? About Other People Inviting Guests to My Party

I would ask her to make some dishes to help feed all these extra people. If she cannot then she will have to uninvite them and I would have no problem doing that.

You could also have MIL suggest that everyone bring a dish along with them. As far as the space issue..I would throw that out there & remind everyone that it was supposed to be a small event but they were welcome to stop by at a later time to visit the babies.

Id just tell them sorry BUT we are only able to host the imediate family this year and next year maybe we will be more capable of having everyone come.

Yes! Your MIL needs to pay for the party now, and get her house ready for plan B. Incredibly rude.

I agree 100% with Grandma T!!! I wouldn't want to make the calls myself, as I'm sure you don't & you shouldn't have to. YOU didn't screw up, your MIL did & now she's the one who can fix it. I don't know what your relationship with her is like, but if it's strained at all I think I'd have the hubs handle the conversation with her.

Ouch.
You need to call MIL right away and tell her you cant have those extras or you would have invited them yourself. Tell her she needs to call them and cancel it asap unless she wants to provide for the extra dozen herself. Maybe have your husband handle it?

You should definitely ask your mil to host. Tell her you did not have enough room or money-that was your reason for keeping the list short. Since she took it on herself to add so many people to your guest list she will need to have it at her house. Be very sweet about it and matter of fact. Tell her that you would hate to have to cance it but you will have no other choice but to.

Ane I annot believe how many posters are sticking up for your MIL? In what universe is it even remotely ok to add that many people to a party. I could see if it were one or two-heck even five. But 2 dozen??! This tells me this woman's agenda is not only to show off but to piss off.

Tell her you only budgeted for a small group and your contingency plan can only handle the small group as well. She should be the one to either cough up plan B or call everyone she invited and explain she was a rude dumbass.

I am sorry to hear MIL got her nose in your buisness! I would tell her that since she invited these people, she needs to figure out where these people are going to be for the party. She could have it at her house....It was very inconsiderate of her to not ask you first! I would ask her what is SHE going to do about it? She needs to solve this problem. GL

M

Your husband needs to talk to his mom and ask why she felt free to invite a dozen extra people and ask her how she is going to provide food for them on party day.

Let your husband deal with his mother and the extra unofficially invited guests since they are part of his family. Don't you get your hands or reputation soiled by her inappropriate actions. Let your husband deal with this and have a great party.

Wow! You really can't "uninvite" them now without starting a real war. I would have a conversation with you MIL and let her know that you did not budget to have an additional 24 people attend the party and that you need her to help. She can either split the total cost and you will do the "work" or she needs to provide 1/2 of the "items".

My mom did something similar to me at my rehearsal dinner. Granted, we were having it at our house, but we got to "that point" where if you invited one "aunt", then you had to invite them ALL and the list literally doubled, which we couldn't do. I thought I was clear with her about the guest list- and we were paying for the entire party ourselves. So, when she called me and said that she invited her sister to the party b/c she never gets to see her and that she would give me $$ to cover the cost I was "stuck". If my mother's sister came, then we needed to invite my father's 10 siblings, their spouses and my in-laws siblings and their spouses... like I said "double". I was IRRATE. The only reason I got out of it was b/c my aunt called and asked me point-blank if we were inviting aunts and uncles. I said "no" and she very graciously said that they would not attend so that we wouldn't be stuck.

Sounds like your MIL wants to show off her gorgeous twin grandchildren and in the process allowed herself to get out of hand! Give her the benefit of the doubt that's she's proud and excited - but also let her know that awkwardness of the situation. I'd give her a call and say how nice it was to hear from "Uncle Bob" and how you wish you had the resources to invite all the relatives (remember that "uncle bob" is her brother or her husband's brother so she'd want him to see her beautiful grandbabies). Tell her your predicament - "now I feel so awkaward since there were some on my side of the family that I didn't invite - since I don't have the room if the weather doesn't cooperate nor do we have the money to feed so many people". Ask for her suggestions - maybe she's willing to pay the extra money to feed more people - or have her bring some dishes (baked ziti, tray of meatballs, hot dogs & burgers? hint hint hint and if that doesn't work just ask. In my mind more people celebrating my babies' birthday is better - and if the weather doesn't cooperate and you're at your house it'll be crowded - but people will still find a way to enjoy themselves (stretch a tarp from roof corners to tree limbs and you'll find that the men will be outside hanging out under the tarp even in the pouring rain).

While this might turn into something much bigger than you wanted, planned or expected it might also be a wonderfully fun way to celebrate the birth of your children. But if you do decide to wing it with all the extra people be sure to have a heart to heart chat with your MIL AFTER the party to make sure she understands never to do that again. Tell her how glad you'll be to attend HER party with all the relatives - but that it's just not something you can handle on your own.

Good luck mama - now yo uknow why they say you marry your husband's family when you marry him!!!

Unless you want to insult family you are stuck. Next time ask your husband to talk to your mother ahead of time and give her the "limitations."

For now...... You could do a couple of things. You could call all the "non-invited" guests and give them a different time, for cake and ice cream only (no gifts please) or you could consider having your small party on another date. Let everybody show up for this, but only serve cake and ice cream, let it be crowded..... whatever goes, and thank them for coming. Know that you can still look forward to your quiet little party (minus the drama) later.......

I'd let her know that she invited everyone else she needs to help pay for the food. Very nicely tell her that you and your husband can't afford all the food and she invited them without asking what your plans were.
Best Wishes and Happy Birthday to your Babies!

I would ask explain to the MIL that you hadn't budgeted for a big party for 50 people, hadn't realized that that many would want to share in their day and that now you weren't sure what to do. I would ask her to help out. Play to the emotions. "Now that everyone's been invited, I don't want my babies 1st birthday to be remembered badly .... ;-( "

Pour it on mama!

Patty W is correct about this one. It doesn't matter whose fault it is or who did what or what the party is supposed to be. People were invited, and you can't uninvite them without causing more problems.

Talk to your husband about what you CAN do now that the numbers have changed. If he feels comfortable and you think your MIL will understand, have him talk to her about the situation and see if there is anyway she can offer some financial assistance.

As Dr. Phil says, you can't unring a bell, and you can't uninvite family. Put on your best "It's not trouble at all" face, and have a great time with the birthday kids. You can never go wrong being the better person. You and your husband and kids will have a great time!

What is it with people who think they have the authority to invite others to someone elses party? I just don't get that!!!

You are stuck and that sucks! I would have a conversation with hubby to reel in his mom. If not, you should have a conversation with her and let her know that you didn't budget for this big of a party. Ask her what she suggests to do.

Gosh - I think she was overly excited and wasn't thinking? You would have some idea of her intentions or motives, and in what context she meant her actions - you and your husband know her better than we all do with a short explanation. I get that you only wanted the small gathering that you have planned for - it's your kids first birthday. I'd talk with her or get her son to. Best get it out in the open - silly misundertandings can be blown out of proportion otherwise. I would get HER to tell those that she invited that she was mistaken and it's only a small gathering. They shouldn't be upset by that - I wouldn't be. If that doesn't work = yes get her to do some of the catering but if it were me - I'd stick to your original plan.

Don't you just love it. You have 2 children under the age of 1, and now you have gone from maybe 20 people to over 40. And your kids are going to be so over-stimulated by a huge group of people they don't know.

I would have your husband handle it. He needs to lay down the law and I agree with the other post that you will soil your hands with this and turn into the bad guy if you intervene.

If your mother in law contacts you, I would say you are flat out busy trying to find a new venue since your home cannot accommodate 40 people, and does she have any suggestions of where you might hold it on your budget of $200 (or whatever). "Gee it would be a shame for everyone to come thinking they are getting a picnic or a BBQ or whatever, but that's not going to happen now, obviously." You are downsizing from lunch to just cake and punch, and does she know of people who might volunteer to help since you have 2 small children....(duh..)? Will she be the hostess and welcome all her relatives, so you can supervise the kids in all that commotion, or does she know of a sitter to supervise the kids since you don't want to ignore all these extra guests?? Your husband can also throw these questions at her and ask her how she plans to handle it since he and you don't want to miss your children's birthday.

It's possible that she's just super excited about her grandchildren turning 1, but if she has a habit of interfering or if there is some competition to try to get more of her family there to counterbalance your family, there's a bigger picture. But your concern about those who create drama tells me there's more afoot here - and I think your husband has to be the one with the backbone and not say that YOU can't handle it. Your husband has to tell the extras that it's not "that sort" of event and it's very child-centered, experts advise smaller parties for young kids (it's true), or whatever. And he needs to give his mother a swift kick in the pants, tell her he's not a little boy and she's got to respect him and your family unit.

You know what...don't stress. Tell your MIL that you do not have the finances to feed all the additional people she invited, and what she can do to help is bring fill-in-the-blank. If she has a problem with it, tell hubby to talk to her.
If anyone starts drama, walk away. Simply walk away. It's your twins first birthday. Nothing else matters.

Your hubby should call his Mom and explain that due to financial concerns you simply can't afford to host so many people. But... I know hubbys, he probably won't do it. So you will have to be the one to call her and tell her that 1) you can't afford to feed that many people 2) if the party moves inside you don't have enough space. Do you have a SIL who you are close enough to, who might be willing to help you explain this to your MIL? As women we end being the bad guy, the one who has to handle all events in our families.
If you feel you can't uninvite these extra people could you do the party as a potluck? Would you have enough cake and ice cream ?

I wouldn't worry about providing food for them or anything. I would tell mil that if she wants these people to attend then she can foot the food bill. Just have cake and ice cream and focus on having a fun time.

Then, I would change the date and time and do your little close knit party elsewhere.

I don't think shes rude. I would think that shes really excited and probably meant no harm and didn;t think about possible bad weather. I would ask your husband to call her and ask her to let the "extras" know that if theres bad weather it will be cancelled, or a stop by for cake only, maybe he can ask to use her place?...so you'd only have to provide cake, and everyone would get to celebrate and your little ones would get extra love and toys. Also I'm sure at a park party, you're not providing a full meal so it shouldn't be that much extra to feed a few more, if it is, have youe husband explain to his mom your on a tight budget and ask if theres any way she could chip in for the extra guests food. Go about it nicely and J. say I'm sorry, I'm glad you want your brothers to celebrate too, and we're fine with that but we don't have the extra money thats why we were keeping it small, is there any way you could chip in?? Often times we assume MIL's are evil and overreact. This sounds like she J. didn't think it rhough...they are her grandkids, and he is her son, J. how you want your brothers/sisters to be there to celebrate with you, she wants her brothers to celebrate her grandkids with her....not too unreasonable of a thought right? I remember when I was married sometimes it was a competition between my mil and M. and I should have J. realized how important she was....Im close to her now even with not being with her son

Call your MIL and just ask. Say you are in a tough spot right now because of the reasons you've stated here. Either she'll have to uninvite them...or maybe she just signed herself up to host and help pay for the party. Be sure that your hubby helps you with this...depending on your relationship with your MIL.

Did you ever imagine that she'd do something like this? Maybe next time you need to be very, very specific with her so it doesn't happen again. Good luck...D.

Yikes! Your MIL was waaaayyyyy out of line. Your MIL, as an adult, can temper her excitement and still behave in a rational manner.
Now she can pay the price for railroading your party. Personally, I would do two parties. The one that you originally planned and then your MIL can host another party that includes her guest list, plus your parents, if they are willing.

I'm so sorry! I hope that whatever you and your husband decide, that you have a WONDERFUL time celebrating your twins.

I think you should ask her to have a second party for her guest list.

Oh NO WAY. This is absolutely crazy. You could perhaps forgive the invite of an extra person or two, but not 25 extra to your party. What the hell was she thinking? Your husband needs to talk to her and let her know that she was out of line to invite 25 extra folks to the party without consulting you first. That is beyond rude...family or not. She needs to be the bad guy and either uninvite these folks (incredibly rude in itself) or step up to the plate and contribute food/money to make the party a success.

If this happened to me, I'd let my husband handle his family. I'd let him talk to his mom and the extra guests and let him figure it out. What an awkward situation! My husband would have been ticked and probably would have had his mom take care of the mess. =D Good luck!! And happy birthday to your babies!!