Is It Me or Is It Just Tacky?

I am all for the occasional potluck, but no I have never heard of people asking others to bring food and drinks to a birthday party. That is strange. If I got an invite like this and it was a good friend and I wanted to attend I would go ahead and do it. But I would think it was odd.

I was invited to a party once and it was requested that I bring the meat, for everyone. I ended up declining the invitation. I felt that if I was providing meat for the party I would have the party at MY house and invite MY friends.

It happens all the time in Texas, I just got invited to my BIL 50'th and was asked to bring a dish, so to me it is normal.

when I have bbq's, I usually ask family members to chip in and bring a side dish. If friends ask, I say to them, if you want to bring something, that is fine, but don't feel like you have to. They usually do. I don't think there is anything wrong with asking someone to bring something, but to provide a list and have to pick off of it, I think is a bit tacky. If I received an invitation like that, I'd probably take whatever the heck I wanted to.

We are major foodies in our family. We do this kind of thing. We all enjoy tasting each other's food, tehehe.

This party is 'Pot Luck' by definition, and that's just the point.

Sounds like a blast, what should I bring (besides the beer I like to drink)?

In fact, people always ask 'what can I bring'?

:)

I saw another question recently about the appropriateness of "pot-luck". Here's my thought... I like pot luck. It builds a sense of community among the gathered, and offers something to talk about (ie Mary Jane's cupcakes are awesome, but John's meatloaf, woof!). Your guests can show off their cooking skills (I get so many compliments on my guacamole!) It affords you the opportunity to try things you might not have tried before, to offer more to your guests than a bland spread you provide because "everyone will like it". How many birthday parties have I been to with cheese pizza and juice. If we're lucky we get chicken wings. Not spicy ones, god forbid they are spicy ones!

If the hosts are spending less on food they can spend more on entertainment, if they are not worried about putting out their food, and making sure everyone has enough, then they can spend more time enjoying their guest's company, and if their guests take home their own leftovers than no one is left with a half eaten vegetable platter (except the person that brought it in the first place) and six tons of uneaten pizza.

I can think of a whole bunch of reasons to host an informal style pot luck party, and no reasons to be offended by one. Who cares and who's business is it if someone is "challenged in this economy" anyway? Pot lucks are FUN. reason enough.

My son and I are going to a friends house tomorrow night to celebrate her husband's birthday. It is a party/Open House for their family and friends. They are making huge pots of gumbo and asked everyone to bring something if they can - chips, drinks, bread, dessert, whatever the guest chooses. So, I am bringing a couple loaves of French bread and making cookies. Will not cost me more than $10.

I didn't find it a weird invite, especially considering the cost of making gumbo for a lot of people. Oh, they did state "no gifts" - does that make a difference?

Anyhoo, different strokes for different folks.

God Bless

Yeah it does sound rather last minute.
The reason people do food lists for potlucks is so everyone doesn't bring the same thing. I've been to a few where there were 7 versions of coleslaw.
When the invite does not specify for how many, just bring a large casserole sized dish that will fit well on the buffet table.
It's unusual to blend a BBQ potluck with a birthday (I assume they are providing a birthday cake and the BBQ part), and it's not something I'd do myself but I'm not sure I'd call it tacky.

I would think it was fine. And your friend doesn't REALLY know their financial situation because no one shares that info. Just because they make money or don't seem thrifty doesn't mean they don't have bills like crazy. I kinda like potluck cause it guarantees you should like SOMETHING (at least what you brought, anyway LOL).

In my family this is normal. When we have birthday parties (or any party, actually), usually the host provides the main dish or meat for grilling with drinks. Everyone else is asked to bring sides or appetizers. We do have a family of over 50+, so this really helps keep the cost down. And, no one minds either. If I got an invite, regardless of the money they make, I would be fine bringing a dish. I wouldn't, however, make sure there was enough for all guests attending. The reality is not everyone will eat everything, so to avoid waste I would bring a normal sized dish.

It's normal for me, I always get asked to bring a dish to share. The host provide hamburgers and hotdogs. I love seeing what others make. Its would be tacky for a wedding. But lots of different cultures bring food to everything. We are a huge Italian family and I always bring a dish no matter what.

It's not appropriate for a child's birthday party. It's very rude and tacky. What's even more ridiculous is that the family is probably not only expecting food from their guests, but also gifts for their child on top of it.

Interesting question. I grew up with very fond memories of potlucks/bbqs where we'd go to my grandma's house and people from the church, grandpa's coworkers, neighbors, family, friends, everyone would show up and bring something. We ate and played all day, the adults played as well, it was fun. I love tasting other people's foods and comparing methods and tastes, it's how we learn. 100% of the time, if asked to go to a party (whether it's formal, holiday, birthday, bbq, or even a fight night on pay per view), we always ask "What can we bring" and if they say don't worry about it, we'll bring a bottle of wine, a 4 pack of Boddington's, and a 2 liter of soda. If they say "just bring a little something", I'll make a dip, a dessert, an appetizer, or if it's a full meal that they're serving I'll bring a side. I kinda feel like food and drink are something that brings people together, breaks the ice, etc...and I like the idea of everyone having a little input. But....I guess the general feel from reading all these answers is that potlucks are good, but don't do a potluck birthday unless it's just family and you're most close friends? I'll keep that in mind, because I'd hate to offend people when I was just trying to have fun. And in answer to Lesley B---omg, you've made me homesick! I want a good pot of gumbo, some french bread, good company, and end it all with some Mississippi Mud pie!

If I received an invite like this, I'd probably think it unusual but make my decision based on if I was going to attend or not to begin with.

There was another question about potlucks on here recently. We all know that when we host a party, a lot of prep and cleaning goes into it. I don't believe a potluck is always about being financially strapped or laziness. I'm not offended by potlucks; I have a few handy recipes for these sorts of situations. PM me if you want some easy ones.

Did they register the child at Toys R Us too?

My vote: Tacky

As a birthday party, it's tacky b/c you are also asking folks to bring a gift. I also think it's tacky to tell people what to bring. Typically if you do a potluck, you would say something like "We'll provide the burgers and hotdogs, please bring a dish to share" and leave it at that. If someone calls and asks for a suggestion... go for it, but don't have a "this is my menu, but you will provide it" party. This whole thing is tacky.

That is ridiculous. Potluck Birthday Party?! It doesn't matter how much money they have it would still be wierd. If you are either too cheap or have no extra money then cake and ice cream is ok too.

We do a potluck Christmas party every year. We provide the drinks -- believe me, it would be cheaper to provide all the food and have the drinks be pot luck.
I think if the party were just children, then the family would provide food for all, but with adults, it does get expensive. It could also be that there are so many people with allergies and food needs -- it gets hairy! If each family brings something, then those families with allergies will bring things they can eat.
I wouldn't think twice if I got this kind of invite. I am so used to bringing food to places, that I'd just pack something up and bring it.
LBC

My vote - tacky. If you want to have people over for a BBQ, event, or just to hang out, it's ok to ask everyone to bring something. If you are hosting a bday party, nope. Money issues or not, there are other ways to do it...like NOT having the party at a meal time, including on the invitation "cake and lemonade will be served" or things like that. No need to have everyone bring food for your party. I also cringe with I'm TOLD to bring something. I always feel much better when I OFFER to bring something to an event. Final thought, if you host something, you need to be willing and prepared to take care of everything needed for the event. If you absolutley need help, ask a friend to co-host the event. Then, if people offer, great, but if they don't, you are covered with the basics.

Just my 2 cents.

I feel if you can't provide everything for a party especially the food then maybe downsize the party or don't do it.. It's akward at least to me.

Depends. If the invitees were VERY close family and friends and this was a normal way they celebrate, then no big deal. If classmates or other friends (from soccer or ballet or whatever) were invited and THEIR parents were asked to bring food - beyond tacky! I guess it depends on the comfort level and relationship between the hosts and guests. Personally, I would NEVER throw a potluck for a b'day party.

I think a pot luck bbq is fine, but I wouldn't pair it with a birthday party unless I was specifically telling people not to bring gifts. Bring a dish in lieu of a gift is fine, but don't invite people to you house, make them bring the food and expect a give for your child too. That is tacky.

Tacky. I'm a firm believer that the hostess provides all refreshments for a birthday party. I am older, but I also think sometimes people feel like they must serve a full meal when it's not necessary. What's wrong with cake & ice cream & drinks for a child's birthday party and have it mid-afternoon where no full meal is needed?

It's tacky. If you are hosting a party then it is your responsibility to foot the bill. If people offer to bring something, then it's fine to accept their offer but don't mandate that they bring an item and tell them to bring enough for everyone in attendance.

tacky if it isnt immediate family, which it isnt or there would be no need for invites. when my immediate family gets together for any event, the conversation starts with , what are we doing for so and so and what should I bring. But to send out an invitation to people outside my mom and sisters, hell no. I would rather just not throw a party than do a potluck.

A potluck get together is fine as long as the host/hostess is also providing something...However, for a kids party it is Extremely tacky and rude period. Some people are just opportunistic and greedy....!!

The thought to Do this Would Never cross my mind! EEKK lol
Tacky !!

In those circumstances (child's birthday party), yes - very tacky.

I find it tacky. Normally potlucks are for work parties, or nieghborhood get togethers. I find it rude that they are being asked to come to a party where they would bring a gift AND food? I'd be annoyed. TACKY!!!

For anything other than a child's birthday party I would say no. But in this case yes, tacky. Guests will already be purchasing a gift for the child. Also, pick from the list and bring enough for everyone???? That is ridiculous.

I asked a question similar to this last week. I personally think its tacky. My question was about a friend who throws various get togethers during the year and never provides the food. Its always bring your own drinks (which I can KINDA understand) and a dish to share....

I dunno. I like to provide for my guests when I throw a get together.

If it was just a potluck party fine, but since it's a birthday party I don't think people should be asked to bring food. Friends are being invited to come celebrate the child's birthday and it's the obligation of the host to provide the food. Different, but I'd probably still go.

It's hard b/c we don't know these people and she is a friend telling you this...

If this was a large group of friendly people who hang out often together, and there is a lot of coming and going, then I would think a casual invite asking to bring a dish is OK. Not my style, but it would fly with close friends and family.

If these are not people she spend a lot of time with, then the invite seems impersonal and presumptive.

I've had plenty of birthday parties where family and friends offer to bring side dishes, like fruit platters of veggie trays to offset the amount of work. We do that for each other all the time.

I would think that if a person didn't want to provide food for their child's party, then they would schedule a cake and ice cream (only) party at a non-meal time (like 2:30 in the afternoon, or 10 in the morning). Asking guests to provide food for a child's birthday party is odd.

I've never heard of a potluck birthday party for a child (nor anyone else).
I mean I've been to plenty of potlucks just not any for a birthday.
Anyway, it's not something I would host, and especially not so last minute, but to each their own.

If I got an invite to something like this I'm sure I'd attend because not only do I enjoy get-togethers, I just wouldn't hold it against the child (nor any guest of honor) and miss out on their special day just because I didn't agree with the way the celebration was being hosted.

I like potlucks even though I can't have MSG so I have to be careful and I do ask before I try something. My daughter had a potluck for her baby shower and a friend of mine had a potluck for her wedding. It worked, no one cared.

I think... they planned the party TOO last minute.. thus are scurrying around in order to provide food for it and figured that a "pot luck" was the way to do it. Last minute.
I mean, the invitations were sent out LESS than a week before the event.
The Mom/Host probably didn't even want to make a menu for it. Maybe.

All of this is last minute. Thus, making it a potluck.
Perhaps.

But I think, what is TACKY about it, is that they sent the invitations, LESS than a week before the event.
That is really, rude.
But yet, they had enough time to make a 'list' of foods for attendees to choose from in order to bring a dish and enough of it, for their child's, party.

To me that is tacky.
Last minute.
Having a food list.
And no details other than that, nor how many attendees there are.

It seems they just planned this at the last minute, for their child.

I personally have never gotten a Birthday party invite, like that. Nor my kids.

I think it's weird. There is a time & a place for potlucks & a birthday party that you are hosting is not it. A 4th of July BBQ is one thing, those types of things are usually always potluck with our circle/family. But birthdays involve gifts, and I really don't think it's cool to make your guests feel obligated to bring a dish AND gift. If you can't afford to or do not want to pay a lot to throw a birthday party, then keep it small or just have cake & ice cream.

This is the first time I've ever heard of this too. I think it's tacky. I've been to plenty of parties where a meal was served, but not asked to contribute.

Uhhh...a potluck birthday party? Okay...whatever.

And I'm the type, that whatever type of gathering it is, asks if I may bring something and/or offer to help in some way, but for birthday parties, I make the exception.

To each their own.

If I am hosting a party, I foot the bill 100%.

Same goes for some of our friends, example... our neighbors have an annual craw fish boil. They provide EVERYTHING. Of course, people offer to bring things and when that happens, most of us offer to help, they just say bring drinks or dessert. Alcohol is served so many of us bring wine, beer, frozen drinks, etc.

A celebration of birthday, etc is never combined with these events.

I would never, ever ask my guests to bring anything.

Tacky! It's either a potluck, to which you bring one thing and there is always plenty of food, or it's a birthday party for their kid which they are hosting and need to lay off the specifics of what everyone needs to bring, because I assume they want people to bring a present, right? They're asking for a party's worth of food and a present for their kid's party? Brazen.

I am with you-it is incredibly bad manners to invite people to a birthday party and expect them to bring the meal.

I would simply decline the invitation. With 4 kids we've been to and thrown a number of birthday parties. We've never been asked to bring food or drinks, nor have we ever asked anyone to bring stuff. (aside from Grandparents who are offering the help) If it's a family get together just to spend time with each other that might be acceptable, but for a child's birthday party I personally don't think that it is.

Very strange! I had a cousin a few weeks ago that I have not see since he was a baby, invite me to his wedding and told me if I come I need to bring food. And YES I thought that was strange too. But some people think that bbq's should be potluck.

Yeah, that's weird. It's one thing if you invite someone and they ask if they can bring anything, my family does that all the time. And potlucks are common with my family for holiday parties, but not so much for birthdays. If this person just didn't want to deal with food themselves, then cater the party, or just do cake and ice cream. Especially if they're expecting the people to bring a gift as well. But maybe this was done as a suggestion from someone else, or maybe it is something their family is accustomed to doing for all parties. Your friend might not want to jump to conclusions about their financial standing though. A LOT of people may seem really stable, or unchallenged as you put it, but in reality are living above their means and on the brink of foreclosure.

I think it's tacky. If I got the invite, I probably wouldn't go - or I'd take something simple that I would've taken anyway. We always throw a big Labor Day party and combine it with my daughter's birthday. People always offer to bring something, but I suggest snacks to enjoy before we serve food (since it's usually an all day affair) or cookies or something for late in the day. But, we also have chips and dips and/or a veggie tray too just in case no one brings anything. I can't imagine asking people to cater a party at my house... AND bring a present. (I think a potluck BBQ is completely different from a potluck birthday party! We've provided brisket before and others brought sides... but not for a birthday party!)

if it's just a family party, then I can understand. My SIL just had her birthday last weekend and we had a potluck party at my MIL's house. But, it was just us brothers and sisters and cousins and aunts and uncles. We all get together about twice a month, so it's not a big deal. But, yes for a kids birthday party that is really tacky

I would NEVER ask people to bring food to a birthday party....that to me is tacky...you are sooooo not out of touch!!

It doesn't matter their financial status - it is just sooo not cool to ask people to bring food to a child's BBQ bday party...

If it was a just a BBQ - yeah - ask people to bring something they like but for a birthday party?! NO WAY!!!

If it is friends and family I think having a huge family style potluck is a wonderful way to share time with each other.

If it were an invitation to classmates and other people that I don't know well, if at all, then no, it's a bit rude. I would not do it the same reason schools don't allow home cooked food to be brought in anymore, you have no idea what is living in their kitchens. As for friends and family, you are in their house as much as they are in yours so you know what is growing in the kitchen.

EEEWEEEEE.

Depends. Is it family and close friends? I know some families that would be 50-60 people. That's a huge food bill for main dish, sides, cake and ice cream, and beverages.

For birthdays we tend to provide all unless it's casual family thing. Then we provide a main dish, cake and ice cream and some drinks. Grandpa likes to load two coolers and bring drinks.

We have three kids and are doing the big parties at ages 7,10, 13, 15/16, 18. This is so we can do one or two big parties a year and do them right. Plus we may adopt or foster in a few years and want to have a plan in place for more birthdays. Got the idea from a mom of 7.

Strange.. They must not know the difference between a pot luck and a Birthday Party.

Unless this was a family thing for like a grandparent and it was all family that you asked.. But I would never ask the friends or neighbors to bring food.

For a birthday party, yes it's tacky. I also think it is super tacky that they gave a list of food they would prefer you bring! Hello! If you are asking people to bring for THEIR party then at least those people should be able to bring what they want.

I think that is tacky. I'm having a birthday party for my son next week and I had a dilemma about whether I should serve food. I think either the host should serve food or have it at a time where only cake is served. I'm doing just cake and ice cream. If I were doing it noon then I would provide all the food and not ask anyone to bring anything. Wow I do think that is tacky and no I have never heard of that.

If it was a general gathering, I think it would be acceptable. As a child's Birthday party I think it is a little tacky to ask. When I have Birthday parties, family will usually ask if there is anything they can bring but I would never ask if they didn't offer!
If I received an invite like this, I probably wouldn't think too much of it. If I wanted to go, I'd bring a dish.

Yep, tacky! If you're planning a cook-out with friends and it just happens to be at your home, then it's okay to make it pot-luck. But, when you're inviting people over for a birthday, they you should plan it within your budget. If your budget is cake and ice-cream then that's your party.

Tacky, tacky, tacky!!!!

It's not "normal" where I live and I think it's tacky.
If I was invited to a party like this, my decision to go or not would depend on how close I was to the people, if my child wanted to attend, etc.
The statement has been made already with the invite, so they've already got people thinking they are "odd"!

Every bday party, bbq, get together we are invited to I always ask "what can I bring". I don't care what the celebration is for. Sometimes the host says nothing, other times they will list off some options. I love being able to contribute.
When we have get togethers and people ask/offer to bring something we say sure. If they don't ask/offer we don't ask them to bring anything. Other times, depending on the situation, we tell them not to worry.

One thing I'm not sure has been mentioned yet. . .there's nothing inherently wrong with a potluck party (although I agree with others that it's not appropriate for a birthday party), but it's not a good idea for a children's party. Most kids are picky eaters! At a birthday party, they expect pizza or hot dogs, that sort of thing.

A potluck is a chance to try different dishes that you might not normally eat -- that is not usually an appetizing (ha ha) prospect for little kids!

It's weird, if I got asked to something like this I would think it was weird. I had a bday party/church social and provided all the food even though the church part was normally pot luck. Since we were doing the party as the church social and it was for my family, I did the food and we are not super rich or anything.

If it is only very close friends and family, than it is normal. If it is a regular "invite the class" type birthday party, than tacky.

I think its tacky of course I 'm the person that cant stand evites either.