How Do I Ween My 21 Month Old?

Hello there mama, here is what I did.

I moved my son to the other side of the room(on hubbies side) so he could not see me, when he was about 20 months old. When he woke up at night I went and patted him and hugged him but never picked him up. It took about 2 weeks, but he started sleeping through the night(it was a LONG two weeks)

At that time I stopped nursing him in the daytime completely, just at bed time and first thing in the AM.

At 21 months I stopped the morning feeding. And about 2 weeks later the night time one.

Everytime he would reach for my shirt I put him down, or stood up so he could not reach me and got him a sippy. Every time. I never budged.

This never would have worked with my other son, thankfully he was not breastfed. He also didn't sleep through the night till he was 5. But its worth a shot good luck.

Oh and my friend used band aids on her nipples. So when her daughter lifted her shirt up she saw "owies" and no nipples. ;)

I weaned my son at 21 months as well. I liked Bellia's advice to you if you want to do it gradually. I did it in 5 days, because I found out I was going on a business trip and didn't want to pump. First I cut out all feedings except one in the am and one at night. I offered a cup just like Bellia did and lived through the complaining. Kids this age are drinking whole milk and can have as much as they want, so I wasn't worried about hunger or nutrition. I made sure he got to cuddle with me a great deal when he was not asking to nurse. I wanted him to see we could have snuggle time without nursing. I did nurse at night before he went to his own bed for sleep. My husband went to him if he cried at night, so there would be no temptation to nurse. We didn't give him milk at night - bad for the teeth - just a back rub and tucked him back in. After the 5 days, it was cold turkey - no more nursing. We still had snuggle time, reading stories, etc at night, but no nursing. He could have a drink of water. We did talk about this happening the whole 5 days and about how he was a big boy now who drank milk only out of a cup like Mama and Daddy and I think that helped.
by the way, we did exactly the same thing when we took away his pacifier at age 3 - he was only allowed to use it at night and then on his 3rd birthday, no more pacifiers!

Hi, S.-- I know you got quite a few responses, but I just wanted to chime in. I'm sorry you're stressed out! Toddlerhood is a busy, in-between time that can be hard on the mom/baby relationship.
You should know there area couple of excellent La Leche League meetings in the SLC area, including one specifically for mothers of babies nursing beyond the first year. . . I *highly* recommend you attend one of their meetings. LLL saved my mothering sanity! If you posed this question there, you'd get so many gentle, respectful, sympathetic ideas that would also be effective in moving you towards the end of your breastfeeding relationship. You could also call up a Leader in your area and get some information from her. All their services are free, the Leaders are accredited and offer only medically sound, current information, and there is usually a lending library of books anyone can borrow from. You can find a phone number for a local LLL Leader and nearby meeting info at www.llli.org.
You would probably really appreciate the books "How Weaning Happens" and "Mothering Your Nursing Toddler." Both are packed with information about weaning, and I have found both very helpful and full of ideas I had not read or heard anywhere else. You could find these books cheap online or borrow them for free from your LLL group.
You might beinterested to know that the American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that babies nurse at least until they reach one year of age, and then continue as long as mutually desired by mother and baby. The World Health Organization, UNICEF and the last Surgeon General of the U.S. all recommended breastfeeding until baby reached two years of age. I'm not telling you what to do, I'm just reminding you that you're not the only one nursing a toddler, and the health and relationship benefits are documented and real, so you can feel very good about that.
Because your child is a toddler, you have so many more options for the weaning process. A time-honored approach is "don't offer, don't refuse." This idea respects the fact that when you're meeting a million different developmental milestones, it's reasonable to need (yep, it's a need) to reconnect with mom occasionally. I have three sons (ages 7, 3, and 1) and I noticed with my older boys (now weaned ;) that I nursed a lot when I was on the phone, just to keep them happy and quiet while I was preoccupied. I realized it's important to wean *to* something--you can't just cut out something that important and not fill the need with something else that is appealing and positive. So, I made a lot of efforts to hang up the phone and do puzzles and read books and fix healthy snacks and snuggle.
A wise mom told me when I was nursing my second son that weaning is a process, not an event. She told me the word "wean" comes from the same Latin root as the word "to ripen." So she said mom is like a tree, and the baby is like a fruit. You know when the fruit is ripe because it falls into your hand with just a gentle tug; if it's not ripe, you really have to fight to pull it off the tree. Babies are the same way, she said. If Baby is ready to graduate from the breastfeeding relationship, just the gentlest nudge or distraction will work. If Baby has a real need, she'll push back and cling to Mom even harder. Only you can know what's right for your relationship with your child.
Mothers who wean gradually do not have problems with plugged ducts and mastitis. Because it takes at least 24-48 hours for your body to adjust milk production, I wouldn't recommend trying to eliminate more than one nursing every few days--for your own health and comfort as well as Baby's--and that would be going pretty fast, in my opinion. It's OK to adjust your relationship and wean at nighttime, or set some rules (like "we only nurse at home," or "we only nurse when the sun is out," or "we only nurse after two books and a song" or whatever) so you are not feeling resentful but you are moving towards weaning in a non-stressful way.
You can also cut down on the length of nursing sessions by counting or singing, as in "OK, you can nurse until I count to 10" and then you can count slowly or quickly depending on your mood and circumstances. This is a great excuse to sing the alphabet or any other nursery song to your toddler. . . if you choose action songs such as "Eensy Weensy Spider" you can sing it once while she nurses and then sing it again with actions when she's done, as a happy distraction.
As for the biting, another mom once told me she looked at breastfeeding as her first opportunity to teach her child manners. So, it's OK to make it clear that biting is not acceptable. You don't have to be mean, just clear--take her off and get up to go do something else for a bit and tell her biting hurts and is not OK. I noticed my babies would occasionally nip me when I was nursing while on the phone (back to that boredom thing again) and it was clearly a bid for my attention. I've only ever had a few bites total for nursing three kids, so I think it's just experimenting with new teeth and then trying to figure out what's all right and what's not. Since the tongue must extend over the bottom teeth/gums to nurse effectively, babies cannot bite and nurse at the same time and most would much prefer nursing. You can push her into the breast until she releases, or keep your hand nearby to unlatch her if you feel her starting to clamp down.
I really give you my sincerest best wishes. Nursing is such a short season, and you and your daughter will reap the benefits of your breastfeeding relationship forever. Hang in there as you graduate to the next season of mothering--and really, consider calling a LLL Leader or checking out one of their meetings. The SLC Leaders I have met are all terrific. :)

Hi, S..
Does she just nurse at night? Nursing at night is usually the last to go.:( How about teeth? My four children all continued nursing at night when they were making molars. Tylenol worked for us.
A wonderful book is called Good Nights by Dr. Jay Gordon. He talks about ways to limit night nursing, and even has a 10-nights to night weaning section, designed for babies passed their first birthday. I have used this section, though I used if over a series of a couple months, because I prefer a very slow gradual! He also has sections on weaning little ones to their own beds later. Know this is normal, and I encourage you to get your hands on great book!

This is going to sound harsh, but you have to go cold-turkey and you have to get it handled before she turns two. My doc. told me that when they eat at night you are teaching them to get up and expect it, and if you keep it up past two they will have this habit for life! YIKES! So he told me to not go and get her at night, that you have to let them cry it out. His reassuring words were, they will not remember the crying, they will learn to sleep through the night and it will only take 5 to 7 days of torture to get through it. One other thing he told me too was they can just keep crying as long as you know they are safe. Check on her maybe once, and if all is good then off you go and each night she will slowing stop crying.

That being said, I actually weened all three of my kids cold-turkey and by converting to a bottle for a couple of weeks then to a sippy cup and then a cup. All three of them would not take a bottle when I was nursing but did convert just fine when I took the boob away. It would take about 4 weeks and they dropped the bottle on their own. I did try the cry-it-out technique above with my last child since she would want a bottle all night and never slept through the night. It was pure HELL but well worth it!

Good luck!

I would say by this age she is getting the perfect amount of nutrients by what she eats during the day. I would say cold turkey. Offer her a blanket, have your husband help you through this hard time. If you arnt available it will make it MUCH easier trust me. Have him wake up with her at night. She shouldnt be waking up now. Is her room dark? Do you have a fan or noise maker that she uses? Do you know why she is waking up? Maybe put her down with a suppy cup of water if you think she is thirsty. I used to give my kids a sippy cup of milk when they would wake up. They say don't because of the teeth, but I've always been really good about brushing my kids teeth twice daily and they still don't have ANY problems. Good luck!

Hi S.--
I breast fed my older one till his was 3 1/2 and my youngest is still nursing at 18 months so I totally understand where you are coming from. I would say that cold turkey would be hard on your child emotionally. She is obviously attached to the emotional aspects of nursing and it would be really hard on her if you just stopped altogether. What you can do, though, is set boundaries about when you will and will not do it. You have to decide what those boundaries are and then hold firm to them. I'd be happy to talk to you more about that in detail, but since I don't know all the details I don't want to suggest something that won't work for you.
As for the biting she is old enough to understand that it hurts you. I would take my son off the breast and not let him have it back if he bit me. Sometimes I would offer the other side, but I wouldn't let him back on the side he just bit. It worked very well--he learned to be gentle quickly. At night sometimes they clamp down because their teeth hurt--I would suggest offering a homeopathic remedy for that. You can also try quercetin--it is a bioflavanoid found in onions that is a natural anti-histamine and natural anti-inflammatory. There's no side effects but it seems to help my little guy sleep longer and not nurse so hard. You can get it in liquid form at Vitamin Cottage--just be careful that you don't get it on anything--it really stains!
Good luck!
J.

Hi S.,

I'm just wondering how the weaning went last fall. I am starting to consider weaning with my 15 month old and (almost as if she knows I'm thinking about it) she has started suddenly wanting to nurse even more. Can you tell me what worked and what didn't? The times that I've tried telling her that milk when "night night" she balks and throws a fit. This is especially frustrating at 2 in the morning. :(

I'd love to get your sage advice on the whole thing. :)

So you're saying you only nurse at night? If that's true, then it's not as important to gradually wean as it would be to wean a child that nurses more. Gradual weaning is gentle because it allows the kid to adjust and it lets your milk supply drop gradually without causing you pain. However, if she is only nursing at night then your milk supply wouldn't have to drop very much. Oh, and if it's just at night, you don't really have to worry about finding foods to substitute for nursing.

I've heard weaning stories at La Leche meeting of kids who woke to nurse after 2, and they didn't mention any habit that persisted. From one story at least, once they aren't waking up to nurse, they sleep better.

One important part of weaning an older child is to take advantage of them being verbal. You can use explanations like, "Nursing goes to sleep at night. I can lay down with you until you go back to sleep, but no nursing." Talk about how it bothers you for her to wake up screaming, etc, etc.

That is odd about her biting. I rarely get bit by my 20-month-old (who does have all teeth up to the year molars). But it does come in cycles. Biting can be associated with teething, trying out strange nursing positions, or just playing. Whenever my daughter bites I just take her off, and say, "That hurts." And that ends the nursing session for then.

Be sure to let your little one know she can still have cuddles whenever she wants. I would suggest you keep a cup of water by the bed for when she is thirsty at night.

I recommend gradual weaning as it is easier on you and your child. Check out kellymom.com for tips and inforamtion about weaning. I have never weaned my child without it being child-led, so I have no experience in what you are approaching. Good luck!

Make it a GREAT day!

S.