and to share yours with him. Hopefully you can agree on how to handle things the next time they come up.
If you don't agree on how to handle certain issues, perhaps you can at least agree NOT to show that discord in front of the kids.
Hopefully he is reasonable enough that you can express to him how it bothers you to have your authority undermined especially since you probably spend more time dealing with the kids than he does (don't we all).
Recap:
1. express the problem you have with him responding in front of the kids
2. Set aside time on a separate occasion to discuss the parenting issues in general and try to agree as to what will happen when issues come up with the kids.
3. PRAY
Best of luck to you.
I think the quickest way to fix this is to apply logical consequences to your HUSBAND. Tell him, "okay, if you think nothing should be done. Then you can handle all the discipline - if you think I'm not doing it right".
Then step back for a few days, even a week or more and let him handle all the problems. He will realize that there will be a need for discipline. And when the kids go crazy, make the home unlivable, and there's no order but only chaos...JUST LET IT HAPPEN. Then he will come to you and BEG you to join him in disciplining them.
That's when you can finally sit down with him and have GROUND RULES on how you BOTH must always see eye-to-eye and be on the same page. And ABSOLUTELY NO undermining your authority IN FRONT OF THE KIDS.
It will be hard for you to let go and let things happen with him and the kids, but if you try to jump in too early ..it will not work. And right now, sitting down with your husband is useless..otherwise you wouldn't be writing us this question. 'Cause I'm sure you've had many conversations with him over this already!
Let him experience what it's like to have children who do not respect discipline or rules. You're life will be chaotic for awhile, but stay on the sideline and just let it happen.
Sometimes people have to experience it for themselves before they get it.
When the children are not around sit down withhim and tell him that raising children is a family affair and in order for the children to be raised properly the parents have to present a united fron that they do right adn respect and love theit parewnt as you do them good luck raised 4 and now have 7 grandchildren married 61 yeare A. no hills
