Whine, Whine, whine---ALL the TIME!

Hi, I tell my daughter I don't understand her when she whines and make her repeat. If not, then I don't do anything she is asking for etc.. She is 3 and this seems to work very well. I make her repeat everything in a non-whining voice.

Hello J.,
I am new to the site and I myself had a big problem with whinning OMG I know exactly what you are going through it took me two weeks to break him, it started out when he was 2 and then like all of sudden he was whinning over everything, and when he was talking it was whinning... So for two weeks straight everytime he would whine if it him talking or whatever I would say very calm Luke "I can't understand what you are saying when you sound like that.."
and I would not answer him until he spoke in a normal tone, b/c I can handle a child crying, screaming but it's like fingernails across a chalk board when I here whinning... Anyway it worked he still at 7 will every now and then whine when his sister make him angry and I still will say I Can't understand you when you sound that way" I hope this helps you b/c I know how you feel... Good Luck!!

Oh if you find out an answer please let me know!!! I have a 4 yr old and 2yr old (girls) and the whining NEVER stops!!! All day long I say please stop whining. It is even just asking for water or milk along with a long whine...aaaahhhhhh!!! I think we need supernanny!

Hi I know you got a lot of great advice just wanted to add my 2 cents and maybe a couple other options for you. Also I recommend you get this DVD, 1,2,3 Magic sounds like you and your children are a good fit for it. It was suggested to us and is great.

Okay staight to the point moms! They will not whine if YOU stop reacting. I was told this from day one and when mine did it I simply said "mommy does not respond to whinning" and then DON'T.

Yes it is HARD not to let it get to you but when they see you can't be broken, guess what? They find words instead. Also if you have someone else in the room (you can even talk to their favorite toy if you have too) simply role play. After they whine to you for something simply say aloud..."Favorite toy (use its name of course), do you hear something? I think someone is talking to me but I can't quite hear them, maybe they need to use their words to be heard" The second they say it normal, respond right away. It takes time, but if you are of a mind set it will be this way you will have break through. The other thing you can say is "mommy does not hear whining but she hears big boy/girl words."

FYI, once you have gotten through this it can come back from time to time. When they are sick or tired...keep up the act or they will go back. It gets reaction that is why they are doing it! That is the hardest thing my husband and I have had to learn...no reaction no payoff!

Best of luck, I was raised by a single mom and it is hard work. As for the father, tell him what you are doing and suggest for your children, he do it too. If he doesn't then he will have to deal with the aftermath. You do what you know is best for you and your children. You have to be the mom and he has to be the dad. In the long run the kids always respect the parent that had rules and guidelines.

All my best!

First off, sit her down and explain to her why you do not like whining. Then tell her how nice it is when she speaks to you normally. Tell her she is getting older now, and you need her to break "baby" habits and be a big girl. Possibly give her a chore that she alone is in charge of, to reinforce the "you are becoming a big girl now". (besides, now is the time to get them to help out with chores, as at this age they usually find it fun, wish it was that way when they get older, lol!) Then explain to her that from now she needs to be your "big girl". Then when she forgets to speak normally, first try saying, "You are mommy's big girl, and I need to you speak like a big girl." If this doesnt work, tell her to come back and talk to you when she is ready to speak to you like a big girl. Until she successfully talks to you in a normal tone, keep ignoring what she is asking you to do, and keep saying, come back when you are ready to talk to me normally.

My younger daughter (2 years apart as well, mine are 8 and 6 now) is a whiner, as well. I continually have to stop her from speaking (I literally interrupt her, tell her she needs to stop speaking) and correct her, but do it gently, to "use your regular voice." Never as if I am mad at her or annoyed, that only makes it worse.
I tell her I can't hear her when she speaks in a whiny voice and I will not respond to her. That I cannot respond to her as I cannot hear her (even though I can hear her, I tell her I cannot so she knows she will not get any problem solved or get anything she wants when she "speaks in whine" as I call it. Chldren learn what works. If they know, positively, they will get no attention for what they do they will stop, especially if you can redirect them in a positive way to a way they CAN get the desired result from you - so praising for NOT whinging is a great thing! Encouragement to keep up the real talk!).

I sometimes have to cut her off and tell her, "Lisa, I love you very much. But I cannot help you if you are going to whine. Please use your regular voice."

Sometimes she doesn't really know she is doing it, and insists she is not whining even when she is. In those cases, I help her by giving her an example. I say, here is how you could say it, and use any sentence that is non-threatening in a regular voice.
I then say here is how it sounds if I am whining, and do it, again, and ask her if she can notice the difference.
She always can, so I ask her to try again, slowly, and do her best to use her regular voice.
It takes some work and she was a tough nut to crack (definitely the much more difficult of the two kids) but she has gotten a LOT better.
I don't know if you have tried this as you didn't give details but it's worth a shot if you have not. But consistency is the key, I have found, and also me remaining very calm has been instrumental (not easy to do, sometimes, because I am a temper=flare kind of person) but it is what has helped out around here.
That and her being cute! I joke that this has saved her on many occasions!! ;-)

Wow...you have gotten a lot of advice! Kids are funny little people! Thing is, a lot of children do not yet understand what constitutes a big deal vs a little deal. I was at my wit's end when my son was 4, and decided to take him to a child psychologist. We visited with her twice, and that was all we needed. Her advice? Teach your child every day the difference between big deals and little deals. We would give examples to our son and ask him whether or not the situation was a big or little deal (someone's house on fire vs. not getting what we want for dinner, etc.) After a few days, when he would whine about something minute, all we would have to do was ask if it was a big or little deal. Along with this process, we were all taught that taking a moment to practice deep breathing can help EVERYONE process the situation better. Kids don't naturally know how to do this, so its a fun learning experience to lie them on their backs and have them practice breathing to raise their stomachs. It's amazing how much clearer this makes you think!
In any case, almost all behaviors are learned behaviors, so practicing a new one to replace her whining, as well as a new behavior for yourself in response to her whining, should leave you a little less exasperated! Good luck!!!

Hi J.,
While your problem sounds more advanced than mine, this is what I do. When my daughter whines(whole conversation in high pitched whine only dogs can hear) I tell her very firmly that I will not speak to her unless she speaks slowly and in a normal calm tone. For some reason, it always works.

SHE WHINES BECAUSE IT GETS HER, HER WAY. MY DAUGHTER DOES IT TO HER FATHER AND TRIES WHEN SHE FIRST COMES HOME UNTIL SHE REMEMBERS I DON'T PUT UP WITH IT! I TELL HER "IF ANYTHING, IT MAKES YOU NOT GET YOUR WAY. IF YOU CAN'T ASK POLITELY, NO." "YOU CAN'T ALWAYS GET YOUR WAY, I DON'T ALWAYS MY WAY EITHER." I WON'T LIE. I ALSO SPANK IF SHE KEEPS IT UP, RIGHT AFTER SAYING "I'LL GIVE YOU SOMETHING TO WHINE ABOUT" NOW, ALL I HAVE TO SAY IS "DO YOU WANT SOMETHING TO WHINE ABOUT?" AND SHE STOPS. TELL HER IF SHE WANTS TO WHINE, GO INTO HER ROOM AND DO IT BECAUSE NOBODY ELSE WANTS TO HEAR IT. I ALSO REMIND HER I'M NOT HER DADDY AND WON'T PUT UP IT, SHE KNOWS I HAVE PUT MY FOOT DOWN AND STARTS BEING SWEET HER AGAIN. GOOD LUCK

Hi J., i agree with Ingrid, Ignore her. It's gna get worse before it gets better. I have a four year old son, that whenever he wants something he whines and jumps up and down, which drives me BONKERS!!!! ive been ignoring him and it has slowly subsided, when he wants something, i explain to him that i cant understand him when he's jumping up and down and whinning, he's been doing better and i no longer have the urge to throw him out the window!But remember it will get worse b4 it gets better! Good luck!

I used to have the same problem with my son...I told him after following all of the counselors advice (none of which workded) that until he could speak to me without whinning I couldn't help hom. It's VERY difficult to do, but eventually he stopped... Good luck.

Hi J.,
My 5 yr old daughter is the same way, and sometimes what I do is turn the radio louder than she can whine. This annoys her and she'll start to cry, but then she gets it to stop whinning. We also start whinnig back to her too and she stops. Give her an hour and she is back at it and we do the same thing again. I think girls are whinners in general! Good luck! M. (worst case go to your room and ignore her untill she is done)

J.,
first of all I want to say you really have the hardest job! and you keep going you are a warrior mommy! my mom was a single parent and I admire the strenght she had! but I know how hard it can be I had t orun my household for three months while my hubby was in another state and I have a new found "higher" respect for single moms! I dont know your whole situation but do you have parents near by? who may let you get some alone time ocassionally cause everyone even supernanny must get burn out! lol! I have to agree with the moms who say ignore the whinning ..she obviously seeks more attention and she is willing to receive negative attention just to get it..and while I respect everyones right to parent the way they want I steer away from spanking so much..talking keeping the communication open..rewars and consequences you will try many things and find what works for you and your girls..but you keep it up ..the greatest reward is love! I myself have two girls 5yrs and seven in a half..the 7 yr old was the whiney one
lol! good luck and god bless your lil family!

Dear J.,

Here is what I did. Every time a whine came out of my daughters mouth I would interrupt her sentence and say "I am sorry you cannot speak to me that way, say it again in a normal voice". We kept at this for several weeks and it worked. On top of this my Mommie Montra is "your good you get what you want, your bad you get nothing". Good is cooperative, chores done, and mannerly. This took thousands of repeats for the message to get through but my terrible hissy fit daughter has turned into a really nice, mannerly child.

Don't feel lost! The trick is the repetition, don't change mid swing. So whatever you choose, stick to your guns and know that things usually get worse before they get better because they always have to test us. Mine was a MONSTER for two weeks and then everything calmed down.

Good luck.
Deb

What my husband and I do when our girls wouldn't speak age appropriatly we would say we couldn't hear them because they didn't talk their age. You could say something similar. You can't hear her if she whines. You may also need to sit with her and talk with her about how she feels about things (they just my seem overwheming to her). Start with the smaller things and work up to the larger ones. Remember our children learn from us. Kids are remarkable, they understand much more than we think.

I hope this helps.

K.

My almost 4 year old has the same problem. One of the only things that works with him is to talk to him exactly like he is talking to us. Half the time it makes him bust out laughing, and then he stops whining anyway. The other half it makes him angry, and then we explain that he sounds just like that. Annoying right? Yep. So he generally cuts it out then. The other thing that works is that I tell him I don't speak whine and won't be able to understand anything he says until he stops whining and speaks normally.

My 3 year old stepson is the same way. One day I just told him that I can't hear him when he's whinning. It was hard at first but he's slowly getting the hint that if he whines he's ignored until he ask or speaks correctly. It's a battle but it seems to be working..Good Luck!!

I have a five year old that whines...I read in an article about different ways to combat whining. One way was to tell the child you can not understand "whinese" and do not answer or respond to them until they speak in a normal tone. This worked well for my little girl. She HATES being ignored!

I am attending a parenting class and I learned that consequences work better than "discipline" or rewards. Try giving her a consequence when she starts whining that she must stop it or she won't get to do something she wants to do (ie, watch TV or go outside to play with her friends) or get something she wants. Be sure to stick to it. If you don't the next time you try it she won't beleive you. I hope this works for you, please let me know

That is typical of little girls I am sorry to say. My girls were in high school by the time I was a single mom, but I know that it won't be easy for you. You will need to find time (as hard as it is) to have some mommy time. I know some younger moms who meet up in mom's groups with other moms with kids their age. That way, the girls with have playmates, and you will gain some sanity by being with other adults. Take a deep breath, relax, and if you are feeling stressed out, tell your daughters that you are going to have some quiet time. Let them choose some books, and read to each other in their room while you sit down and read a book or something that you enjoy. Of course, they need to remain within your supervision, but give them something to do, even some quiet time alone to read their own books individually. Set a timer so that they can see how long they get to do their own activity, and they will learn to enjoy quiet time themselves. They will whine probably for a long time, but if you find times for time out, you will survive it.

I was quite the whiner when I was little. And I can remember my Mom telling me "I can't understand you when you whine, I will answer you when I can understand what you are saying". She would not acknowledge what I was saying or respond until I spoke in a normal tone. I can remember changing my tone especially when I wanted an answer from her. Not sure if this will work for you or not but it's worth a shot. I use it on my 8 year old from time to time.

HELLO J.. MY NAME IS A. AND I ALSO HAVE FAMILY IN MN. I CAN UNDRESTAND YOUR ISSUE, I HAVE FOUR KIDS AGES 8, 4, AND 3 YEAR OLD TWINS. THEY ALL WHINE FOR ONE REASON OR ANOTHER. IT COULD BE THAT SHE FEELS LIKE SHE IS NOT BEING HEARD. I AM ALSO A SINGLE MOTHER, AND I KNOW THAT BALANCING WORK, HOME AND KIDS CAN BE HARD. JUST TAKE THE TIME TO SLOW DOWN AND LISTEN TO WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY AT THE TIME. THIS MAY HELP. ALSO, TALK TO HER FATHER (IF HE WILL LISTEN)AND SEE IF YOU TWO CAN'T COME TO SOME AGREEMENT ON WHAT TO DO FOR BOTH HOMES. HANG IN THERE AND KNOW THAT SOME DAYS ARE HARDER THAN OTHERS AND THAT ALTHOUGH AT TIMES IT MAY FEEL THAT YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT...YOU CAN!!

I have a four year old boy and a two year old girl, and by far, my girl is more of a whiner than my boy ever was. From what I've seen with other families, it seems that girls typically are because they usually get what they want just by virtue of being girls - maybe it's the whole "sugar and spice and everything nice" mentality - who knows?

As a mother of a daughter who charms everyone with her very conscious efforts at sweetness, I know she can be as sour as a crab apple. In any case, whenever she whines, I tell her firmly to use her words, not her whining, and then I ignore her until she calmly formulates a coherent sentence that begins and ends with "May I have...please?" (yes, she speaks now). She usually carries on for a few more minutes, but eventually gives in because she knows that she won't get anywhere with me using that sort of tone. I've seen so many little girls turn into monster teenagers because they've learned to break down their families with their incessant whining, and sadly it's their families that are enabling and creating their own monsters by not standing firm against this intolerable behavior. I'm about ready to have another child, and I can't afford to have any monsters ruling my roost.

In our family, we have a working phrase that's often used to combat my little girl's whining..."Get over yourself." Her brother uses it, I use it, and so does my husband. We've trained others in our family to use it too because she will inevitably appeal to someone who she thinks will have sympathy for her. She's so predictable. At first, it was really hard for my husband to deny my little girl whatever she wanted (especially when her whining was preceded and followed by kisses), but he got used to it. Everyone says my girl is going to be a knockout, so when she becomes a teenager and if, God forbid, she adopts an "I'm-all-that-and-a-bag-of-chips" attitude, we'll be using the same phrase with maybe a slight variation for special outbursts. I personally like "Don't believe in your own press."

I say that combatting whining is all about being on the same page as a family and standing as a united front. Kids are way too smart not to see chinks in the armor. Not to disrespect anyone else's parenting methods with regards to this topic, but I just had to laugh at the thought of reasoning with my kids about whining. Whining, by virtue of the behavior, is a very unreasonable thing. I don't know many kids who would sit still to listen to a reasonable talk about the virtues of not whining when clearly their entire focus is on getting what they want, when they want. I'd love to see a videotape of these "talks" - who knows, maybe I'll be inspired to take the more philosophical road. For now, I know what works for me is sticking to my guns. Showing my kids that I'm in control will teach them more about self-control than any lecture could ever do. Good luck!

Whenever child whines, IGNORE! That works and eventually child will get the point!!

I haven't dealt with this for too long, but any amount of whining drives me nuts. I just read this from askdrsears.com. http://askdrsears.com/html/6/T063900.asp#T063500

Maybe there is something on there that you haven't tried yet. Best wishes to you!!!

Hi J.,

I am a single mother of 3 my 5 year old daughter, the last child and only girl, is the very same way. It is an attention getting device and the more it bugs you the more she will do it. My advice, ignore as much as you can and she will develop a new way to be the center of your attention. Pretend you don't hear the screching and then do not give her what she wants when she behaves that way, even if you want to. Wait until she is not carring-on.

Also it wouldn't hurt to get her some acting lessons she may be bound for the stage. God knows mine is!!!!!!!!!

Good luck
I.