Ok dont know where to really begin, because this topic has been going on for about 3yrs now. 3yrs back found an email address he had used on my computer through myspace. Wow, found her and some pics of just him on her page. I confronted him, but of course told me something that I was not sure to believe, but I dropped it. But I did sometimes check her page and would find things she had said about him. About year and a half later. Checked that email on myspace, Again Pics of just him, but her saying they have been together and still going. I once again confronted him, and of course he said she must be a crazy person(stalker). I confronted her on her page, and she had told me so much about him that only someone that knows him would know.(But of course he tells me she pscyho). One thing she said he has pics of her. Well make a long story short, because there is so much to really say, That its been about 3yrs now, I just found a picture of her hidden. I confronted him, He told me a story, that about 3-4yrs ago, she was sending him pics and letters to him. He meant to throw away. She crazy, and that he never been with her. She would not leave him alone. I know that there are crazy people out there, but how can you know the truth. There really is so much more of this to say for anyone to know what has been going on the past 3yrs. But has anyone gone through something like this. I need advice please. We have a little boy together. I want to make sure I do the right thing. I know I have not trusted him for along time. But right now he is saying all the right things, boy men sure know how to do that when they mess up. Thanks for any advice. Hope this is clear enough to understand if now message me and I will tell more.
Ok, nothing has happened yet, But we are not married. We have been together since jan 2000. This girl has been around since somewhere about 2004-2005, I think this started when I got pregnant or right before. I thank you everyone for your advice. I am still thinking and worried, of what to do. Its not easy, I know, We have not really talked yet since I confronted him about it. I did hear him out but it sounds like bullshit to me, just like the other times.
P.,
First of all, I would have confronted him once all the evidence are clearly there. If he lies, then you throw in the towel on his funky @$$!
Men are sucks devils!
Do what you have to do! Double back on him one evening and she if he's doing what the hell he say he's doing and going.
Answer back!
CH
If there is no trust there is no relationship. He sounds like he's lying to you But you already know that. Keeping this liar around for the kid will only show the kid to be a liar & treat women the same as this loser is treating you. Stalkers don't usually have 3 years of patience. There should have been a restraning order or death threat by now.
P.,
I am sorry to say that nine times out of ten, when a woman has the feeling that her man is cheating on her...he is. As for his side of the story, I remember a not-so-great time in my life when I dated more than one guy and would play them. I would literally have two of them standing face to face one of them thinking the other one was my gay friend, and the other thinking one was just a friend from work. I didn't do it to be mean, I just liked both of them in different ways and I didn't want to lose a good thing on either side...I also didn't want to get caught. I also dated a guy long-distance all through college and after, that was with another girl the whole time...he ended up marrying her so I was the fling. Is this other girl just the fling and is he living up to his other responsibilities as a father and provider?
That said, there are two things for you to consider. First is how long have you been together? If it just over three years, could this be something that had been going on before you that just continued, or was it something that happened WHILE you were together? The other thing is how old is your son? Did this thing get re-kindled or started while you were pregnant or after childbirth when you weren't feeling very romantically inclined? I do not believe that it is ok, but I do know that men have certain needs that will drive them to do stupid things to have those needs met (why is there prostitution?) and they justify it to themselves that way.
That said, IF you guys are back on track in the romance area, and IF he is treating you and your son well...it may have passed. Honestly, the only thing that bother's me is that he won't come clean. Trust is based on truth and he owes you that, no matter how painful it may be. If you really want to know...really want to know, here are some ideas: but before you try this, MAKE SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU WILL DO ONCE YOU KNOW (will you stay with him and work it out, will you leave him) if you are mentally prepared for the worst, you won't do anything reactive that you will regret later.
I was a cop and did many interrogatons. If asked directly, people would lie. They get defensive and they don't want you to be mad so they lie and lie. If you want to try to build your trust back up, tell him so. Tell him that you still have questions and that you just don't buy the line about the crazy girl. People will also take an excuse if you give it to them. Try to figure out a motivation then ask an either/or question NOT A YES OR NO ("I know I wasn't there for you physically, was it just a short-term physical thing? OR Was it just a one time thing with her?) The last one won't sound so bad to him if you put it that way as opposed to "are you cheating on me?" You can say "I know you never would have done anything intentionally to hurt me" which is a good line to use to take the responsibility off of him as does "so I know you wouldn't have usually done anything like that, did you tell her you were with me and she still seduced you? Is that what you meant by she was crazy?"
If you do get him to admit that he was with her, keep the gentle questions coming. If he says it was a one time thing, say "oh, come on...it had to have happened more than once for her to say that you were "with" her." If you are gentle but persistent, you will eventually pick through to the truth. He just has to feel that you understand why he did it (even if you don't and think he is a sorry you-know-what.)
I understand the difficulties you will face if you break it off, especially with trying to raise a child alone. You can stay in the relationship for your son's sake for now, but if you can't get past this girl thing, I believe you will just become bitter and angry in the long run and I believe your self-esteem will slowly be crushed more than it is already. That may work for a while, but eventually your son needs role models on both sides that will enable him to grow into a strong, self confident trustworthy man. Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers. Let us know what happens, we are here for you!
P.,
Trust your suspicions, sweetheart. You are on here asking us all what you know in your heart. He is not being honest with you. All of us ladies have either dated a man who was not honest with us or been at a point in our marriage when we knew "something wasn't right." I believe you WANT to believe him for the sake of the child you have together. But you have seen with your eyes that he is mots likely seeing two of you at the same time. You are a strong enough woman to discover the truth so you are a strong enough woman to demand a man who gives his heart to one woman. Tell him calmly that you deserve nothing but respect in a relationship and then begin to line up your life so that you can accomplish all of this. I do hope all works out for you. Whether or not he drops this other woman, you know his character so ask yourself what type of man you desire. It's not about you, it's about the bad choice he made.
I agree with others that you should go with your gut. However, I have been there too - and it is hard when you don't have some solid proof. Does he use your computer at home to do this? If so, I would recommend a tracking softward called PC Pandora. You install it and it is undetectible by anyone else. There is a special password you set up to get into it and check all activity on the computer. I used it and found some interesting information. My husband was looking at yahoo singles and had an account. I set myself up an account using a fake picture and bio and communicated with him several times before confronting him. Of course - he said "I knew it was you" and "it was the guys at work doing it". But it blew his mind that I had the proof and he was unable to deny it any longer. I'm sorry that you are going through this. We all want our men to be what we want them to be and it is hard to accept it when they are not. Good luck to you-please let us know how it goes.
The only one who is going to drive themselves crazy is you. It seems like you already know in your heart he is lying youjust aren't ready to let go. You need to ask yourself what this other woman has to benefit from all this? If you feel like you need more proof then check his cell phone bill, you can view it online with his password. The other woman's number is usually the first # he calls in the morning when he leaves you, and the last # he calls before he returns home. Also start writing stuff down he tells you about where he is going to be because if he is lying to you he will slip up and try to make you seem crazy. I have been in this situation and it stinks but your responsibilty is to you and your baby. One man's trash is another man's treasure and everyone deserves to be treasured. Good Luck to you.
Tell him you agree that she is a crazy stalker....call his bluff. Then tell him you are planning on meeting with a detective to report her and that you are planning on getting down to the bottom of this. Tell him that you want him to call her, with you standing beside him or on speaker phone. You'll get your answer soon enough! No one is gonna make you see what you don't want to see. In due time it'll all come back to you.
Hi P., I feel for you! It is not easy to find out the one you adore is not being truthful. I was married many years ago to a guy I thought was the end all be all. There was nothing I wouldn't do for him. We had 2 beautiful girls together but when it was all said and done. I was miserable. He was physically in our home but his head and heart were not. I finally asked him for a divorce( devestated me!) but I felt that I would be better off alone than miserable with him. Yes, he was unfaithful and started another family somewhere else. I also thought that my girls would be better in the long run if I was strong and stood on my own feet instead of seeing me sad, depressed and upset with their dad. It's never easy toleat go but for your angel, let him go. Tell him you love him but you will not allow yourself to be disrespected and abused any longer. Neither will you allow him to teach your son. this is how men treat the women they love. Good luck , be strong, keep faith in yourself that you WILL BE OK! If you ever want to vent, cry or anything, you have a friend in Texas.
L.
I'm going to go toss a little pro at you since you've already received a lot of con advice. I wouldn't discount the others when they say if you have had a gut feeling for this long it might be more than just basic jealousy. I like the last response from the lady who is cop. Maybe it's something that has passed. That doesn't make it right or even easy to forgive but you have invested a lot of time and a son in this man and you might think about giving him a little more benefit of the doubt. My husband is the worst at telling me anything that might upset me. If he even thinks a bill is too high he won't tell me until I either discover it or weeks later. I've been living with this for 5 years and it hasn't gotten any better. Communication is not all men's speciality and may not be your mans either. But he HAS to talk to you about this. Sit him down, and in your best grown up/ your not going to freak me out/ non yelling voice explain to him how this had made you feel for the last 3 years. And if he interrupts tell him to please be quiet till you have finished what you NEED to say. Tell him that he has to tell you everything, even if it's the worst and he cheated (say that too) so you can clear the air and maybe start trusting him again. The bigger issue is trust and he may not know how badly it's been effected in your relationship. If you are very clear on that, that the trust between you two has been torn up then maybe he will tell you everything to clear the air. But be prepared to deal with the results of that conversation. If he tells you the same story tell him you feel like there is more to it and that's why you find it hard to trust him. Maybe he will give you the rest of the story and you will find a reason to laugh at this women's insanity vs be suspicious of her. If he does tell you more and comes clean about cheating hold your emotions in check and hear him out. Then tell him you need time to digest all of what he has told you. Thank him and tell him to give you some space to think because your going to need it.
Where I'm going with all this is that you have spent 3 years with this man by your side. You do need to know if your feelings are true but you also need to realize that he has spent 3 years at YOUR side. If he's just pathological than he may be straying for reasons beyond your control but he may also be telling you a small version of the truth and hoping he doesn't have to communicate more and risk upsetting you. Not because he's afraid of your reaction but because simply he loves you and doesn't like to see you upset. It might just be that simple and uncomplicated but his simple and uncomplicated is tearing you up and he may not know it. By going at him with suspicions in hand and not showing him any respect, you won't get any answers. He's going to see that you are upset and won't want to say anything that will upset you more. You need to swallow the urge to pressure and the urge to scream out your frustration. Pinch your own finger or something to remind you to stay calm. By being calm and understanding you will get more truth, even if it hurts. If what he is telling you now is a small version of the truth, because yes there are THOSE women out there that crazy and will cling to even the smallest hello from a man and turn it into a relationship, than you and he will appreciate your calmest attitude. He may be itching to tell you the whole story and clear the air but may be afraid you will take yourself and your son away for even talking to the girl sometime in the past. Talking is harmless. He may have been testing the waters a little by chatting with another at the beginning of your relationship but that doesn't mean he isn't committed now and you should give him the chance to be the kind of person you wish he could be. Find that faith you had in him at the beginning of your relationship. You fell in love with him for some really good reason right? Trust your own judgement.
Good luck!
PS. I don't believe, unless it's ongoing and still happening, that once a cheater always a cheater. If he messed up in say the first few weeks of your relationship you might want to consider letting it go. As long as you feel he is telling you the truth after your conversation. He may have been dating you both and chose you over her and that puts you as the clear winner and shows a solid decision on his part as to who he wants to be with.
P., I'm sorry you're having to go through this tough time. I know how hard it is. I went through a similiar situation a while back. Long story short, I believed him but then...she came to our house at 4 a.m. banging on the door. I woke him up because I knew it was her and made him answer the door. He opened the door and the first thing out of her mouth was "Tell her the truth or I will". He looked at me and said...this is so-n-so, she's my girlfriend and she's pregnant with my child! I lost it!!! There was a bit of a "confrontation" and he left. I ended up talking to her for about 6 hours! Found out that he slept with her the first time on the night we brought our daughter home from the hospital! I was devistated! He was engaged to her while he was married to me! They had plans to move in together on the same day that we moved into our new place. He lied to me and he lied to her, playing some sick game. She terminated her pregnancy shortly after and he and I divorced!
The moral of this story is that if you know in your heart he's not being honest, he's probably not. You have the proof! Don't expect him to tell you the truth because he never will...they never do! Now here is a question I want you to ask yourself...Do you want your son to grow up and think that what his daddy is doing to his mommy is okay to do? I'm not saying it isn't going to be hard, but remember, regardless of whether he is around or not, you need to take care of YOU! Your son's father will always be his father, but you deserve someone who will love, respect and be true to you!
Dear P.,
I am sorry you have to even ask this question, much less feel whatever it is you are feeling. I truly believe we have a woman's "sixth sense" and can ask you when all this began, what did your sixth sense tell you? If it told you he is cheating, then, yes, I believe he is. No matter what he states, for three years, no one faithful would keep a picture of someone. No one faithful, would be able to have the other person state anything about them ie..she knew so much about him to put it on her myspace page etc...I am currently separated and have been for over a year...we will be divorcing, at this point it is about his job because he doesn't work in Austin..it is a dangerous job and we want to wait until there is stability with his job life etc..we do considered ourselfs divorced: we have both moved on...anyway I'm telling you this because it means I am back out there in the dating world again. In this new age, it is different, there is the internet...it is a dangerous and exciting tool for sure. I CAN NOT tell you how many people that are married use the dating on-line services..I am so shocked and discerned at the same time...I am so naive that I didn't even know about all this....There is craigslist personals and plentyoffish.com that I use and soooo many married people seeking an encounter, a new friend to talk to that could lead to more because the wife doesn't fulfill his needs etc...I even met the nicest "so called christian" man on there, found out he is married, has two lovely boys, loves his wife and isn't going to leave her, but he wants a friend he can talk too because she doesn't always talk to him about everything..ie she isn't open to trying a threesome etc...he just told me he did have an affair already and that he liked it...wants more etc...again, if you saw him, good looking all American guy, church on Sunday, yadda, yadda....so these guys are out there. With work so busy, they can sneak around, leave work, etc and attend happy hours and go and be with other woman...he opened my shut eyes on this topic. It makes me sick, as well as the other married men out there seeking...
Who knows what your husband promised this other person..she may like the thrill of it? Only you can decide, does the situation make you happy? Are you willing to forgive and forget, or are you going to do something about it. Even with a small son, you must do what is best for you and him I know this is difficult, it has been for me too, but getting out of my marriage has been the best thing for my son and I and for his Dad, it took us awhile to get where we are now...but it is worth my sanity!
...Think about your options and stand your ground. It sounds as if your husband has already been in this affair for three years and he has worked out the logisics of it all...even to having a snow screen over you.
Vaya con Dios,
Gina
I understand about trying to make a relationship work, although not a single person can tell you how to handle your situation, because you are the only one that knows what truly has gone on and what you have been through with this man. One thing I would definitely suggest that you do is not read his My Space page or snoop through any of his belongings. Think about it, how would you feel if he did that to you. Also, ask yourself, "why are you snooping", "what are you going to do with what you find". I have been married for 20 years and I have never snooped through my husband's belongings, cell phone, truck, wallet, etc... How was I able to do that, I don't know, I just know that I didn't. Also, keep this in mind, what is done in the dark will come to the light. Also, ask youself, who do you love more him or you. Once you answer that question, you will know what to do in regards to your relationship with him and what you are willing to put up with.
Hi P.,
If I were in your shoes, I would hire a private investigator. If you want to know the truth, a PI can help you.
Hi P.,
It sounds like you have a reason not to trust your mate. Women don't usually continue to write and/or call if they are not given something to go on. I think you and your mate need to consider counseling together or at the very least you need to talk to someone to help you work thru some issues. First I would say you need to decide if you are getting what you need out of this relationship...if you are then you have something to start with. If you aren't..you have some decisions to make.
Be Blessed
G.
You are right. Men will say anything and never admit if there was something really going on. I've recently been in a similar situation. Once I caught on, everything changed on his behalf and he would never admit it. I'd get call from restricted numbers hearing a women's voive that would always hang up on me. He said she was crazy too. Trust is hard to gain back even if nothing really happened. How do you know the real truth? You never really know to be honest. Hint- found this out of a parent divorce magazine. A private investigator provided a list of reasons that the spouse is most likely cheating. True or not, here they are. 1. Partner seems to lose interest in you.2. Work habits change(longer hours)3. Becomes overly conscious of his appearance.4. Unfamiliar calls on cell bill.5. Spends an unusual amount of time on the Internet.6. Starts using a new e-mail address.7. begeins deleting web browsing history.8. Mileage on car is higher.9. Spouse frequently inquires about your schedule. 10. Carries more cash than usual. And finally, your intuition is the most reliable indicator if he was cheating. Let it go and move on? Your call. Hard to do? Yes. Don't want to break up the family with a small child? yes. I needed more answers and the truth. It never came about. Right now, I'm trying to save the marriage but take it one day at a time. That's what I am doing. Suggest mariage counseling to your spouse. It would be worth it. Hope this helps a little.
There is absolutely NO reason for your partner to keep a picture of another women and talk to her. He is lying, you know he is lying and you are hoping someone will tell you otherwise.
if he kept the pics he did so because he likes the attention and the secrets it brings. which means he will go further over time if he hasn't already. it is a control issue and you need to leave.
he has a child with you, yet it sounds like you aren't married. he has pics that he has been hiding and it is all the 'psycho' girl's fault, not his... wake up and get out for your health and your child's.
Dump him. He's a liar. Sorry to be so blunt, but seriously! I know someone who is hanging on to a guy who is doing something similar & all her friends, myself included, would like to shake her! The 1st time something comes to light like this, shame on him, the 2nd time (i.e. 3 yrs later) shame on you for letting someone do this to you. Get it together & dump him before he has the chance to lie to you again or hurt you more. You know that you want & deserve better than this for yourself, and step 1 is getting rid of him. I know this is harsh but I really hate seeing women go through this in the 1st place & it's even worse when they choose to stick around & go through it over & over again. I sincerely wish you the best & I hope this is your wake up call about this "man".
go with your gut feeling. If you have not trusted him in awhile then why are you together -surely not for your son. Your son deserves to see a healthy relationship, not one riddled with mistrust. I can say that is sounds suspicious, women can be psycho but typically this happens when they have been misled.
I do not want to be the cause of your marriage breaking up or worse but you had better open your eyes. He's lying to you BIG time. All that stuff about her being a stalker is bull sh*t. If she is a stalker, then file charges on her. (Guarantee he won't do that). How would she send him a picture and letters if he did not give her an address? Even if it was online he had to print it so he wanted the picture and letter. No mam'...it's time to stop his little fun of having his cake and eating it too. Does she know he is married with a family? I have a friend who went through something similar..she confronted him, told him she would NOT share him and was going to file for divorce. He stopped seeing her, the other woman actually called him and his wife made him tell her it was over. Later they went to marriage counseling and so far so good. If you have any way to block her from your computer, do it. You are the wife...he needs to stop all these lies and treat you with the repect you deserve.
I went thru it for years.. hes lieing... end of story... demand the truth or get out now... if he wont come clean and change then you dont need him and need to move on... Dont wait and waist your young life. Your child deserves better too.... he will let him or her down one day too.... sorry but the truth sometimes hurts... good luck L.
It is obvious what your gut feeling is about all of this...you wouldn't have been worrying about this for the last three years if you didn't know deep down what the truth was. I know it is hard to allow yourself to believe such a thing, but take a step back and contemplate the following:
He may love you, but there is no respect for you there. The utter disrespect of him cheating on you is unbelievable, but to carry it one step further and lie about it after you have found clear evidence! And to further disrespect you by continuing the affair for three years! People make mistakes, but this is beyond a simple mistake. You should put the "work things out" mentality aside, especially if it is only for your child. As someone else below said, a relationship full of distrust and disrespect is the last thing your child needs to see. Would you want your son to think this type of behavior is acceptable when it is time for him to be thinking of relationships of his own? As I said before, I know you are in a very difficult position, and I empathize with you. If it's just too unthinkable for you to take action for yourself, take action for your son and his future. I hope everything works out for you and you get to be happy someday. Good luck.
If it looks like fish and smells like fish, it probably is fish. You don't want to believe this, no woman wants to believe that the love of her life is cheating. I feel for you because you are right, you have a child to consider. I never knew for sure because I didn't want to. She lived out of town on one of my husband's routes. She made gifts for him, he brought them home and he just said she was a friend. I worked full time with a small child and I didn't have time for such nonsense. However, our relationship went downhill in the years to follow. We eventually separated and he died when my son was 14. I remarried a wonderful man who has been a rock for us. You alone can decide what is right for you. Prepare yourself to be on your own like work on educating yourself to be in the workforce, then make your decision on your husband. Financial independence will give you more strength.
Trust your gut about whether he cheated on you or not. I was cheated on and something in my gut told me. I have heard this from other people too. As fas as what to do since you have a child, I don't know what to tell you.
P.,
Know you have lots of responses, so not sure if someone has suggested this yet. Maybe, go along with what he is saying. If this is a "stalker" type person, suggest getting the police involved, reporting her to "my space" or saying maybe both of you should meet with this girl in public to discuss her actions. Really being concerned for his safety and how it must be effecting him emotionally and how it's effecting you. Do a little research on stalkers and how it is a fact that their behavior escalates and could become worse! I know it sounds like a game you would be playing with him, but sounds like one he is playing with you.
One of the most important things in a relationship is trust. Without trust, what type of a relationship is it?
Best of luck girl! Get tough and remember who is number 1! You and your child!
As a general rule, if you suspect cheating, and there are tell tale signs, and his stories don't completely add up, then he is cheating. You know that old saying, "If it walks like a duck, and quacks like a duck , then it's a duck!". You have been suspicious for 3 yrs, that alone should tell you something. It doesn't matter if you have one child together, or 10 kids together, you don't deserve to be cheated on, and lied to. And I didn't catch if this is your husband or boyfriend, but if it is your boyfriend , then don't even give it a second thought, just walk away! If he is your husband, then I would give him one chance to make it all go away! And if you find anything suspicious after that, then leave immediately, and don't look back, except for child support of course!
I think you are on the right path. I don't believe everything I hear but in this situation you certainly have cause to be concerned. I think your husband is hiding his relationship with her and maybe she is crazy but maybe not. However, she knows after you confronting her that he is married and that shows no respect for herself, nor his family. So if he has a picture of her, which you say was hidden, I wonder where? then there is something more going on than he is willing to let you know. You can always hire a private investigator and have him followed for a month to track his daily comings and goings. If he refuses to tell you any more than what he is telling you, then that would be the very next thing I would do. But believe in yourself and your intuition and I think it will lead you in the right direction. Good luck!
honestly, listen to yourself!! i dont think this girl is crazy at all. if you are seeing it on my space then it must be true!!! especially if she is younger than you, or single, or etc. i have soooooo been through this and it was like he has this other life that i knew nothing about. just start making sure he is where he is supposed to be at all times, but do not let him know that you are having trust issues, and of course he is going to tell you what you want to hear, duh!!! I'M NOT BEING UGLY OR TACKY i just know that he must mean everything to this girl for her to have pics of him or comments etc now when her friends start having comments about him or the girl and him then you have a problem...he is cheating...i'm not a man hatter but i do know that they are selfish, self-centered, its all about them, they are me me me me, and they take for granted what they have at home and think the grass is greener on the other size. well its not!! i do know that once they are at the "greener" side they realize that you are who they wanted and it wasnt cracked up to be what they thought but by then its too late. all you need in life is your family, kids, and friends----xoxoxoxo i hope you investigate and get the facts and then make your decision----i want to talk to you----i'm not telling you to get out but i am telling you. RESEARCH, CHECK HIS WHERE-ABOUTS, CHECK AT LUNCH OR GO MEET HIM FOR LUNCH JUST OUT OF THE BLUE CALL & ASK IF HE WANTS TO HAVE LUNCH OR EVEN GET A HOTEL ROOM FOR AN HOUR WITH HIM, ASK YOURSELF HAS HIS SEXUAL HABITS CHANGED...HONESTLY THE BOYFRIEND I HAVE NOW REALLY HAS NO TIME AT ALL TO CHEAT...I WORK DOWN THE STREET FROM HIM, STOP BY THERE TWICE A DAY, WE LIVE TOGETHER AND LIVE 30 MILES FROM TOWN, BUT BEFORE I KNEW MY BOYFRIEND WAS CHEATING, MY LOTION WAS MISSING FROM OUR APARTMENT, FOOD WAS COOKED AND HE DIDNT COOK, HE WAS MEETING HER AT WALMART EVEN WHEN I HAD HIM RUN AND GET DIAPERS OR HE WOULD MEET HER AT EL CHICO WHEN I WOULD HAVE HIM RUN OUT AND GET FOOD THEN HE WOULD END UP SEEING SO & SO AND SAT AT THE BAR AND HAD A DRINK WITH "HIM"
Wow, I heard of crazy women like that but if I was you just pay attention to how he is with you. If he had someone else you would not be getting any attention. Trust is a big issue in relationships but you should know what kind of man you have. It could be nothing and sometime we tend to make it more than it really is. Good luck.
I'm sorry you're going through this. When making a decision about your marriage, take your child out of the equation. Most women end up making a decision based on emotion, usually for their children. You mentioned that you have not trusted him for a very long time. That should be your first clue on what to do. Why stay in a relationship when there is no trust? Seek marriage counseling first and if you still feel the same way then you'll know it's time to move on.
best of luck!
P., I'm really sorry you are going through this.
I cannot give you any answers, but I have a question for you:
Is he an honest man in every other respect or does he lie to cover his tracks about other things?
If he's an honest man then maybe he's telling the truth about this. If he's known to fib to save his hide... well, you know where this is going.
I wish you luck and peace.
Hi P.. This may be a little late but I wanted to share. Ask yourself some hard questions. Does this man make you feel needed and wanted all the time? Does this man treat you like his queen? Are you insecure? Are you the only one in love? Are you working harder to maintain the relationship or is it equally yoked? Do you love yourself? I do not have the answers to these questions but I do know that I have asked myself these questions before. Love is not suppose to hurt. Love is refreshing, rewarding, and replenished every single day. Maya Angelo said, "When someone shows you who they are, believe them."
I would get more evidence before I would assume he is having a physical affair. But, that's what I would suspect. I would also put my foot down that he cannot allow her to have pictures of him, nor should he have pictures of her, nor can he contact her in any way after contacting her to get rid of the pictures and leave him alone. If he does this, and she doesn't, then contact police or attorney to take action against her. If your husband protests too much, then I would suspect something else. Make it very clear to your husband that you love him and these suspicions are destroying your relationship. You need him to step up and give no room for suspicion. He has to alleviate your fears, that is his job as your husband. You don't feel secure and you are jealous over him as you should be. You don't want to share him with anyone. Make sure (on your part) he has no reason to seek anyone's attention. Don't nag, accuse, or get too angry at first. But, do get to the bottom of it. Also, fight for your man on her level. Get his attention back to you, if you want to save this relationship. Even he has had an affair, if both are willing, the relationship can be saved. But, truth is what makes you free. You don't know what the truth is. Keep asking, researching til you know. Note: if your husband's whereabouts are always accounted for, and this is the only reason of suspicion, then I wouldn't worry too badly, but take care of her all the same. Some women are strange and do call or email when they know better and nothing is truly going on. I've had it happen with my husband, but there was no time for him to have had an affair. He was also very up front with me about things and very reassuring. There was truly no reason to suspect anything. But, if your husband just denies and isn't worried about your fear, then you need to make sure he understands somehow. If he still doesn't, then get more evidence, but get it until you're assured one way or the other. (I'm saying all this assuming you are not a very jealous person who is always insecure and always accusing him of these types of things. If that's the case, my advice would be a little different.) I hope it is just a strange case and that nothing is going on even emotionally and that you find assurance soon.
He's cheating! The other woman would not know as many things as she does if he wasn't. You just need to decide if you can live with it like you have or get out. He's getting his cake and eatting it to. The picture you found made the connection or gave you what you needed to make sure. Don't second guess your self when he's the fool. Kick him to the curb. You and your child will be better off. Best of Luck.
DenieceC
Hi. I'm a single mom of a 5 yo. I'm so fortunate for my life right now. Fortunate because 6 years ago, I dumped a lying cheat like yours out of my life! I spent 4 years with him and went through countless... "she's just a friend," "we just work together," "I don't know why she says I'm her boyfriend," type stories. It's bull. Either he REPECTS you or he doesn't. Your gut knows the truth. You just need to trust yourself and know you can do better even if it means being alone. I absolutely LOVE being a single mom. Sure, it's hard at times, but I really wouldn't want it any other way. This way my child doesn't grow up in a home where the father teaches such things as lying, cheating, and disrepecting women.
You know what's right. Stand up for yourself. You can do it! Best wishes! S.
i agree follow your gut feeling.....hopefully the truth comes out and you are able to move on with your life and not be worrying everday!!!even if she is psycho,he still had no reason talking to someone else since he is married to you!!
Hello P.,
It sounds like you already have your proof. What more do you want to find out. Men will lie to cover their tracks. I'm sorry, but it sounds like he is not being truthful.
Good Luck and best wishes for your child. Don't let him see you suffer through all of this.
P.--You are a smart woman and you already have all you need to make the "right" decision. Men always have an answer for the way they want us to preceive a bad situation--they like their cake and eat it too. If it quacks like a duck, walks like a duck--it it very likely it is a duck. Look at the facts.
Find someone who is worthy of YOU.
P.,
Trust yourself. People have great internal instincks but we second guess when we don't want to listen to them. Read what you wrote. You don't trust him and haven't for 3 years. Are you happy?
There is this greatbook called In The Meantime by Iyanla Vanzant. I think you might find it helpful.
It sounds like something happened. It might not still be going on but.....
good luck
I knew someone like this before. GET AWAY!!! Go out and be on your own. Find someone else who doesn't lie for 3 years. He could be the weirdo stalking her!!! Been there done that!! You have wasted 3 years on this lying cheat. Yes, he will say the right things. GET AWAY
You need to ask him to go to marriage thearpy. If he wants to save the marriage. But, I am with you. I think something is fishy here. You could hire a P.I. to see if he meets up with this woman. I found a pix of my husband's ex and tore it up in front of him and told hem either you want me or get out. If I ever think he's been cating around, he knows I will bring my rath on him.
He is cheating on you, you know it and your lying to yourself.
I had my brother read your message, with not much detail on what this website is....His response was ....
"he's cheating on her" and "will lie at any cost"
I agree. Dont let your child be exposed to a disrespectful relationship.
