Need Advice on Out of Control Three-year-old

It sounds like there may be a deeper issue than just the not wanting to be potty trained. Have you talked with your pediatrician about any of this? A call with detailed information to the doctor and s/he should be able to tell you if you need to bring him in or have him checked for anything.

Sorry to not have a better answer for you and I hope things get better quickly. Just think - this too shall pass. It may take work and time, but he won't be doing this when he's older.

K.,

I'm not sure if this is going to be of any help but my son (now almost 8) had diaper issues that we dealt with on and off for a while. He didn't smear his poop but held it and eventually went in his underwear. His sister was born when he was 4. He pooped in his underwear even though he was potty trained at about 2 years old and did that despite our explanations, asking, taking away privilages, etc. Now, in retrospect and after a conversation with a psychologist, I can see the correlation between his behavior and the birth of another child. I remember myself telling him that he couldn't do certain things because his sister was going to sleep, or because I was going to feed her, or because of another thing concerning his sister. I yelled at him when he woke her or played too loud, and so on. Now, I realize that his time with me was suddenly greatly reduced, our expectations of him became very high, and our dissatisfaction with some of his behavior more vocal. Overall, he felt left out, sad and disappointed and never even said that. I didn't spend enough time one on one with him and yelling and taking away his favorite toys didn't help because those were not the things he really cared about. His behavior outside home was perfect, no complaints. The psychologist said that if problems occur at home, then the cause of the problem is most probably at home too. So, I tried to make changes in our family dynamics and spent more time with him, changed some of our responses to his behavior and in time we saw an improvement. With my third child, I made sure that I spent a lot of time with the older kids and included them in everything that had to do with the new baby (taking safety and age appropriateness into consideration). I asked for help, let them hold her, praised them for being big brother and sister, asked them to teach her appropriate behavior, etc. And it worked so much better.

I know how frustrating it is, especially when you get angry cleaning it all up but anger doesn't help (it always made things worse in our home). Your son may be trying to get more attention. Hope you find the solution that is going to help you and your son feel better and function better as a family. Hope it helps.

J. K.

There is no way to know for sure what is going on in his little head. Have you thought about having him evaluated by a professional? He really does sound out of control.

You sound like you are consistent...and I've found that to be the biggest mistake parents make these days...making idle threats they don't keep and letting misbehavior slide sometimes.

You appear to be trying every option from timeouts, to taking away privelages and even spanking.

Some kids are just a handful. My little brother was so exhausting for my mother that she swears he would have been an only child if he had come first. She had already had two children and we never gave her the problems he did. More than likely today they would have put him on medication.

And since you seem to be disciplining him, maybe medictation might be something to consider. I worked with kids for nine years and often saw kids medicated for things like ADHD when it was just a lack of discipline. I don't think that is his problem.

I feel for you.

So.... first-- GOD BLESS you for keeping your level head with each "poop-cident" It's hard, I know as I've been there too :)

My mom was a teacher and told me once that I was "overtalking" my daughter... meaning I was talking to her like an adult. She suggested I offer 2 choices (get the diaper OR sit in room)...simple stated choices. If she did make a choice by the count of 3, I would choose. After a while, she started choosing (and sometimes it was "I'll sit in room!") but in the end- it help with the daily trantrums that I could not stand.

Hang in there.... I think you sound like a champ of a mom and all your hard work will pay off...

Does he have a lot of play dates and friends? My guess is he wants your attention and this is his way of running the show. He would NEVER act that way (poop) in front of a peer. I would get him around other little boys and he will pick up pottery training quick. Also just ignore the bad behavior even if you have to take your daughter out of the house and sit in a locked car.
Best of luck, J.