Fighting Brothers - 4 Yr & 1 1/2 Yr Old

I have a five year old and a three year old and what has worked for me is rewarding BOTH boys when ONE of them does something good. Eg. If my 3 year old goes on the potty, both boys get a small gift. If my older child shares with the younger child, both boys get a treat. In this way they are each invested in helping the other boy be happy and make good choices. My older son now gets even more excited than my younger son when he has success on the potty-- and it helps them love each other more. Good luck!

I just wanted to tell you that it's normal. When I nannied little girls it was always the same scenario but w/o the random slapping. The 1 y/o is always happy to be bossed for a while and then they start to stand up to the 3 or 4 y/o and that's when it gets to be constant bickering. There are great books out there about raising boys and I know that if God blesses me with a boy(s), I will definately get one. They have that darn testosterone and it makes no sense to us women--we just can't relate! I DO believe it's important, though, to educate ourselves as much as possible while they are small so that we can figure out how to redirect that energy in healthy ways and raise good, respectful men. Boys are different and different is GOOD-it's just more challenging! Try to make sure they have a strong male role model spending time with them and showing them how real men behave. They must learn itegrity as modeled by other men. We moms can only do so much... Blessings!

I don't have any advice on how to stop the fighting completely, but what they are doing is totally normal. I've noticed boys LOVE to fight. Think of baby tigers - it's in their DNA to wrestle.
You are a great mom. If you feel like you are did something wrong as a parent to cause your boys to be aggressive, DON'T!
My 4-year old just started Tae Kwan Do at our local Y and he's surrounded by other boys happy to kick and punch for fun! He's actually been fighting with his little sister less since he's started.

Remember that commercial - "Never let them see you sweat"? Well, if they sense that you are throwing in the towel, it will get nothing but worse. Put your foot down & stay firm. Time outs, then taking toys away, etc. Rewards for good days (A trip to mcdonalds playland?). stickers on a chart for a good day of no fighting. at preschool they often get a sticker for every nice thing they say & do.

Sounds like our house, I have a 5 year old and a 2 year old, both boys. I wish I knew what to do. I time out consistently, but it doesn't seem to help. I am going crazy! I just try to get tons of me time when my husband gets home at night. I also try to keep them busy with playdates or something. They seem to be ok if others are around.

Well I have to say it sounds like you're describing my house. I have 2 sons who are 4 & 2 and all they do ALL DAY LONG is take toys away from each other, push each other around and then cry about it. We've tried time-outs and it doesn't seem to work - I'm sure it's because we're not being consistent, but it's so frustrating!!

I buy 2 of everything and that doesn't even help....

My oldest son has always been jealous of his little brother, in fact he didn't even like him when he was a baby. He refused to be in the same room with him when we brought him home from the hospital. That was definitely a sign of things to come.

I think I'm going to have to go SUPER NANNY on them and write out the rules, hang it up, explain it to them and then enforce the consequence - time out....

I'm going to do...
1. No hitting or pushing
2. No taking toys away from your brother
3. No screaming at your brother

We'll see what happens!

sounds like the aggressive behaivor is too much yeast. Get them on Klaire labs probiotics, it is allergy free and adult strength so you only need to give them about the tip of a toothpick amount and then mix in anything, I give my kids more than that (about 2x's) and what a difference instantly!
Do your kids eat a lot of carbs and sugar? offer more protein at snack time and cut out cantaloup and milk./dairy it is full of molds tha tmake the yeast grow more too like the carbs and sugar. Give low glycemic carbs. look for granola bars that have 2 sugars insead of 12 etc.
I also would just keep doing the time outs even if they do not car after a long time they will still get that it is wrong adn stop the behaivor else where if not at home for now.
good luck!
J.

Absolutely refuse to allow them to fight. When the get into it, punish them. Stick to your guns and don't give up. It took a quite awhile for my dad to get my brother's to stop fighting all the time. The three of us are best of friends to this day.

On the other hand, we have three families that we grew up with in which siblings were told to work out their differences. We are all adults now and those three families can barely get together because the siblings hate eachother. They don't get along. They can't stand spending time together.

My brothers, their families, my mom, my aunt, her son, and a friend of mine get together every summer and stay in a beach house for a week. We all get along great.

You just have to be more stubborn than they are. When they start, separate them, give them the talk, and send them to their rooms for 15 minutes to 1/2 an hour. They will cry, but they will learn.

C.,

Other than the whole time out idea, try what my brother does. My brother would tie, at the wrist, leg or waist, whatever worked, my niece and nephew together and make them do everything, except potty, together until they could apologize and get along. Usually took about 30 minutes.

Another approach I have done with my three boys, is I make them sit on the floor Indian style, facing each other. If I hear the blame game, they have to hold hands. If they continue to argue, they have to touch foreheads. If it doesn't stop there, then they have to kiss. I have pictures of this one to prove the point to them. Now, all I have to do is ask, "Is there a problem I need to get involved in?" Obviously, NO, and they work it out themselves. I have been doing this for about 5 years now with my boys.

Something else I do to them, I make them stand in a corner, and hold there arms straight out. If their arms are tired, they can't throw nor hit. Eventually, they realize this is painful and stop if you "threaten" the corner.

Another thing my cousin used to do to her kids, was to give them exercises to do. If they had energy to fight, they had energy to excercise. This may be young for your kids, but at 4, he will understand.

I don't know if this helped you at all, but I thought I would give some suggestions outside of the "time out, separation anxiety" issues. Good Luck!

Mother of 3 boys, 18, 15 and 10

I have a 4 yr old and 2 yr old (girl and boy, respectively). My daughter is a gentle soul, but I recently caught her trying to pull her brother off "her" chair by the arm and kicking him. He, on the other hand, is just as much an inciter as victim. Check out the book "Siblings Without Rivalry". The title is a little misleading. I think the point of the book is to help your children learn how to not only be better friends with each other, but how to be a good friend in general. It is a little more tricky when the younger is only 2 years old, but the book will give you some good ideas.

I, too, can sympathize. I have a 5yr old boy and a 2 yr old girl and it has been this way since she could crawl over to his toys and take them.
Here is what has 'helped' my sanity. First, I realized that they really do love each other, I see evidence of that now. Then I realized that although I constantly remind them that they should be nice to one another, sometimes they can't (they are only 5 and 2 after all). So I turn my head when it is not something I should get involved in (i.e. no one is going to get injured form the pushing/yelling...not ignoring it but pretending not to see it. Sometimes leaving the area, so that they are forced to work it out themselves or seek me out for help. When I can not take one more minute of it, I send them both to separate rooms with the instruction not to come out until they can play nicer with each other. They usually come out shortly holding hands and that lasts for about an hour until it starts all over again :).
BUT, I am not loosing my mind any more because I have SOME control over the situation.
good luck, unfortunatley I think it is just a temporary part of life for some of us
lynn

Your note is a bit confusing as your boys are fighting all the time, hitting, etc. and then you end by saying you are blessed to have such wonderful well behaved children.

Honestly, this is hard work I/we had to do ourselves. Take a step back and look at your children objectively. How much of this behavior have you tolerated and looked the other way. Children this age need your help in guiding them to good behavior.

We found the 1-2-3 Magic parenting guide very helpful. There is a video as well.

Go for it, the rewards are great!

Once when my kids were fighting alot, (6 1/2 and 2 1/2yrs) I made them sit opposite each other (just out of kicking range of each other's feet) and actually talk about what they were upset about. I wouldn't let them up until they had a reasonable conversation with each other (had to make some suggestions about rephrasing!!) about whatever petty drama it was.
I refused to express my opinion or get involved at all.
Once they knew I wasn't invested, they actually worked it out in about 5 minutes and hugged without my asking.

What was spectacular and memorable about this is that this is the last time I saw a conflict get out of hand with them. They may have done it away from me, but I think that they didn't want the hassle of doing that again and also that their motivation for fighting was largely to get me involved with taking sides.

They really love each other and are allies now.

On the otherhand, I have 4 younger brothers who always fought, and never to this day resolved anything. But behind that is a unfailing attitude of love and respect. They don't fight with me because they hate talking it over, which I will inevitably force them to do! LOL!