His Family...

Say gently an kindly to them that you never know where he is. He constantly cheated on you. You don't have any contact with him and that they should call one of his new girlfriends. Give them to total truth, short and sweet. Be firm. Tell them to please stop calling (about him) if they continue to call you (unless they want to talk about the grandkids).

Tell them that cheating, especially continuous serial cheating was a deal breaker for you and you will be filing for a permanent divorce as soon as you can financially arrange it. You are not your soon to be ex husband's keeper, and don't know or care where he is. Ask them to only call about the children's well being, not about their son. PERIOD.

I would be polite but blunt..."I don't believe in bringing others into a marital issue so I haven't said this before but your son was continuously unfaithful to me and I am done being treated that way. Regardless of what you think, it is NOT my fault he disrespected me and our marriage. As sad as it is, our marriage is over. You need to accept that even if you don't like it. I am doing what is best for my children and myself. When your son decides to be a father, he can be that but no longer my husband. As such, I don't know where he is so please quit asking. I am trying to find a job and since I am unemployed, I don't have the means to come visiting. I would love for you to see your grandkids and you are more than welcome to come visit...just give me a call so I make sure they are available."

Do be honest with them and tell them you don't know where he is and you'd appreciate it if they'd stop asking you. Have you told them he is running around with other women? If not, tell them. Honesty is almost always the best policy. Be courteous and sensitive to their feelings while you express your reasons for leaving him. Tell them you want nothing more to do with him as he is now and so please stop making suggestions. Tell them they can call when he has a steady job and a home for them. Put the responsibility back on him with them.

The kids are still their grandkids, etc. It's good to let them see the kids, to keep them up to date about the kids. You can respectfully encourage them to visit. Remind the father that you are in need of a job and are looking; that you don't have the money or time for a trip, either. Let them know you know that they miss their grandkids and you'd bring them if you could but you can't.

Sympathize with them while standing firm with your decision. Once you said the above you don't have to repeat it. When they call and start in remind them that you don't want to hear it. If they persist tell them you're going to hang up and do so. It's not your responsibility to make them happy.

Stop answering their phone calls. Just point blank tell them that you are not their son's babysitter and you know as much about his whereabouts as he does. When they say it's your fault he cheated, tell them they should have raised a more honest and respectable son. Then tell them you would appreciate tact and courtesy and if they can't be supportive.. than to stop contacting you for a time being until they can respect your position.

*okay.. do Marda's answer first. Much more courteous. My answer comes when they don't get it and continue to be harrassing!

Oh Girl, stop answering their calls! How horrible. You are doing the right thing. If they would have raised him better, he wouldnt be in this situation. Maybe its their fault!

Hi M.,

My advice to you is to tell them the truth. He is a cheater and a shady person. Tell them if they want to help their grandchild, that is more than welcome--but any more comments or questions on his whereabouts are not--you don't know where he is and you dont care to. All you are interested in is raising your child properly and getting back on your feet. If they want to help with that, great-but if not--leave you alone for a while. You don't owe them anything-not even an apology. You didn't do anything wrong. He is the one in the wrong here---don't let them forget it or blame it on you. If they keep bothering you, STOP answering the phone!! Don't return phone calls etc. GL

M

You don't have to talk to them. Ask your parents to change their phone number to a private number. This way even when you make a call it comes up as private on a caller ID. If they won't do that get an answering machine that will allow you to screen calls, when they call don't answer or call back. If they are calling on your cell contact your carrier and explain the situatuion and ask for a new number.

Your hubby is an emotional and verbal abuser. Find a domestic violence shelter and see if you can get counseling if you are not a resident. They often have programs for non- residents.

Just tell them you are getting a divorce and the decision is final. They can call about the children but at the first word about their shiftless son you will hang up. Then do so.

I don't know where he is, why don't you ask his current girlfriend? Oh I couldn't possibly get back together with him, because the sight of him makes me sick. By the way, I really have no desire to discuss this further, your son made his decisions and now he is living with them, at this point what his doing and who he is doing it with does not concern me in the least, you see I don't love him anymore. or

I am filing for divorce as soon as possible. There is no way in hell things will ever work for us. If you want to know where he is, go find him, please stop asking me. By the way (insert your childs name here) is doing great! Let's talk about her.

Give yourself a break and stop taking their calls for a time. When you do take their calls if they start down that blame you road, make some excuse to quickly get off the phone and then put some time between the next time they speak with you.

You can reach out to them and let them know how you feel and what you think but you will need to follow that up with showing them you are serious and won't have contact with them where there is no respect for you.

I'm sorry you are going through this.