How to Discipline My Screaming 19 Month Old??

I know this may seem extreme, but scream back at her. Not right in her ear and not at full volume, but just enough that she gets the idea of what she is doing and how unpleasant it is. Once she understands this, she will realize it isn't funny at all.

I also have an awesome 19 month old boy. He is the best & most of the time very well behaved! However he does have some tantrums here & there like all toddlers do. I have books, have talked to other parents & asked his doctor what to do.
They all said it is totally normal & it is there way of trying to get what they want when they cannot tell you verbally. Or simply you tell them no they don't get their way & here comes the fit. They all said don't worry what others think all parents have gone through it before & know where your at. They said to just say to your toddler "I cannot hear you when you are whining, when you can use your big girl/boy voice I will listen" then walk away from them. It usually does work with my son. You don't want to give in to them because then they will turn out to be bratty annoying older kids and even adults! It is hard believe me I know I am there now to. But stick to your guns & eventually she will give it up! It also worked with me when I was little I whined (I also remember that, I was 3 though) my mom would say I cannot understand you when you whine. Then she would ignore me until I stopped. My God my mother must have so much patience because she did it & it worked sooner than later.

HI J., I have read a wonderful book called Connection Parenting by Pam Leo....she talks about recognizing your child's need for connection while also having great insight into a parents need to take care of themself...I have given away copies to new and seasoned parents...Remember deep breaths and all behavior happens for a reason....surely your daughter loves her new brother but is just looking for new ways for attention from you....Best wishes on your wedding..Sincerely, N.

I have a different suggestion, something to try for 2-3 days.

Ignore the scream. As in, do not respond at all, don't even flinch, pretend it didn't happen. She is doing this to get your attention, and it's working every time. I know it's not good for your infant son, but it's happening anyway, and isn't causing long term damage besides getting him upset. If his crying tends to be short-lived, let him soothe himself after his sister upsets him. If he's really distressed, do the minimum you need to to calm him, but try not to make your daughter jealous about it.

Later, when your children are behaving well together, acknowledge how nice they're being to each other to encourage them.

I got this strategy from a book called Positive Parenting. At this age, punishment like time outs has limited effectiveness, but ignoring her bad behavior will work wonders. After all, she wants your attention. Then positively reinforce the behavior you do want from your children. You want to teach your daughter how she SHOULD be behaving, so in my opinion, yelling back, hitting, etc., are not good options.

This method really worked for me and my 14 month old, who used to scream the instant she wanted something, in a matter of days. No more screaming (well, very little).

And I do recommend, if at all possible, spending daily alone time with your daughter. This is such a big change for her. Your infant isn't going to remember this time with you, but your daughter will.

Anyway, I really really think this will work in this case. Two-three days and you should see a difference. If not, then you can always try something else!

I agree with the two previous responses...I do think it is a way to get your attention. That is not to say that she is not getting attention from you but it her way to get it when she wants it. Positive re-inforcement & re-direction is a great alternative to timeouts & yelling. Acknowledge the good behavior. But instead of just a "good girl" response let her know that you see her playing nicely near her brother or you see her helping mommy. Tell her what you liked & then say thank you. It takes a little time but it hopefully will help. Good Luck =^)

I second Gina T's advice, if she doesn't get a reaction from you and her brother gets attention for it she should stop soon... Good luck!

I agree with Gina,I was going to say,when you are in the car pull over and either take your dd out and sit her down look her in the eyes and say this is not funny ect....and say it very calm.Or like Gina said you can take your son out and ignore dd but whichever you decide stick w/it be very very consistant!!!My sil went threw this with my niece(19months)and just tried to be calm but firm and consistant...she hasnt hit,screamed,kicked ect...in a week(yahooo).Hopefully shes done with it,its VERY stressful she would just do the timeout wherever they were or sometimes just leave.I think it has to be drastic to the child to make them realize its not funny,who knows though??Well good luck,you definatly arnt alone!!

Do you think she is doing it to get a rise out of you?
Next time she does it, do NOT respond to her at all. Just give your little guy all the attention and ignore her completely.

If she does it in the car, pull over, and get your little guy, calm him down, and again ignore her all together.

Once she realizes that what she does gives him ALL the attention and her NONE, perhaps she will stop.

Give her attention when she does good things, and nice things to her brother.

I sure hope that helps.

There are some good suggestions here (though I don't agree with spanking). I always try to think about what a natural consequence would be. If a child tears pages out of books, you take the books away. If your daughter can't treat your son kindly, then you need to separate them.

Hmmm...let me guess. Your daughter and you were inseparable before the second child arrived, right? She and you did
e v e r y t h i n g together and each time she breathed, you smiled and praised her for it. She was your baby. Do you remember how BIG she seemed when you brought the second child home? All of a sudden your expectations of her changed from being a baby/toddler to being a 'BIG girl'. To your eyes she seemed OLDER all of a sudden, and therefore she was expected to BE older. I remember how suddenly I had different expectations for my 18mo. old when we brought home our twins. I wonder if you made the same mistake I did in thinking my toddler was 'too young' to be verbally prepared for the arrival of a sibling? We made no effort to prepare her for the arrival of new sisters, thinking she was 'too young' to know what I was even talking about! I just figured 'she's so sweet. when they arrive, she'll be fine!' When suddenly they appeared in Kates' space along with the attention that comes with twins, she learned to regress to infancy quickly for attention. She went from talking and telling me 'what letters she pooped' in the potty (:))to laying on the floor waiting to be diapered! She was devastated not to have me all to herself and at 18mo. old didn't understand what was going on ...her nature was such that she didn't scream at her sisters, but the anger was there, even though more subtle. She wasn't impressed with her sisters at all. Sooooo...my advice is this: Acknowledge and accept that your 19 mo. old is angry (and frightened) that suddenly she is not the center of your attention and go from there. I did, and it made all the difference in the world when I made a conscious effort to spend the extra time with Kate as well as include her as much as I could in tending to the siblings...it was difficult, but I managed to be more conscious, more mindful, of how I metered out my affections. I found the older one needed to be HELD more after the twins arrived...and I a l w a y s praised and loved the older one, insisting quietly out of her hearing that she be fussed over by other members of the family WITHOUT the sibling(s) present as much as possible. It is hard I know...but it will be worth it. She is simply communicating in her way out of fear that you are 'replacing' her...I know it sounds like I am simplifying things too much, but its' really not complicated. So long as you don't REACT to her anger with more anger, it shouldn't get worse, I promise. During those times she screams at him, hold your son and soothe him, while placing a nurturing arm around your daughter without verbally debasing her. This will mean you may need to calmly pull over to the side of the road and do so. Keep a calm manner and wit about you as you calmly take your son out of the car seat, not having eye contact with your daughter, then soothe him and kiss him tenderly around his ears, still not admonishing nor acknowledging your daughter. Then at a time you feel when enough time has elapsed, place your arm around her again without words spoken. She will learn faster through your NON-resistance and love than otherwise. She just wants to feel secure that you love her, and you do. Be Peace, N.

PS...my three daughters are inseparable and never allow a day go by when they don't talk to one another on the phone even though they are scattered all over the country at the present moment...hang in there!

This is just awful. I'm so sorry that your little guy has to go through this.

Your daughter is 19 mos old, and though it does sound to me like she is doing it for attention, what I think she needs. and I notice you didn't mention it, sounds to me like she needs a slap on the behind.

Mind you spanking isn't for everyone, but keep inmind, at 19 mos old, she's likely wearing a diaper so it won't hurt much.

if it were my child doing that this is what I would do.

pull her away from the baby, slap her on the behind, (or the hand if you prefer) not very hard, mind you, just enough to get her attention, then firmly in a strong tone say "DO NOT DO THAT AGAIN"

then if at home, put her in time out, and ignore her completely, send her to her room to play alone for a few min, and get lots of loving attention to the baby.

do it consistantly and I think it will stop..

good luck!

D.