Do You Vent to Others About Your Problems?

This is the difference between men and women. Women get support from their friends and men get ALL their support from their wives.

Puh-leeze, hubby. If I don't vent somewhere, the whole world will know when I go postal. (Just kidding!!!)

TOTALLY NORMAL.... People NEED to vent to get over things sometimes... That's what we have girlfriends for... Find me a "normal" family and I'll be shocked and know it's a lie~ I don't think it's a deal AT ALL and think your husbands overreacting!

I recently asked an older mother who I respect very much if she ever had rebellion issue with any of her children (you would never guess that she would have because her children are so loving and honorable). She said, "Yes, we have. I won't tell you who because I want to protect their reputations..." She went on to discuss how they handle such things, etc. But, the greatest thing I got out of that conversation is that we should protect the reputations of our children. Yes, they will have bad days, they will be disrepsectful, even rebellious at times, but it is an issue that they will hopefully learn from and repent of. I don't want someone to think of the rebellion (or whatever it is that I might be tempted to share) as the character of my child, especially as they grow to maturity. We give snapshots of our families with our mouths. What do you want people to take away about your family? As far as it is in my power, I want people to think the best of my kids (and husband). Just as I would never bad-mouth my husband, I won't badmouth my children. I wouldn't want them venting to others about ME! That would be very offensive and hurtful to me. Wouldn't it be to you?

Men and women are different - we need to remember that. Women will talk to their girlsfriends to get their input, for encouragement, to be told that they are not crazy, for empathy, for emotional support - that's just how we're made. Men are not like this. Usually the only person a man will really talk to is his wife (or girlfried, mother, etc.). to your husband, hearing you vent to your girlfriend is disloyal. He percieves it as you being a traitor to your family.

Let it slide. It's not worth an argument. It's not bad vs. good - it's just woman-normal vs. man-normal. It's one of those time when you say uh-huh honey and smile. ;o)

"Oh sweetie, it's just girl talk!"

Yup, I think everything you said is spot-on! Your husband, for whatever reason, freaked out about you doing what every other woman on earth not only does, but NEEDS to do sometimes just to make it through the day! I'm wondering if he's thinking along the lines of, "If she's saying this kind of stuff about our kid, what in the world is she saying about ME?!?!" That sounds like guy-thinking to me, right? I honestly don't think I would even bother bringing it up again. His viewpoint is irrationally skewed for whatever reason, and you've obviously made up your mind to do what you want to do anyway (which is the right way to go IMO) so really, what's the point?

I'm with you! I call my friends (who also have kids) and vent as well. Even at playgroups and such, a good deal of the time is spent with us ladies venting about our kids, our hubbies, etc. No one has the perfect family and no one expects you too. I think your hubby just doesn't understand female dynamics.

I really wouldn't bring it up again. Men and women communicate differently and in this case he got a "sneak peak" into what we talk about.

It's not your job to be the PR for the family, but I would keep the "dirty laundry" sharing to a few very close friends or family who know your family very well and know that day-to-day problems don't reflect the overall happiness of your household!

No one in this world is perfect.....if you were to act like you were, then you would be considered fake in my book.
If any of your friends suddenly thought badly about your family or your daughter, why would you want those women as your friends? Obviously they don't think that way...because you still have someone to call and vent too. lol.
If I didn't have anyone to call and vent or discuss my problems and issues with, then I would go nuts. Also by discussing problems and such, you sometimes find new solutions.
I would just tell my husband I am not a stepford wife.

Why would u revisit thus with him? He is entitled to his opinion even if u disagree with it. I would leave it alone and vent when he's not around. Venting helps us connect with other 'crazy moms' we are able to support each other and provide ideas. We aren't judging each other which is what your husband assumes. Good luck but for the sake of sanity leave it alone.

I understand where you both are coming from. Some things should be left in the family and not discussed outside, but those are boundaries that need to be discussed. I heard it best from an old co-worker, she said that you ( you and your partner) are a reflection of eachother, in they way you look, act and speak...you represent your family in the same ways.

I vent about everything, kids, husband, everything...some initimate details I may keep in but if I really need to get something off of my chest that is eating at me I have to get it out or I'll go crazy. It's normal...my advice would be going forward, just do it when he's not around. I probably wouln't want to hear my husband venting about the family but that doesn't mean I don't think it happens. Sometimes you just need to get it out!

Most of my friends have kids that that are in the same age range as my daughter, so yeah, we'll get feedback about what's going on w/ our kids (Are you guys going through the 5 yo potty humor phase?! and such) from one another. It never turns into an all-out bash-fest of our children, though; we just mostly commiserate good-naturedly. I never ever, however, discuss my marital relationship or issues w/ friends/family, though. To me, that's kind of sacred. Oh, yeah, we might kid around about our husbands (aren't they babies when they're sick, yada yada yada) but none of us are really into that kind of thing. I think it makes it really uncomfortable to know personal things about friends' marriages/relationships, you know what I mean?

If he brings it up again just tell him that venting saves lives. Maybe if the mom that shot her two chldren had been able to vent those children would still be alive today. Now I am not saying that you would shoot your children, she was just really stressed and must not have had a support system at all. Or maybe she was trying to make the family look perfect and just lost it. Anywho, you have to do what keep you sane and venting works. Nobody has a perfect family and those that try to keep up a front are usually miserable. Do what works for you and he will soon get a clue. Guys just don't get us most of the time.

I feel so much better when I can get my emotions out with someone with same age or just someone with kids and then hear that they are going through the same things.....it reasures me that we are normal and my kids are just like any other when it comes to a rough day.....

pfffftttttt.
venting is healthy and necessary.
why on earth do you need to 'look good' to a dear friend? surely she loves you, probably not in spite of but BECAUSE you are a real person with issues and frustrations.
your husband needs a nice cup of tulsi tea.
:) khairete
S.

I tell only my close girlfriend who have kids about rough days or sometimes I ask advice about a tough situation. I often tell my husband about our conversations, but mostly with the emphasis on what my friends children are doing too. No one is perfect, and any family will have good times and bad. Sounds like your husband likes keeping up appearances on the outside. Probably just the way he was raised and what his family thought was the way things should be. Dont sweat it, and maybe make a joke one night after everyone else is asleep about how sally so and so's kid put gum on the couch or something- maybe then he'll get it that other families can have those off days too

Yup, I do that too. I think just about anyone vents to someone about their problems or concerns. It's venting, not necessarily complaining. And yes, guys also do this with their guy friends, they probably don't do it that way we do, but I know my husband and his good buddy do. I know cuz sometimes he tells me what his friend had to say about his wife.

talk to him when you're both rational. Try not to use the "you" word cause when people need to resolve confict that's the fastest way to create conflict.

tell him how you feel and find a way to agree on how much venting is "OK" and how much makes him uncomfortable. Talk about your needs and help him find a way that both of you can be sane at the end of the day.

it sounds to me like he needs you to be quiet as much as you need to vent.