Worried About How Being a Working Mom Will Affect My Infant

Hello M.

It is very normal to feel that way. I know I did and sometimes still do I have a 4 and a 5 year old and I think That as long as they could feel that I was ok with the person that was taking care of them they were ok. I have been luckly that it has been all family that has watched them but when my bother-in-law and sister-in-law watched them I had a hard time with it and then they seem to not do so good.
As my boys started school I have found out that they do better in school being around more people adults and kids. the other kids that never left their parents side screamed and missed behaved in school because they didn't know how to reacted with out their parent being there with them. I think and seen for myself tnat the kids that have to be in a daycare program do just fine. Make sure you make some time each day just for you and your child to bond once they have to go to a daycare program. Make sure that you didn't forget about them. Good luck and congrats on the adittion to the family

My husband and I did everything we could to keep our son out of day care. Including having me switch jobs and work grave yard for a year. During that time I was so exhausted and our schedules were so different, that I hardly got to see either my son or my husband. Finally we realized that day care was a necessity and started taking my son part time when he was about 18 months. He totally blossomed. He is doing very well at his day care and even asks to go there on weekends. :) I think it's good for him to have interaction with other kids his age, and other adults as well. Once you have selected your day care make a few unannounced visits just to see how things are going. I know it isn't an easy transition, but I think that there are plenty of well adjusted adults who went to day care as young children.

I was fortunate enough to be able to stay at home with my son...but I went to "work" (if you can call it that!) by becoming a Pampered Chef consultant...look into something like this if it's a possibility for you. It allows for an income and an opportunity to stay at home during the day with the baby. Just a thought.

If something like that isn't possible for you, my neighbor went back to work and, like you, was worried about leaving her son. Well, she reported that, while she misses him desperately, she is glad to have something else to think about during the day...and her son gets to socialize with someone other than herself. :) So I don't think that you'll be traumatizing your bundle of joy at all. Just be sure to give her lots of love, attention, structure and consistency and she'll be fine, I'm sure.

M., lots of moms have to work, you won't traumatize her by doing so. However, I chose not to go back to work when my son was born because I didn't want someone else raising my child, I didn't want to miss out on anything, and it made me sad to think of leaving my child too. Money was real tight for awhile and you learn to make sacrifices, but then I found a job I could do from home and it's been wonderful. I would love to tell you about it if you're interested. You should stay home if at all possible because in the end that is the best thing for your child. Take care.

I am completely for staying at home with your children. I think being at home with your baby is one of the most important experiences you and your child will have. If you must go to work because the money is absolutly needed I recommend you research daycares very closly. But keep in mind that no one will love your baby they way you will. No one will care for your baby the way you will. If you can stay home my opinion is you should.

First, Congrats on the first baby coming along!!! I am a single mother of a 19 month old boy. This day and age, I'm sure you know, it's almost impossible to not work. While I have to admit, I'm lucky that I have family watching my son, the time apart is the same. I work swing shift at one of the casinos, and while it took my son time to adjust to the sleep schedule, he's gotten used to being away during the time I'm at work. There are times I wish I could afford daycare because i believe the social interaction for children is a very important part of their infancy. It'll be hard at first, I even had a hard time leaving him in the beginning. And the child might cry...and it's gonna break your heart...remember that you're working to provide the best home possible for your child. I truly believe that being the child will be 2 months old when you start working, she will get more accustomed to being in daycare. I think it gets harder the older they get. Good luck!!!

Hi. I'm A.. I was working up until I went into labor with my daughter. I stayed home with her until she was 6 months old. When i went back to work, I was a little nervous about the situation. I would usually go home for lunch or call the babysitter when i went to lunch to check on my daughter; and everything was just fine. As time progressed, it was easier to handle. I know it's hard, especially with a 2 month old. My daughter didn't start sleeping through the night until she was 3 months old, so that also influenced my decision on when i returned to work. It's kind of like you have to wean yourself from your child for a little while each day. And knowing how happy she will be when mommy comes to pick her up, that smile is priceless. In a way, it's also feels kind of good to get out a little while each day. That's what helps me get through my day, is thinking i get to see my baby girl when i get home. I'm sorry for rambling. You won't traumatize her by working away from home. It's a way to let her know that mommy has to work to take care of her and that there are other people who love and care for her. As she gets older, she will understand that. It also makes the time fly by. It feels like i started back to work a few months ago, but my daughter is almost 2. If you have any questions or would like to contact me, my # is ###-###-####. (c) Again, my name is A.. I hope that helped some. Take care.

M.,
Your feelings are totally normal. I don't know a mom that didn't feel at least a little guilty. I had to leave my son in daycare at 2 months as well. I cried and felt awful until I finally acknowledged that I had no other choice but to work. At the time, I had the only income and I needed to be able to support us. He's not going to be traumatized - unless you make him so. If you're upset day after day, he's going to pick up on it. But if you're happy when you drop him off and pick him up, he'll feel secure. Kids have a lovely way of copying their parents...just wait until he gets older. :) Take a deep breath - it will be okay. One big piece of advice is to pick random days and times to drop in and see how he's doing. You may want to consider not being seen or heard by him. This will either confirm to you that he's in good hands (which will help you focus better at work) or you'll find that you don't like where he is and you can find some other place.

I get so frustrated hearing some say, "staying at home is the best thing for your child." I have done both and to tell you the truth I truly believe it is the best thing for a mom who doesn't want to work. Some people don't have a choice and some enjoy both. Some are better moms because they work. Children who have quality childcare will thrive-period no matter who it is. Of course, children need their moms AND dads-so a balance is crucial.
It's not like breastfeeding-research proves breast milk is more nutritious. Show me proof that children with stay-at-home moms are better off. That's impossible to prove because who is to say what it means to be better off.
I am so sick of the mommy wars! Do what you know in your heart is best for you and your family. Support other moms in their own decisions.
Good luck to you!

M., that's a real concern us working moms deal with all the time. I have a few suggestions that might help. Find other working moms to talk to, look into getting an au pair it's cheaper than day care and your little one can be at home. Also if you're going to nurse, nursing when i get home help me to bond with baby and reconnect after a long day it's great for her and for me. you can find other moms to talk to who are in your situation at mommy matters, call me if you want to talk, ###-###-####

i did the same thing you did, i went right back to work after maternity leave was up...i felt the same way you did, guilty, i felt like a bad mom...the one thing i did that helped me was i came home at the same time everyday dropped everything and spent time with her, she knew about the time i would get home, and she anticiapted my arrival..i just made sure that she knew that she was number one. my daughter is now 17 months old, and she is happy and healthy and SO loving. i feel bad sometimes, but i know that i am doing the right thing for her. it will be ok!!!

As you probably are already aware, your feelings are VERY normal! Our babies are so precious and we don't want to miss time with them. but, if working is the only way you can go, you'll be okay. She'll be okay. Actually, she'll be great, because she'll have had all that time with YOU before she goes and she'll still have plenty of time otherwise. When the time comes to take her to daycare, take the time to talk to the care-givers about your child. Spend a little time there. I always felt it was worth it!

She will LOVE you always and forever and that won't change!

Happy New Year!

Awwwwww....you don't get 3 months maternity leave??? If you can, I hope you can..., go to work part time for a while so that your baby can learn that you will always come back to her.

This is such a terrible feeling to have as a Mother. I think we all get it when we are forced to be in any position to have to choose between providing the obvious worldly needs and also providing the nurturing and bonding needs of our babies.

I had to go back to work with 2 of my 6 children and I have to say that they did adapt. I think it is just how you spend the time you DO have with them that makes the difference. They will learn that it is just part of their world.

I do think that you just need to spend a lot of time finding the right person that will give that ONE ON ONE care. Daycare FACILITIES usually do not have enough people for your babies needs to be met as if you were right there. That is what you want while they are this young. If you can find a stay at home Mom that can love her and only her, that would probably be better for her...at least until she is about 1 year old. Then, the social interaction with others in a daycare situation could be good. (minus all the colds etc.)

You and your baby will be fine! We are an adaptable race. I'm sure she will not doubt your love for her. Just love her when you can and if possible, work part time.

Take Care and HAPPY NEW YEAR!

The job of a parent is to provide for the needs of the child. Selecting a qualified person to care for your child's needs while you work IS providing for your child and will not damage your relationship. Do you have a degree in child development? In education? Are you infant CPF certified? Have you passed a first aid class? Most likely the answer to these questions is NO. By putting your child in a quality care environment you are giving them the benefit of people who can answer YES to these questions and give you peace of mind knowing your child is stimulated, cared for and SOCIALIZING. I am a single mom, work full time and only stayed home the first two month's of my daughter's life. She is almost 3 now, extremely bright, well socialized, and we love eachother beyond all measure. Yes, she spends a majority of her waking hours with others, but I have provided those "others."

At first your baby wont realize what is going on so don't be worried about her not missing you becuase they can't show emotions for a while. but when she is about 7 months old maybe 9 months you'll come to pick her up from day care and she will see you in the door way and give you the best feeling in the world. my kids are 2+3.5 and when I started back to work my daughter was 1 and I was pregnant with my son. she would run to me with the biggest hugs I ever had and a smile on her face. My son went to day car after 2 months old and when he got old enough to crawl he was crawling to me so fact that I'd cry with joy. he missed me all day and he'd hug me and hold on to me so tight. he'd give me this smile like. I'm glad your back!. Even now when I walk in to pick them up they yell "Mommy!" and run to me with open arms. it's the greatest feeling in the world tyo know someone missed you all day. and it's the best part of my whole day. but I must impress this on you. now matter how much she crys when you drop her off. you have to leave right away becuase she wont stop until your gone. Find a day care that has a one way window so you can watch her after you leave. she will stop crying almost right away. they are great teachers and if you find the right daycare they will help you cope with leaving her. it's better for you to just hand her over and leave and not come back until your done with work. if you don't your just gonna make it worse for the teachers and harder on the baby and yourself to leave. I know it's sad but you gotta do it. belive me she will be fine and you'll get a much needed mommy break.

M.,

Congrats on your first baby! I had my first baby, a son, 6 months ago. unfortuneately, I had to go back to work at the end of October. I had the hardest time putting him in daycare. I procrastinated until the week before I had to be at work, on finding him a daycare!!!! It's the hardest thing but it's harder on you that it is your baby. In my case anyway. Now, 3 months in to it, it's just part of my routine but I still miss him everyday and can't get home fast enough to him. I just found out my daycare is closing so now I am going through it all over again trying to find him a new daycare. Best of luck to you!!

I am a mom of a 15 year old daughter and 13 year old son. I worked outside the home until my daughter was 8. She was in home daycare 3 days a week and with my mom 2 days a week. when my son came along, they went 4 days a week to daycare and 1 day to my mom's. Both of my kids are so great. They are strong confident individuals. Ironically, I am now a stay at home mom who runs a daycare and it is funny because being able to totally relate to the feelings a mom has helps me in my daycare. Babies and young children adapt so quickly. They are very capable of being happy at daycare, but still totally aware of who mom and dad are and where home is. They learn to get along with other people and not be so afraid if mommy or daddy are not available for them. They learn to be flexible and take life in stride.

Ultimately, I believe that if a mom can stay at home, it is a great choise, but I totally believe the children can be raised by both parents and daycare provider and be well-adjusted and happy children. I wish you all the best as you journey on.

I know exactly how you feel. When I had my first son he was almost 3 months old before I had to go back to work and when I did go my husband was the one home watching him so it wasn't so bad. I did call on my lunch and I made my hubby put the phone next to him so he could hear my voice and I could hear him. It really helped a lot. Then I moved when my son was about 7 months old to another state and this time he HAD to go to daycare by this time I was already 3 months pregnant with my second son, so finding a great daycare was very important, because they had to take both boys. I found her and everything worked out great, especially because I can call her anytime and she tells me how things are going and I still get to talk to my boys. It will be hard but once she gets older and she starts playing with the other kids and the toys the crying stops and like everyone else said seeing your children run to you and give you a hug is the greatest feeling in the world.

I was fortunate enough to be able to spend 9 months with my son before going to work, but i felt much the same as you seem to. A lot of people say that 'staying home with your children is best for them', and I used to think that, but now, I think the opposite is true. Your children will always have you there for them. For the good times and the bad. But, being in daycare, they are exposed to other children and begin to learn at a very young age how to interact with other children. This is even more important as an only child! When I first took my son to daycare, he had had 9 months of me and him and no one else but grandma...it took a year before he felt comefortable interacting with the other children. And now, at 2 1/2 and still in the toddler class because he isn't toilet trained, he pushes the little ones around and hits them. Some of that is "just being 2", but I think that had I started him in daycare earlier, that he would be exhibiting more acceptable behavior towards the other kids in his class. I sometimes still feel guilty about not being "at home" with my son all the time, but i remind myself of the good I am doing him by having him at daycare. It may help a little to refer to the daycare you choose as a "school". After all, you child isn't just with the sitter, they are being taught how to interact with others their age. My best advice would be to cherish the time you have at home...every minute of it! and to cry about it when you need to. Good luck.

I don't have much to add to what has already been said, but I also had to go back to work after 6 weeks. My son has been fortunate enough to be watched by family members since my husband and I have both been at work, but I sometimes wish he were in daycare instead. My son has no interaction with children his own age, or even close. He is now a year old and just stares at other kids when he sees one...he's fascinated! I think daycare is a wonderful thing, even for mothers who don't work. It can help give some time to yourself during the day for an hour or two. But believe me, as everyone else has said, your feelings are completely normal and understandable. Most mothers go through the same exact thing when having to go back to work. Just hang in there and find the best daycare you can provide for your child and it will be rewarding :)