Divorce/ Step Parenting

My suggestion is to say, "would you like it if someone did those things to you?" Be careful to keep any judgement of his dad out of the conversation (although I agree it's extremely immature of your ex). Say, "that was very silly of dad, I know I wouldn't want that done to me, how bout we come up with something fun together, that won't make anyone sad."
Then come up with something fun and surprising for your guy with your son involved. This is so your son can see the guy is able to have fun and that he can be kind to others while playing, and most importantly his dad is still not in the wrong.
The main key is to never prove the ex wrong but to show your child there is more than one way for something to happen.

i would let your child know that what there dad is asking them to do is not right and no matter what yu should not be mean to anyone and i would lety your soon to be x know that no matter how he feal he need to do right buy the kids a teach them how to be men no baby and move on because im sure your not telling him to do nasty thing to his new girlfriend

Dear S.,

There can be a stipulation in your divorce decree that states one parent cannot disparage the other in front of their children. Your attorney can ask the judge to order him to take parenting and anger management classes. (Be careful with this because you may be ordered to do the same). You could all go to family counseling. (This could be by choice or court order).

Since your children are telling you these things (i.e. setting traps and putting tooth paste in shoes), I would simply tell them if they did any of those things there would be serious consequences. My questions is, if you have decided to keep your “new” relationship separate from your children, how would they have the opportunity to put toothpaste in his shoes?

Also, since your child knew your boyfriend from the past and they know you are dating, what is the point of keeping him separate from you kids? By this I’m not suggesting you move in together or have sleepovers, I just think it would do less harm not to be secretive.

As for your child not listening to you and thinking you will attend to his every whim—NIP that in the bud today. Sit your children down, tell them your house rules and that they will obey, say please and thank you, eat when the meals are prepared and what is put in front of them. If they don’t obey there should be consequences. It will be important to follow through. Children going through divorce still need love, stability and discipline.

Your former husband sounds very immature, so you will have to be the adult here and don’t let him drag you down to his level.

Blessings……

I agree that you should play it off with your son like "Silly daddy...he's trying to be a jokester" and then explain that it wouldn't really be nice for "so and so" to find toothpaste in his shoes....

I know I probably am the only one but your ex sounds kinda funny...if that is the extent of his reaction to a new guy possibly replacing him--in his sons eyes---I say sounds easy enough to deal with.

"he had very little involvement with the kids" Did he live with you guys as a family? Did he see his kids at all during the day/night? Then he had involvement in their lives...I am sure that's the way it seems to your kids. Just because you don't think he was involved enough doesn't mean that your kids aren't going to miss him like crazy...I hope you remember that when you are deciding how much time he should get them now that you and he are no longer in love with each other...

Karma
Step-mom who has seen first hand how hard some little boys take it when they have to leave their daddy!

If your ex doesn't know how to behave yet, doesn't know how to be a role model, wasn't involved with the kids before, nothing you say will be heard. He's probably ticked off because you found him less than desirable.
Explain to your son that he is not responsible for the breakup. Tell him it's okay to love his dad, but that dad's requests are petty, cruel, and wrong. Ask your son if he would like it if someone did that to him. That might clarify it for him. Sounds like he's already got uneasy feelings about dad's requests.