Help 1 Yr. Olds Hitting!

Hey D.. My daughter Alexis is 15 months old and she used to do the same thing. After a few times, and a few slaps on the hand, nothing seemed to work to get her to stop....until I started with time-outs. For some reason, sitting in time-out gets something across to her that tapping her had did not. She still has a temper every once in awhile and she sits in time-out for that too, but it works more and more every day. Now that she is 15 months, I sit her in time-out for 1 minute and 15 seconds b/c it is supposed to be 1 minute for each year of age. Hope this helps you out. GOOD LUCK!!

It sounds like your 22 month old is going through a normal stage, and the hitting can be caused by lots of different things including (but not limited to):

* frustration at not being able to verbally express her needs/desires --> maybe try sign language with her? Signing Time DVD series is an excellent sign language course for babies/kids that really help reduce frustration by giving them tools to communicate. You can usually get for free from the library, or watch for free on your local public television station (http://www.signingtime.com/pressroom/stationcarriage.html), or order. We actually ended up liking them so much we ordered them - great for teaching parents sign language, too!

* frustration due to physical discomfort -

A) hunger - last meal or snack? try and offer a healthy, whole foods snack like a few slices of apple, 1/2 a banana, carrot sticks, etc.
B) exhaustion - not getting enough rest? had a particularly active day? she might be overtired and lacking her normal levels of self-control - offer some down time in your lap with a book or toy
c) having to pee/poop - if your 22 month old isn't yet potty trained, the next time she starts to get short tempered/start hitting, take her to the bathroom and offer to read her a book while she sits on the potty. Make no big deal out of it, tell her to try to make pee pee come out, start a little running water in the sink, and then begin reading the book or encourage her to play with a toy. Give her a good 5 minutes of time on the potty (while distracting her with a book or toy, etc), and see what happens. Maybe nothing the first 5 times, then something. Maybe she'll go for you the first time. Children have windows of toilet training readiness - she's at one of the typical ages for our culture (in other cultures, they start from birth, or start between 3-6 months, etc. - so you're not going to be rushing her by sitting her on the potty as long as you do it in a NO pressure, non-coercive, relaxed way). Anyway, many kids get particularly cranky when they feel the need to pee/poop - they feel the pressure/discomfort, but don't quite know what to do next (which is where you come in). ;)

Those are just a few things to keep in mind and try. This, too, shall pass - hang in there, respond with limits, compassion, and teaching --> show compassion for the older sister who was hit ("Honey, I'm sorry sissy hit you! Ouch! That must have hurt!"), state the limit/need ("You look frustrated/angry! We don't hit/pull hair. Hitting hurts, ouch! Gentle hands, please.") And physically model the right behavior for her.

Speaking of frustration, my 12 month old is "calling" for me!

Hello D.. I'm not sure this will work for you, but it has for me with my nephew, my child, and the children I have watched over the years. When your daughter goes to hit or pull hair take her hand and rub it between your hands and tell her "no", then kiss her hand and smile. It's repetitive but seemed to have worked for me. At some point the kids just wanted me to kiss their hand. I hope this might work for you. Good luck!!

Hi D. K. I am D. Y. Wow, we are in the same boat. I have a 7 year old boy and a 21 month old daughter. My son went through this briefly, but my daughter is a bully. When we are out we can't let her near another child without being nearly on top of her. She will go to hug the child and she will knock em both down, or she will bite the other child or pinch them. She is hugging her brother one second and hitting him the next. She can be so so so mean. A therapist told me to give her time-outs, put her on your lap, her arms down to her sides, with your arms wrapped around her for 2 minutes. I have been doing this for 2 months and she still doesn't get it. She goes straight back to the bad behavior. If you receive any great advice, pass it on to me please. My email is ____@____.com luck!!!
D. Y.

Hi there. We went through this with our 22 month old also. I didn't like the fact of spanking either. We tried putting our son in time out and I can honestly say it helped. Just make sure ALL distractions are out of sight and reach. We still occasionally have moments of him hitting but nothing like it was. Hope this advice helps!
M.

D.,

My daughter went through this same thing where she would hit, scream, bite and pull hair whenever she got mad. I didn't know what to do at first and then her grandparents who watch her during the day would just talk to her in a very soft voice and tell her to be a pretty girl and kiss her and she has eventually stopped it. She did this when she was about 12 months to 14 months and she is 17 months now and has stopped it. My doctor told me that it was just a phase that she was going through and it is common. My nephew is 15 months and has always been the sweetest, nicest baby and he has just now started doing this also. I think what my doctor said was right and that it is a phase and will pass soon.

Im a mother of two boys, 2 & 9 mo. My 2 yr old used to do the same thing. We would hold his arms down to his side, firmly to hold them in place but not to hurt, for a second and tell him no hitting or no pulling hair then he would have a two minute time out in the dining room facing the wall but far enough away that he couldnt kick it. Even though he wanst quite two at the time, he was about 18 mo, 1 minute just does not seem like a long enough "cooling down" time and that is what time-outs are supposed to be. when the timer goes off make sure she is settled down, dont let her out of the chair untill she is settled, you can hold and comfort to settle her, tell her again why she was in time out, let her know that you love her but what she did was wrong then give kisses and let her go. this time out routine works for just about everything. nothing is going to be an overnight fix, there have been times where we have had to put him in time out 3-4 times in a row because he went right back to doing what he wasnt supposed to. each time you have to do time out for the same offence repeatedly, increase the time by 30 seconds, you have to be firm and consistant in everything that you do and make sure your husband is following the same routine when he handles the discipline.

Hello, I have 4 children and they have all gone through some sort of agression at this age. I had pediatricians in Ohio and in California (where we lived for a while) all tell me that at that age they get frustrated. They cannot talk, to tell you what is making them angry, so they express themselves in other ways (hitting, screaming, biting, fits). It has also been my experience that it is difficult to get a 1-3 year old stay in time out. I again, learned from my pediatrician to use my pack and play. When they are not being punished, it has toys and things for them to play with. When they are in timeout, take all the toys, pillows, blankets out, then get out of their sight for the time they are in time out. (that way they cannot see you and have no one to "put on a show" for.) They are acting out for attention, so if the attention is gone, it won't be something they want to do. HTH
~Jenn Q Mommie of 4! 11.7.4.14 months

Anyone needing advice on this should scroll down and read M's response. It's right on the money. D., you're right about not spanking her or pulling her hair; that encourages the behavior. As long as you make it clear to her that hitting is wrong, and that there are consequences, she will eventually get it. Listen to M! Good luck.