Looking for Weaning Advice from Moms Who Breastfed Their Children past 20 Months

A., you RULE!!
i love hearing stories about moms who do extended breastfeeding. i was only able to nurse my son for 9 months, and most of that was pumping, because we could not work out the latch very well.

i nursed my daughter until she was 2 years and 9 months. we weaned ONLY because i was having gallbladder surgery and the surgeon told me i would have to avoid nursing for a few days due to the anesthesia. i told her that my breasts were not feeling well & she could not bother them for a while. i even put bandaids over my nipples to underscore the idea that they were sick. the 1st 2 days were rough (really, it was the nights b/c that was our special time together) but after that she stopped asking. about 2 weeks later i asked her if she wanted "yummies" and she said "no mommy your boobies dont feel good & they will make me sick!"

good luck, and dont stress about it. once you have made your decision, set a time line & stick to it, gently but firmly.

Breastfeeding is a wonderful experience. My advise is to do it very gradually. Remove one feeding at a time of course, adding something in it's place. A quiet time snack with a snuggle and a book or music that you like to sing to your child. Plan on taking months for this process so your child will naturally replace the feeding with something other than a drink. At night is more difficult, crying may be involved here. Emotionally for both of you this will be tough. I would work on the day first, saving the night time feedings for the very end. Follow your heart and the heart of your child. God bless you.

My first one, who nursed until 21 months, was the most difficult to wean (my 2nd weaned herself around 17 months, and I'm still nursing my 14-month-old), but here's what we did. I tried to quit all feedings at 19 months (at least one a night and several during the day), but I didn't even make it 72 hours because I was so engorged (though only on one side!). We did the family bed with our first, and he woke up several nights in a row crying, but I wouldn't let him nurse and just held him close to me until he cried himself back to sleep. That was probably the hardest part. When I couldn't stand the engorgement any longer, I let him nurse once a night (and not to go to sleep) for the next month and a half to 2 months. I started out with 15-20 minutes on each side, and slowly lowered how much time I would let him nurse on each side to 7-10 minutes. Then, when he was 21 months old, he went a couple of nights without asking for (or demanding!) a breast, and that was it. Several nights later, he did want to nurse again, but I wouldn't let him and it didn't bother him too much. Aside from those 72 hours that I tried to go cold-turkey, weaning him really wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be. The main thing is to get your son down to one nursing a day, whichever one he most likes (with my son it was night-time, but with my 2nd it was first-morning), so you won't be engorged. Good luck with the weaning.

Hi A.,

Looks like you've gotten some great advice. Recently when my daughter was around 28 months we were still nursing in the morning and at bedtime. She initially lost interest in the morning feeding and requested juice. At about that time I realized her nightime feeding was becoming more of a stall tactic for not going to bed so I thought up a couple of things that she really likes to do to substitute for a few days until she didn't remember about breastfeeding. For us it was going outside and swinging on the porch swing with a little raw chocolate milk and her favorite book. She asked for "nursey nurse" each night as we walked past the nursing chair to her bed, but each time I just said, "it's late, we're not going to nurse now." Initially I was prepared to nurse her if she really wanted to because I always wanted to wait for her to wean herself and I also love it so it would have been too hard. As it was, she didn't mind at all. Interestingly enough, less than a week after we stopped she came down with a stomach virus (her first illness ever other than a cold once) and during that time she wanted to nurse, so we started up again and were nursing several times per day and night when she felt bad. I don't anticipate having a problem with her weaning again and am really glad there was still milk there to help her during her virus.

Take your time and substitute something that feels good and also includes your attention. Good luck!

Hi A.,

I also breastfed my daughter until she was 20 months. I had to quit because I got mastitis in one breast and was put on a very high dose of antibiotics. My daughter breastfed alot. She sleeps with us and would do it at night also. When I had to quit I told her mama's "ninnys" (what she calls them)had bobo's and they were sick. The first night was bad, she woke up crying and I just kept telling her she couldn't breastfeed. I would have to rock her back to sleep. I can now say that I get to sleep through the night. She still gets excited when she sees them, it has only been 1 month. I miss it terribly and wish I didn't have to stop. Anyway, it is awesome you were able to do it this long. I got a lot of grief about it. Good luck!!

my daughter weened about a week before her 2nd birthday...if that. i had a little help in that i was about 3 or 4 months pregnant with baby #2 and my milk dried up. but i still let her try. i started explaining to her that the milk was going bye bye and that mommy would lay down with her but no more mimi's (what she called them) during the day or at night. she would token nurse for about a minute and then i'd put her in her bed for both nap and bedtime. i'd scratch her back, read, sing songs and lots of cuddling. whatever she wanted. since i had no milk it was easy. but i had heard a recommendation to let them nurse for just a minute and pull them away before let down happens and say "see. no more milk." i don't know if that works or not...
good luck!

My son will be three in Sept and we still have "boppy time" (he named it after the nursing pillow!) most nights before bedtime and very occasionally during the day. I would start out by cutting out the nursing session you like/need the least and go from there, cutting back every few days or each week, whatever seems to work for you two. In the end you may enjoy keeping one for longer...like until your son gives it up on his own.
I don't know when my guy will let it go. He keeps telling me that the "boppy milk is almost gone", but then asks for it most nights. When he doesn't ask, I don't nurse him, and sometimes I refuse and we hold hands while he lays in bed or I sing him a song or something else "special". I'm sure I don't have much milk left so it's all about the special time. Can't believe I've lasted this long but he's my last baby and a very intense and busy boy, so the quiet time we can share is nice.
Since you are cool with taking it slow you'll be fine. I'm sure you'll get some interesting advice here. This weblist is fun, isn't it?

P. (mom to 3 boys ages 7,5,& almost 3)

Hi Andrea,

I nursed my son until he was 2 1/2 years old. I tried to wean him before that but he was just so upset. Then when I tried at 2 1/2, he took it no problem, so I knew it was time. We had gotten down to pretty much only nursing at night, and the first night I just told him he could have "nursies" later. He went to sleep no problem. Each night he would ask to nurse, but each time I just said "after you go to sleep" and that was it. He has not nursed since.

I would suggest you cut down nursing as much as possible (as long as he does not seem to upset by it) and then distract him at night or set up a new routine.

He will likely be ready soon but I recommend not pushing it too hard!

Hope this helps,
E.

Hi A.,

I nursed my second child until he was 2 1/2. Now he took both breast and bottle right away from the start. He was in daycare at 2 months, so he had too.

But he still liked the "Mommas" as he called them. So yes, after the first year, it was just comfort time. And as far as I was concerned, that was OK. He was very verbal at 18 months and would hop in my lap and ask for it. "I need some Mommas!" My husband and friends and family were horrified to say the least! I think they pictured a future with a big first grader sitting on my lap in the family room getting his Mommas! I told them I was sure that wouldn't be the case!

They kinda figured that if a child could ask for them by name, then they were too old. My response was "Are you the one who has to get up and settle him down multiple times a night and be able to get up and go to a full time job each and every day? No? Well, then it is between me and my son now isn't it?"

Nursing at night was a way that my son got the mommy time he needed and I was able to get more sleep. Somewhere around 2 and a half, he announced one day "I don't need the Mommas anymore." And that was that. He was only nursing once or twice a day at that point and I think we were both very ready.

So in my case, he weaned himself because he was ready and we all felt good about it. Now I confess I let him have the bottle at night after this for another 18 months. Bad I know, but it made bedtimes easier.

On his fourth birthday, I had a friend come over who had a newborn. We told him that the baby needed his bottles and he was a big boy and would be getting a special Thomas the Train tumbler. He was real keen on the idea and gave the bottles up without a fight. Wished I had thought of this idea sooner!

Anyway good luck! It is a hard decision, mainly I think because it is nice bonding between a mother and child and the pressure from others makes it seem like you are doing something wrong in nursing a child past the obvious infant stage. At least this was my experience.

Kim

I breastfed both of my children and they both weaned themselves (1st child, who had a severe cow's milk allergy, stopped 2 weeks before his 3rd birthday, 2nd child at 2.5 years) Neither child nursed much during the day past 2 years of age, just at night right before bedtime or right before naptime. They both drank from a sippy cup with soy milk, starting at 1 year of age, and never, ever from a bottle. I am a firm believer in letting the child be the one to say "when". When they are ready, they will be ready and there won't be any issues with your milk leaking, etc, because your body responds to the child's needs. It was very easy and because the child becomes more interested in playing and connecting with their little friends, they won't have time to keep nursing all the time.
I hope that this advice will work for you....my mother nursed all four of us and each time the child was in charge of the weaning process and it is so much easier that way.
Blessings to you and yours,
K.

Obviously he's old enough to drink regular cows milk and eat solid foods, so he doesn't need it for the nutritional value anymore, it's mostly just a comfort issue. When I weaned my son, it was quite by accident - we were visiting my mother, and he was distracted all day, so he never asked for it for 3 days. I still nursed him at night because I needed the relief, but when we got home I stopped. I suggest you try cutting off the night time feedings first - that's easier to deal with because he's sleeping. Take it slowly and cut out one feeding per day, wait several days for him to get used to it, then cut another one. Your OB should have pills to help you dry up without pain, too, if you're worried about that.

I have to say I am mostly eaves dropping on the advice you recieve. I also have a 21 month old who nurses quite often and I hope to wean her by the time she is 2. My oldest daughter weaned herself at 18 months, so I have no idea how to go about this now. To make matters worse, I am having a hard time finding a cup my 21 month old will drink from. Hope you get good advice ;).

Andrea,

I stopped nursing my two children just before they turned two. It is actually easier for them than you think. I found it easier to let the morning or afternoon time go first depending on how early you nurse. We would go to the gym and I would send a cup of milk into the nursery, or we would be at the park playing, having a picnic when it was time to nurse. Be creative, having family sit for you at nursing time makes it easier for you and your child. Good luck. You will miss it more than they will!!

I can relate. I breastfed one of my children for three years because I simply couldn't get them weaned.
You have to make your son fall in love with his cup or bottle, even taking him along to help you choose a new one (preferably a sippy non-spill cup at this age).
Whenever he looks for the breast, distract him any way you can and when he isn't thinking of the breast, introduce his cup...
Don't give up now....it's going to take tremendous work on your part with the distractions...you may even have to leave him with a sitter to learn that falling asleep does not require your nipple in his mouth...all the best!

Recently weaned my 18 mo DD. 4th child, all weaned basically the same way. I took a trip and my husband and I were gone 3 days, child(ren) stayed with Grandma, and we'd already decreased nursings so that when I returned the baby had gotten TONS of food and drink and was full and satisfied physically and emotionally and wanted to be a "big kid" like he/she'd been treated by Grandma when my husband and I were gone. It was natural and smooth for me (and I always waited until I knew the timing was right for the baby and me, between 15-18 months for each of them). It wasn't traumatic; our weanings just happened like a natural step in life and were helped by a small wknd. getaway (the only time I've gone on them with husband....I'm into practicality and guess I need more romance)!!! You'll do GREAT!!!

I weaned both of mine around that time. The first had gotten down to one time a day mostly in the evening. I took a summer college class for work and was there most weeknights and he was done nursing after that. My second was biting me so I decided to wean him but mostly I just gave him milk or water in cup more and ate regular meals, he didn't fuss much about it. Which may be why he was biting he really just wanted to play. I hope those are natural enough examples, there wasn't any drama, a time table to be done by, etc it seemed like it just happened.

I wouldn't worry about weaning at all. If you have a healthy relationship with you child weaning will occur at a good time for both of you on it's own. I believe that those kids who nurse well beyond their toddler years do so because they have a bit of a codependent relationship. It is very easy to tell a 3 year old "no, we don't do that anymore or no, we only do that at bedtime, or no we only nurse at home." I have nursed both of my children with no bottle feeding at all. If you son will drink some sort of milk from a cup then he will eventually began seeking out nurturing time with you in a manner other than nursing. May be at 21 months, may be at 26 months, but chances are, if your not offering it, he'll eventually stop asking. In my case, my son nursed till 20 weeks when he finally pulled my shirt down and said "yuck". I said "what's yuck?" He pulled my shirt back up, pointed to my nipple and said "yuck". I said "well, ok then, I guess you done." Eventually, your son will be to busy to nurse. I'm sure it sounds like a long way off right now, trust me, I know. My son switched at 20 months from our bed to his and was nursing like 5 times a night to get through that transition. If I hadn't known better I'd have thought we'd be nursing for many months to come.

Congrats on a great nursing relationship! I breastfed my second son until sometime between 2.5 and 3 years. I don't know quite when he was fully weaned, because it was that gradual! I was pregnant at the time, and so more sensitive. He would nurse at night and eventually it kept me from sleeping well. He was also a "twiddler" and liked to touch even when he wasn't nursing. So, when I couldn't take it any longer, I'd tell him he could just touch, but no more milk. I was very pleased with how well this worked! Dr. Sears reports a similar story with one of their children, who was just as easily calmed by touching the mother's breast as with actually nursing. I shortened the nursing sessions by doing this and also cut some out. Eventually he was mostly nursing in the morning when he woke up, so I'd tell him to find his Daddy and get a drink. :) He's 3.5 now and says he still remembers his milk, but the weaning process was as easy as I could ask for on both of us. You might also try the No Cry Sleep Solution (there's a Toddler/Preschooler version, too) for tips on helping your little one sleep without nursing.

And another idea or two... During the day, you can suggest food or drink when he wants to nurse, which may fulfill the physical need and skip a nursing session. Of course, there are times when nothing but mama will do! But as you work on it, you can also substitute snuggling for nursing, etc. Also, check out http://www.mothering.com/discussions/ for excellent resources from mamas who have nursed past a year and well beyond. :)

My son was almost three years old when we finally stopped nursing. And I think he would have been ready a lot sooner since my husband and I had gone on a week's vacation without him and when we came back, he seemed to not not even remember about nursing! I guess it had just been a nice quiet time habit for us too.

Hurray for you and your child! My first of three babies waiting until just shy of his fourth birthday to wean was amazing for me. What do you think mothers did before a baby bottle was invented?

I have a lot of nice experience with La Leche League International. Their web site is http://www.llli.org/
One of their publication is "The Womanly Art of Breastfeeding" and a good recommendation would be Norma Jane Bumgarner's "MOTHERING YOUR NURSING TODDLER"

Personally, I found that after the age of two my son was able to wait "until we get home" or "until we get out of the store." In this way our breastfeeding times became more private and less frequent (especially during the day). One transition method is to slowly change those breastfeeding times into reading and snuggling times. For the most part, toddlers don't breastfeed because they are hungry; it is their reassurance time; Mom is okay, I'm okay, so the whole world is okay; a safe time.

Good luck!

well my son weaned himself at 13 months and 4 days. I never thought he would stop. He just forgot about it one day and I offered and he wanted nothing to do with it. Before he weaned he never had a bottle or sippy cup ?? Only some water out of a sport top water bottle. So??? I don't know what to tell you. My son just could not still long enough?? Now he drinks big boy milk with a soft sippy cup and still looks at me and twirls my hair like he did when he nursed. Good luck and congrats on being a Breast Feeding Mother....I don't think there are many of us out there anymore!! :) S.

Well, I'm not sure if you even want my advice because I'm in the middle of weaning and my daughter is 15 months. We were nursing morning, afternoon and bedtime for a long time. Then I skipped the easiest one first, which was afternoon, and she never noticed. Then I waited two weeks, and skipped the bedtime nursing, and at this time we started introducing a book with daddy at bedtime. We also started to let her sleep with a favorite stuffed animal, so she was really distracted with all the changes. I did have to be out of the room during the new bedtime routine because she would ask to nurse. Then we waited another couple of weeks with just nursing in the morning, and I started to nurse 3x a week. I did this the first week-only 3x a week in the morning. Then, the next week I went to 2x a week, and the next week I just nursed her once. We just finished last week, and everything has been great. I am so glad I did it slowly, it hasn't been hard on either one of us. Good luck!

just do it gradually, one feeding at a time. to put it out there.... i do the same thing too- in threee months things are going to change- and then three months rolls around and i realize that my time line was kind of arbitrary. if you don't mind nursing, just keep on keepin on. my first one nursed till he was 3. it worked for us. it's not for everyone, but when the time came, i knew it from my heart, so we talked about it. mommie's body is tired, etc, and then when he woke up instead of nursing we would cuddle or read or i would make him a special smoothie or something. baby steps!

First of all, I would like to say congrats for keeping up with breastfeeding for the last 21 months. That's one heck of a commitment, and I applaud you for it.

As for advice, I found kellymom.com to be so very helpful. You might look there for weaning tips.

I nursed all three of my children successfully, and two of them past 20 months. My third child, who is now six, stopped breast feeding just shy of her 2nd birthday. I think it was the afternoon and night feedings that went last, the comfort feedings for both of us. I did not have a hard goal of when to stop. But because I was going through a divorce, and was going to start working from home again, and she would start a mother's day out program, I think circumstance and her development played a role in her weaning process.

Regardless, I think that focusing on a child's new developmental interests and abilities during a time when you would normally have a feeding will still give both of you the bonding time together in a new way. I would suggest cutting out one feeding at a time. You might not be able to skip that feeding every day at first, depending on what is happening for your child. You might also try during this skipped feeding to substitute another activity of interest (play date, reading a book, sand, water activity). Night feedings, these were the hardest to give up. I can actually thank my two older children for weaning from these feedings. My youngest started sleeping with her older sister around this time instead of me.

Also, I will share with you that while the weaning process happened gradually, and I did not become engorged, my milk did not entirely go away for nearly a year. Every once in a while in the shower or for some reason I would let down. Apparently, this is not uncommon, especially if you breast feed beyond a year.

Good luck. These children get big way too fast.

J

I don't actually have any weaning advice, but wanted to tell you that mine DID completely self-wean just shy of his 2nd birthday. To be fair, I was in the middle of my second pregnancy, and that could be why, but really, he decided on his own that he was done. It does happen. I remember thinking when he was 20 months old that he would never wean (everyone joked that I would be nursing him when he went away to college), and yet he weaned himself just a couple of months later. He was still nursing several times a day at that point (he started STTN at 19 months, so I don't think it's strange that your LO is still night nursing!). It can happen.

As far as weaning tips, I can only suggest reading on kellymom.com That's such a fabulous website for nursing mothers, and I find such great advice for "extended nursers" like us. Also, it wouldn't hurt to find a local LLL meeting. They could probably give great advice, too!

GL! It is a bittersweet thing. I am currently nursing #2 and pregnant with #3, and wonder if she will self-wean (she will only be 18 months when new baby comes) or if I will be tandem nursing!

***ETA I did practice "don't offer don't refuse" soon after I found out I was pregnant. For the longest time, he asked just like normal. But when he wouldn't ask, I didn't give. Of course, he was 19 months old at the time, so he still asked, but when he eventually weaned (just before 2), it was because he stopped asking. One week after he stopped, he did ask for the boppy, and when I told him we put it away because he stopped nursing, he accepted that just fine.

Great job A.! I swore I would never breastfeed and argued with my vo-tech instructor when I was 16 for hours the reasons not to breastfeed, and then at age 37 I breastfed for over 2 years. LOL. Towards the end of the second year, I breastfed at night and pumped during the day. She also drank out of sippy cups, but she loved that mommy bonding time. I just started nursing a little less while telling her that she was getting to be a big girl....and big girls drank only from cups.Since she wanted a special cup to drink from, that was most of her encouragement. Nursing at night was replaced with a special mommy/daughter time. The only problem I have with nursing that long, is that when she is extremely upset or tired she wants to hold onto the breast area. I don't know if she feels the heart beat or that is her comfort zone. Best wishes!

I breastfed 2 kids til they were past 3. I have 5 total. 2 weaned themselves, one I had stop breastfeeding at 2 when her sister was born (she took it pretty calmly), and the 2 that I weaned past 3 were really into nursing. One cried through the night and the next day. I had to do it when her dad was out of town because he was always here, "Give it to her!" It passes quickly. Just let him know it's coming soon when he'll be a "big boy," but you'll still love him and be close to him.

I would check webmd.com, not sure about weaning a child that old, all four of mine were off me by 1 and on whole milk.