Going Out Without Your Husband

In order to be a present and loving wife/mother, I must first be an empowered fulfilled woman.

My friendships help me be that woman. I don't know if that's true for everyone, but it's true for me.

Yes, I go out by myself. Mostly just to a friend's home (cheaper, easier, more relaxed). Sometimes I go dancing, on a short trip (w/ or w/out children), or to dinner. It's important for me to have that time.

I love my husband with every fiber of my being....BUT, if i dont get some alone time away for just me sometimes, i honestly feel like i'll lose my ever lovin mind!!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha.....he is a lot more dependent and i'm more independent so sometimes it's hard. like today...i became a SAHM after I had the twins 8 months ago so hubby had to pick up a part time over night job and does some odd jobs here and there to make ends meet. we have only one vehicle...which means i spend the vast majority of my time here in this house....today was like the top blew off of my sanity....it has been a rough few days with my toddler acting like a spawn of satan, which sounds horribly i know but he really has been bad, and my infants are in a teething frenzy. one of my lil guys is cutting 3 top teeth right now, poor thing....we had a garage sale today which my hubby did while i watched the kids.....i told him, if i dont get out of this house and away from the kids i really think i'm going to go insane, i have to get out tomorrow...he goes, well can i come with you??? all sad sounding. i'm like okay, cause we really do need some time away from the kids together, but next weekend i AM GOING SOMEWHERE ALONE!!! LOL, its hard with a 2 1/2 year old and 8 month old twins.....but to never go anywhere without the other, that it odd to me...ps...sorry for the long rant

I go out with friends (sometimes a group of other women, sometimes a mixed sex group) or even by myself. So does he. It's not a big deal.
If I go out alone, I will dance by myself or with strangers. Just because I dance with them doesn't mean I plan to have sex with them. I don't let anyone else buy me drinks.

Um...I "can" and do go where I please. I respect my marriage though and keep that in mind.

However, to each their own and if your friend has that policy--no biggie. That's "their" deal.

Odd? Maybe. Crazy? No.
She may or may not regret this O. day--that's up to her. Respect her decision.

I don't know, no-one else has said this, but this is raising red flags for me. It is really that SHE does not want to go out without him or is it HIM that does not want her to go out without him. Do you know the husband enough? He could very well be VERY controlling over her and that is his way of making sure she won't stray. I have a friend that long ago was in a relationship like that, she gave up a lot of her friends because he did not like them (he liked me, so she was allowed to hang out with me, I just did not see that at the time), it got to the point where she really didn't go out much without him unless it was with me or her family. Ended up finding out she was being emotionally/verbally abused by him and eventually physically.
I would keep eyes and ears open with regard to her and look for other strange behaviors.

I do things on my own by myself. Without Hubby tagging along.
I do things on my own with my friends. Without Hubby tagging along.

My Husband does things on his own by himself. Without me tagging along.
My Husband does things on his own with his friends. Without me tagging along.

Then we both do things together, as a couple or with other friends as a group.

This is normality, for us.
I am not a "Siamese Twin" with my Husband.
No way.

And, I am not uncomfortable in a club or bar or restaurant, or Cafe, without my Husband. Why should I be? I am a big girl who can handle, myself.

I still have a girls night out occasionally - definitely without my husband!

I am certainly comfortable being away from my husband, and I am not completely attached. If I wanted to go somewhere without him, neither of us would struggle without. However, we rarely go anywhere without each other. I don't do "girls nights." I don't drink and I don't enjoy bars, dancing or places like that. I'm not really a party person. It's just me. I enjoy museums, book readings, things like that. My husband is the exact same way. I don't like going with a girl friend to those places, because they just want to talk. I don't want to go to those places to talk. Truthfully, I have never much enjoyed the company of women. I'm not a very chatty person. I have a few select female friends and we do occasionally get coffee and chat. I have never from the time I was a small girl, needed the company of woman. I do not loose myself, my identity, if I don't spend lots of time with friends. Our hobbies and interests simply happen to be the same. They were before we dated. We don't feel the need to just find separate hobbies, just to be able to say we have them.

We do almost everything together, completely by choice. Not out of need or fear. We enjoy each others company, and our escapes are the same. I don't feel the need to ever get away from him, personally. Maybe, I'm just lucky in that regard? But, I agree. HAVING to be wherever your spouse is...that's just not healthy.

I love my husband to bits and pieces, but we understand that we need our own time with our own friends. Granted we have mutual friends, but one is not required to be there if the the other is going out with them. Geesh, I need those times to vent freely about my husband sometimes with my girlfriends lol It sounds like control/trust issues to me.

That is just strange. I love doing things with Troy but I am just as comfortable going out without him. Kinda makes me wonder if there isn't some issues there. I mean obviously she wasn't born married to Mick, what happened that she can no longer function without him.....strange.

I think this is one of those nuanced issues......

My husband is military and currently deployed. When he is home, I don't socialize without him because there will be plenty of times while he is gone that I must do exactly that. We prioritize our time together. Also, we love watching movies together and discussing them. Often, there are movies I tell him to go ahead and watch because I don't have enough interest to allocate the time for it, and that's OK. But that leads into my second issue.

Now that I have kids, I am acutely aware of everything involved in me getting out of the house by myself. It is a luxury in itself. When I have such a valuable opportunity to be "alone" I really want to be alone. I don't desire to spend these rare moments in idle chitchat with "the girls" or watching a movie. I go to the spa, by myself. I go shopping, by myself. I enjoy quiet, which you may admit is fairly rare when hanging with the gals.

Her stock answer may be "I don't do anything without my husband," but I assure you there are degrees and nuances that she's just not going into, and that's OK. If she's interested in participating in the couples socializing but not the girls vs. boys activities, that's OK.

Definitely have girls' night out every once in awhile. He has boys' night out too.

To me it's a little co-dependent to go everywhere together.

I do go out without my husband.

I have a friend like this. When we have girl's night, we literally don't invite her because she will invite him to come sit on the couch in jammies watching chick flicks with us and gossip, and he will accept! I could never deal with doing everything with my husband...but to each their own! Have you ever just said, "Why would you never do something without him?" She may have an interesting answer.

It is ridiculous to NEVER go out without your spouse. Girls/guys nights out are critical. Don't they get sick of each other?

Yes I am you could say attached to my husband, but I do things without him. Going to clubs and such no. I would not go to a movie without him either because we are movie freaks...I have spent the weekend away for mothers day had a good time but missed my husband and kids.
It is not really being attached to him it is enjoying my time with him and loving him with all my heart. Not to say that someone else does not love their spouse to their fullest extent, but we have built our relationship on don't do it if you would not want me to. Bottom line everyone is entitled to their opinion in any area of your life, but ultimately it is your decision. No matter what someone else thinks believes or feels. It is all a matter of living life for what works best in you and your family and thank God for that!

we don't do EVERYTHING together, but most of the time, if he is home, then yes, we do it together. he will go fishing, and i do something else, or whatever. but we enjoy eachothers company. maybe they really enjoy eachother. i'd rather it be that way instead of not wanting to be around the other.

I agree with both your responses. I think it's healthy to do things without husband and obviously with him too. I think it's fine for you to go to the club dancing with the girls. Neither my husband nor I are the jealous type and he (and I am too) is secure in our marriage and love for each other and know that nothing is going to happen. You are also not old at 31 : )

Love girls only times. But neither I or my friends would go clubbing or dancing without our husbands. I did go out with a bunch of younger guys once. One of them posted on FB that a group was going to a MercyMe concert that I really wanted to attend. My husband was out of town. I messaged that I wanted to go and he said "great!" When I met up with them, I realized I had invited myself to the young adults outing. But they were all cool with it and I had a great time.
If that is the only red flag that comes up about your friend, I wouldn't worry about it. But if there are signs he isn't allowing it, then I would be concerned.

This always amazes me. My husband and I ususally go out together...not that we go out much...we are very content just spendings evenings at home with our son. However, occassionally he will go out with his friends...or I will with mine. We have talked about how it doesn't bother either of us, and we are amazed how some people can't or won't do that...we think it's a trust issue...just our opinion...

I think it is important and normal to have time out with just the girls or guys without the SO.

I love your attitude about this whole thing! I feel pretty much exactly the same way. I don't go out terribly often, and most of the time it is with my husband, but I do go out without him whenever the mood strikes me. He's a cop so he works rotating schedules sometimes, like this past weekend. Our kids are spending the whole week at my parent's house, but I was on my own just about the entire weekend due to his work schedule. I did meet a girlfriend & her husband out at a casino/bar to see her dad's band play on Friday night, then went over to a different gf's house for dinner & chatting until the wee hours on Saturday night. Even if the mister HAD been around all weekend I likely would have gone to my gf's on Saturday, though he would have gone w/ me on Friday. It's not good for people to spend every waking second together, you end up forgetting who you are as an individual if that's how you live your entire life.

Hell yeah.. Well when I can get a chance.. I really don't have too many friends, so it's big often.. But sometimes I'll go to cheddars or somewhere and sit at the bar by myself. But it's good to do somethings independently..

It is kind of like some people who have a shared email or facebook accounts. Some couples are just attached at the hip you know? My hubby goes out with boys and I with the girls, but to each his own! I personally need some space away and some girlfriends. I don't have any real close girlfriends but I have some new friendships that are promising, so that is good enough for the moment!! I think I married when I was already 30 so I am used to some level of independence even though I am a SAHM and spend the lion's share of my time with the hub and kiddos ;) I vote for girls night!

We have a girl night every month but it's dinner & board games/talking. I am all for maintaining my own friendships but I would not go out to a club without my husband! Just a different scene than I would be comfortable with!

oooh my!!! I go plenty of places without my husband!!! As does he (without me)!!!

I'm SECURE in my marriage and with my husband.....that sucks that they don't trust each other enough to go somewhere without the other - sounds like a VERY controlling relationship...sorry - I know I'm ASSUMING here but really?! if my husband said "you don't go anywhere without me." I'd show him the door and say BYE-BYE!!!

Girls need girls nights out - just like boys need boys nights out...my hubby loves to go play cards with friends...they sit down play cards and have a few beers....ti's GOOD for them!!!

I go to movies with friends, my husband does the same. I didn't want to see Green Lantern any more than he wanted to see Red Riding Hood, so we each did our own thing on different nights. He plays D&D and doesn't need me attached to his hip for that, and I dont need him to help me do my crafts on craft night, so I go without him. I can't imagine having to go out with him everywhere and vice versa. How boring for your friend.

I have a couple of girl friends I get together with every so often - just us. But we stick to shopping, movies, dinner out, maybe a couple of drinks. No clubs or bars. And my husband is fine with it. He does his guy stuff fishing, hunting, stuff like that. He doesn't go to bars or clubs without me either. Not worth the problems it causes.

I think my husband is awesome (again-----earlier this week, his awesomeness was in question, but we did get that fixed, lol). We spend most of our time together: we like to have family outings which we do often, at least 2 a week (beach trips, putt putt golf / go karts / batting cages, or the neighborhood pool for swimming and a movie, etc...we usually go to the beach 3 times a week with the family). We used to be really good at dating too, but that lapsed the last month and a half and BOY did that show! Weird how not dating for awhile can affect things. But even though we love dates and family time, yeah we need time to do stuff on our own too. We don't want to get "lost" and forget who we are or forget about developing our own interests and hobbies! (He plays tennis, I go off alone and do photography, that kind of thing). Every other Friday, he has a "guy night" where they play tennis or go to a restaurant/bar for appetizers and a beer for a couple hours. He insists I also go have girl nights and he keeps the kids (and sometimes my friends' kids too). I do not feel comfortable in a club or dancing without my husband, but frankly it was never really my thing except in my drinking days anyway). Girl time for me is either lunch, coffee, dinner, a group cooking class, trail riding, museums, shopping in an interesting district, going downtown and just walking around to see what happens (we always find SOMETHING fun to do), go watch chick flicks, karaoke, anything that would easily allow for a LOT of laughing and a LOT of talking....with no children to interrupt!

I don't really have "girls nights" per se. Not because I can't go out without my husband, but b/c I really don't have any desire to do that sort of thing these days. Once or twice a year I'll drive down and meet my old college bestie and we'll spend 12 hours shopping and dining and enjoying wine along the way.... Hubby deals with the house/kids, etc. But that's about it. I go places without my husband though. I mean... geez. If I didn't there would REALLY be something wrong with me.... my husband works weird hours. I wouldn't have gone to church for about 10 years (because husband worked Sundays then) if I didn't go anywhere without him.

Mostly, for dinners out and such, we go as a couple with another couple(s)... but it isn't planned that we "only go with each other"... I can meet my girlfriend for lunch any time I want (if I don't have somewhere else to be). I can't say what they are doing is "wrong"... I mean if it works for them.... eventually though, I would think THEY will have issues with that sort of arrangement.
I know a couple that has never spent the night apart from each other since they got married (over 20 years). THAT to me is unusual. Not weird if it hasn't interfered with them doing something they wanted to do... but unusual.

So I guess the answer to your question is that no, I don't really have "girls nights", because I don't do the club scene and haven't for YEARS.... but I am not completely attached to my husband. There is LOTS of middle ground. :))

I have scheduled and gone out for "girls nights out" for dinner and a movie or an art show or something of interest. Never have gone out to a "club" without hubby.

Does your friend not have kids? Most of the time I go out it is with just the girls. The guys also have their night out. It is a practical reality of life that sitters are expensive and hard to get, at least around here.

If my friends and I lived closer together, we would DEFINITELY have girls nights. As it is, I get my "pseudo" girls nights when we get to chat on the phone for a few hours. He has his poker Saturdays once every couple of weeks or so. Sometimes my daughter and I would go to his poker games, but only if everyone's families were invited or if he was feeling guilty about me not having anyone to hang out with... lol. We both enjoy having a little bit of time to ourselves on occasion.

We go out together and we go out separately as well. Him more than me though and that's mainly because it's hard getting a group of moms to go out when we have young kids and different family/work schedules. At least, it's harder with my group of friends. We have no problem with each other going out separately though and I have gone to clubs with just the girls. Maybe that's what works for them, but it does seem strange to me. I sort of wondered whether it was her thing, their thing, or HIS thing about how they go out.

I've never gone out dancing or to bars without husband, but then, I've never really gone dancing much at all ever! That's just not what I do when I have an evening out. I do go places with my friends or sisters without hubby - out to dinner, movies, concerts, Broadway shows, to visit my sister out of state for the weekend, etc.

My kids are 6 and 4 and until the past year or two I didn't really form and close friendships with other moms (we moved across country three years ago). Now I have some great friends and we do moms night out 2-3 times a month. We don't go to clubs, we just go to the movies. We always stand out in front of the movie theater for quite a while and chat and laugh afterwards. I love and need the break. I'm not into "partying" and I don't drink and have always hated the club scene so that is not something I would like to do. Also, I don't feel it would be appropriate - if I wanted to go out dancing and/or drinking it would be something that my husband would be with me for - to me that's just "right". I agree with you that it seems a bit crazy for your friend to not go anywhere without her husband, but to each her own. Is she a newlywed? Does she not have kids? If the answer to those is yes, then it's ok. If she has kids and still feels that way, she's a better mom than I!! ;-)

I guess it depends on where we were going...dinner, movies, shopping, coffee, I would go with just the girls...in fact I do.

I would not go to a bar or club without my husband...but then again I really have no urge to go to either, and neither does my husband.

So, yeah I think it is a bit weird she doesn't go anywhere with out him...but maybe that is just something they have agreed on in their marriage.

Clubs, no probably not... guys are always scoping at the clubs we go to and that gets annoying. To dinner and a movie or anything else, yes. Couples need their space. How do you keep having conversations if you are always together doing the same things lol? I also want my husband to be my best friend so would want to feel like we could hang out with each other whenever we wanted but I still would want some girl time with my friends.

I love time with my husband but I also love time with my girlfriends (and he loves time with his boys). I think that sounds a little strange!

I do most things without my husband, and usually prefer the company of my girlfriends.

I can somewhat understand the club part and her not wanting to go without her hubby, but for just dinner and a movie?? That's alittle strange? I once went to a club with my friends and will never do it again without my hubby, I kept getting hit on! lol...But my friends and I always do dinner and a movie or even go out for coffee and chat up a storm. I would ask her about it, i mean if she's your friend then there shouldn't be anything wrong in asking her why? After all, that is why it's called girls night out right? You never know, maybe the next time she'll go without her hubby...

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I can somewhat understand the club part and her not wanting to go without her hubby, but for just dinner and a movie?? That's alittle strange? I once went to a club with my friends and will never do it again without my hubby, I kept getting hit on! lol...But my friends and I always do dinner and a movie or even go out for coffee and chat up a storm. I would ask her about it, i mean if she's your friend then there shouldn't be anything wrong in asking her why? After all, that is why it's called girls night out right? You never know, maybe the next time she'll go without her hubby...

I didn't read any of your other responses but I did read your "so what happened" and I just have to high five you. I am 31 and feel the exact same. I'm prob not the hottest chick on the floor, but I'm there to dance and it feels awesome (should of seen me at Senior Frogs in Cancun a few months ago) I was totally the oldest person there and got the most attention from the MC and my husband was there right with me, he thought it was cool. I do go out without hubby sometimes, and he's cool with that as well.

Nope, I can't say I have for a long time. After getting married and have our daughter, a lot of my friends were still in the party hard mode and I'm not. I'd much rather spend girls night out or in with movies, shopping, walking...things like that. Not at the bar and I'm much of a drinker anyway. So the few I am close with and have contact with we usually hang out together with Hubby and even our daughter.

We go on dates together...go on dates with other couples...have girl's night out and my hubby goes out with his friends.

For us, in our relationship we love being together but also see the need for time to be with friends.

We don't go to clubs, bars or anything like that at all. When we do our girl's night or guy's night it is to a movie, play a sport, sporting event, concert or just hang out playing games at home.

I don't think your friend is crazy. Maybe she has insecurities or feels threatened if her man goes anywhere with out her and has fun(heaven forbid) Or maybe it is her husband that feels that way...you just never know.

If my friend was like that then I would continute to invite but say that it is "ladies only".

I love girl nights! It's usually just dinner and shopping or a movie. I'm not into dancing or clubs. But, it has been a while. My husband works 2-10pm so it's hard to plan girl nights, but when I can, of course I go and he is happy because it gives me a chance to unwind and I am a happier mom and wife