Do You Let Your Kids Come Sleep with You...

Co slept with older son. He sleeps in his own bed now and occasionally sleeps with us as a treat. Younger son is still co sleeping with us. Will probably start trying to get him in his own bed in 6 months or so. And just wanted to point out my marriage and relationship with my husband has not suffered in any way due to this arrangement. Honestly I don't get it why some people are so opposed to it. If it keeps you from being able to sleep thàts one thing. But I get real annoyed at those who act likes its a crime against humanity and my kids will be emotionally stunted or something.

No, you're not too strict. You struck a balance and compromised. That's about as good as you can do. He can think and feel what he wants to, but he needs to be willing to compromise as well. It's no fun dealing with grouchy folks, and I think he should accept the compromise.

We often have at least one child in bed with us. We just move over a little and everyone sleeps all night. I don't have any issues with this. I know a lot of parents do but there will be a time when they'll be older and won't do it anymore. I love the snuggles.

Everyone grows up differently and per culture and parenting styles.
We all grow out of it, sometime.
So no matter what you all do, it is not permanent.
It is not.
Just know that.
Kids won't want snuggles sooner or later, in bed with you.
And then you will be the one to want their snuggles and they will not want to.

Or just let them sleep on the floor in your room, and fall asleep there if they are scared or sick or anything. Then they are not IN bed WITH you disrupting YOUR sleep.
We did that with our kids. And it was fine.

And if your loved one is grouchy the next day due to lack of sleep due to your kids being in bed with you, then that is his, concern. He can choose to be grumpy or not and drink a cup of coffee. He's an adult.

When I was a kid, I got scared at night. My parents would let me squeeze in between them in bed. They made no big deal out of it. They knew, I would grow out of it and I did. They didn't grumble about it or me and how I gave them lack of sleep. My other sibling on the other hand, did not do that, nor wanted to be with my parents. And she'd make fun of me. But she was a cold fish. And still is.

We co-slept with our boys until they were about 16 months. That's when we put them on a mattress on the floor in their room. But we always let them come into our bed if they woke up at night. We have a king size bed, so that helped. Also, if they were moving a lot, I would just crawl into their bed.

I noticed a couple of moms warn you to be careful of letting them into your bed because it might become a habit. I've heard other moms say the same thing. That if you search co-sleeping you'll see lots of posts about moms trying to get their kids out of their bed. First, I've been on Mamapedia for 6 years, and I can count on one hand the number of times I've seen a post like that (I'm pretty sure the number is 2). Second, did you notice that both of those moms began their post with, "We don't co-sleep."

We made no effort to stop our kids from coming into our bed (until our oldest was in kindergarten). Both of them just naturally grew out of it. Something to think about.

Every chance I get =). During the school year it was on the weekends. In the summer well... I do have a king size beds and my girls are tiny and hubby has his own room so there's lots of room for the little humans. I know that my family's choices are not for everyone but in my home it's bliss.

I allowed my kiddo to come climb into bed with me any time she wanted.

Two:

We were not co-sleepers....however...when my kids have a bad dream they come to me and I won't turn them away, even when they aren't feeling well - I will either lay with them in their bed or in my/our bed.

I will tell you that if you allow it all the time? You might not get your bed back and wonder where your marriage went! Search posts on here for co-sleeping and how many women are asking "how do i get my bed back?"

You and your husband need to be on the same page though. So you really need to talk this out. One day this might become bigger than it is or than it needs to be. Does that make sense?

Good luck!

This phase is over before you know.

I can guarantee you that no teenager will be traipsing into your bed - ever.

It's not about right or wrong or too strict or too lenient. It's about the two of you deciding together what the plan is going to be and sticking to it. Neither one of you should be telling the kids the new "rule" without both of you agreeing to it.

It's great to hear what other people do, but don't use another family's choices to justify your opinion.

That being said, we did a lot of co-sleeping when our kids were under 2. They are now 4 and 7. With the rare exception, they begin the night in their own bed. If our 4 year old wakes in the middle of the night he usually just climbs into our bed. Most of the time we don't even realize it until morning. The 7 year old will usually call for us if he has a bad dream, and we'll try to comfort him and encourage him to go back to sleep.

I understand what you mean about the kids being grouchy, and I'd want to avoid that as well. But I do understand where your husband is coming from. It won't be long before they will have no interest in snuggling. Also, I really want my kids to know that we are there for them 24/7. I understand when parent's say nighttime is for sleeping, but I fear the message kids are hearing is that nighttime is for sleeping, so you are on your own until dawn. I never want my kids to feel I'm not there for them in the middle of the night.

Beginning every night in their own bed makes a big difference. Once they fall asleep, the majority of the time they sleep through the night and coming into our bed becomes a moot (sp?) point.

I hope you get some good ideas. But really, try to find a solution that will make both of you happy.

My 7 YO is hopefully growing out of a 6 month stage of coming into our room wanting to sleep with us. As working parents, it can be easy to say yes - let just all get back to sleep. But I can't sleep 3 in a bed. So one of us would have to go into the guest room.

She snuggles in the AM and as a treat, gets to sleep with daddy sometimes on a Saturday night. I'm shoved out!!! The two of them then snore together!

And I don't think you are too strict. I NEVER was allowed to sleep in my parents room. Neither was my husband. My mom would go insane if you even sat on her bed (she didn't want it messed up).

We co-slept with our son until he was three, and now have some strong limits about when we will allow him in our bed. If he's sick or nightmares strike, he has a full-sized bed so one of us can go lie down with him. We snuggle him in the morning in his bed, too, but at night, he's in his own bed.

Kids need to know where they are to sleep, and parents have the right to a good night's sleep when it's possible. If you are having ''fallout" the next day, when everyone has a case of the grouchies and you are having to cope with it, then it really *isn't* working for everyone and maybe that's how you need to present it to your SO.

Do you have a sofa bed/guest bed? Could they use that for the snugglefest? I think you found a good compromise already and really -- how much sleep/night feedings did you have to deal with in those first few years?! You've *earned* the right to a good rest each evening whenever possible. When you create habits for the kids that the bed is open to all comers-- well, I have a sister who did that and hated it later. Those kids only get bigger!

I'm confused.... he WANTS LOs in bed, but then HE is grouchy the next day?

I think you all are confusing your terminology. You are saying "strict" when what you mean is a different value system and parental priority on sleeping. I don't see this as "strict" or "permissive". I see this as your SO either values a family bed or he is unwilling to consistently enforce limits (ie - one of you has to get up every time they come in and put them back to bed).

You need to figure out which one it is before you know what the solution will be.

If you guys have a different value system or parenting philosophy (meaning he values family bed and you value independence).... that's going to be tougher.

I can tell you that I have an almost-13-year-old who is not into hugs or cuddles anymore. it really IS going to be gone one day, them being little and wanting snuggles... your ability to let them into your bed. I also didn't sleep well when my flippy floppy fish of a kid came in the middle of the night. But, now, I would give up a couple more nights of sleep to have that back.

Yes, we allow it. My dd is extremely sensitive to noise and freaks out. No harm done...

i'm with you. sometimes snuggles are sweet, and if there are bad dreams or littles who don't feel good, they're welcome. but i too don't sleep well with wiggly little people on a regular basis.
khairete
S.

It's not about being too strict, it's about knowing how much sleep deprivation you can tolerate in yourself and other family members.

But, as S.H. says, you will miss it once they don't want to do it any more.

It's up to you.

I can't sleep with my kids in my bed. They move too much... and kick... A LOT. lol... So, no, my kids aren't allowed to come sleep with me. Now, first thing in the morning, they'll come get in bed, cuddle a little bit, then make me get up. As for nightmares, they still can't come sleep with me, but I'll go lay down on the floor in their room. Yep, I'd rather sleep on the floor in their room than in a bed with them. They're THAT bad... :) I think you've got a good plan.

Yes - as a working mom I'm gone so much during the day that I wanted my kids to feel I was at least there at night. And when they're little and scared, i can't imagine not letting them be with me... I used to go to my parents' bed sometimes as a kid. One thing you could do is move to their bed and let your husband sleep with them so the bed isn't so crowded but they're not alone. Or he moves... So doesn't have to be all 3 of you in one bed so you can get some sleep. Letting them come to us (still happens with my oldest who is amost 9) has cost us sleep but I also feel it's helped her feel secure. you could also let them sleep on the floor in your room next to you. Set up a matt or something...

No... your not being too strict. That's what we do with my son (maybe I'm strict too then), ...sometimes he ends up in bed with us and we don't even remember him coming in..but we pick him up and put him back in his. We never let him sleep with us all night - none of us get sleep and it's not worth it. If he has a bad dream or is scared of something (storms usually), one of us will lay in his bed with him for a while until he's asleep. We have a 10 month old too - and we will do the same with him. We've never allowed it with our 6 year old and we won't with the baby either.

No one in our house has ever gotten a good night's sleep with 3 in our bed. When my SD was younger, she'd kick and toss and keep all of us awake. Then she'd get hot and want to be outside the covers--then she was cold and wanted to be inside. We'd all wake up the next day, crabby.

We compromised and allowed her to sleep in our room, but on the floor on blankets. Eventually she got tired of it and wanted to be in her own bed.

Snuggles in the morning are ALWAYS welcome, even at age 12 she still likes to do it and we cherish it.

I think what you're doing is fine if you don't sleep well with them in your bed. Let me tell you, it's NOT worth it to have grouchy kids/parents the next day!

I will say that sometimes we'd do a "campout" in the living room where we'd all sleep together in sleeping bags. I think sleeping together can be a bonding experience, so long as SLEEPING is happening! After all, that is the purpose!

Sleep? No

Come cuddle in the mornings...especially weekend mornings? Yes.

If our kids are scared then they know they are ALWAYS welcome to camp on the floor in our room or the cushy oversized recliner.

Maybe we are strict too...but M. needs her beauty sleep..and also so I don't go all crazy on them from lack of sleep because of constant elbows and knees in my face.

For us...this works because my hubby and I are on the same page.

I guess I'm strict, too! Usually, I'll get up and put them back to bed when they come in our room in the middle of the night. My son is a hard sleeper- I never have to worry about this unless he's sick. My daughter tries to sneak into bed with us every chance she gets. If she's scared, I'll sometimes sit down with her for a minute or two in HER bed until she's calm. Then, it's kisses and goodnight.

I can't even sleep with hubby in my bed, so save for morning snuggles or snuggles during a storm, no family bed here.

The only time the kids come snuggle is in the morning if we're still in bed. Otherwise if they have a bad dream I will lay in their bed with them and snuggle until they are not so scared or have fallen asleep.

On vacations we usually get a 2 queen room so one child per bed and one adult per bed or both kids share a bed.

It's up to you what you want to do.

If there's a storm or she has a bad dream and just needs the snuggle for comfort, fine - but after 15 to 20 minutes, she needs to be back in her own bed. She is almost 6 now and it's just too tight in our bed for all 3 of us. Although the other morning, she came into our room after saying she had had a bad dream and she had not come into our room for snuggles in a very long time. It was almost 5 am and we typically are up around 7 (no school or work so okay to sleep in) - she ended up falling back asleep and I just let her stay. My husband had to be up at 5:30 for his job, so once he was out of the bed, there was plenty of room.

I guess it just depends on how comfortable or uncomfortable you all are in the bed together, if everyone is getting the sleep they need, and whether it turns into a nightly event. I would probably say it's okay whenever they want, but after X number of minutes, they need to be back in their own beds. If everyone is grouchy the next day from lack of sleep, it's really not working for you.

No children in my bed - ever.
Once in a great while, they would come in if they were frightened. I'd get them and take them to their beds to snuggle. My bed is mine. It's bad enough I have to share with my husband, I'm not sharing what little bed I have left with kids or animals.

My kids are.old enough to sleep in there own rooms at night.I only allow them to sleep with me 1 every 2 weeks.Because My kids kick and all heavy sleepers.And when they fall asleep sometimes i put them in there own beds
I am a strict parent,and i hardly let then sleep in my bed and they know that.

I would let my kids come get in my bed anytime they had a bad dream. I would not matter what day or time it was. Even if it ment kicking my husband out of bed if it was too cramped. Kids come first.

If it was up to my husband, he would have a family bed, lol. I do not sleep good when the bed is too crowded. We have a queen size. My husband can sleep anytime and anywhere, lol. If they have a bad dream, we usually let them stay for a little bit, but once they are ok, we walk them back to their bed. If there is a time when my husband is doing a night shift, then my kids like to take turns sleeping with me.

My family, never let us sleep in their bed at night. If we were scared or sick, we would all camp out in the living room on the couch. With my son, we put his little couch on the floor and we let him sleep on that when he first transfered to his toddler bed. but over all, we all sleep better in our own beds.

I will let him come in and fall asleep, then I have my hubby bring him back to his room. If it is after 4:30 am we might just let him in for the night.

vacations are different, they can sleep with us because we are in a strange place.

God luck

You are being very nice to share those times.
I would not invite trouble. If your current arrangement is working, don't mess with it.
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Oh, and we didn't do co-sleeping. The rare occasion there was a bad dream and I let one into the bed, I never slept well the rest of the time they were there, until eventually (an hour later) I would get up and take them back to their own room. It was not good for any of our sleep.

And now, that the kids are much older? They still sleep in their own rooms, and when we watch movies as a family or Jeopardy! or something, they come pileup on the bed or in our room with us to do that. During waking hours! It's much nicer when you are piled up on the bed watching a movie than when you are trying to sleep.
My kids are 11 and 14 now.
Do what works for you, and remember that Wild Woman made a good point. There are a lot of moms who are happy with co-sleeping when their kiddo is a baby or toddler, but then has a difficult situation to deal with when she decides it isn't working anymore and has to wean the kids off of that.

I allow my kids to come to bed with me when they need to, which has only been a few times. Once for a nightmare, a couple of times after throwing up in their own beds and once during a particularly bad storm. If I thought it would become a habit or the kids would become dependant on it, then I would stop it immediately, because we all end up sore and tired the next day.

No co-sleeping, but we do have weekend wake-up time in mommy and daddy's bed.

DH absolutely cannot sleep in if DD is rolling around, so if she has a nightmare, she and I snuggle on the couch til she feels better. I do so out of respect for him. When he is not home, I might let her stay. Morning snuggles (when he gets up and I'm snoozing) are fine.

And you didn't mention the ages of the kids but younger is more understandable. I do not expect her to sneak into my bed when she's 12.

We never did co-sleeping but a late night or early morning snuggle was always precious.

When my daughter was sick she would want me to sleep with her and I did.

Keep in mind, once they start growing up and become teens, you won't be able to pay them to come snuggle with you. Enjoy each moment... priceless!