D.B.
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Please tell me if I am completely unreasonable here. Just about every time we go to my in-law's home, my MIL invites their neighbors over too. They are also retired and are very nice people. However, we really do not have anything in common with them and conversation is always uncomfortable at best. We have tried to bring up current events, and they don't seem to follow much in the news. It bothers my DH too, but he refuses to say anything to his mother along the lines of " Why don't we get together just us so we have more time to spend with the kids" or something similar.
She also invites my husband's uncle and his family over... To say that they are pretentious is putting mildly. They just cannot understand why we would buy groceries at Wal-Mart (duh...it's cheaper). They also live in the Country Club and have remarked as to how we should buy a house in the Country Club too (again..duh...the cheapest house costs 5 times our annual income).
Between these two situations (and a couple others), it is really uncomfortable and I dread visits. I am at the point that I really just don't want to visit. I know of no tactful way to tell my MIL that we are uncomfortable with the situation. My DH refuses to talk to his mother which is the most logical situation to me. Do I have to continue to "grin and bear it"?
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Simple solution: start inviting them to your house instead! :)
I agree with LeeLee!!!! I have to invite my inlaws over for winter time get togethers because I'm uncomfortable in my MIL's apartment. (She's a hoarder and there's no place to sit and be comfortable. Yet she wants to host Thanksgiving dinner!!!) I don't want to offend so I invite them here. Summertime is cool because we do everything in the backyard.
Another solution is for hubby to talk to his mom. If you say anything, it could cause a problem. My 9 year old daughter told my husband just last week that when we take vacation this year, she wants it to be only us! No Grandma, no uncle, just us. Our last 2 family vacations included his mom and his brother. She expressed to her dad that technically, we haven't had our own "family vacation". He heard her and not only did he hear her, he heard my heart through her voice.
Your husband needs to talk to her. Maybe they are just really proud of you guys and want to show you off to everyone?? LOL. I dont know, that is weird. I would be uncomfortable too. Maybe just invite them to your house next time?
Um, yeah, you just have to grin and bear it. As the guest, you have no control over the guest list. If you want to control the guest list, you have to host. Sounds like your MIL is a gracious host and good neighbor. My mother has certain "stray cats" she invites to family functions and I think it's wonderful. They might not be the most engaging people, but they seem to enjoy their time with my extended family or they wouldn't keep coming. Try to be a more gracious guest, or see if you can host some events yourself.
Yep...grin and bear it, if you want to keep the peace. If you want to possibly start WWIII, then sure, say something.
Im with the others, if you can, invite them over to your house. If you have to go over, just be yourself. It is not your job to entertain your mother in laws guests. Spend more time with your kids and less time with your MIL guests if you can. I would be totally honest with the uncle.. " we are on a budget right now and we find that we get great deals at Walmart" and "we are committed not to overspend and while maybe down the road we might be able to live in your neighborhood right now its not an option. " they can't be so stupid as not to realize that, so either they are just making conversation or they are being jerks. Either way just be sweet..if your DH doesn't want to stand up to his mom I don't think you should step in...it will just cause issues later on.
Invite them to your house if you want time along with them. You tell your MIL that you and hubby feel ackward w/ their neighbors all the time and ask if they would skip inviting them once in a while (if they are having a party, they can invite who they want). Otherwise, just be nice and deal with it.. As for family, you are stuck dealing with it.
Yep--seems like you do. Or have them to YOUR house.
Big smile, no make wrong- mom, or whatever you call you mil,
we want to bring the kids over Saturday to see just you and poppie, just the 5 of us( or however many of y'all there will be).
Just a little family thing. Is that ok with you?
And if she says no, heck don't go.
Also how about inviting your mil, and fil to your house. That also eliminates the others.
If you don't handle it, and tell her- how would she know?
best, k
