How Do I Get My Son to Sleep in His Crib?

Did you not get any replies to this? I would say making a decision so you're not ambivalent and can then be consistent (whether it be co-sleeping or crib), reading Ferber's new book and looking at the Berkeley Parents Network website would be good. Good luck.

My daughter slept with me almost since the day she was born until she was about 7 months. Shes 14 months old now and sleeps in her own crib in her own room. the way i did the transition was i put a portable crib in my room next to my bed and started putting her to sleep in that until she was comforable then i moved the portable in her room and finally got her into her own bed. I know its sounds like a lot but I also have a 9 year son i let sleep with me forever and now he still climbs in bed with me in the middle of the night and it is a struggle just getting him to go to sleep in him own room. I have to lay with him everynight. I didnt want to start that same routine with me daughter. you need to break the habit now the longer you wait the harder it is.

i also worried about this until my husband said don't worry the babies are not going to want to sleep with you forever. it's true they don't and then you will miss them. it is okay if he cries. usually after 20 -30 mins they fall asleep. (but) My husband was able to move the baby to the crib after the baby was soundly asleep. believe me they grow so fast! enjoy the dependency. too soon they spread their wings and they are at college.

I have posted before on how the crying it out method is not healthy for the child either physically or emotionally. Listen to your mama heart - it sounds to me like it is telling you what you need to know: DON'T let him cry!

Studies and research has shown that the (cry it out)CIO method can cause not only physical health issues but also
emotional issues. The type of CIO I am talking about
is when baby is left alone to cry with zero
intervention from parents. Babies start to cry -
distress. Then they become fearful and panic -
despair. When people say it only took a few days of
this then baby settled in and 'got used to it' this
actually means that baby realized that their
caregivers would not be responding to their distress or
despair - so they GIVE UP. This is NOT a healthy
emotional behavior and it can and does have lifelong
repercussions with the child's (and future adult)
ability to trust that his needs will be met - by anyone. How many humans today have major trust issues within their relationships?? Too many - and many of us were left to CIO because that was what our parents were told to do.

The physical issues created are the blood pressure
rises to unsafe levels - this has led to stroke in
many babies. Clearly this is not a good thing.

Some babies cannot handle being alone - it cause fear for them. They feel safe when with their parent. This is NORMAL. It is a biological norm, actually. And, when you help your child continue to feel safe, you end up with a healthier, more secure toddler, teen, young and older adult.

SO, you wanted to know about parents who slept with their kids and had no issues with moving them out of the bed. Well, I am one. 3 boys - all who slept with me or in the same room for a few years until we moved them into their own room. I never had an issue. My boys were able to handle the transition pretty well as they were the ones who actually started to initiate separation! My youngest stayed in with me the longest (due to my eventual separation from his father) - he didn't leave permanently until he was about 7. He'd start off in his own bed, in his room and then in the middle of the night sometime would crawl in with me. The key here is that he was fine to start off in his own bed. He didn't come in every night - only when he needed me. The beauty of this is that he KNEW if he NEEDED me - I was THERE.

Now some fear mongers will tell you if you don't make the kids independent by 2 wks of age (or whatever age they give you - usually under 12 months of age) that you will never get the child out of your bed. NOT TRUE! Do you really think they will be sleeping with you they are 12? No. How about 17? How many teens still sleep with their parents because they just can't sleep on their own? None that I have ever heard of. BUT - how cool would it be to have your teen still so close to you that if they need a snuggle, they WILL snuggle in bed with you for a few?? How awesome would it be to have that healthy of a relationship that your kids actually come to you when they NEED you for emotional (or any kind of) support? I actually have that...with my boys and it is amazing!

Kids will gradually want to move out on their own - it is human nature to stretch out and find their own space - but still look back and know that their parent is there for them if needed. I often tell people who insist that baby needs to learn to sleep alone NOW: OK - you sleep with your partner? yes. Do you like sleeping without your partner? no! well, then you need to learn to sleep alone now! You NEED to be independent! No more sleeping with your partner!! They don't usually like that! LOL!

So - follow your mama heart - meet your child's needs. Enjoy snuggling with them while they want/need to. There will come the time when they won't want to hug you in public, or even before bedtime. This time goes by so very fast. Before you know ti you'll be sitting there wondering what happened to your babies while looking at the wonderful young men they have become - mine are now 22, 13.5 and almost 11. Do I miss snuggling with them in bed? Hell yeah! Do I wish I had put them in a crib - glad I never did...it was a special time for me and had wonderful memories. Nothing like waking up to a smiling baby/toddler who is just so happy to be with you...beautiful!

Warmly,
J.

MOM and IBCLC

I think that since he's been sleeping with you for so long, it's going to take a long time to break him of that, and just leaving him in his crib to cry will be very hard on both of you. He's at an age where he understands a lot of what is going on, even if he's not communicating back to you. I would recommend putting him in a big boy bed now, either one of those toddler beds or a twin bed with one of those guard rails if you're afraid he might fall out. That way you could lay down with him in his own bed to get him to sleep, and then you can go to your own bed. I have three small children, and have ended up doing this with all of them. I'm a stay at home mom and still felt guilty letting them cry, which never seemed to work anyway. So they've all ended up in our bed, and between 16 and 20 months we've transitioned them that way into their own beds. Sure it takes awhile until I can just tuck them in and say goodnight, but I'm okay with that. Really, it's probably when they're about two and half before I might expect that. Until then, I lay with them to get them to sleep, and when they wake up I go back in and do it again. If I'm dead tired and bring them into my bed though, I don't let guilt overwhelm me. They're only this small for a short time and we should enjoy every cuddle opportunity! Sounds like you're doing a great job with your precious one. Just keep loving him and follow your instincts ... you are the best mom for him and no one knows his needs like you do! Good luck!

Hi S.,
I'm a parent educator and Marriage and Family Therapist, and I have to tell you, you are NOT ALONE! I get asked this question almost every time I speak with parents of toddlers. And here is my answer:

The normal, human way to raise babies for thousands of years was to have them sleep with their mothers until they were around 4 years old. To allow your son to sleep with you until that time will NOT make him a monster, nor will your relationship somehow morph into something sexual, nor will it be harder for him to separate later. In fact, when he's older, he'll understand so many things so much better and he'll be so securely attached that separating so that he can sleep in his big boy bed will probably be much easier.

On the other hand, there are several good reasons to have your son begin sleeping in his crib now. If your marriage is in jeopardy, for instance, don't hesitate to put the baby in the crib and your husband in your bed! Trust me on this...a few nights of listening to a crying baby is much better than years of heartache because of a divorce -- much better both for you and for him.

If you're going to make this transition, though, you must be stout of heart. I recommend, actually, that you go sleep at a relative's house for a few nights and let your husband deal with it. It'll be easy for him. Really. He won't even wake up. Then, when you start sleeping in your own bed again, have your husband do all nighttime comforting. Choose a week when your husband won't be traveling...and it'll all be over in 7 days.

There are several good books out there about how to help your child to sleep through the night. Don't read them. Give them to your husband...and go to your sister's.

Good luck!
B. Proudfoot, LMFCC

We do not allow the kids in our bed, because we were afraid of just what you are going through.

I have a friend that weaned her son out of her bed by putting an air mattress on the floor of her room next to her bed. First, one week on it in their room, then outside their room, then the hallway, then the baby's room and finally to the crib.

Also, you may want to go ahead and put him in a toddler bed. If you make a big deal of the "big boy bed" and put up a gate for safety, it may work.

Good luck!

Dear S.:

In working with one's children it is a good idea to work on one thing at a time. If sleeping in his crib is your top priority with him consider a multistep plan to achieve that end. First of all, do you have a bedtime routine-- quiet down time at end of day, bath time, story time, special blanket or toy or object that he associates with comforting? It sounds like his pacifier is a main source of comfort for him. He falls asleep with it and then it falls out.

Perhaps you could have him take a nap during the day in his crib with his pacifier. You may already be doing this since you did not mention it. Stay with him until he falls asleep if that is your usual routine. All families are different and the solutions recommended in many of the sleep books (No Sleep Cry Solutions- seems a gentler approach than some) may or may not be useful all of the time with one baby much less all of the time with all babies. You probably have a pretty good idea of your son's temperament and how to comfort him. How much structure does he need to be comfortable? Some kids will fall asleep in a stroller while others need to be in their own bed with a blanket and fall asleep with music, story and dim lights all needed. If you want something to change you need to work with him in small steps that move towards the goal. For example, if you can get him comfortable with the crib during the day and have an established bedtime routine you can start putting him to bed in the crib and stay with him a few moments until he is calm and almost asleep. Tell him you will check on him in a few minutes. Go outside the room and wait 2 minutes if he is crying talk to him and tell him it is Ok that you are right there and it is night time and sleepy time. If he keeps crying you can go in and rub his stomach or smooth his hair, reassuring him it is nighttime, sleepy time. If you sing a lullaby this would be a good time to sing it again.

You may need to repeat this pattern multiple times to help him get to the new routine. In time he will learn to sleep in his crib and you don't have to torture yourself having him cry for hours at a time. In addition he will learn that you do respond to him when he is upset and that he can learn a different response with your support.

Hope this helps.

J. T

S. Why not try putting the crib in your room next to your side of the bed and you can put your hand thru the slots to pat his back or just hold his hand.

Hi S., My name is A. and my son is now 3 1/2 years old. We to waited a very long time for our son, and he is our only child. My son slept with me also. He now sleeps in his bed but he will only sleep a few hours by himself. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with your son sleeping with you as long as you are comfortable with it. Eventually he will sleep in his own bed. I don't regret letting my son sleep in our bed, or myself in his bed if that what gets him to get a good night sleep.

The No Cry Sleep Solution gave us a lot of great advice on how to lovingly transition our son to his crib and encourage him to sleep through the night. We did this when we has about 7 months old, but I do remember the book having advice for the toddler stage, too. Even though it's frustrating, try not to feel guilty. You sound like a very nice mama who is just trying to meet your son's needs without ignoring your own! Good luck.

I let my son sleep in my bed on and off until he stopped at aboout 10 years old. He was a child afraid of the dark aho didn't stay asleep or get to sleep very well.
When he wass ready to be completely alone all the time he just stopped coming up. I discussed it with him and he told me he wasn't as scared of the dark as he used to be. He is now 15, an excellent athlete and very good student, not easily swayed by the opinions of others, popular and willing to work issues out without rudeness or screaming. I think he feels secure in his own being, partly because I didn't deride him or force him to be alone when he didn't feel able.
Various friends as well as his father were very upset that I allowed this and accused me of having selfish motives, but I was very happy when he completely stopped, because who likes to sleep in the same bed as a 10 year old boy?
Both of his sisters moved into their own cribs fairly readily at about 2 or 3 months!

S.,

There are many popular beliefs about the benefits or harms of having your child sleep in your bed with you. Some people believe all family members should sleep in one bed as a method for developing strong attachment to eachother while others believe it develops insecurity and inability for a child to self regulate. I wnet through the same dilema as you and felt guilty if I did have my son's sleep in my bed and guilty if I didn't. As a child psychotherapist I can tell you I have never observed harm from wither practice.

Hi S.!

Is your son's crib in your room? If not, you might want to try putting it your room temporarily, that way he knows you are still in the same room. This is probably going to be tough for both of you. We went through it, too, except my son slept with us til he was 6! Believe, you don't want to wait that long.

You might want to change his bedtime routine a bit, to include some good night cuddle time on the couch - not your bed.

Hope this helps! Good luck, S.!

L.

My husband and I actually had our first night last night of moving our 9 month old daughter to her crib! And we did not let her cry it out - although she did cry quite a bit (almost 2 hours at her first pop up of the night?), but with her daddy comforting her in her crib and sleeping in the same room with her. After that, she slept the rest of the night. Usually, she's up 3/4 times a night to nurse! She doesn't need it anymore, but is really just using me as a pacifier.

We are doing a modification of the chair method, or 'gradual extinction' method, to get her to sleep on her own, in her crib, and eliminate night feedings. I was in our bedroom with earplugs in.

We are lucky in that she has been putting herself to sleep for naps and bedtime pretty well. I nurse her, and lay her down while she's drowsy but still awake, and she is asleep in a minute or two with no fuss. You might start working on this first.

Hi S.,
You might try to make it a fun time and place for him to be. Make a wall chart that he can see and when he successfully stays in his crib reward him with a small treat but not with food( Stickers are the best and cheap). You could reward him before, during and after anytime he sleeps. That way he's not really sure when the treats will come. Reading, reading,reading before bed helps to slow them down the sleepy road. Speak very quietly as you do. Also make sure he has a favorite animal to hangout with while he's in bed to keep him company.
Another thing we have done for our daughter is buy a light show with music(Winnie the Pooh and friends) that she gets to watch everynight as she goes off to sleep. It moves very slowly and she loves it. It was less than $30 maybe even 20.
I just had another thought you might try...Get him a body pillow since he's been sleeping with you, he might need the feeling of someone close to him. If he crys its ok...You know the difference between I'm mad and want my way as to he's hurt,hungry and help me. Blessings~!

Please don't worry that your child will be a terrible sleeper. My two boys, now 9 and 7, co-slept with us until they were 2, and 18 months and they are and have for many years been great sleepers--through the night, in their own bed, fall asleep on their own. Now, on to suggestions for you. I think it is too late to introduce the crib. With my second born we transitioned him to his own bed in a separate room at 18 mos., by lying down with him until he fell asleep in his own bed. I night weaned him at the same time, holding him if he woke up but not nursing him (you pacifier wean this way). He cried but was not alone, and after a week he was sleeping through the night. Hope something like this will work for you--there is hope!!!

I can relate somewhat with your situation. My husband and I too let our daughter sleep with us after she was born and later realized that we needed to get her out of our bed. I bought monitors and placed them in her room and ours ... but never even tried them for fear of leaving her "alone." My friend's child had just died of SIDS and the thought of leaving my child ... you get the picture. I finally put her crib in our room, RIGHT next to our bed. This helped me and helped her. Although she did whine a bit the first few nights, we still slept "side by side" and held hands while she slept in her crib. When she was old enough, we picked out a bed and read stories @ 8pm every night until she fell asleep~ I suppose this could be overkill~ but if it worked out for her and for me ...well, that was enough for me. She is now 22 and I am a very proud Mom. Others told me she would be too clingy because I hovered over her and I too did not like letting her cry ..., but instead she grew up knowing how much we love her and is very independent! The way I see it, once a child knows he/she is loved they don't feel the need to be clingy ... they know you are there regardless. Best of luck!

Let him cry...it does not hurt him in anyway...you feeling guilty is not helping him to adjust and grow normally ...if you let him control you now, with his cry..no telling what's next!!! I have seen this and heard stories many times..you see I work in a day care, and have 16 grandchildren of my own..help him to be obedient..let him cry it will stop when he see you mean what you say..stay in your bed..

Hi S.,

I know you are going to get a lot of ideas, and that's good. The experience with our first son was similar, except that we don't believe in letting them cry for any reason. That's why we didn't know if he were able to cry the first year of his life. He also slept with us since he was 6 months old. My husband had to sleep in a different room because it was very uncomfortable for him. So my little guy and I slept together. At 22 months our daughter was born so my husband took my place and I went to sleep with our daughter in the other room. The difference was that she had her crib and I slept on the bed. From the beginning she was always in her crib. My son, on the other hand, always slept with us, until my husband couldn't sleep with him anymore. I would put him to sleep on our bed and my husband went back to the other room, leaving my son alone in our bed! When my daughter was 2 and my son 4 we made a big deal about designing their rooms with their own beds, etc. etc. It was a completely painless transition. We couldn't believe it. They've been sleeping in their own bedroom since then. They are 5 and 7 now. As long as he feels safe and cared for anything will be OK. My experience has been that my daughter is better adapted to her surroundings because she's been in her own bedroom since we brought her home. It's always different with the first child. I hope this helps. E.

My son is 14 months old & I still rock him to sleep every night contrary to others saying he needs to go to sleep in his bed on his own without being held, wrapped in his blankie, or sang to. Not to mention when he wakes up before 6am, I bring him to bed with us & we all enjoy snuggling together before the alarm goes off. That's such sacred time that we share. I know he is able to sleep on his own & he has for that matter. He has slept through the night by his own doing since he was 6 months old. At daycare he takes a nap on his mat just like the bigger kids & has no problems. Every child is different. Some are naturally more independant than others. Some more affectionate than others. Like my daughter for instance, who is now 13. She slept through the night from birth & did not enjoy sleeping with me. She'd rather have her own space & slept much better when she did. Your son is at an age where you can reason with him, explain what is expected, & have your actions follow suit. As opposed to going cold turkey (if you will) which I know could be stressful for you & him. Introduce the new sleeping arrangments one night a week & add another night gradually. Make the experience enjoyable by making it all about him. Get him his own pillow, blankie, or stuffed animal that he can pick out, a special night light(again, that he can pick out), or even a t-shirt that smells like you. Music is always nice too,...to calm the savage beast. My son is an Enya fan. Remember consistancy as well. Make it routine so that he knows what to expect. Something I did in my son's room was put in a small wattage light bulb in his table lamp. It helps set the mood & he knows when I turn off the "big" light it's quite time & it a signal to wind down for bed. It's gonna take time to figure out what works for you. I do know that it is do-able & they ARE capable of soothing themselves. We just need to give them opportunities to do so and in turn he might suprise you. Then on a night that your husband is home from work you can suprise him....you fill in the blank. ;o) Something to ALWAYS remember is to each their own. After everything is said & done you have to do what works for you, your son, & your family. They are small for such a short time & as we know we should charrish every moment. I wish you nothing but the best!

Hi S.,
I have 2 young boys (4 yrs. & 2 yrs.) and for any first time mom I come across who asks me for advise, I recommend Dr. Sears "Baby Book". It was such a help to me because it supports your maternal need to bond & cuddle with your baby, especially if you are working full time & dad is gone often. But it is also important for you & your husband to support each other. Perhaps, there could be an age limit to when baby would start moving into his own room? Maybe 2-2.5 yrs? When our older son wants to climb into our bed, we compromise & put his sleeping bag on the floor in our room. He loves it. Because your son is younger, maybe a port-a-crib next to your bed would be a good solution.
I hope this helped,
K. H.

Hi
I understand your dilemma. I have a 17 month old who sleeps in our bed and has done since he was born.I never thought I would let him but he was sick pretty often and it was an easy way to keep a check on him and nurse him. I have to say that there is far too much emphasis on our culture on having the baby out of the room. In many other cultures, kids routinely sleep in their parents bed and believe me, they are not all monsters! Your baby would grow up faster than you would know it and if he wants to cuddle, he would be a happier baby for it. Physical contact never hurt anyone, certainly not a kid. Yes, I would love for my baby to be in his room but I love the hour in bed playing and reading to him as I work full time as well.

S.,
You are NOT creating a monster. You ARE helping your son to know that you are there for him and this WILL make him more likely to grow into a secure independent young man. If you think your dh is suffering in the intimacy department, try getting your son off to sleep and then try seducing your man ... who said that sex needed to be in a bed? Try this with regularity, and I guarantee that your dh will be happy that his son is sleeping with you both. I tell you this from experience. Every time my dh mentioned moving our dd into her own room, it was because he missed being intimate. When that was addressed, he became much more relaxed about dd still being with us. She is now 28 months and I am hoping that she will transition into her own space this spring, but if she doesn't, that's fine too.

If you want to start transitioning your son, you could try sidecaring the crib to your bed. This way your son is not "in" your bed but you still can be close to him so that he feels secure.

Good luck. And remember set the tone early so your dh will be in the right mood for an evening of snuggling.

Hello S.,
I know this situation well. Here is what I do with my daughter who is 16 months.
First if you don't already have one get a "night, night" routine.
Ours is rock and cuddle, and then we say our goodnights to daddy, and her aunt. We go into her room and I put her in her crib. I pull out an offering of books, and while she is n her crib I read to her. While in her crib she has her pacy, blanket, and stuffed toys that she likes. Then once we are done reading She gets comfortable, and I rub her back as she falls asleep. I stay in the room with her until she falls asleep. The key is not to take them out of the crib, our daughter cried a little at first but once she realized that I was going to stay with her she felt secure, and is fine with it.Also keep in mind that if a baby is sick or having a hard time teething it will be more difficult to put them down in there crib, because they are feeling insecure.
I didn't like the cry it out method either, I feel it is too traumatic for the child. The other thing is he will eventually want to sleep on his own. Have you considered switching him to a toddler bed already?
Anyhow, don't worry it is going to take time, and some tears will be shed but stay strong, you can do it.
Also I know the full time working mom guilt, I came to a realization that I just have to make the best withe the time I do have with her.

Hi S.,
I slept with my son too unitl he was 7-8 months old. The crying can be challenging to deal with. I hated it too- I think every mom hates to hear their child upset. A good night's sleep is worth it though- the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, happy Child" was a great resource for me as well as The Baby Book- by Dr. Sears. I loved the co-sleeping idea and still do, but I needed to get a little more sleep as I , too am a working mom. I started putting him inthe crib and sitting beside him, rubing his back soothing him while he was in the crib and NOT picking him up. Every time he wakes up, go to him , and lay him down (because they are usually standing up hanging on the railing) you may have to do this 20 times be fore he stays lying down. Just don't pick him up, you can soothe him and sing softly etc. just don't get too agitated because he will pick up on that. it always helped me to remember that it is just a stage..and he will sleep great one day! Its hard when your husband is away and you want to sleep with him- you have to be consistent - at least unitl he gets the crib thing down. Good luck- and let the mommy guilt go- it is SO unproductive and only hurts YOU- your son is well taken care of and you are doing your best just as all of our parents did!!

Remember that crying in sadness at this age does not mean he is being scarred for life or that he is in a ton of pain. The only way to make this transition is to gently make it happen. Put him in his crib, sing him a song, and say good night. If he cries, come back in 5 minutes and gently tell him you love him, pat his back a couple of times and leave. Then let him cry for 10 minutes, say I love you, and leave. Then let him cry for 15 minutes, say I love yo, and leave. Then give it 20 minutes. Keep coming back every 20 minutes until he sleeps. I'll bet this process will take a day or two, maybe three at most. Good luck, and stay strong. You will regret NOT doing this some day otherwise.

Hi, S.:

I understand the societal pressure to wean your child from sleeping with you, but if it works for both of you, why change? Co-sleeping is a wonderful, and often necessary, way to bond with your babe, and despite what sleep trainers and some other "experts" claim, it does not create a "monster". I recommend reading some books on co-sleeping to maybe feel better about (intellectually) what your heart and motherly instincts are telling you is best for your son and you.

Best,

L.

Hi S.,
The fourth of my four children, Rhys, is about 2 weeks behind your son in age, and I'm starting to feel like it's time to work into the crib thing, but I'm pretty relaxed on it. I've been down this road with three previous kids, and all of them eventually made it to their own beds without any all-night cry it out sessions. It takes patience and some flexibility, but you might try nursing him down, or however he usually falls asleep, on your lap and then transferring him to his crib for as long as he'll stay there, and then accept that he'll need to finish the night with you and Daddy. Just pick him up, no lights, no talking, no feeling persecuted, and just plop him into his warm spot with you and Daddy. Eventually, his sleep will deepen and he will sleep right through. We also found that when my children fell asleep on Daddy's chest or lap, they were easier to transfer to their own beds. Eventually, around age 2, each child made the switch from the family bed to a futon on the floor of his own room (first child) or to sharing a room with a sibling (subsequent children). Using a futon on the floor instead of a toddler bed or twin bed, made it easier for one of us to go lie down with the toddler in his own room in the middle of the night, if needed. My older two boys (ages 9 and 5) and my 7 year old daughter still sometimes all end up asleep together like a pile of puppies.

As for the marital relations side of this picture, while there's a toddler still sharing the bed, we somehow found a way to conceive 3 more kids, so I can vouch for the old adage that "where there's a will, there's a way" (I recommend a King-Size bed and late-night "encounters", with the toddler safely snoozing away on his corner of the bed, or early-evening romance while little babe is doing his sleep time in the crib. ) These years pass SO quickly... just relax and enjoy your little one. Ignore the "experts" who tell you that all kinds of dire things will happen if you let your beloved baby continue to share your bed until he's ready to fly solo at night. I'll bet your instincts on his needing to be with you at night, are right on the money--he's compensating for missing you during the day. No guilt--just affirmation that the Mother-heart really does know things that our culture tries to deny.

Good luck, relax, and enjoy your loving family.
-Val

Does your son still take naps? Have you tried letting him sleep in his crib for naps, to start? Maybe you could lay down next to him on the floor while he tries this, or read to him, or play some special music when it is time for him to go to bed in his room/bed. I have tried all of these, they seem to help...

I don't agree that it is universally "bad" to have your son in your bed, but if it is interfering with either your or your husband's sleep or your intimacy as a couple, then there could be room for improvement...

My son sleeps in my bed occasionally (he is 2 1/2), but has liked his crib since he was really little. When he isn't feeling good, or if there is a stormy night, my son insists that he sleep with me, & that is OK with me. Dad sometimes just sleeps on the couch, so for us that works out fine. We have all learned to take care of ourselves when it comes to sleep, & for us that involves each of us having a couple different options for where we can sleep the best.

Another thing you could consider is to possibly have a place your son can sleep in your room, without having to be right in the bed with you; like a small futon near your bed, so he can hear you, reach out a hand to feel you (or a foot) & knows where you are. You could also try putting the futon (or a small airbed) in his room/by his crib for you to sleep on, so he can learn that he can be in his bed, but that Mom will still be near, & he can start getting more secure with being in his own space.

Crying it out is really hard, & I agree that most of the time it doesn't seem to intuitively make sense for parents to subject their kids to this. However, you don't have to be so extreme to let him cry it out without any sort of soothing or comforting. If he is crying, you can verbally let him know you are there, but limit picking him up or eye contact, so he knows that he is safe, you are listening, & if he really has a crisis you'll be there. This worked for my son. You'll know if it is a crisis, or not.

Just be prepared to think creatively & outside the "box", & you will figure out what works best for your family...like I suggested, perhaps with you sleeping in his space, to start.

Hi S.,

I would say the "No Cry Sleep Solution" has some great ideas. I am going through a similar situation with my 16 mos. old daughter. My husband is gone 3-4 nights a week too. I have to say the biggest thing I have learned is to not let other people's judgements affect how you parent. My mom does not agree with the fact that our youngest has slept with us since day one, and I love and respect my mom, she is one of my best friends, yet we don't see eye to eye. I am a stay at home mama and I still don't like to let her cry. So, if you want to get him out of your bed with less tears, know it is going to be a process. I would say the laying down with him technique sounds good. Or just rock and pat his back until he falls asleep. As one of the other mom's said, listen to your mama heart. They are only little for a little while. My older daughter is 5 1/2 and I went through a hard time when I realized she doesn't need me as much anymore. I know this is a good thing, but I miss it. And now with my little one I try to soak up every moment I can, because this is only a season in your life. I know some days you feel like this will never end, but in fact it will and you will wonder where the time went.

Hi S.,
We have a 5 1/2 year old son who still climbs into bed with us in the middle of the night and we love it!

Does your son start out in his crib and then comes in your bed? Maybe you could tell him when Daddy is home, he sleeps in his crib because Daddy needs his sleep for work and when he is out of town,he can keep Mommy company. I don't think it is unusual for a boy your son's age to wake up looking for you or his pacifier and be frightened...he was probably in a deep sleep and frightened when he didn't have any of the comforts he is used to.

I am not a big fan of letting them cry it out,so you won't hear me supporting that, however I think he needs your loving arms around him when Daddy isn't there and you will work out the times when you can take a nap and get more rest.

I also don't agree that you are creating a monster by having him sleep with you...he is still a baby and his father is away most of the week....this is his time to be protected and loved by his parent who is home with him those nights.

Before you know it, he'll be 17 and out most nights, so enjoy that he is 17 months and loving being with his mom all the time.

Good luck and love to your family