Do You Have a Life Outside of Hubby and Kids?

I can't think of anyone I would want to be with 24/7/365.

One of my exes drove me nuts because he never wanted me to do anything without him, and he refused to do anything without me.

I have always had to have time for myself.

Oh no, I thought by the title that you meant something else (do I get to do
much outside the home? Not that much but I do try.).

No, I do not hang w/my hubby 24/7.

While I love him, I have to have my girlfriends. They are amazing.

They are supportive & give great advice.

And aside from that......they are so fun and funny. When we finally do get
a chance to get together......we have a fun time laughing, trading stories,
getting good ideas from each other, just sharing some lunch for girl
time.

Maybe the ladies you are talking about aren't supported by their hubbies.
I know two ladies where the hubby won't watch the kids so they can go
out. Sad as it's their own children.

IME, the moms I know LOVE going out without the hubbies and kids.
That's the norm I see.

ETA: as a matter of fact, got a GNO tonight, hubs is out of town--so it's actually moms & kids night out!

You have to reach further to find friends.

I left work to stay home AND moved, so I had no friends at first when I had babies, but I made it a POINT to make friends in my new town. My ex always traveled and I'm a single mom now, so thank goodness I built a community for myself.

To be honest, the friends I have who are most willing to "hang out occasionally" are my friends without kids! So get some of those. I'm a painter and I take my kids to lots of art an music activities. I have a whole slew of childless friends from that crowd-men and women. Plus I've found a few mom friends through some of the kids activities who aren't always about their kids and husbands. MOST ARE...but there's a few out there interested in having a life outside of kids and husband.

Most ladies with lives outside of home are DOING stuff. I've met friends at the opening of a community garden, volunteering with some political activities, handing food out in shelters, art events, community events, Zumbathons for charity, Teachers of various classes in the area, wherever there are women "doing stuff" some are bound to have older kids out of the house, or no kids, or a life balance where they still do stuff even though they have kids.

Broaden your activities and befriend that type of lady and attend their invites and host some girls nights....you'll get a few good independent friends eventually.

Oh wow, my husband and I run our company from home so we are pretty much together 24/7. I LOVE it when he has his routine night or 2 on the road because we both get some down time.

We are empty nesters now as our 19 yr old is off to college and lives about 20 minutes away in her own condo. I see her 1-3 times a week and we text daily, a lot.

Even when she was growing up, I had monthly bunco group activity, I am a 13+ yr substitute teacher because it is my "mental break", I went on vacations to the beach by myself for long weekends, I lunch and sometime happy hour with my friends (male and female).

I think it is good for children to be able to spend some one on one time alone with each parent and bond. It is also good for each parent to be away from home occasionally to recharge.

Running a family and maintaining a marriage is not easy. It takes work.

Date night has been a priority since we married in 1988. We had daughter in 1994 and we STILL have date night weekly. Now that she has moved out, we are on more date nights a week.

I can't imagine the quality of life I would have if I did nothing but be with my husband and daughter 24/7. I am my own person and I feel the need to continue to grow and learn. Just because I became wife and mom does not mean "I" no longer exist.

During the infant/breastfeeding/toddler years I was with my kids most of the time. I was their main caretaker and source of nutrition LOL! But I managed to steal away here and there evenings and weekends, to go to the store by myself, meet a friend for a walk, take a class, whatever.
Going forward I always had my own hobbies and projects, finished my college degree, volunteered, went to the gym, etc. So YES I had plenty of interests. And it is a LOT easier to leave the house when you no longer have to worry about who is watching the kids. A lot of freedom (for parents) happens when your kids are old enough to stay home alone.
But I will say, even now that most of my friends and I have teenagers it's still hard to plan "girl time" because everyone's schedule is so different. Between working, getting kids to and from their activities, family obligations, etc. it takes a real effort. I have a wonderful book club that meets once a month, I have some regular walking buddies, and every now and then I have a shopping or movie and/or lunch date with a friend.
It certainly seems unhealthy that your friends refuse to leave the house without their husbands and kids but maybe they are just content like that, who knows? Look for people you have something in common with, people who are participating in the same activities you do. I've made a lot of friends over the years by working and volunteering on school projects and committees, but that took time. Stay busy and involved and you'll get there!

I love my husband and children dearly, but I need my girl time and my alone time.

My husband and I hang out with each other all day (he works from home, I'm a SAHM). So when we go out to socialize, it's rarely together. I play tennis and have a lot of friends from that. We'll go out for lunch or meet for coffee as well as play tennis. My husband has guy friends that live around here and they sometimes go out at night together after we've had dinner as a family. Sometimes, hubs and I will go out for dinner by ourselves without the kids, but almost never with other couples. The kids are teens/pre-teens now, so they each have their own social lives. We make it a priority to eat dinner together at the table most nights a week.

I feel like we all spend just the right amount of time together and the right amount of time apart. They are my family and I love them, but I certainly don't see them as an extension of myself. We're all individuals who appreciate alone time as much as together time. And we enjoy spending quality time with our friends without the distraction of spouses and kids as well.

I have always done my own thing. Yes, there is hubby and the kids but they are a part of my life but not my whole life. Children are for a season of 22 years. You marry someone hoping to grow old together and that does happen. However you two are two different people with different interests.

I had a neighbor once that could not hardly wipe her butt without her husband. I don't know if they are still together or not. But that is too much togetherness for me. It is a strangle hold on someone and smothering.

I sew and have hobbies that fill in the blanks between hubby and kids who are now grown and gone. Lunches would be great but many of the people I know still work and we meet up quarterly. It makes for an all round person having something you like to do that is all yours.

I hope this answers you. I do work and do that for myself.

the other S.

PS Possibly being a retired military wife this has made me do things on my own without having a buddy so to speak. I even enjoy sitting in the park on a bench to watch the world go by and collect my inner thoughts. Simple things in life bring much joy.

Weird! I don't know anyone like that except for my dad and stepmom who I think are unhealthily co-dependent on each other. I meet girlfriends to go on bike rides, hikes, for a movie, or to go out for a coffee. I don't do it that often...but often enough. I love meeting my good friend for this evening yoga class and then we will go have a drink afterwards and talk. Or I love setting up a looooong road bike ride for a weekend morning with my other friend while our husbands watch our kids. I have left for a weekend for a women's fitness retreat once. And about a year ago I left for a weekend yoga retreat. Every woman I know and am friends with is like this...they train for marathons, they plan a "girls night out", one friend even has a girlfriend vacation every year! I think it is healthy to have some of your own hobbies, interests, and friends and to not spend all your time with your husband. I would go crazy without my good friends! I find it odd that all your friends your age (and they are so young!) are so codependent already. If you look around you will find plenty of independent women friends who are more like you.

always have.
always will.
i'm right there with ya, sister.
khairete
S.

I have 2 different groups who have girls' night out - one neighborhood group of moms, and a group of friends whom I've had since college.

We don't get to go as often as we'd like, because everyone is so busy. But we do make an effort to go, and we all have a great time when we can pull it off.

So, your experience is opposite of mine.

For me it really varies. See, I spent my 20 alone, and then the better part of my 30 with hubby or alone with girlfriends.

Now, in my 40s, with small children, I can't stand the thought of going out without hubby because he and I rarely see each other or spend time alone. When he's home, we divide and conquer, and since i crash around 9:30, we don't get much time. So my time with him is more precious to me than time with girlfriends. He is my family, and we are the foundation. We come first.

I do have my hobbies and interests I do alone but right now I'm in the thick of young children, and this really is where my interests are. So I guess I am like your friends. I guess I feel like I did my dancing when I was younger, and now I just want to be a homebody. I do think this will change as I move out of having a baby, but with really small ones at home, I'd rather sleep thanks. But if you'd like to come over for dinner, great! I'm always ready and willing to make a cake :-) but family time is so precious right now that we do things as a family.

I was going to say - of course I do things without my husband and kids!! But then I realized - that's bc I work. That's a lot of time without them but it's about the only time... Now that my kids are getting older -8/9, I do some mom's nights out and once in a great while a pedicure with a friend or a dinner but honestly I didn't do a lot without the family for years. I do think it's bc I work FT though. I don't believe in working and then going out a lot without the kids... I don't work bc I HAVE to. So I've tried to spend virtually every non workign minute with my kids since they were born. It's been mostly guilt driven vs I have no other interests or am not independent though. I've actually lost my hobbies by now but I used to have them. :) I got married pretty late and moved to 4 different states alone before I got married so no way am I overly dependent on my husband but we've mainly done things as a family with friends and their kids. And that has been the case for most people we know... I guess we know a lot of working moms or even SAHM's who don't have family to leave the kids with. But as our kids get older, we are doing more girls' nights. My husband has always continued to go meet friends or workout etc but he doesn't need as much sleep as me so he'd go sometimes on a weekend night to meet an old friend (and I do trust that's what he was doing :) after the kids were in bed. And ironically, my husband and I do not have this ideal relationship where we never argue and can't be apart. Yet I could see some old friends saying "geez, she can't go anywhere without her family." One old friend does way more without her child than I ever did. Different mothering priorities as she also works FT and long hours. But - if I was a SAHM I think I'd have been very different! I just have had very few SAHM friends... Then I think there is easy justification to go out without kids. I do find it odd your SAHM friends won't meet alone...

I don't know anyone whose life is 100% spouses and kids. Of course most of my non-work time is spent with my kids taking care of them, getting them here and there and where they need to be or just hanging out, but I have friends and hobbies and interests and make time for them. I get together with one group of girl friends that last Friday night of the month and try to get out with other groups of girlfriends at least one other night a month. I'm on a PTA board and have to do kid-free stuff for that, and I have a group of girl friends who I work out with - I bike with one group, have a running buddy, meet others at the gym, etc. I really treasure time to connect with other adults (for something other than work) or even just be alone. It reminds you that there's a great big world out there, puts anything I'm struggling with in perspective and makes me a better person, wife and mother.

I don't have a ton of opportunities to hang out and relax with my friends so you can be sure that I take them when it comes up! I wouldn't be available for it every week though, more like every-other-month for a night out. If I can, I'll meet up for lunch during the school day. It isn't about not wanting to leave my husband and kids, but about all the other things in my life.

Spontaneous outings are almost impossible. Things usually have to be planned out in advance. Think of something you want to do, and pick a date that is a month from now. You might have better luck getting your girlfriends together.

I was thinking about this the other day. I work full-time outside of the home in a demanding career. I love what I do, but it obviously eats up a lot of my time. Most of the stuff that I do outside of work involves my DH and kids. I am very active in my children's school and on the PTA Board, but obviously this ties into my children. My daughter just joined Girl Scouts and I am looking for another activity for my son.

I am an introvert by nature, so it really doesn't bother me to stay at home with the family. Most of my adult interactions are centered around work or stuff with the kids. Every so often, I will get together with a friend or two - but usually folks that I met in conjunction with a kid activity...

Now that I'm older, I don't need as much girlfriend time as I desire alone time. I'm more introverted than I've ever been. With that, I'm also less healthy and less happy than I have ever been.

However, when I was married. I successfully balanced it 33% between pals! hubby, and hubby/son. I look back and say, I was very happy and fulfilled back then.

Lesson? Dr. Oz says those who surround themselves with family, friends and a pet are most healthy.

For me, it is true and I'm working to get into that space!

My husband plays online games. When he's between games I go a little nutty, because that means he's upstairs with me all the time and I don't get to watch my shows. I need that hour or 2 alone to decompress from my day. We both work and text frequently throughout the day, and spend family time together on the weekends and before the kiddo goes to bed. I don't need to be attached at the hip to him.

Absolutely, I have a life outside of hubby and child. . I feel you must have balance and besides we all need to have independency. I had a friend that every time I asked her out to do something she wanted to bring along and I couldn't understand it. As couples, we need to have time together and apart to explore our individual interests. This works for us.

Everyone had different preferences, if you don't mesh with these women expand your social circles. When I was a stay at home I did lunch with my friends but evening stuff we did with husbands. Seemed pretty normal to me.

Oh we did plan some girls nights out but not very often, we were all just too busy.

I'm a home body. Getting me out of the house is like pulling teeth. The problem (for me) is that any time I mention needing someone to watch my 4 year old, the person being asked suddenly has plans, or doesn't understand why I don't just bring kiddo with me, or decides to make it a full family outing. Leaving me so thoroughly frustrated that I have given up. I was whining to my counselor about being stressed out with all the financial/legal/health care responsibilities of motherhood. The first thing she said to me was "Get a life! Go out with a friend and have fun!" I would love to! I envy people who get to fly solo. I'd like to try on a bra without my little one commenting on the current state of my boobs.

I have five kids aged 10 years-3 months. We have been married almost 13 years. We are so stretched that it's impossible to do everything together; we usually "divide and conquer". We do have one family vacation and a couple of weekends as a family per year. I am mostly SAHM, I work a small amount and volunteer as school district dietitian. But my passion is running and triathlon. I always schedule workouts (sometimes running at 5 am) and races around kids' schedules, but this is a hobby that is healthy and social for me (lots of athletes in our small town) and it makes me fulfilled and a better/stronger mom. This Sunday I will leave my family, run the Boston Marathon, and fly home immediately after. I breastfeed and have plenty of stashed milk for the baby. Everyone will be fine without me for 30 hours, but the life experience I'll gain and then share with my kids will be a good thing. I think that parents should fulfill their dreams, especially if reaching goals requires hard work (great example to kids!). I think that kids' needs come first though, but I have found that, with planning, everything can fit.

Yes, I do. I work out often at the Y and see a lot of familiar faces and friends and acquaintances there. I am in a book club that meets once a month and I have season tickets to a theater with a friend about once every six weeks, although we are lucky if we actually go together a couple of times a year. We often end up exchanging our tickets because of conflicts. I also have a friend from my hometown that I have lunch with every couple of months and I have lunch at my former workplace (for which I now do contract work from home) with former colleagues a couple of times a year. Periodically I get together individually with women from my book club. It sounds like a lot, but a big part of my social life is attending my kids' events and talking to other parents. I am going to miss that part of my life when I become an empty nester (my kids are teenagers) and wonder how I will replace it. My husband and I try to have date nights whenever possible, but we also have our own friends and social lives.

I am a SAHM and my husband works from home. I am on two committees where I have leadership positions which keeps me very busy. I also have two groups of friends from HS that I regularly get together with for GNO. I then have my 2 best friends that I have had for over 20 years and we get together a few times per year. We also have "couple" friends that my husband and I get together with pretty regularly.

I think most of the woman I know have lots of outside interest and activities.

It is not too often that I get out with out the kids and hubby. But I do make an effort.

Working full time It is the kids I miss more, so If I go out I try to make plans for after they are in bed.

Absolutely. We are very compatible, but we have different interests in many areas and don't feel the need to drag the other to something not-so-fun when we can do it with someone who loves doing it. We have lunch with different people, I sing in a chorus, do pot luck dinners with the ladies from my gym class, and go to some political or cultural events he doesn't like, while he does other things. I have men friends/colleagues and he has women friends/colleagues, but we have complete trust.

Keep looking for people who share your interests, and don't worry about the others who only travel in packs together! Sometimes people really are homebodies who adore their together time, and other times they already feel guilty about something and have their interests totally subsumed to others. I think my son grew up very independent and respectful in part because he saw that each of his parents had separate interests and that we could support each other without being together constantly.

FYI My niece's wedding was almost totally disrupted by a couple who refused to come without their kids and also didn't trust (just on principle) the babysitter my niece hired to accommodate them. For 3 days before the wedding, she and her fiancé fielded calls about various demands re a babysitter, children's menu and so on. The husband was in the wedding party so they didn't feel they could tell this couple to take a hike. But getting the husband to the pre-wedding photo session early while the wife refused to drive the car and work out the carseat detail was a nightmare. So sometimes people carry this "togetherness" thing too far.

I work and travel a lot. It fulfils my needs away from my family. My husband is a SAHD, and doesn't have many outside interests or friends - not for want of encouragement from me.

I have a group of neighborhood moms that we go out after school functions or try to get together once every few months, another group of moms that we do The Bachelor/Bachelorette viewing parties, and then another mom or two that we go walking in the evenings. Luckily these people are committed to the group effort.

With the latter two groups there have been a lot of moms that have come and gone (outside of our core group).

I would say to just keep trying.

I just think that the logistics of socializing with your girl or guy friends is difficult once you have kids. Thats why families tend to do things with just the family or with other friends that have kids. I'd love to spend more time with girlfriends, but its just nearly impossible for me to get a way. I know a mom who has as many kids and me and schedules a day a week that her husband and her trade off staying home with kids and going out. I think its great they are able to make that work. I'd rather pay a babysitter and get some alone time with my husband though. Otherwise, we socialize with other families with kids. Its just what works out best for us.