Feeling Guilty About Working Full Time

A.,

I totally understand how you feel and most moms who have to go back to work outside of the house feel this way. I tried for years to find a way to stay home with my kids. I finally quit working in 2000, stayed at home for awhile and then went back doing some consulting. Now I am working from home and making great money - money I never thought would be available without the corporate world. I heard about this opportunity 3 years ago from a friend of mine, but didn't listen. I should've listened then - for my health and for my finances! LOL I now feel better than I ever have and I can't believe how my life has changed. You can read more about it on www.mymonavie.com/amberwhite

I know how you feel. I work too and have to drop off my daughter at "school". Her crying breaks me up to but, I remind her that I will be back "after snack" and she calms down after a few minutes.

You are doing the best you can for her. She won't call anyone but you mama... because YOU ARE THE MAMA!!!

HUGS to you!!!

J.

Hang in there and remember that you're not alone in the struggle - millions before have had to do this. Best of luck!

My heart truly goes out to you! I worked in various day cares for years (I am actually certified) and when I got pregnant the only thing I could think of was "I want to stay home with my child." Hubby was behind me, that is until his mom started insisting that I go back to work and put the baby in daycare.

Thankfully, they finally got on the same page as I and we had to make lots of sacrifices for me to stay home. My girls see other children at the park and at church. We have reading, math, science, ect at home and my girls LOVE it. The library and the internet have so many resources. I couldn't really be happier. But I realize that some people really have no choice but to go to work. Like I said, we made some big sacrifices, such as one vehicle, no cable or movies or high speed internet, and three months in my inlaw's home until we found something we could afford with our one income (we moved from a townhouse in the sugarland area to way out in the boonies in a mobile home.)

I have had to consider going to work a few times and the only thing I would really consider is something that would work with hubby's schedule (like nights) or part time evenings or even in a daycare when my girls can stay too and I can see them on breaks. Still, my experiences in day cares encourage me to keep them out of that situation.

Anyway, I wish I could hug you but know that I feel loads of compassion for you.

S., mom to four girls ages 12 months to 5 years!!

A. -
I know exactly what you are going through. I worked full-time with my first 2 kiddos but made up my mind to stay home with the rest. I have been home since my daughter was 3 mos old and haven't looked back. I had a full-time in home daycare for the first 2 years but when my youngest son arrived I decided to only do before/after school care. I am able to provide for my family and be with them 24/7. If child care in your home doesn't sound like your thing, I just want you to know that there are many work from home options. I currently have 3 "jobs" and I am home all day with my kids. Like today, I had to take some clothes to my 7 year old because he fell into a puddle and was soaked. If I was still working outside the home this wouldn't have been possible. I would be happy to share my experiences with you, as far as working from home and the different companies that allow telecommute. Have you ever thought of working your current job from home? maybe your boss would go for it. Anyway I know your pain and hopefully everything works out. And like I said I don't mind sharing what I know. And all of the "jobs" I am referring to are "real" jobs not scams, or investment first type of deals, so just let me know.

Be Blessed,
A.

Hi A.-

When my first child was born I went back to work full time when he was 6 weeks old. Two years later when my daughter was born I became a stay at home mom. Having been on both sides of this issue I can honestly say there is guilt either way you go! When I was working, I felt just like you do. Now that I'm home, I felt guilty that my kids may not be getting enough socialization or enough structured learning time. It's hard to find activities that are suitable for a 6 year old, a 4 year old and a 6 month old all at one time. Plus if there are errands to run or chores around the house to do they have to tag along instead of having fun with other kids their age.

While you have to work, focus on making the most of the time you have with your daughter. As the other mom said, talk to your boss about flexibility to see if you can create a better balance.

You said that she is crying when you drop her off, tomorrow pay attention to your body language and expression when you drop her off. Kids are very intuitive, if you are tense and seem fearful, she may think that there is something to be afraid of. You need to be calm and happy about where you are taking her. Also don't prolong the goodbye. My daughter is a great manipulator when I take her to preschool. She can say all the right things to keep me there when I'm dropping her off. I know your daughter is much younger, but they still learn that crying keeps mommy here longer. I'm sure she calms down very quickly after you're gone. A quick goodbye is usually easier on the child (although it may be harder on you).

Good Luck,
K.

Hi A.,

What you are going through is so difficult rt. now. It sounds like you are making yourself sick by thinking about her all day long. I would suggest sitting down and writing how much you are making and deduct all your expenses for working. What is it costing you to work? the gas, the automobile upkeep, the wardrobe, food expense (eating out costs more than eating at home), daycare. Figure out how much you are really bringing home. Once you determine that number, is there some way you could make that while staying at home?

I have done all kinds of things so that I could stay home and make extra money to help my husband out. Having 5 kids costs a lot! I have finally found the perfect opportunity that allows me to work from home at home. I don't need to leave home to do it! That's b/c there is no sales, no inventory, no risk! If you would like to know more, just visit my website! I would love to get you all the details!

Blessings,
M.
Mom to 5 Wonderful Kids
www.4MyChildrenSake.com

Hi A.,

My heart goes out to you. I must work also. I have a 9mo old son. He cries sometimes when I drop him off. It helps if I hand him to the day care worker and not sit him on the floor. If I sit him on the floor he crawls over to me and follows me to the door and cries. It hurts so much. Also, I am lucky that my daycare , Kids R Kids has cameras in the room. So when I miss him, I can log on to see he is getting good care and having fun. As soon I as leave him, by the time I get back home and log on the computer, he has forgotten all about it. He is crawling around and playing. It could be that your child is not happy at her daycare. You may want to investigate further. If the workers are not holding her, nurturing her,and playing with her,she may not be happy there and should move.

I have found that the older he gets he gets more attached. He used to not cry at all @ six months. Now he does.

I recently posted a request for peoples advice on staying at home vs. working. Like you, I feel guilty for leaving my now 11 mth old daughter at daycare every day. Lucky for me, my baby girl makes it easy on me by not crying and just getting to play when i drop her off. I can see how your heart breaks every day because even though my baby doesn't cry and doesn't mind me leaving her there, when I pick her up she gets very clingy w/me and wont let anybody else carry her but me. This just tells me that even though she doesn't cry when I leave her, she misses me tremendously throughout the day. Anyway, regarding my request that i mentioned earlier, i had decided to quit my job and stay at home and make financial ends meet, however, at the last minute i decided to stay at home because of opportunities presented to me and the fact that my baby is growing with other kids, therefore developing her social skills. A few weeks ago daycare had a little fiesta parade and i got to dress her up and she was part of it. i loved it so much and i was happy to have made that choice. Don't get me wrong, i still want to stay at home with her, but at this age (she'll be one on the 17th) i figured it was the best for her and for me. I'll definitely look into staying at home when i get pregnant again.
Good luck and God Bless any decision you make.

Hello:
I know you say you have to work but before you resign yourself to a situation which makes you terribly unhappy and is not the best for your daughter I would suggest that you first look to see if you really need to work. We (hubby and I) made the real hard decision to go without new cars (ours are nearly 10 years old), not eating out, no new electronics, buying generic, forgoing clothing, etc. so that I could be a stay at home mom. It may mean living in cheaper housing like it did for us, but it is worth it to us so that I can be home for my kiddlets. : )

I too am a full-time mom with a daughter in daycare. She has been there since she was 7 weeks old and for the first year it was the hardest thing eve to leave her. Even now, there are days where I just don't want to drop her off and she goes through periods where sometimes she cries when I leave her (she always stops within about 2 minutes of my leaving the classroom) and other days she is so excited to be there. While it is tough on you, you will always be her mom and you will see that more and more as she gets older. My daughter goes to Stepping Stone and for me it is such a relief leaving her at such a fantastic daycare. I know she is in good hands which is the only reason I can leave her. It will get better as you get into a routine. Plus the interaction and social skills they learn at daycare are so good for them. If you don't like your job, that makjes it even harder to drop her off in the mornings. Hopefully you don't have that issue (I used to but got another job). The best part of my day is picking her up at the end of theday, She comes running over and hugs me and is just so excited to see me. Melts my heart. I don't think I offered much advice here but do know that we all feel for you and a lot of us are in the same boat. Good luck!

A.,
I have always been a single mom, so I understand your pain. However, try to think of the positive side.
1. Children who go to daycare learn faster than those who don't. They learn people skills, how to make friends and develop more outgoing, independant personalities. Your child won't be afraid of new things and new people.
2. As she gets older, you become more of a role model. Not that being a STHM is not hard work, this is just the other side of the coin.
3. Unless she is spending 24 hours a day with someone else, she is not going to call them mama. For one thing, when they talk to her, they are not calling themselves that. It is a name that is saved especially for you that everyone will address you by in front of her. She would be more likely to call your mother mama before she does the day care people.
4. It will get easier. I was once told the reason they cry is fear you won't come back. Some parents try to sneak out so as not to upset their child. I feel the best thing to do is to reasure them you will return and when. Also, the more excited you are about this new adventure for them, the easier it will be for them. Children sense when you are upset and your mood rubs off on them.
Best of luck!

We were blessed with a wonderful instinct - the mother's instinct. I believe that we have this so powerfully because we were meant to be the ones who raise our children. Do you make enough to make it worth this? Really, a lot of us don't realize that after daycare expenses, gas, clothing we need for work, fast food or expensive meals we have to purchase because we run out of time and several other expenses associated with working, we really aren't making enough to help the family. Oh, and not to mention the doc visits because your baby picks up more illnesses from dayares. Childhood is such a short time and before you know it, it'll be gone.

I know I'm not helping you to feel better about your current situation, but I tried the same thing. It killed me! There's no one better fit to raise a child that their own parents. The mother is the nurturing center of the baby's life. I finally made the decision to come back home when my daughter was 6 months old. It was a struggle. After I showed my husband how much I really was bringing home, he agreed. Once I made the decision, I was blessed with an offer to do some of that work at home. Over the years, I have found opportunities to both save money and make money at home.

If you feel that you must continue working, then you have to turn your face from your guilt and muscle it through knowing that you are doing the right thing. But, you won't feel that way if you don't know for sure. If you have high expenses, get rid of the expensive car payment and buy something cheap and used. If it's worth it enough to you and your husband, move into a cheaper house. There are things that can be done to preserve your motherhood if you feel strongly enough about it. We haven't lived as comfortably as we would like, but I'm home with my kids and that's more important to me.

Oh, and being a homeschool mom, I assure you that you can find "socialization" or opportunities for kids to play with others in playgroups. We have fun going grocery shopping together and running errands. Sometimes, I wait until my husband gets home to run errands if I just need to do them quick and get them out of the way.

I really hope this helps. You have to do what is best for your family. Money and stuff isn't always the answer. Don't let anyone make you feel guilty. This has to be a decision between you and your husband. Once you explore the options and agree on something, you'll know it's right.

As a working mom myself I know EXACTLY how you feel. My son is five now. But he started out being taken care of by a lady in the neighborhood. I was very concerned that he would prefer her over me. However he has NEVER confused anyone else for me. I am his mommy. He has always been happy and well adjusted. He was very social from birth so he LOVES going to school now.

My daughter who will be two next month is kept by my mother in law. She loves her Nana but I am still mommy.

No matter who takes care of them they still know that you are mommy. You cannot be replaced.

I really don't want to sound rude, but you are the BEST person to take care of your daughter. What you feel is right, you should feel bad about leaving her in a daycare because they are not the best person for her, period.

Again, I know this is a hard situation, I worked until about 10 months with my first and had to quit, I couldn't take it anymore either. Now I have 2 kiddos and another on the way and both my husband (even though I'm not a great house keeper or anything) and I can't imagine our lives any better than me home with and for them.

I wish you the best. Dr. Laura has some good books and advice on this type of situation try www.drlaura.com

Best wishes,
T.

Mom, Dad, and child will always have a special bond that can never be replaced. It is the quality of time spent together that is so important. You sound like a wonderful mom. I used a wonderful day care when my kids were little and it had cameras that I could log into at work. This helped me see that my kids only cried at the beginning. And also, I hope this helps, but think of it this way. Don't you just hope that one day your daughter will be comfortable enough and will be taken care of so well that she sees her daycare provider in such a good way!!!!

A.,
I to work full time and have all my life. I have two children (boys). One aged 25 years and the other almost 12 years. My 25 year old began daycare at the age of 18 months and cried each time I left. He cried every day, all day, for two weeks straight. I know this because I was across the center, in the infant room working as a care giver. He didn't know I was in the same building. The torture I went through listening to my "baby" was truly upsetting. But, his father and I had to work to make sure our baby's basic needs were met. After two weeks, he stopped crying and joined in the day's activities with the other children. He was happy. When I showed up to take him home at the end of the day, he was "crazy" happy. Experiencing the joy of each reunion and spending evenings with him made it all worthwhile.

My second son had to begin daycare at 6 weeks of age. He didn't know what was going on, so it was easier. Even though he started so young, he never once called another woman momma or mommy or mom. He does it more now to his teachers in Jr. High than when he was small. He is well-rounded, intelligent, and is extremely devoted to his friends. But, he loves his dad and I more than anyone. Also, when he used to miss daycare because of an illness etc., he would cry to return. He loved and still loves being around other kids.

I'm trying to tell you that there are pros and cons to both situations. If they stay home with mom all day, they are not interacting with other kids as much, making friends, or learning how to share etc. They aren't able to build up their immune system, or try another's cooking.

If you give your daughter quality time when she is with you in the evenings and on the weekends, being at daycare for a number of hours during the week is not going to hurt her...or you.

I hope my story helps you to make a decision about what is right for your daughter. Have you thought about the "adult" time you are allowed when working outside the home? If you were to stay at home, you would not have as much adult interaction, and I think you would depend on your husband too much for that type of attention.

What you said really touched my heart and I really feel for you. Some women crave going back to work, but I am like you, I would much rather be at home with my angel. I know it doesn't make it any easier, but just keep reminding youself that you are working because you have to, and you are doing what is best for your family. As for your little girl, going to daycare will give her the opportunity to socialize with other children, which is a good thing. Also, no one can replace Mommy, especially one who obviously gives her baby so much love. Just make the most of the time you have with her.

Your daughter already knows that you are her mother & she will always prefer you over any other care-giver & be delighted every day when you pick her up from daycare. They just know. If she does happen to call someone else "momma", she will not mean it. (My oldest used to call all men with mustaches "Daddy". He knew they weren't his dad, but he apparently thought daddy meant mustache. My youngest called me & my husband daddy for a while.)

Look on the bright side… there can be plusses to daycare:

At daycare my youngest gets care from a trained care-giver (and usually 2) whose only job is to take care of the kids. Yes, there are several other kids, but there are no bathtubs to scrub, laundry to fold, etc. which is what I would probably be doing if I were home.

He is learning to interact with lots of different people (I don’t want my kids to be as bashful as my husband & I). He is learning to share with his peers (especially good for a first or only child.) He is learning to address people properly (this definitely earned my oldest brownie points when he started grade school). He is learning to clean up after himself. He finally decided to start using the potty, because he wanted to impress his teacher. (The school will also help with pacifier/thumb/bottle issues if need be.) He learns about brushing his teeth & eating good food (I think he believes it more because it’s getting reinforced & it’s not just me telling him.) He eats more vegetables at school than home because he sees his friends eating them (sometimes peer pressure is good.)

He participates in thoughtfully planned activities. They do really cool art projects (his current teacher is a very gifted artist & I get beautiful keepsakes for Mother's Day every year). He gets music lessons (I’m not musical). He gets Spanish lessons from someone who can really speak Spanish (his accent is impressive). He goes to chapel where they read kids bible stories & sing kids bible songs. He gets to play on a cool playground & in a big gym if the weather is bad. He is challenged academically. (These kids will be ready for 1st grade before they hit Kindergarten.) He gets to go on field trips to the library, the fire station, the post office, etc. The school has theme days like backwards day, pajama day, crazy hat day, water day… They occasionally rent moon bounces. Last year they brought in a petting zoo. The fire department comes every year to show the kids what the firemen look like with all their gear on & not to be afraid in case the fireman has to come & rescue them. When my oldest was there, one of the parents brought their big-rig & I've got a picture of my son "driving" the 18-wheeler with a huge grin on his face. They've got an amazing variety of puzzles and toys to choose from. (Since it is a church daycare, parents donate toys all the time & the daycare is able to keep the best & rotate them through the rooms.) And of course they read books, watch movies, do show & tell, sing songs, dance (the kids have a Christmas show & one other show during the year for the parents - it's really cute)... I know I'm forgetting lots. Don't know about you, but there is no way that I could manage even half of this for 5 days out of the week.

Now the negatives… you will miss them & feel incredible guilt, especially when they are younger. They do get sick more often (or at least sooner) than they would if they weren’t in contact with so many other kids. (I have heard that stay home kids are sick more often once they start Kindergarten, but I don’t know how true that is.) And I also have to admit that my house is a wreck because I would rather play with my kids all weekend, instead of cleaning. :)

I know exactly how you feel. My sister and I started a daycare 8 years ago and it is still going strong. It is so funny how all kids react diffrent when their mommies leave and drop them off. I have seen several moms get sad when their babies cry and it is hard for them to leave. We are blessed to have cameras at our facility to show parents that it is okay. Now this is what will happen to you eventually-One morning youre going to drop your baby off and she looks happy and starts smiling at the caregivers and waves bye to you, and no tears! So you walk off even more upset because she is now not sad that youre leaving.
But if you do think something is really wrong and she never seems to be happy, you might want to do popup visits. As a mother of four it is normal for you to wander what is going on, and you always want to be on the safe side. My 2 month old giggled for the first time 2 weeks ago, but it wasnt for me. My motherinlaw called me to let me listen, that was a happy moment, but also a sad one too. I love to be there for many of my kids "first times"; and I know that there have been many and will be many many more. Just wait when she has her first crush. I am dealing with that with my nine year old. I loved it when she was going to marry her daddy and boys had cooties.
Well, I guess Im trying to say eveything always comes together, and hopefully your daughters caregivers are like you and yes she might even call them mama, thats just them relating their mothers love with another female. And it should be a releif to you because if they think that about someone else then that person is treating your child with love. Thats all you could ask for.

Hey A.
your baby is going to be fine,she is not going to call
anybody else momma,she's know who you are, i work a full
time job,and yes it broke my heart at first,but your really missing the up side of daycare,
my baby is soo smart now,she is potty trained,interacts with othe kids,learns social skills,abc's.colors
songs,these are all wonderful things,the most important part of me working is that i'm doing it to be a good mom to my baby,so i can take care of her,that's the way i have to think about it,i feel better knowing that in my heart,

hope this helps
D.
mother of a bright 2 1/2 yr old girl-katelyn

Hi A..

First, don't feel like there is anything wrong with you for feeling the way you do. Your daughter knows who her mom is, and if she calls someone elso Momma, it is only because she is repeating words she hears from others. Let me explain something from the opposite side of your fears. When my friends baby was just two months old, she "popped" in on the babysitter unannounced, several hours after she dropped off her baby. The baby was still in her infant seat, still wrapped up in her blanket/coat, the diaper bag sitting right next to her where they were left when she dropped her off. The baby was crying and had been for some time. The sitter was on the phone at the kitchen table drinking coffee. There were several other young children playing around the baby, they were all still in their coats. This was mortifying. My friend trusted this woman to care for her child and she failed them both. We had just moved to town, so I volunteered to watch the baby. I had a great time mothering this sweet little girl and she went everywhere with us. I treated her as my own, and I loved her as my own. I took her to see her Mommy at work, I always referred her mother as Mommy, so she always knew who mommy was. We spent 9 hours a day together, and I introduced her to many new experiences/foods/etc. Again, just like she was my own. When she started talking, she called me mommy. I was scared and disappointed and did not know what to say or do when her mommy picked her up. I decided the right thing to do is tell my friend that very first day what happened. She literally laughed and said "I know, she says it every morning when I pull in your driveway" I was shocked! But she also told me that she called her mommy too. And that she was not the least bit concerned by it, because she knew that her sweet baby girl was loved and cared for and there was no way she would call me mommy if she didn't love me and trust me like she did her mommy. Although I did not encourage her ever to call me mommy, I felt secure in knowing I did nothing wrong to promote it, and my friend was secure in her parenting role and knew we deeply cared for her child. That was a great feeling. She is a well adjusted, well-loved young lady now.

If you have a good daycare, and your daughter does quit crying soon after you leave, then rest assured, she will be fine. When you drop her off, Always remind her that you will be back to get her. Tell her you love her and go. It is hard, I know. And at 10 months, she won't understand the "coming back" part, but you will develop the habit and it will eventually teach her to trust you and know that you will be back. My daughter cried and cried, long after I left her, and it is heart wrenching. She started daycare at 3 years old. She even cried when I picked her up...as soon as she saw me, she would just break down in heart breaking sobs. Her pediatrician said this is a child's way of relieving stress...so I knew she was constantly worried while at daycare. After a few weeks of sobbing myself, I made a picture of a clock that showed the time that I normally arrived to pick her up. She had it in her cubby and could easily see it. Eventually, she began to trust that I would be there at that time. Once when I was late, I called before the regular pick-up time and I spoke to my daughter in person, explaining that I was running late and why. She was fine with it. But I am sure if I had just told the teacher or administrator, she might've never been told and her trust in me would've waivered. I know this part is irrelevant to your situation, but I wanted you to know that what you feel is normal. If you have doubts about your day care, then leave it immediately. But if you know your child is in a safe loving place, then stick it out. You are lucky to have a wonderful support system in your husband, and if you have to work, then you are lucky to realize that the time you do spend with your child is priceless. You are a good Mommy. Keep up the good work, and a few tears on the way to work is just a "mommy thing", It would be worrisome if you didn't miss your daughter that much! Take care.

Dearest A., I have taken care of 56 children and worked in a daycare. I've been called Mama by most all those children at one time or another. What that child is saying is, "I'm calling out to a person I know can help me." That child is no more confused that another person is her mother than a man in a moon. Your daughter has known who you are all the time you carried her next to your heart even before she was born. You will Never pick her up at daycare and see her look at you like she doesn't know who you are. Be thankful there are people caring for children whose mothers must work. They are caring for children because they love children, certainly not for the money. Embrace the "mamas" in your children's lives. They are loving your child for you until you return. I Promise! C.

A.,

You are such a good mother. It is so apparent from what you wrote. I am a working-mom and I do remember those days! When I first went back to work I felt like I was going to have a nervous break-down. After awhile, though, I realized that my daughter was in really great hands and it was really me who was having the problem, not her. I know everyone is different, but for me I sort of had this light bulb moment when I realized that working has made me a better mom. I realized that picking my daughter up at the end of each day is the highlight of my day and I can spend the rest of the evening just being with her, playing, learning, etc. Each day I look so forward to that time of being together. I have so many SAHM friends that by the time Dad gets home, they need a break from the kids because they are so overwhelmed with the combination of full-time childcare plus all of the household duties. I don't ever feel that way. I guess that is why working "works" for me! I also love my job, too, so that doesn't hurt. Oh, and my daughter has never called any of her teachers "Mommy", so put your mind at ease about that! :) She is two now and loves going to school each day!

The only other advice that I can give is to really check out her daycare. Is she just crying when you leave? I think that is pretty typical of a 10 month old. Or is she crying all day long? I think finding a good, reputable daycare has also made all the difference for us. I don't know if anyone has passed this along to you, but the Department of Family and Protective Services has a website that allows you to search different daycares and see what types of violations they have had. It was nice to be able to search and see if there were any historical problems at the places I was looking at. Their website can be found at:
http://www.dfps.state.tx.us/Child_Care/Search_Texas_Child...

Just because this situation has worked for our family, doesn't mean that it is right for everyone, though. If you still feel strongly about staying home, then go for it! You would be surprised at how resourceful you can become and how many changes you can make in order to make it financially feasible. I have several friends who have downsized their houses, sold their car, and made all sorts of radical changes to their lifestyles in order to make it happen. If it is what your heart is telling you to do, then I say go for it.

Best wishes to you!

Hi A.,

Well, unfortunately, I can't give any advice. I'm only writing to reassure there are others out there that are in the same boat. I have a 4-month old precious baby boy who I have to drop off at the babysitters every morning. I don't think he is old enough yet to have separation anxiety, and I pray that when he gets older he doesn't either. It used to not be quite as bad because he would wake up in the morning before we had to leave, so I would get to dress and feed him. Right now, though, he sleeps most days past when we leave so I don't get that time with him in the morning. So, I know it is hard....hang in there. I have the same fears about him calling someone else Mama, or that I will miss him doing something for the first time. What a friend of mine did was to tell her parents (they sometimes watch her son) that if her son did something "new" while in their care, then not to tell her. I guess that way she sees him do it for the "first time." Everyone always tells me not to worry, that babies KNOW who their Mommy is, but that never makes me feel better, and I'm sure you either. The only comfort I can offer you is this - I have two older sisters, and my Mother had to put all of us in someone else's care because she, too, had to go back to work after 6 wks. She's told me she had all the same quilty feelings that I have about leaving my son. I can say that I adore my Mother!!! I don't know what I said or did or didn't do/say when I was with a babysitter, but it obviously has had no effect on me whatsoever with our relationship now and when I was growing up. I don't even remember any of my babysitters. The important thing is that you spend as much time as possible with your little girl, and show how much you love her. The fact that she cries when you drop her off, just proves how much she loves you and wants to be with you. I know it is tough, and I may also have to face that in the months to come. Nobody said being a parent is easy!! We have so much love for these little guys, and there is so much for them to learn, and WE want to be the ones to teach them. Unfortunately, not all of us have the ability to be a SAHM, and I know I have guilty feelings of being away. I hate that I feel like someone else is raising my son, but I know deep down that he will be ok. Your daughter and you will be ok, too. I'm sorry, I'm sure this wasn't very helpful, but I at least wanted you to know there are more of us out there. I wish you the best!!!

I'm sure you are feeling the way most new moms do when they go back to work. You have a big heart and it shows! I worked in a daycare center for several years and I want to assure you that your child will never call someone else "mommy". To ease the seperation anxiety for your child I would recommend making a small photo album with pictures of you,daddy and baby, that she can keep at daycare. When you drop her off then her teacher should sit with her and look through it. Does she carry a blankie? If so you can put her blankie in your bed so that it picks up your scent. This will make your little one feel close to you even when you're not around. Remember if you are upset then your little angel with sense it and that will only make her more frantic. This definetly takes time but I'm sure you will both be fine. Good luck to you!!

You shouldn't feel guilty about working, now days it takes two incomes to live. Just remember why you are working, you 10 month old will appreciate it in time. Babies have a way of making us feel guilty, but that is because thay are so small and depend on us for everything, she really will be fine in the daycare. I had a very wise person tell me that it's not the quantity of time spent with your child but the quality. I'm sure this isn't comforting but hopefully it helps a little.

I could not bear to put my daughter in daycare full-time so I got out of the Air Force. We had to pull strings tighter, but I don't regret the time I have had to spend raising my own children and not letting someone do it for me. The fact of the matter is that you will never get this time back. Your daughter is at a critical growth time in the next two or three years and a lot of her personality and intellect will be affected during this time. You really should be the one to do it. I understand hard times and I am sorry if we are stressing you out more if you REALLY just can't make it without working. So take your salary and subtract daycare costs...is there any other way to make that amount? Is that amount making or breaking your finances? Keep in mind that there are a lot of opportunities out there for someone to work from home and do quite well, you should check out some of them on this site. Pampered Chef, Avon, Stream Energy, Tastefully Simple, selling your own homemade crafts, Ebay...all good sources of income for a stay-at-home Mom. If you need any specific information about these businesses, please let me know.

I had to do the same thing with my 1st child. My mother-in-law watched her because she was on a breathing monitor (so daycare was out of the question). But, even with her watching her, it was very hard for me. I made sure I had time with her. She didn't go to bed until 10:00p.m. She could sleep during the day when I'm not with her. After that, I saved up some money just to stay at home for 1 year. Then I knew I had to go back to work. You'd be surprised how you can financially stay home. I was able to stay at home for an extra year. Then I went back to work full-time, with 2 in daycare. It was stressful. We still struggled financially somewhat anyway. But, the stress wasn't worth it. I got pregnant with my 3rd. No way could we afford 3 in daycare. So, I decided to stay home, even if it meant filing bankruptcy. We struggle to pay our bills. I work different part-time jobs to help out. But, it is worth it, even if you're eating beans. We basically only stress out over money, it's not fun, but my home is much more relaxed because I'm at home most of the time and have a flexible schedule. I saw an immediate change in my kids and husband when I quit the 2nd time around. And, we've never had to file bankruptcy. It has so been worth it. I did not handle working full-time and juggling home well at all. Some can. Keep your chin up. And, you may be surprised how well you can do staying at home. The only way I took that plunge (I was financially scared to death.) was to take it one year at a time. At least that way, I know I tried. Now, my husband says he doesn't ever want me to go back to work full-time. I think I will eventually just to get better control over our debt. Anyway, I know how you feel. You might try cutting back to part-time.

I know how you feel. My baby (now an adult) was not much older than yours when I had to go to work. It hurts knowing that you will miss so many of her "firsts", but she'll be OK. As for her crying, I used to work in the Mothers' Day Out program at my church and I can assure you of two things; she will cry only for a few minutes after you leave her, so don't fret that she will cry herself sick after you leave and the second, and most important, is that no care giver will encourage or allow her to call them "mommie" or any other name reserved for you. Most children now are taught to say "Miss----" when referring to their teacher. Just spend as much time as possible with her when you can, even if it means staying up an extra hour or two to do housework after she is in bed. Believe me, both of you will survive this.

What you are feeling, A., proves that you are a mother at heart! I had to work for a while when my son was little and I was in anguish. It sounds like you have a desire to be home with your baby and she does need you. Of course as always my first piece of advice is to pray. Ask God to make a way for you to stay home and then begin to look for ways to do that. God can make a way where there seems to be no way. As for right now, I wouldn't worry about her calling them "mommy". She knows who her Mommy is and no one can replace you. Also, you sound like you are very blessed indeed with the family that you have. Make sure you pump up you hubby's ego (they love that) and be careful what you say about the work issue, he might be feeling a little guilty that he isn't making enough to support his family resulting in him feeling like less of a man. Just a thought. God bless!

A.,
You sound like a wonderful mom! 10 months is a hard age, because separation anxiety will make them cry when you leave them, but I bet she quickly starts playing after you leave and is fine! She knows her Mommy, she does not need to be with you 24 hours a day to know you are the one that loves her most. You are the only one that knows what is best for your family, try not to feel guilty for needing to work. She will be fine, she knows you and loves you!

If you eventually want to stop working, try making a plan. Even if it includes years of working, it might make you feel better to know that you are planning for how you can stay at home. Then this feels temporary, not like you are stuck.

Work and baby is a hard balance, but it can be done. The most important thing is to come to terms with it so that you can spend the time you have with your baby feeling blessed to have that time, and not guilty that you don't have more.

Sherri

Putting my son in day care (the right day care) has been the best thing we could have ever done. My husband does drop off and pick up most days and that helps. That's not to say I cried for three weeks when we put him in. I wish I could say I could give him everything that day care has, but they are soooo good. I heard a friend say, I'm a much better parent with day care. It's true for me, too. It's hard to admit. But it was nice when we started timeouts and he actually taught us how it's done. He'd be really behind the learning curve if it weren't day care keeping us up to snuff. They are learning bible versus and going to chapel each day, too.

Our day care only keeps the same caretaker for about a year and then move up to a different class. We've only been very strongly attached to one caretaker. I didn't realize it until he promoted, but he was a lot more clingy to me afterwards. She was wonderful and I think me and my husband were as attached to her as our son was. We took great comfort in knowing he was so well cared for and got that hug when we would have wanted him to. He also learned the letter L for Lynda and never called her mama.

It's important to realize their language development, too. My son also called me dada for a chunck of time. It bothered my husband much more than me, and I tried to point out to him that in my son's mind he's saying mama, but it's coming out dada. Then we went through a period of time where he called daddy mama. Now he calls us mama-daddy, one word. For a couple days recently, it was dada-mama. In one book I was reading, The Secrets of the Baby Whisperer, really touched on this. It pointed out that dada and mama probably got those names because that's the sounds babies first annunciate, as opposed to actually calling us by our names (dada and mama). Start working on the letter M and M sounds.

It's a hard adjustment and our son took to day care so well, I was almost offended. He's very well balanced and a smart boy, too.

It's been the best thing we ever did. We're paying out the butt for a great day care, but when things get tight, we never ever consider that to be an expense we could cut back on.

Good luck!! It gets better.

A.,
First of all know that you are a wonderful mother! I had to learn this when my daughter was 9 months and I had to drop her off so I could work. And God sends angels our way to help us when we need help. Staying at home is not the best decision for everyone, I thought I would go nuts!

Secondly, you must be sure you have COMPLETE trust and faith in the daycare providers. You might want to scale back and find an inhome provider or a nanny. We want so much for our children and daycare can be a little traumatizing if youhave spent 10 months together. Ask around at church, at beauty salons, in malls, etc. Be sure to ask God to lead you in the right direction because your daughter should not cry every morning.
Feel free to email me if you need a reference someplace. There is an agency called Collaborative for Children and they help find providers based on your needs.
PLEASE do your research to find a place your child is comfortable and where you can be at ease. You do not need the guilt of being a working mother, we have enough issues in life!
I promise you, she will make it.....my mother worked and I'm not crazy, yet! LOL

Hi A.,

I can relate. I am also a working mom of 2 little girls now 5 and 3.

No one can replace Mom. Please remember that always. No matter how connected she may get to her care providers or even Grandma, you will always be Mom.

Your anxieties are common. Like every challenge we have to overcome, this will get easier with time.

S.

My heart couldn't help but feel for you after reading what you had written. I started working full-time and I, too, dealt with having to leave my daughter at 10 months at a daycare and dealing with her crying for me as I left. My heart felt like it was literally being ripped out on my drive to work! She even cried when she would first see me at the time I picked her up. However, the crying only lasted for a week (sometimes it lasts a couple of weeks for other children). My daughter is now 18 months and she is doing wonderfully!!!! She is still in daycare (although I've changed daycares since the first one) and is much more socially adept. In fact, I would rather her be in daycare now because I see how it has helped her in every aspect. She is a bundle of joy and loves knowing that she is going to daycare where she is able to play, run, and let out all her energy with kids her age. Rest assured that your little one DOES and WILL know who you are and I am completely confident that your child will bond with you whether you stay at home with her or not. Your bond will be established through the time you DO spend with her. My little girl began to express that bond with my husband and I after 12 months. Now, she's VERY cuddly, loves to hug and kiss, and calls me mommy and my husband da-da. In social situations, as social and independent as she is, she still will make sure to try and include us in her play activities as if she's trying to teach us about everything she's doing. She's constantly looking at us and trying to get our attention while in the middle of doing an activity with other kids. This proves to me she knows exactly who her parents are. Times are tough enough as they are to put more pressure on yourself. Don't feel guilty about leaving your precious little one in someone else's hands while you take care of other responsibilities. It is not uncommon and many families have gone through the same thing and flourished! As concerned as you are about her, I have no doubt that she knows exactly where she belongs, no matter where she spends her weekdays. Good luck and many blessings!

I feel for you. Maybe you can meet with a financial adviser and they might be able to see if ya'll can live on you working part-time. I don't think you should feel guilty for working but if being with your daughter more is something you want find ways to make that happen they are only little once.

I know what it is like to have to work yet want to stay home. I know a lot of moms who have made the switch to working FROM home. Things such as Home and Garden Party. This allows you to continue to make a really good income yet set your own hours. I wish I'd had this option when my kids were younger! If you'd like more info contact me.

Hi A.,
I'm a professional nanny with 25 years experience and an Early Development and Education Specialist with "Basic Trust: Family Support Services". I'm here to tell you with 100% certainty that, although your baby may well use the word "mommy" with a caregiver, she will NEVER confuse who her real mommy is and will ALWAYS prefer you over a caregiver no matter how much time she spends with them or how fond she becomes. In my experience, one of the hardest things new mommies deal with is the very issue you are dealing with...it's awful to have to leave baby in the first place and then to imagine that baby could bond with someone other than you...excruciating thought, I know!!! I'm the best nanny ever, and my babies always adore me, BUT they always prefer their mommies no matter what and that's what you can expect too. It's really good that you're able to be honest with yourself about your feelings as your baby needs you to come to terms with these feelings so that you won't inadvertantly try to keep your baby from bonding with others.....she needs to bond with her caregivers so she'll stop crying when you leave her, and she needs to see YOU trusting the caregivers in order for HER to trust them.

One more thing. There are good and bad "Matches" with babies and their caregivers and if your baby contiues to cry long after you're gone from the center or for more than 2-3 weeks straight, you might consider that it is not a good match. Feel free to email me if I can be of any help to you. I'm at ____@____.com luck!
L.

I am so sorry... but DO WHAT I DID.. I know it sounds crazy but work from home. I have six children and my baby has NEVER been to a sitter. They just grow so fast and if its pulling at your heart that bad then there is a reason. I hope you keep an open mind when you read this,... i live in gainesville texas and am a real person. My husband is a Veterinarian and i have now matched his income and work 6-10 evenings and he gets to watch them when im gone... LOVE it... email me if you want info and do whatever it takes to change your situation... nothing is impossible... xoxo L. ____@____.com

Hi A.,
What you are feeling is very normal. It is very difficult to be a first time mommy and have to work. Re-evaluate what you have to have to get by and then look into working from home. I have been partnered with a company called Melaleuca for the past 8 years. We are always looking for moms to work from home. We offer a safer grocery store with over 400 different products to choose from. We do not stock, inventory, sell, or deliver any products, the company handles all of this for us. We do introduce new customers into shopping at our grocery store for safer alternatives than what they currently purchase over the counter. We have a documented 94% reorder rate so our customers do become very brand loyal. If you can spare a few hours in the evening or weekends we can help you build a second income and the potential income is unlimited. If you would like to check us out, please visit our corporate site at www.melaleuca.com to see all we offer. If you would like to have more info on working from home, please feel free to call me at ###-###-#### and email at ____@____.com Its about taking baby steps but you can build a retirement income from home along with college savings for your little one. If you are brushing, washing and doing the shampooing, then you are a great customer and so will your friends be. Think green! Have a great day!

I TOTALLY know how you feel. I was a single mom when my first child was born and when I went back to work I felt guilty about all the firsts I missed with her. i used to cry myself to sleep every time I was told about a milestone she had reached without me there to witness it.

Honestly, the guilt won't go away fully when your mom is caring for her, except that she can capture some of those moments on film for you. You will experience mixed feelings of relief that someone you know and love is giving your daughter the very best care, and jealousy that they get to be with your daughter while you are stuck working. I just don't want to lie to you (sorry).

Being a working mom is very hard when you have a young baby, especially when it is your first child. You need to talk to your boss and be sure you can take time off now and then for time with your daughter. When she gets older you will want to go on field trips as a chaperon now and then, you will want to attend school performances and sports games and such. Find out now how flexible your boss is about these things. Explain to him/her that you are experiencing working mom's guilt and would it be alright to take a long lunch occasionally to go have lunch with your daughter at the daycare (something I would do) or work through luch and leave an hour or two early once in a while to spend some extra time with her. It never hurts to ask and see where your boss stands on this.

Good Luck!

Yep, I remember that feeling well. I used to cry on my breaks in the restroom so no one would see how I felt about being at work while my baby girl was in daycare. I made the choice to start working from home, totally replaced my full-time income and now I make several times what I used to make working half the hours at home with my now FOUR kids!! My story jenniferbaird.blogspot.com and my business site www.GoodLifeToGreatLife.com - we loving helping moms in your situation!
J.

Don't feel guilty A.. Let's focus on the positve. By working, you are doing what your child needs to be provided for. You are providing her with a safe place to be while you go to work. You are spending time with her when you are home giving her love and attention. My mother was a daycare director for over 40 years. (it seems like she raised half of west Houston by the fact that we couldn't go anywhere without bumping into a parent or a child from her center) I worked in the infant room of her center for a year after graduating from school and I can tell you that the tears of separation usually stopped within just a few minutes of mom leaving. Transitions are hard for children but they are soon soothed and happy. Is your child crying when you pick her up or does the care provider mention that your child is easily upset? If not then odds are she is happy while you are at work. It is very hard to be away from your child at any age. (I work overseas so my oldest is in boarding school and I don't see her but for a week or two at a time every 3-4 months) The important thing is that your child is happy, safe and well provided for.
As for your fear of someone else being called mama. That is a very natural fear; but the truth is that even if the word does come out it isn't the same as her real mama. Ask any teacher of elementary children how many times a child has accidentally called her mama. Your child looks at your differently than any other woman. The look on her face and the way she acts in your arms is more than any word can express. You are her mother and she has known it from the moment of her conception. That is something that no caregiver can change. It is good and healthy for your child to be able to form bonds with other people so be happy if she likes her caregiver. It means she will be able to find friends and eventually fall in love when she is older. She is ok mom.
Peace
N. :)

I just wanted to reassure you that this is normal. I HATE dropping my son off at daycare each morning but to have a roof over our heads its something I must do. One thing I found that helps me is having a daycare close to my job so I can have lunch with him. We haven't dealt with the separation anxiety yet so I don't know if that would help you or hurt your situation more.

Good luck!

A.,

It's so hard to have to leave your sweet baby with someone else. When my son was born, I had to go back to work for a month because I was a teacher and needed to finish the year. It was one of the most difficult times in my life! Thankfully I have a husband who is dedicated to doing everything possible to allow me to stay at home and raise our children. I'm relieved, because I would hate leaving my children with someone else. I realized that I could not be the best at everything if I worked full-time outside the home, and be a mom. I would have to put one or other first, and it would be my kids, so I wouldn't be a very good teacher.

I agree with what another mom advised and sitting down with your husband and finding a way for you to stay at home or maybe working only part-time in the evenings when he can be at home to take care of the baby. Depending on what you do, perhaps you could work from home. It may take a great deal of effort to make it work, but you would probably be happier if you could focus on being a mom, and your daughter would love it too!

Though I stay at home with my kids, they are very out going and get plenty of socialization. We attend Bible class and worship every Wednesday night and Sunday, my oldest takes taekwondo with me, and we have play dates and field trips to the zoo and children's museums with other kids who are raised with the same values I raise mine. My oldest just turned 5, so I will join a home schooling group so he can be involved with other home schoolers in special classes and field trips. I feel very blessed to be able to keep my children with me, since they are little only a short time.

Just remember, no one could possibly love your daughter more than you and your husband. You are her favorite people in world, and it's obvious you care about doing your best for her. Good luck!

A.,

A few years ago, I was in the same exact place you are now, so I can definitely relate to your situation. The first few (okay, it was probably more than a few) times I dropped my daughter off with someone else so I could go to the office, it was brutal. I cried every day for a while on my way to work and felt sick about not being with my daughter during the day. Please don't worry about your baby calling someone else or thinking of someone else as her mother. I've always worked full time and both my girls have had other caregivers during the day and that has never happened in our family. My girls are 3 and 5 now - one attends Montessori and one in Kindergarten and they both love their teachers and the friends they have. One thought - in order to allow you to experience your daughter's first experiences (first time walking, first time saying "Mama", etc) yourself, you might ask the person caring for her not to tell you if it happens while you're not with her. That will allow you to have those wonderful moments with her without feeling cheated.

Hey A.,
I am sorry things have been so tough here lately. It sounds like you are a great momma. It is really challenging to cut back to one salary but it can be done. My husband and I picked up a book called "The Total Money Makeover" by Dave Ramesy. It is such a blessing and changed our lives financially. You might want to just thumb through it at Barnes and Nobles if you have some time. We wanted me at home but didn't want to live stressed about money all the time barely able to make ends meet, and you know we don't! We always have money which is just amazing to us. Anyway, basically the plan teaches you how to get out of debt and stay out and how to learn how to budget and save. We will have all out debt paid off this year and should have our house paid off in the next 7 years, all on one salary! Plus we have a budget that includes Christmas, birthdays, clothes, haircuts, groceries etc. So that is my plug if you guys do decide to find a way for you to stay home. It might take a couple years to get straightened out, but it is really worth it :)
Aside from that, no guilt girlfriend. You are doing a GREAT job as a mom and wife. You love your daughter with all your heart and give your life for her. No child could ask for more. You are one of a kind and the perfect mom for your baby girl. Hang in there!! She is going to be just fine and so are you :) My mom was single so I had to go to daycare and you know what she is one of my closest friends today and did a great job raising me. Whatever you have to do in life, the love you have for your daughter is what will make the difference!
Have a great day!!

Hi, I just wanted to tell you that I know what you are going through. I have a 9 year old daughter and worked until she was 3. My husband told me to stay home with her for a while and it was the best. When she went to school, I went and got my realtor license. I worked while ahe was in school and I was home to pick her up and spend the evenings with her to do homework, bathtime and put her to bed. About 3 years ago my business grew tremendously and I was working all the time. About that time I found out that we were going to have a baby. Well to make a long story short, my business is still going strong and about a year ago, I had to break down and put my son in daycare. It breaks my heart when I drop him off. I was looking for something that I could do from home and I think that I have finally found something that might work for my family. If you like beauty, then you will love to try these products. Maybe this will be the start of something great for me and my family. I am still working as a realtor, but I hope to make this my business in the near future. Check out my website and contact me with any questions or if you just want to talk, I have been told that I am a good listener.

C. B.
www.CorissaBell.myarbonne.com

Well I just figured I let you know that your not alone in what you are feeling. I'm a single mom of one boy and ever since he was a 4-6weeks he's been in daycare. It really was hard at first, but over time it's gotten much better. As for her not saying Mama yet...it will come in time and she KNOWS who you are and that you are her Mama...I know it's not easy to believe that, but she does...No one can take the place of you!!! I hope things get better for you and you find a peace around the whole situation. Good Luck!!!

You would be amazed how easy it can be to cut back your expenses in order to stay home. I was the major bread winner when my 1st daughter was born and decided to stay at home. That was 12 years ago and I just went back to work last year. You most likely will have to make some incredible sacrifices, but if you want to be home to be with your daughter it will be well worth it. I did without cable tv, a cell phone, eating out, etc and it was the best best decision for me. I LOVED spending every day with my daughters watching them grow up. Eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches everyday didn't bother me one bit!! :)

I totally understand where you are coming from. I did the same thing. In fact, my husband gave me a hard time for it saying there was no way to win. I cried when I dropped her off because she was crying and once she quit crying at drop off, I cried because she liked them more than me! I was always worried about missing her "firsts". One of the day care workers, Miss Cathy, told me not to worry, the first time I saw her do whatever, would still be the first. Like you, staying at home was not an option for me at that time. Finally, (after several years! LOL) I quit beating myself up over it and made a plan. I signed up to be a Homemade Gourmet distributor and when my "baby" enters Junior High this year, I will be able to work part time with my Homemade Gourmet income covering most of the rest. That way, I will be able to see her off to school and be home when she gets home from junior high. Once I had a plan and a longterm goal, everything seemed much better. I will keep you in my prayers! I know it is tough!

1st re-read Nita's response, that was really good...

Also realize that no matter what you're the constant in your child's life- schools, schedules, dance classes, friends, interests, and abilities are all constantly in flux- but you're the one who's going to be taking care of her always. You're doing what you have to do and it is hard, lots of us are personally aware of that.

Your child wll connect with you like no other person in the world, don't worry. All you need to do to foster that is be present with her when you're home. Talk to her, Read to her, do activities with her AND take a very active role in ensuring her daily life away from you is fulfilling and comfortable. You do that by using the best possible child care situation you can.

Think outside the box on that- there probably are other moms in your neighborhood who'd gladly accept some extra money to watch your daughter. There was a Mexican lady who was an expert child-care provider and she was cheap...and she taught them some spanish... If you have an apartment complex near-by they have bulletin boards that you could put up a sign of what you're looking for and see who responds, interview them and possibly find someone. Keeping her closer to home can be really nice for you now.

If you feel good and comfortable with her there, then you won't feel so bad about being away. And as for worrying if she connects really closely to a provider, that's good for her, and it will in no way detract from your relationship with her. You will prove to her that you're the most consistent presence in her life over time, and you'll ensure that by staying really connected.

Hope some of this helps- don't beat yourself up with guilt-take it easy on yourself, k?
Jenn

Hi A.,
My first concern with this would be why is she crying when you leave her. Is she not feeling comfort at the daycare?!? Usually most love the attention and extra playmates. So what and why is she not feeling secure with this daycare? Where do you live and what is the name of the daycare? I would not feel comfortable leaving a child that still crys after a reasonable amount of time at a daycare!! I am a mom of 4 .... and this disheartins me. You should not be suffering or in pain for leaving her with a well establish daycare that will teach her and train her and let her have playtime with other children. Something is wrong if she is crying when you leave her! Do they have cameras where you can watch her all day long? Alot of daycares have this and it is very nice and comforting for mom! You just log on and see baby all day long!

Hi A.,

I am single mother of 2 children i have a daughter that is 10 years old and a son that is 3. Being a full time working mother is definitly hard. It helps to communicate as much as possible with the daycare teacher. Find out what they do all day and how your daughter responds to them. Knowing that your daughter is in good hands should make you feel a little at ease. The fact that she is crying may meen a couple of things she really misses her mommy, or she does not like that enviroment there is something that makes her feel unconfortable.

It's hard to give advice about something like this when you don't know the person that well, but I will say this :
You said that what you are doing with your daughter is "Just killing you!" 4 times in your request. That sounds pretty strong!
Are you sure there is not something you could do to stay at home with your daughter?
I stay at home with my son and we are not rich by ANYONE standards, we just do without so that our family can be stronger. I know alot of stay at homers and only a few of them have husbands that can truly support them without them working. The rest of us just tighten our belts and try to find creative part time work that we can do with our kids or at night when hubby is home.
I hope you find Peace, remember you can never get this time back!
BLESS-A.

Hey A.,
I know how you feel, kinda. I had to leave my son for just four weeks with my mom and I thought that was horrable. That is when I quit teaching and found a business that I can do from home with my son. I am loving being home with him and earning an income to help my husband out. If your interested visit my web site and I would love to get you the information on what I do.

B.
www.MoreForMyBaby.com

I know it is hard. I tried to think of any possible way to stay home when I had my son but there was no way we could do it. My son is now 20 months old. I still don't like leaving him to go to work, but it really is easier than it was in the beginning. I have worked in daycare and done babysitting for many years. I haven't seen any kids call their caregiver "mom". But I do understand. My son makes it double hard. He cries when I leave in the morning, making it hard to leave. Then when I get there he doesn't want to leave making me feel bad. But I just think about how at least I know she's treating him well if he doesn't want to leave at the end of the day.

I feel your pain! My daughter does not go to care full time but my son did at that age and it was difficult. I think a 10 month old will cry when you leave but if you ask the staff they will probably tell you that she stops shortly after you leave. I don't think she will ever have a hard time distinguishing who her mother is from other care takers. The love you give her is different.

Have you worked with a financial analyst to see if you really can stop working? I mean, after paying daycare, transportation cost (with high gas prices these days), money for food, etc. are you really bringing home enough to justify the emotional toll it is taking? Can you cut back on some things at home? Use the dryer less and be more conscious of light use to bring down electric costs, do without some niceties or shopping trips, reevaluate what you spend at the grocery store and the quality of what you buy? I think most people spend more money than they realize on things that just aren't needed. I was single when I had my son so I really didn't have a choice but to work full time. Can you cut down to part time work once your mom moves closer?