How to Stop Whining????

when my son kept continually whining I just ignored him and acted like I couldn't understand anything he said. If what he was saying needed a response i would simply say " i can't understand whinning voices" and continue to ignore him until he spoke in a normal voice. My son was a bit older than 1 1/2 but if you ignor it enough he will stop even at that age.

My daughter did something similar and it drove me insane. I have always had trouble with discipline. I finally had to just ignore her when she got like that so she would see that whining wouldn't get her what she wanted. Make it clear to him that he has to TRY to articulate what he wants and that whining will get him walked away from. It broke my heart to do it, but in retrospect I know it was the right thing. The first feedback I got from her new babysitter was that it was refreshing that she asked for whatever she wanted. The sitter said that most kids won't ask for anything for the first week or so that they're with her. But my daughter just strolled into the kitchen and said "can I have a snack?" She loved that!!!

From years of experence working with children of all ages ... the best advice I can give you is to not give into the whining!!! You have to remain calm... let him / her know in a calm voice that when the whining stops they will get what they want but as long as the whining continues you will not be talking to them! P. S. it is darkest before the dawn... the child will push it as far as he / she can.. you have to be stronger.... when they no longer get reward.. it will stop! remember negative attention is better then no attention.. in their eye!!!

just tell him no and ignore the tantrums, he'll see it's not affecting you and eventually stop the whining.

Now is the time to tell yourself..."who is the parent and who is the child." This may sound old fashioned, but this really worked for me. Every time my child whined, I gave them ONE warning and after that they got a teaspoon of vinegar. I told them the "sour taste they felt in their mouth is exactly how it sounded in my ears." It really works...not only for whining, but inappropriate language, talking back, sassy words, etc.

W., I have not read the responses you have gotten so this may have been repeated.

When our daughter whined(s), we tend to ignore her and keep ignoring her until she stops. Once that behaviour is over with, then she will be acknowledged. It does escalate and then it stops. We have found that this is the best way to break her of her whining. Good luck. Its hard and the whining really grates but if you can ignore it and continue to ignore it until the behaviour changes, you are sending a good message that whining will not be tolerated.

Have you tried to ignore him when he whines???? Just pretend he is not even there.... I think he keeps whining because he know it gets your attention....

W.,
Try getting down on his eye level and saying " We don't whine. We ask, and then say I would like some candy." of course he will not repeat it word for word but if he uses the appropriate tone then he deserves positive praise. If it is too close to meal time at least explain to him that he can have it after the meal because he was a big boy and used a big boy voice. This may sound stupid ,but have you ever watched Super Nanny? I have never seen in not work for her. It might work as long as you are consistent. Good Luck!

My mother had this problem with my younger sister and sometimes it still happens. We have learned to not give her what she wants until she can tell us like a "big girl".

I think what you are trying to stop is something that is normal. Every kid is different. You could have 25 of them and they would all be different, act different, just as they would all look differently.
I think that you should stop making a big deal out of it and allow him to be strong willed. That will make for a confident, strong, and healthy individual that can take care of himself. By fussing at him so much and going to time out, I hope that you don't damage his self esteem and confidence.
Just let him whine and try ignoring it. You may find that he calms down. When he is asking for something in a whine, why don't you figure out what he is wanting and then say what it is to him in a slow plain clear voice. It may teach him to talk and build his confidence and self esteem at the same time.
I think what you are experiencing is normal for that age.

he is too young to punish for whining. all kids whine, some more than others due to personality. it's obvious he is having trouble communicating his wants. i've found the best way to help with this is to learn simple sign language. even my daughter at a year was able to pick that up quickly. if he starts to whine and you can tell what it is that he wants say, 'do you want more juice?' as you are doing the sign for 'more', or 'do you want to eat?' as you are doing the sign for 'eat'. this should help immensly. i still have to prompt my 3 little ones (3 1/2 yo twins and 18 month old) as to how to ask for things when they get whiney. unfortunatly, i don't think whining ever completely ends...i hear grown adults whine, lol! good luck!

I don't agree with one other response, giving your child a fruit gummy as candy is fine. At least its a more nutritional snack and not other junky candy.
Whining--my son is 2 1/2 now, and he didn't whine a lot, but even now sometimes he wants to whine when he asks for something. I tell him to use words, I don't understand whining. I have always told him, "stop. use words" and he does.
As far as entertaining the child, maybe you can find fun activities for him and his big brother to do together, or all 3 of you to do together. My son is an only child so entertaining himself is a must. Your first one can, but the 2nd one is used to having so many others around, that he's used to people entertaining him. You'll just have to keep trying to find him things to do on his own.

You sound like you have your hands full. Continue to be firm with him. I too would take them to their room. Stay there till they stopped crying. It will take time for them to realize that will not do.

I think Barbara M gave you great advice........when my kids would whine, I would bend down and whisper "use words" into their ear. And just like she said.......they shush up because they want to know what is being said. But I will warn you, that only works if they havent gone into full melt-down mode. I would also limit the use of the word "NO". Maybe you could put the snacks in a new place, that neither kid knows about. Then when he starts with the whining you can make a game of it. "ooohhh gummies, where did you go?" At 1.5 he's gonna get distracted at some point and wander off. (I agree that fruit gummies arent the best snack. And I'm only saying that because of all the high fructose corn syrup. Bad stuff for any age.) I still have a whiner at almost 4 so I totally sympathize but I've noticed that when I am more irritated, she just increases in volume. When I walk away (and I know, it's not always an option to walk away and/or they follow you) they usually end more quickly. I also have kind of a funny thing to admit. I was on a "Dog Whisperer" kick, watching all the time. I couldnt help but notice that my DD runs the house the way some of those dang dogs do. So I started doing that little "sh'd" sound he does to the dogs. HOLY CRAP. It even works on kids!!! LOL

Hi W., My gals still whine and they are 6 and 4. Because they are older. I will ask them to talk to me in a normal voice for I can't understand them when they whine. But, when they were younger, I would demonstrate to them the difference by using my own voice. For example, if they whine, "I want milk." I will have them repeat after me saying, "May I have milk, please" or "milk, please." And if they say it in a non-whining manner, they get the milk. You may have to practice this method w/them for a while. Also, responce time is important. They eventually figure out what gets mommy's attention the quickest. So, I found when I was quick to pay attention to my daughter's needs, it was easier for her to learn. Hope this helps. Thanks, L. F. M'boro

My son had a bad spell of whining too. He was a bit older than yours (4) and we had allowed TV (videos only) time as a treat. I got so tired of his whining, that I took out 3 pieces of paper and drew the ugliest, whiny face I could on each. As I drew, I told him this is what he looks like. (I would even look at him as I drew....acting like I was capturing the exact moment). Then I told him that I would "hang" his whiny face up on the TV (where he and everyone could see it), and after 3 whines, the TV would be blocked and he wouldn't be able to watch his favorite videos. Works even better if you try to play the videos - but leave the blocked sheets there until the next day (new slate, as it were). The images may work for your youngest and you may find that you need to post them over his favorite game, book, candy/cookie jar, what have you - if TV isn't a treat for him. The TV was great for us for another reason - it was in a very visible location so everyone would have to see the ugly face! Good luck!

Good Luck! My kids whine and they are 16 and 8.

I have two strong willed children (dd 1yr, ds3yrs) and have taught them both sign language used a terrific video from Signing Times (can be found online). Signs helped, but they would get frustrated with the no answer and whine when they could not get it. I would get down on their level. Explain that I cannot help them if I can't understand. When they speak without whining, then I will listen. And I would give an example, "NO,ahhhhhhhhhwahhhhhIwahnah!". "Yes mommy listens when you say, May I have...." And then stand up. My daughter is younger and doesn't quite understand the words, but she sees brother's reaction and realizes she doesn't get what she is crying about either until she signs or uses her words. Currently, I set her in a special chair until she calms down and then we try again. It is tough and some days time consuming, but it works. I see it in me son when he tries to start whining and I talk to him telling I can't understand. He changes immediately. When he was young, he may not have gotten what he asked for, but he did get lots of praise for asking properly. He uses please, thank you and may I alot now.

Keep at it, he will come around.

On Rosemond.com, there is a Children's Bill of Rights. It is very enlightening and thought-provoking about whether you should fret over momentary unhappiness in a child. Some people don't like Rosemond, but I have seen him speak in person and have read many of his books. He is no Dr. Spock, but then again, that Dr. Spock stuff is what has our kids these days thinking they are equal with adults.
I have a daughter that will be 13 in May. I wish I could go back to those whiny days and do it all over - because putting an end to a whiny toddler is much simpler than trying to stop a whiny pre-teen. Barney Fife used to say "Nip it in the bud" and so did my mom. I didn't listen. Check out Rosemond and his book, like Parenting by the Book. I saw him do a seminar on the material before he wrote the book. I only wish I had put into practice what I learned. You are setting up today whether or not your child respects and listens to you. My daughter worships me, loves me - all the things treating them like rational people as toddlers is supposed to do - but she does not respect most of the time. She is precious to family and friends, but trying to get her to listen to me is like talking to a wall. If she is in trouble, she expects me to rescue her. Think about whether you want to be doing 7th grade homework years down the road or if you want your children to be able to take the responsibilty on their own to handle their work. My daughter whines that it's too hard or too much or she's too tired, for what seems like hours on end. Of course, things are getting worse before they get better, because I am taking back my rights as a parent, not her servant. Don't give in to whining, ever. Nip it in the bud...

My son used to while constantly. We decided to tell him that if he is going to while he has to do it in the other room. When he decides he is done whining and ready to talk normal then he can come out. That way he is in control of his own behavior and can choose when he is ready to come out. He would go whining into the other room and since there was no one there to listen to it he stops and then comes out in a better mood.
Good luck, I know whining can grate the nerves.

What I tell my nephew is I don't know what you want You have to talk to me without whinning, I can't understand you. And I also tell him if he's going to whine or cry to go do it in another room beacuse i don't want to hear it.. then come back and talk to me when you can talk right and tell me what you want. Then I ignore him and he stops whining and tells me what he wants. Same thing when he's crying.. I ask if he's hurt and if he's not then he must stop crying bacause we don't do that at my house and I don't know what he wants. hope this helps!

I'm in the same boat right now (a strong willed 22 month old) and the only thing I would add to the other responses is, as soon as he uses a word or makes a clear request with words or signs, LET HIM HAVE IT if at all possible. Not every time, especially if it's "candy" or something that should be a treat, but the first time or two would establish that cause and effect: I ask nicely, I get it if at all possible. When I say no to my toddler, I first repeat her words to validate what she has said, then tell her why she must wait. "I know you want a cupcake for breakfast, but you must eat your fruit first." "I hear your request to watch Barney now, but we are leaving for school, you may turn off the television." If she screams and I have to distract her quickly. Good luck.

W. keep on doing what you are doing. Most kids who are strong willed will keep it up cause he knows once or twice he will break you. So keep up the time outs. Don't give him what he is whining for until he tries to say it, even if it is not real clear.(I am not saying give kids what they want all the time)lol. So sounds like you are doing what you are suppose to do.Stay strong!

teach him how to articulate in a different way. He is whinning because that is the only effective communication he knows. Stop him and ask him what he wants. Make eye contact and explain to him that he can ask you for some 'nandy' without whinning.

OR - it could be a phase.. good luck!

HI W.. You mentioned
"he is whining nandy the whole time...he will keep saying it. If I tell him no, he melts down, and I put him in time out for 2 minutes and then he is fine."
You are doing the right thing. All I can say is be consistent with this time out. I have 4 children two grown and one 4 and one 3 today. The two youngest were whiners. My 3 year old especially. My 4 year old is my strong willed child and she was harder to break. I was consistent with the time out for whining. They got one warning to stop and then put in time out. No matter what they were whining about. Also I would tell them they don't get anything with whining they need to use their words. When they were younger they would try words as best they could. It works. It does take time though. They don't whine as much anymore and when I give the warning they don't whine. Hope this helps you.

tell him you are not going to listen as long as he is whining and go from there. at this age (my son is the same age) though, it is hard. also keep working on his vocabulary with him. when he has the words, he may stop.

We started a saying in our house. "Whining get you nothing." O.K. it doesn't have the greatest sound, :) but it is short and to the point. When we were having problems with her whining about EVERYTHING, we started saying this to her. Then when she would whine, no matter what it was about we would tell her whining gets you nothing and she would not get it. Period. It worked like a charm. But you have to follow through and not give in. If she starts whining about something today we will say what does whining get you? She will tell us "nothing" and stop. On the flip side when she does ask without whining sometimes you have to say yes to reinforce he positive behavior. Or instead of saying no to the candy say yes you can have the candy but you have to wait till after dinner. Geez it seems like all we do is say no sometimes. Oh well good luck and remember, "this to shall pass."
Steph

I wasn't that whiny but my mom would ignore me until I used my "big girls voice". She would be like, "sounds like someone is trying to say something?? I cant hear what it is!" That might work. Good Luck!

Dear W.,
I am a Mom [I was widowed with children 14 yrs.to 20 months old] and now a grandma also. Firstly, you have to consider his age. There are stages that they go through and this is one of them. May I throw some thoughts out on eht tablefor your consideration;

You are a teacher and if you are away from him alot,this may be a response to him needing, not just wanting, more of your time. Why I say need, is that in each of us there is a need to feel secure. He has a younger sibling and that is threatening to the time he gets with you and if you work, it is added to. I do appreciate how busy you are but maybe try giving him one on one time or maybe a day that is just for the two of you or a shorter time.

Reassure him contstantly how important he is to you and tell him you love him constantly.

2. I went to a parenting conf. one time and a lady said a very interesting thing about 'time outs'. When a child does something that upsets us and we send them to their room or a spot until they or you get under control, we plant in their subconscious that you are not a safe place to go to when things are wrong. When they become teenagers, etc. and they don't come to us with their problems, we wonder why. Because when they were little they had to go away from you when there was trouble and why would that change when they get older. It is very thought provoking.

I do not know if you have a religious background but I will put this out to you anyway.

When we are in trouble, The Savior never says to us Take a time out until you or I get ourselves under control. He always says "come unto me" Take your child on your knee, hug them close and tell them that you are sorry that there is a problem. This may seem hard to do at first but with practise you will see the changes. You are not condoning the action. Correct the problems but especially when they are this small, build a relationship with that child that all the evil forces in the World will not penetrate because they grew up knowing Mom is a safe place and a good place for fair and balanced correction. The bonds of trust will last forever and their teen years will be far easier on them and you.

I wish that I would have heard that advice when all my babies were little. Include The Lord in their upbringing and if you can't be there for their upbringing He will always be.

Hope this helps.

D. M.

I have had great success with baby sign language. Toddlers get VERY frustrated when they can't express what they need or want. Some very simple signs like eat, more, milk, up, etc. has helped with my 1-1/2 year old. It takes a lot of practice, but in a few weeks your little one will whine less because he can acutally communicate to you what you want. You can get a video/book at the bookstore or look up signs online. Good luck!

We simply say to our daughter, 'We can't hear you when you speak like that' and ignore her until she uses her 'normal' voice. She quickly learned that unless she doesn't whine, she won't get the attention she wants. She sometimes regresses and we stand united in ignoring--now it only takes about 3 minutes for her to remember, change her voice, and restate her issue. This also works with the 'frustrated crying voice' :)

Hi W.

My first one was a whiner, so I taught my second one sign language. He is 18 months old and with sign language and some words had can communicate what ever he needs to me. It isn't to late to teach it, they pick it up very quickly and my 3 year old who has a huge vocabulary will also use signs. It definately helps. The easiest things to pick up are "more" "please" "thank you" "drink" "potty" or "diaper change" I think you can even find the signs on line, I bought a very good toddler book with pictures and words for signs. J.

You have gotten very nice advice about his whining. If you stick to your guns, he will eventually see that whining doesn't get him what he wants. May I suggest you teach him some sign language so that he doesn't get so frustrated when he cannot communicate with you? You can learn some basic signs on the web (American Sign Language is the easiest). Sign the basics to him when you talk to him and once he picks up on it, he will be less likely to become aggravated by not being able to clearly speak. Worked for me with my first two and now I have a 2 year old with Down Syndrome and he feels confident when he can clearly state what he wants. Just a thought....

First, one and 1/2 years old is too young for candy. So is two 1/2 years for that matter. Get rid of the candy and don't give it to either child.

Make sure he is not simply hungry. Some toddlers are happier "grazing" all day long. Just make sure it is nutrious.

Time-outs are for older kids, not babies. Distraction works better for babies and toddlers. Pick him up and take him to another room and distract him with something else.

At his age, he isn't capable of "entertaining" himself all day long. (You may have gotten very lucky with your two-year-old.) Get down on the floor with him and play.

Good luck.

Have you tried teaching him sign language? That would help him communicate with you and might ease some of his frustration (as well as yours). There seem to be lots of resources for teaching babies signs. We used the Joseph Garcia book and DVD. Good luck!

parent magazine the present march edition has an artical on this . I would give you all the suggestions but it is a 3 page article. if you don't have the time or money to read the whole thing this is the most important bit. it is good for kids to be disappointed. It helps them cope with problems. but it says if your child has a melt down instead of giving in or giving him your own solution. Make him find a solution or give him other options. if he wants candy for example in stead of saying no say you have a choice carrots or cucumbers. there are other suggestions but I think this one might through him off gard for a little while

Hi W.,

When my kids were little, they did not whine much (THANK GOD)but when they did, I would first get down on their level and tell them "You need to stop whining, I cannot understand you" but 9 times out of ten, they would continue to whine so what I did next was get down on their level, look them in the face and just MOUTH words, I would just keep moving my mouth and making hand gestures like I was saying something until they stopped whining because they wanted to know what I was saying. And then I would say, "Well if you weren't whining, you would have heard me, THAT is why we do not whine ok?" P.S.
But at 1 1/2 I did everything but say that last part, I did not start saying the "Well, if you weren't whining" thing till about 4-5

ok first off there is nothing wrong with "candy" ( fruit chewys) as long as they are watched as they eat them.... the "candy" is not the issue.... as for whining, my daughter which is 4 is the layed back, one my son how ever is almost 6 add/adhad and acts lik he is a 2 year old going thru the terrible 2s. which i thought i had gotten lucky and neither one of my children went thru.... i have trie everything i can think of and suggestions from other ppl ( like my mom) and nothing really seemed to work my mom spent a few days ith him doing the "old" style of persuasion i guess you could sa it worked till she wasnt around anymore and she never told me what she did but my mom well wasnt very orthodox to say the least so i can only imagin....when my son is in a listening mood all i have to tell him is " ithought i had a big boy" or " calm down and say it right" and he will take a deep breath and say it agian. i know this may sound a lil harsh but it worked for me i the bigging with the whining tantrums and tempr tantrums take a spray bottle with cool water and set it mist spray when he starts to whin spray him it will make him take a deep breath and stop. it worked or me till my water bottle got broke humm wonder how that happen... lol it wont work now du to the fact that they love to play in the water now but like all the ,except ones, good advice it will take you a while to find water works for you.... good luck and brightes blessings