Help with 2 Behavior Problems.

Hi. As far as the diaper changing...ugh. I remember those days well. Is there part of the bedtime routine that he really likes that could become a privelege if he cooperates? An extra book or song? When my daughter isn't cooperative in the evening, we tell her she'll lose a book at betime (she usually gets three), and to her, that's huge. I used to sing songs to my daughter while changing her too....good luck. Don't feel bad for cutting his bath time down as a consequence. The rules for my daughter's bath are no standing, no splashing out of the tub, and no drinking the water. After one warning, her bath is over. I remember this age...and thinking "oh no, the terrible two's are here EARLY" but I think it's pretty normal. Good luck and hang in there.

For the tub, I would say get a full-size padded bathmat and one of those foam-padded faucet covers and let him stand. Keep the water shallow and keep a hand on him. That's all you can do until he gets tired of it. Diaper changing...I don't know! What a pain!

Okay.. I'm risking being flamed here. But, I raised four kids and now have 4 grandkids. I firmly believe in spanking. A little swat on the thighs hurts a lot less than a fall against the side of the tub... or off of a changing table. You aren't swatting him to hurt him, just to startle him into listening to you. He's at the age where he is testing the limits and you need to let him know that you are the boss... not him. This is a time tested.. generation after generation remedy. My mom used it, I used it, and now my kids do, with theirs. When I see kids misbehaving in public and parents wheedling with them, I just worry about our next generation! Many aren't being taught that misbehavior is wrong. Please everyone.. I don't need emails flaming me, but.. this does work.

hello K.

I read your edit, and beings you are already being firm with him, when he laughs or don't take you serious, then the swat just needs to be a little firmer until he realizes you mean obey and your not laughing. Its so important for them to learn to be obedient to your words because they will use that quality all their life. They also need to know that when you say something you will do it, so many make threats and never follow through with what they say, the child then learns you are not a person who can be trust when you say something. Like I am going to count to 3 and your better do so & so, but when 3 gets there and your still busy the discipline is not cared out, plus why do parents give a child to 3 anyway, why not have them respond the first time you say it. I don't think we look ahead at the long term consquences until they get to be 8, 10, 13, 15 then we see how ugly disobedience is. Get the rules set early and they will learn you mean what you say. Hope this makes sense. God Bless you as you train up this little one to become the man God has called him to be.

K., Two ideas, get a cheap plastic boat for the tub. He cannot play with it unless he is sitting down, if he stands up then take the toy and reiterate the rule. Another suggestion, leave the boat in the tub and remove your son, have him sit in time-out on a towel on the bathroom floor while the boat bobs in the water.

The diaper issue, you must be VERY firm. The minute he starts squirming say in a very loud, firm voice "No". Make sure you are in charge and not him. The nicey nice, "hold still and we'll be done in a minute" doesn't work. Be firm.

Good Luck, M.

Im not real sure about the bathtub issue. as far as him squirming during diaper changes..my son is 14 months and he used to do the same thing, and sometimes still does. What seems to work for me is i dont show him that it irritates me and sometimes i tickle him on his thighs or lower tummy (super ticklish spots) and he becomes focused on when i will tickle him next as opposed to "when will i be done" or trying to get up.

I to was an older mom. I had my daughter at 33 but she was late. I am almost sure it is nothing he is just not wanting to bathe (my daughter coulnt take baths because she was born with severe club feet and bilateral tightness and was casted at days old theb had surgeryat 3 mons old) but she would stiff and shake because she didn't want her sponge bath. But we never had a diaper issue. I am sure it is a stage (my niece used to hold her breath until she turned blue. Even at a few months old at at 21 she still does it). So don't be alarmed unless it looks like he is hurting himself. D.

Sorry to say but its only going to get worst. Your son is at the age where he is learning what to and not to do. He also wants to see how far he can go. He's really still learning what the word no means. He may know how to say it but doesn't really understand completely. Try timeouts in a bed or play pen to that he can start to understand consequences.

Nothing says he has to take a bath. My DS started taking shower with me at about that age. We use our smaller standup shower, but it works to keep him contained and safe while soaping. Maybe he's just not a bath kind of kid.

As far as the wiggling during changing. good luck. I learn just to do it quickly. I would try to think of it as an Olympic sport. I gave up on distractions and trying to make it plesant. And just went for the fast and determined. He may not like it, but he's not always going to like the choices you make for him.

Well my daughter is 19 months and loves to stand in the bathtub although she doesn't do it all the time. She loves to stomp her feet and splash. Make sure there is a no slip mat in the tub and he should be ok. Mostly it is something new to explore. Try giving him a shower and it might help get him to sit back down.

as for the diaper changes good luck! my girl still fights me on changes. although sometimes it helps to just change them while standing up! it is easier to do this with pullups though. the cheap dollar store brand of pullups abosrb well and cost almost 2 dollars less than normal pullups. THus also they stay on their bottoms a little better and sag less. otherwise be prepared to keep fighting the diaper change. the only other thing i can suggest is get him a potty chair and see if he will use it. Some kids start earlier. my girl doesn't really use hers and she doesn't let me know when she needs changed but she likes to imitate me while I go potty so it could be he is wanting to act like a big boy.

Whew I am so glad to know it's not just my son that was like that!! He was like that with me for a very long time. Several months. I would just fight with him and eventually I got his diaper on. He's since stopped doing it. I never started doing anything different, he just stopped one day thankfully. I give him toys to distract him and try to make him laugh while I do it by tickling his tummy or his feet. It usually works...NOW. Nothing worked before. I know you're sick of hearing it's just a phase but it really is. Mine went through it too.

I'm not sure what to say about bath time. He seems like he is just in that little stinker phase where he's hyper and gets a giggle out of giving mom a hard time. Try not to let it bother you. Be very calm and just tell him he will fall and get hurt. If he still continues to do it, then just hurry up and soap him up and get him out as quick as possible. If he cries then tell him why you're doing it--because he was not listening to you when you told him to sit down and that you got him out so he didn't get hurt. Mine does this too. Bath time is 2 minutes. Sorry I'm not much help with great advice that will solve your problems, but at least you know you're not alone!! Hang in there and good luck!!

I had to laugh a little when I read this. Both my boys did this...for a VERY short time. He's pushing to see just what he can get away with. If you can figure out a way that works for you to establish that you are in charge in these situations, he will stop.

The tough part is figuring out what will get through to him.

Here's what worked for me:

Stay unemotional. He'll get riled up if he sees you getting upset or anxious.

When he is squirming away in the tub, sometimes consequences can be the best teacher. Others may disagree, but I say a little slide onto the back and choking on the water may be all it takes for him to realize that he needs you to hang onto. You might also try reverse psychology...give him your sleeve or wrist and say "okay, hold on right here so you don't fall down while I'm soaping you up!" Last resort: A stinging swat on that bare butt is definitely merited in dangerous situations. If the situation is something he SHOULD be scared of, then by all means, SCARE him.

The diaper change is a tough one. I, personally, did not have much of a problem...the one time I did, after they did not listen to my firm "NO!" I dished out a swat or two. They quickly realized that squirming around while I was trying to change them was not acceptable. I don't want to have poo streaked all over because they don't want to be still.

In retrospect, I think that a "help me help you" routine might be worth a try. What I mean is, make it a cooperative effort: "Okay, you go get a diaper/your PJ's/whatever. I'll be waiting right here!"...."Whoops! Where are those wipes?"...."Hmmmm....have you seen the powder/Desitin/lotion?"...."What do we do NEXT? That's RIGHT, you lie down right here on your blanket! Good job!"...."NOW what do we do? Oh...good, have to put on the new diaper!"...etc, etc...it give him the feeling of having some control of the situation, and helps you get the job done. This is a good time to talk about animal sounds, colors, ABC's, 123's, sing songs, and otherwise interact with your baby.

I hope this helps a little!

Hi K.-
My son went through the same thing with the baths when he was about 17 months. We went on vacation and I don't know if something freaked him out, but when we got back he wouldn't sit in the tub. I ended up just washing him standing up and getting him out real quick before he'd start walking/running/playing in there, but it took a while before he finally got comfortable with sitting again. You might also try taking him the shower with you. Our son liked that for a while better, and then he went back to his bath like before (but sitting). I don't know if it's a phase or what, but I think if you make it as safe as possible and get him in and out quickly while he's standing, he'll eventually get over it. Now the other issue, mine's been doing for a long time and the only way I can get him to settle down to change him is to use time out or threaten to take something away or not let him go outside the next day or see his friends. He only pulls that with me; he's quite good for his dad, so I'm sure he's testing me. It took a while for the time-outs and punishment threats to work, so be patient and firm and eventually it will happen (but don't be surprised if it takes a long time!). Best of luck!

He might be ready for the pull ups at night. I had the same problem with my little guy.......
Also you might want to try and set the "consequence" for bath that he can't bring any toys to play with in the bath tub or else they do hav those seats that my little one used to have to sit in when he was in the bathroom. he is almost 4 for he is better but I had my time that's for sure.
Good Luck....I would definately say that he won't be able to bring in any toys until he can sit down and be safe. that might work!
Good Luck!

In the tub, I use a little seat that suctions to the floor of the tub. It's just a little circle shaped seat with a few vertical bars, and then a bar circling him. He has lots of room to move, but he can't stand up without a bit of effort. I've used it ever since my son could sit up, though, and he is used to it. It might be harder to introduce, but it's worth a try. I think you might be able to get them at target. I also give him a cup to play with in the water, or a washcloth. This usually distracts him enough.

With the squirming baby/toddler, I have diapered and dressed him while he stands up. It's not easy, but it usually worked well enough. Sometimes I stood him up on the changing table, and other times I just put him down on the floor. He usually found something, like a toy, that interested him enough while I put his diaper on. Sometimes I do one thing at a time: diaper first, let him run off, put on a onesie while he does something else, etc.
That's my two cents!

I have no solution for you, but I wanted to let you know that my 14 month old son does the EXACT same behaviors. My husband let him stand in the tub and he slipped down once, and now its a game to him and just about refuses to sit in the tub. I just deal with it and give him a very quick bath. I figure eventually this will loose its novalty and he'll sit again so he can play with toys, etc. As far as the thrashing and squirming diapering, my first son did this as well. I have no solution for this, but I sure wish I did. Sometimes he can be distracted by a toy, but mostly we just suffer though diaper changes! Good luck. As with other things, I believe these are "phases" and they'll be gone soon.

The more he gets a reaction from you on these two issues he will cotinue. He has learned what button to push. I would put a skid mat in the tub and wait until the very end to suds him. If he does not let you stop, TELL HIM IT IS NOT OKAY AND INFORM HIM OF TIME OUT AND DO IT WHEN HE GETS OUT. BE SURE HE LOOKS AT YOU WHEN YOU EXPLAIN THINGS AND CHANGE YOUR TONE TO A STERN ONE. Diaper same way. I would distract him by singing or telling a story as you are putting the diaper on. Good luck ugggg i know its tough been there done it.

He will eventually get it. You are bigger than he is and eventually he will give up the fight. Just keep doing what you are doing. Force him to sit and force him down to put the diaper on him. You aren't hurting him, and he will eventually give up the fight. They sure are a work out!

I had to laugh at your bath problem. My 2 yr old stands and walks a lot in the bath...it's becuase she is playing "restaurant" and takes our orders for cappucino! A long time ago, a Mama on this site recommended the full size bath mats. I got a couple and they work perfectly. I recently saw some Elmo ones at Wal-Mart. You can also drape one over the side of the tub for extra cushioning. My daughter has never slipped using one of these.

As for the diapering thing, just practice your WWF moves and pin him down and get the job done. I always remind my daughter that "I always win this game"...I'm ready to go on the professional wrestling circuit now.

Enjoy your son and all his particular quirks! Amazingly, you'll both survive.

For your bath problem: have you tried the shower? He may like that better or he may decide the bath isn't so bad.

Hi K.,

I had the same problem with both of my boys. It is not easy to find solutions, but trying different tricks may help.
About changing diaper at bedtime,I remember I moved my baby to another room to change his diaper, it used to be in his bedroom, but I moved to another room and left all the necessary things to make this task easier, including DIFFERENT toys for him to grasp, and handy diapers, wipes..etc.... He was so surprised that he kept looking around and was a lot more calmer and easier to change his diaper. I also gave him any toys with lots of lights more than noises to keep him busy, and that worked!
The bath time thing is also frustrating and scary, but I did two things: I did not soap him until he was ready to sit down. I would hold him firmly and said to him that I was going to take him out of the bath tub if he would not be seated,and I pretended to hold him to take him out of the tub, he would seat down right there, and immediately I would give him a toy to play with. Of course this action is going to take more than once, but he will get it.
Sometimes, I would let him to stand buy firmly holding while I said to him that this position was unsafe for him and he had to sit down.
K., I also got the bath tub bumper and the rubber pad for the tub, and that gave me a lot more peace of mind to do this and train him in the bath.
I hope this helps a little bit..Good luck!!!
Alejandra

I have the same problem with my son who just turned one last week. He loves his bath time, and NEVER wants to get out, and loves to stand in the tub. I just take his arm, and gently help him down. Now he does keep doing it, but I think its a cross between being so excited that he can stand on his own, and loving the bath time. He also has been taking steps on his own for a couple of weeks now. I think he is trying to do that too when he stands. All I know is he is just very excited.

On the other note, my son also squirms everywhere when I try to change his diaper. It is the worst in the morning when he first gets up. I just attribute that to he is awake and does not want to lie down anymore to get changed, he wants to stand up. So I let him fuss and fight me, and hold him down as best I can without squashing him, and get it done. I win the fight with that one, and after he is changed and I let him go, he's good. He gets up and is okay again.

I was also a first time mom at 35 to a boy. My husband is deployed, making me a single mom right now. We have a lot in common it sounds like! I hope this helps you, at least knowing that this might just be a stage for them. Here's to hoping! B.

About the standing... my 12 month old does the same, so I can't help you. But I'm reading your responses!

About the squirming during diaper change... I can help. Maybe. I give my son a toy or two that he can play with while I change his diaper. His favorite right now? A drumstick. Like, to hit a drum with. Or a slotted spoon. If he loses interest in that, I pretend to sniff his feet, then push them away quickly, saying, "Oh, stinky toes!" I use different noises and expressions, and he just starts laughing! Then he sticks his toes in my face again. Or I'll ask where his bellybutton is and help him find it. It takes a while to figure out how to do that while changing a diaper (especially if it is really messy), but it's so worth it. Now I don't hate changing his diaper!