How to Stop My 22 Mon Old from Fussying

T., My advice is a mix of the other two posts.
I also feel that my 17 month old needs me for a reason, however, I can't have him whining and leaning up against me constantly.
i have started using a "crying corner' which is the mat at the back door. I tell him in a very kind voice, "It's ok to cry, but you need to do that in the crying corner. Go sit on the mat until you stop crying and then you can come out and play." It usually takes him about 20 seconds to give up the crying and want to come out. He does often start the whining again, but I am trying to be firm and consistent. I have known a few other women who tried this, and now their children automatically go to a quiet place when they need to work out some emotions.

My 2 year son does this to me and I started sending him to his room. Most of the time he is whinning and crying I can't even understand what he really wants. He will go to his room and calm himself down and then comes out and tells me what he wanted. My problem I have is when we are out there is really no place for him go so we just cry a lot. I am hoping it is a phase :).

Hi T.,

Hmmm... so I know this is going to sound like the advice you DON'T want, but what I encourage you to do is to hold her more, and give her the attention she wants. Let me plead my case... =)

At 22 months old, your child DOESN'T know how to be manipulative, and you aren't spoiling her by picking her up. You are her "go to" person, and although this is incredibly draining for you, that's how she sees it. You are her "it" person - the one she knows is going to be there for her no matter what.

I encourage you to hold her more, snuggle her, cuddle her, and if she's fussy, talk to her and say things like, "What are you so fussy for, baby? What do you want from mommy? You want mommy to love you more?" And of course, you could give her some gentle "shhhshing."

I realize you're trying to NOT pick her up so much, but the reality is, she is communicating a need to have you close to her. At this age, she really needs and wants it... kids don't start to develop their independence and wanting to be away from you until well into their 3rd year. So trust me, there is PLENTY of time for her to develop independence and you absolutely are doing NO HARM by coddling your baby at this phase.

There is much research to support this: I encourage doing a little research at ZerotoThree.com for more information. I am happy to provide research as well (I'm a "research" person, so please forgive me... it's just that we hear so much advice all the time and I personally like to know where all the advice comes from!)

Take care, good luck. =)

Maybe you don't remember because your 2 other kids are far appart from her age. She is going through a stage that soon will be gone, the terrible twos. Be patient and consistent with your responses. In a little while you will have a nice pre-schooler willing to learn and share with other kids. Now everything is mine or for me, even people. Read and sing a lot to and with her. Include her sibblings, if they are near. Take her out and pick up things of her interest, like leaves, insects, rocks or any object. Then have her describe them and classify by colors, shapes, sizes. Wish you the best! I have been there because I am a mother of 7, grandmother of 22, retired teacher, and volunteer at HIM Learning Center & Day Care. A. Cruz, Dallas

it takes time. Don't give up and just be consistant. If you tell her you won't pick her up until she stops fussing, stick with it, no matter how hard it is. And she will test you! so be ready for that. You are the parent and you need to put your foot down now before she gets older and it gets any worse. You will both be happier for it!
God Bless!
~C.

You have to remember that if she's only doing this with you, it's probably becasue she can get away with it. I'm sure it is annoying, but you have to stick to your guns. You can pick her up if she wants to be held, but not if you told her you won't pick her up unless she stops whining. For instance, she wants to be held. So, you pick her up and you say "honey, tell mommy what's wrong" and you try to see what she wants. does she just want some time with you? does she want you to sit an play with her for a bit? If so, say "I'll sit and play with you for 5 minutes, I'll set the timer, and when it beeps, mommy has to work on dinner." Then, follow through. She'll probably cry when you get up from playing, but do it anyway. Ask if she'd like to help in the kitchen, then get her a pot and a spoon and let her "cook" on the floor with you. But, follow through on what you say. I have a feeling that if you can be strong for about 1 week, this will all stop b/c she'll know you mean business.

Now is definitely the time to get a handle on this. You are the parent -- remember that you will set the tone for your entire family. Awesome responsibility, I know. You have taught your daughter over the last 21 months that the way to get anything she wants is to whine.

You must retrain her to speak in a clear, happy voice to get what she wants by responding ONLY when she speaks/acts like you want her to and NEVER when she whines! It won't happen overnight and you must be very consistent in the way you react to her. It will take a lot of training for both of you.

A booklet that reinforces the importance of our consistency in dealing with our children that we used when our girls were little is "Under Loving Command" by Al & Pat Fabrizio. It's available online -- just google it.

she not going to stop whinning unless you make her stop. i spend a lot of time with teenagers and they whine ALL the TIME!!. it's a habit that they developed because nobody made them stop. i have a 19 month old and a 3 year old. if they ask for something and are whinning i tell them to say it again in a normal voice or a happy voice. i even say it for them to show it what it sounds like. the thing is you have to stick with it! don't say quite whinning but then give her whatever she wants anyway without making her say it right. if you don't make her use a regular voice, or make her calm down first to ask, then she will never learn. i tell my 19 month old to stop crying and say please when she is whinning for me to hold her. if she doesn't do those things than i don't pick her up. and she usually just walks away because she knows i am serious and she doesn't really want it that bad to work for it. but STICK to your guns!! if you don't teach her how to not whine noone else will!!

she may not be old enough to know that she is being manipulative but she does know how to get what she wants and this works on you.

i also am a big fan of making them go somewhere to cry if they are throwing a fit or are frustrated. i tell my girls that it's ok to cry but they have to do it in their rooms and they can come out when they have a happy heart. once you do that they come out so sweet and cheerful makes the whole day better!

I tell my daughter I can't understand whining, and she usually asks for what she wants without whining since she knows I won't understand her and get what she wants unless she stops. To stop the fussing at night time I tell her I will check on her if she isn't fussing (otherwise I send her dad in to check and she prefers me, for now anyhow).

Hi T.: I have a 21 mth old little girl who does the same thing...when she is w/ everyone else other than me, she is a perfect little angel...and as soon as she sees me, she starts to cry or whine, for no reason...I think its because she is going through the 2's...my son who is almost 4 never did this, so maybe its a girl thing, i'm not sure, but what I do is I just give her some love and hug on her. I know that its very annoying and draining mentally and phyisically constantly dealing w/ a whiny kid, cuz i know its draining for me! :) But, I think that if we give them the attention that they are asking for or wanting, they will grow out of this and be fine in a couple of months! At least I hope so!!! Good luck and if anything works for you, please share....for my daughter, she just wants mommy to be in her bubble!!!

Sounds like you have a full house and teens and pre-teens. Your little girl is definitely THE baby of the family.

She is entering the "terrible two's" but more than that, it seems she wants your attention and the only way she knows to get it is to cause trouble.

MY solution would be to spend more quality time with her...just you two. Go to the park with her or play in the backyard. Go out for ice cream.

AS she grows up and becomes more verbal, she wil be able to express her needs in a better way.