How Do I Get My 3 Year Old to Stop Getting in Bed with Us?

Try spending a sometime with her when she is going to bed, stay until she falls asleep. Even if you have to lay down with her. I would not lock her in her own room. That is cruel. If she already has separation anxiety that can put her over the edge. It's very typical at that age. You may have to spend some extra time with her in her room, but eventually she will feel more comfortable about sleeping in her own bed.

She is only 3 years old. She is scared and wants to be with you. What is the big deal? Why is everyone so uptight about letting their kids sleep with them? Haven't you noticed how often this exact problem is posted? Because it is natural for children to want to be comforted and protected by their parents. It will pass, she will grow up, but for now you need to help her when she really needs you. And a light, even a turtle light, is not a substitute for you.

Separation anxiety and fears from active imaginations become very common around this age, I'd take a look at movies or TV she's watching, books, and any type of new play at preschool or daycare. Maybe something she's seeing or a new way of playing is affecting her.

Our son went through this and we tried all kinds of things... letting him sleep with us (no one slept well), sleeping with him, (no one slept well) a pallet by his bed, a pallet by our bed, putting him back in his bed over and over again... It was all exhausting. He finally grew out of it. Sorry I don't have much helpful advice, and you might try the things I listed... what didn't work for me might work for you. We never tried locking him in his room. To each his own, but that wasn't anything I would even consider.

Good luck!

When toddlers are around the 3-yr. old range, they can have nightmares and may not be able to verbalize why they woke up. If this is happening repeatedly, here are a few options.
1. Have reading time lying down with your child before bed. Many times they will fall asleep before the book is finished.
2. Make sure she receives adequate exercise during the day and only a small dessert after dinner.
3. She may have to get up to go to the bathroom. This usually happens 5-6 hours after she has been sheeping. I you carry her to the potty 2-1/2 hours after she has been sleeping, chances are that she will go to the bathroom and be so tired that she will go back to bed and wake up in her own bed in the morning.
Good luck,
Enjoy her - she's only little once.
E.

After we move twice in a year and a half my son started coming into our room in the night and getting in bed with us. After a few weeks of this I told him he was allowed to come in our room but had to sleep on the floor next to the bed. I made up an area for him. He was told not to wake anyone but just to go back to sleep. He slept on the floor for a while longer actually probably a few months but then he slowly started to sleep the whole night in his bed. I never allowed him to start off in our bed even though he asked. He was also a bit older 4.5 years. It took a while but it eventually worked. As long as we slept and he wasn't waking everyone up I didn't mind him coming in. I hope this helps you out.
L.

Always return her to her bed and never give in. Do this calmly and unemotionally. Never give in! When you give in she knows she can get her way if she makes a big enough fuss.

She may be scared. Do you have a pleasant bed time routine during which you sit with her and perhaps read to her, sing songs or in some way make a transition from being awake to being in bed and ready for sleep? IF not that may help.

Put her to bed with a pleasant routine. Then each time she gets out of bed put her back in bed, sit with her for a couple of minutes, say soothing words and leave. When she gets out again, calmly put her back in bed without saying anything. Keep repeating until she stays in bed. Never give in. Don't get involved with her. Just quickly put her back in bed. In a couple of nights she'll stay in bed.

Do sympathize with her when she says she afraid. Reassure her you're right next door but keep your interaction short and focused on helping her stay in her own bed.

She may not even know herself why she doesn't want to sleep in there, but I would try offering as many choices as possible within reason, all of which still keep her in her room. My DD is 3.5 too, and we just finally got her out of the crib, turned it into a toddler bed, and she's now getting up in the middle night, wanting to get into bed with us (however she's also been sick the past couple of weeks so it's possible it has more to do with that too).

Sometimes she decides she doesn't want to sleep in the bed, and she wants to sleep on the floor instead, or on her bean bag chair, so I let her. DH is not crazy about this, but I figure she's fine, and at least she is in her own room instead of taking over our bed (for such a little person, she sure manages to take up a lot of room!). Sometimes she wants the door open, sometimes she's okay with it being closed.

The key thing I picked up in your post though is that eventually you give in, so basically you have taught your daughter that her persistence and throwing a fit pays off - she eventually gets her way. I've begun telling my DD when she gets tucked into bed that she needs to stay in her own room - she always says she doesn't like staying in there but I let her know that I understand, but she still can't always be coming into Mommy's and Daddy's bed. I am finding that sometimes it helps to make my expectations known from the start, rather than getting into a battle at a time when I may not have the strength to stand firm. Some nights it works, but again, we are going through a tough time right now because she's had a bad cold and a painful ear infection, so she's more whiny and out of sorts right now anyway, and less able to cope. Last night she was up 3 separate times and each time she wanted to come into bed with us and each time I said no, and got her back into her own bed, sat with her for a little while, then stepped out. I'm hoping once she is over being sick it'll be easier and life will return to normal.

Maybe you could try a sticker chart - every night that she stays in her room, she earns a sticker, and then when she gets 7 stickers in a row, or a total of 10 stickers, or whatever, she gets a reward.

If you don't want her to sleep with you, stop letting her. Take her back to her room, every time. Tell her before she goes to bed that she must stay in her bed, and will be brought back if she comes in your room. When she does it, take her back to her room. Say, "We sleep in our own beds at night. I'll see you in the morning." Be prepared for several terrible nights. If you give in again, you're toast, so if this is important to you, stick to your guns. If it isn't important, come up with some compromise-- let her sleep in a sleeping bag on your floor, or in the hall, or whatever.

I deal with the same "fears" with my 3 1/2 year old daughter. And she has tried coming into our bed in the middle of the night. That doesn't seem to have become a problem because I never let her stay with us for very long and I would stay with her in her room until she fell asleep again but would always leave before she woke up.
As for the fears, I think it's not so much real fears so much as saying she's scared gets the desired reaction from me. She may have some fears, but for those I've attempted to give her "tools", if you will, to deal with them on her own. Someone gave me one of these night lights (http://www.kookoobearkids.com/prodinfo.asp?number=0010730.... It's now a must have at bedtime. I also got her the Leap Frog Violet (http://www.leapfrog.com/en/pages/support/product_pages/my...) that became a comfort for her at night. It will play quiet music for her for 2-5 or 15 minutes.
The last part is more personal and dependent on your religious beliefs. I want to instill in her that there is a God, bigger and stronger than her, who is always with her and that she can call on him for help at any time - this has helped with the "monsters". However, I did have to coach her that she can't send her brother or babysitter away with this method.
She also insisted her door be left open. As long as she stays in her room I relented on this even though we closed her door every night for the first 3 years.
So far it's working - she isn't sleeping with us at least and even though there is still plenty of resistance, she goes to sleep in her own bed and stays there all night 99% of the time.
Best wishes

We went through this with my son when he was 3 years old, so you're not alone. I could never figure out the reason why he was suddenly sleeping with us and struggled to figure out how to make it stop. I wasn't sure if it was fear of the dark, fear of the unknown, or what. Regardless, what we did, simply, was bribery. I know, many parents will shame me for it, but it worked for us. I made a chart for my son ({name}'s Sleep Chart), cut out little squares of paper and we colored stars on the squares together one afternoon. Then we talked about the chart and how every morning, we'd hang a star on the Sleep Chart if he slept in his bed all night. Once he'd earned 10 stars, he got to pick out a Wii game at the store. But, if he snuck into our bed at night, then we'd take a star away, from one of the stars already earned on the chart. He was super excited about the plan and each morning, he'd ask if he'd slept in his bed all night. We'd either add or take away a star, depending on the answer and then we'd count the stars together and talk about how much further he had to go. My theory was that after 10 stars, sleeping in his bed would become more of a habit and it seemed to work. If he occasionally snuck into our bed, we'd talk about why he did it and then I'd tell him that he wasn't allowed to play Wii all day. Eventually, he got over it and now, at 4, he hasn't been in our bed in months. Good luck and take a deep breath! It'll get better soon.

Lock her door so she is literally locked in her room!! That is what we did for our 4 year old. My husband took out his doorknob and turned it around so it locks from the outside, so our son is literally locked in his room. Our son is crazy, so we had to take drastic measures (also b/c I am way too selfish when it comes to my sleep). You shoud do it! She will stop crying after the first few times.

Is there a specific reason she's scared? of the dark? recent event? ghost? More specific can help you figure out how to solve the problem.
I'm not sure what to suggest to get her back in her bed per se because I would say walk her back over and over. You could try sleeping in her bed for a lil bit, then on the floor, then hall, then your bed... it sucks I would think but it may work.. I don't know, I feel silly writing that cuz I know I wouldn't do that but it may work for her. Can you get the turtle light that casts stars? Maybe it will catch her attention and make her want to stay in her room. I would not advise you to keep puttin her in her bed after she starts seriously crying, she seems really scared of something.