Explaning Breakup to 7Yr Old

Hi K...Not sure about a book for your daughter, but I've been reading an amazing book "The Mindful Woman" Sue Patton Thoele. (Gentle Practices for Restoring calm, finding balance & opening your Heart). Might be a good read just coming out of a relationship.??

Best of Luck to you...

Hi K.,
I am sorry to hear about your break up. It must be very stressful for all of you. I encourage you to not mention the other woman to your child. It will serve no useful purpose for him/her. If possible, talk to your ex before you speak to your child and aprise him of what you plan to say to your child so he hopefully sends the same messages to him/her. Definitely stress to your child that the break up is not his/her fault and not the result of any of his/her behaviors.
A book I've found helpful in working with children your child's age is Dinosaurs Divorce by Marc Brown and Laurie Krasny Brown. I know you can find it on Amazon.com but maybe the library has it too.
Hang in there!

K.,
I am sorry to hear about your breakup which is really like a divorce or will be to your child. There are tons of books out there, you can take some out of the library instead of buying them as some are hit or miss. But you certainly want to protect your child from the details of the breakup. Your child does not need to know that there is another woman involved simply that mommy and daddy had differences and can't work out their problems. Reassure her that it is not her fault and that you and her daddy will love her forever. Keep a very consistent visiting schedule and NEVER use her as a pawn to get back at each other. (talking about your ex in front of your child in a negative way will greatly impact them). Most divorces I have seen do this at some point. She needs both her mommy and daddy to help her through this time. I would suggest counseling if she has a difficult time adjusting to the new situation. Expect some regression, ie. she might have problems going to sleep alone and will want to be in your bed, tantrums, crying more easily etc. Be strong!

Hi K....
Sorry to hear about your break-up- thats never easy with kiddos. I def would not mention the other woman. The best thing to do is sit down with the 7 year old (both you and the father) and explain that dad is moving out. Tell the child it has nothing to do with him and that he is loved very much. Explain that dad will still have time with the kids every week or so. Just remain positive and give your child lots of support during this time. Do not bad mouth your ex- that will make the child feel like he has to pick sides and will cause unnecesary stress. Also, make sure you ex does not introduse the other woman unti they are serious. THat would be confusinf to the kids.
Im sure if you go to Borders or Barnes and Noble they will have a bunch of books to choose from regarding this topic.
My son was 18 mos when I divorced his dad so he was too young to comprehend what was going on. He is now 6 and we have discussed it quite a bit. I told him that I loved his dad like a friend but we didnt love each other in a husband- wife kind of way. He accepts that and spends every other weekend with his dad and has a GREAT relationship with his stepdad who has been in the picture since he was 2. He calls them both Dad and they coach his sports teams together.
Good Luck K.!
S.

I'm so sorry to hear about your breakup. I think it is key not to blame the other woman - remember that a 3rd person cannot break up a solid relationship. Obviously there were flaws in your relationship - it sounds like your boyfriend has the issues, but if he didn't, she couldn't have broken you up. I think it is essential that the 7 year old know that Daddy loves him/her, and that Daddy is not leaving him/her. Explain that parents do not leave children. The child will be most fearful now that YOU will leave too. Explain that parent/child love is FOREVER, and that some families live together and some live separately. This is a good time to introduce the idea that there are all kinds of families - depending on your comfort level, you can perhaps use examples of families you already know: single parent, same-sex parents, grandparents raising grandkids, foster parents, adopted kids (particularly interracial families), etc. There's no limit to the amount of love a person can give. While it's too soon to tell if this woman will be in the picture (rebound relationships often don't work out), it will be important for your child to know that, if Daddy should be in love with this other woman (or anyone else down the line), that's more love for your children.

I'm not sure what's out there regarding books, but you can consult your children's librarian - remember that books can be borrowed through interlibrary loan - you can go on the library computer, check out titles, order the books, and have them delivered to your local library, where you can also return them. You don't have to go chasing all over the state. You can preview the books, and choose for your child the ones you think are relevant/appropriate.

There will also be 2 houses for your child to live in - that should be presented as a positive, regardless of how you feel about your boyfriend. Hopefully you can work together to maintain the same rules and structure and routines in both houses - that is key for the children.

Good luck - it's not easy and your feelings will change over time. You will experience sadness, anger, jealousy, frustration, loss and so on - be sure you have someone to talk to so you don't vent your frustrations in front of your children. Hang in there.

Sorry about the breakup. Explain to your kids that you love them and that they are the most important people in your life and that you will always be there for them. Don't get into details about the other woman. If they ask about daddy. Stay positive. Tell them that daddy loves them too, but right now mommy and daddy can not live together but will be there for them. I hope this helps.

Hi, K., Taking the right action with our children... The Ultimate Question. I went through the same situation several years ago, and we chose to explain to our son that we still loved each other but were not going to live together, and that we would always love him and work together to help him. We also said we were both sad and happ - sad to not be together, but happy that we had new friends to make, and places to go. In our case, there weren't other people involved, just the need for personal growth for each of us. It was an opportunity to show him by example that life includes loss, each day a balancing act. I would not tell my kids about the third person involved, kids often try to blame one or the other parent, and its important they still see you as a team to feel safe. Great question, there are probably great books out there, my son is a young man, now. Best of luck, K., I'm sure you will find your way. Ask for support - don't isolate, this is a challenging path - W. S

A little about me:

Entrepreneurial mom with a wonderful son.

I'm not sure what you should say, but one thing you shouldn't talk about is the other woman... too much info for a 7 yr old...maybe something about how some relationships between a man and a woman don't always work out (trying to let them know it could never happen between a mother and child the same way); interests change; they find they don't have enough in common any more so they stop caring about each other the way they should; they grow apart...etc... it's a tough one; maybe a therapist could help you with that..?? not sure ...good luck

When it comes to things like this - I think it is best to keep it simple. Answer their questions but still be polite - let him explain the other woman. Its their dad and you want to maintain a healthy relationship for their sake, and its not something you can do if you are putting him down for being with this other woman (Dont get me wrong - vent to your friends, obviously... but not your kids).
I am sure there are several books on this, there is a book for everything! Im sorry to hear about the split, its never easy especially with kids. :)

Hi K.,

I saw this great guy on Oprah recently talking about this topic. His name is M. Gary Neuman and his book is Helping Your Kids Cope with Divorce the Sandcastles Way. I was so impressed with him and if I ever needed advice on kids and divorce (which I might if my husband and I don't start getting along better!!) I would definitely start here.

The info on this episode of Oprah is at http://www2.oprah.com/tows/pastshows/200709/tows_past_200...

Best of luck to you and your kids.