If You Trust Your Husband.....

MommyCakes, if those married men don't want to be "messed with," it doesn't matter how much a woman (stripper or no), prides herself on being able to seduce "taken" men. You can't "steal" someone who doesn't want to be "stolen."

I wouldn't blame the strippers at all. Men and women have to show integrity and respect for their marriage, ultimately they have the opportunity to say "no" and walk away from a situation that is inappropriate or disrespectful to their spouse. Even if someone is standing there naked, offering it up on a silver platter....the spouse can say "no". This goes both ways, for men and women, they need to do what is necessary to keep the trust and respect. I don't think people accidentally fall on the naked private parts of another problem. It's about integrity and character of the married person, they are the ones that made the vows...not the stripper, honey in the office, hot guy on line or even a prostitute.

If I trusted him, the only problem I would have is the money he is spending.
But I dont trust him, so he only goes when I go with. He's so gullible, he actually thinks they like him. He thinks he's just so damn sexy that it's differant with him, they aren't just trying to get his money. Dumbass

Well hun, that isn't how ALL strippers are.
I know from personal experience. At a earlier, more messed up time in my life I was a stripper. I did it for money. But there were a LOT of girls there that actually PRIDED themselves on messing with taken men.
They would TRY to get them in trouble.
There are some bad things that go on in some clubs in the VIP rooms.
I know some strippers that would do sexual favors for their clients in those rooms. Cost extra money of course and the men could actually pay the Bouncers to turn the other way.

Also, Cheryl.O..It depends on the club. There are totally nude clubs. Usually it has to do with the liquor license they have..
Ie. If they serve liquor they CAN"T be an all nude club.
That isn't always true, but again, from personal experience there are totally nude clubs.
I trust my b/f, I don't trust strippers ahhaha

Christina N. VERY true!

I would be very upset if my husband went to a strip club. He is married to me and doesn't need something like that in addition to me. It would cause a big problem in our marriage.

I don't believe married men who have great sex lives should be going to these places. And I don't care O. wit about the rights of strippers where my husband is concerned.

That's my two cents!

Yes, however, there is a thing called "temptation". We are all tempted at different times in our lives with different things. The smarter man avoids placing himself in a situation where he knows that he might be tempted. O. who might be overconfident thinks HE won't be tempted so it is okay to "test" himself.

So, while yes, I trust him completely. He may not trust himself completely, because we all know that we are all human and have weaknesses. Typically those weaknesses are exploited when alcohol is brought into the mix. So why go there? Literally.
ETA: By the way, I don't "blame the strippers" as you put it. You asked a question was an assumed fact at the front end. I don't blame strippers for doing their jobs. I expect adults (myself included) to be accountable for making poor choices. O. that I would consider "poor" is knowingly placing yourself in a place of temptation.

My issues with strip clubs (and I have many) do not include a trust issue with my husband. But our religious values, our morals, and our VOWS would say that if he wants to be teased and stripped for, that is for ME to do. We might not have bouncers in the room but a couple old neckties can do the trick just fine if he wants a look but don't touch show. I would feel betrayed if he PAID our family money to ANOTHER woman to take off her clothes, tease him, or dance for him. Willingly putting yourself in a position to lust after another woman is folly, not entertainment. I would not want to picture him as a guy like that. And he told me that while he did that when he was younger and in a previous marriage, he WOULD be embarrassed to be at a place like that now. His previous life and his previous marriage were failures, and he doesn't want to disrespect what we've got and risk that. I trust him enough to believe him.

I think more than just trust its also about respect for O. another. Lets say your husband trusts you but does not want you to go watch naked men shake their junk around...would you disrespect him but just not caring and saying well you should trust me. I think it is as much about respect for O. another just as well as trust. I trust my husband but he would respect that I would not want him going to strip clubs...other than the occasional bachelor party.

I think it's the idea of what those clubs are meant to do. The soul purpose is to make men lust for the women there. Men "love" visual stimulation, that's partly why we/women are so round and have breasts, we look good to them for a reason. Even if you husband is trust worthy, his instinct isn't, he's got eyes, it's all out there, in the open at those clubs, he's going to react. He can't help it, I don't blame him for his "reaction". I think what actually bothers a woman is that it's another woman giving him that reaction. As a wife it's my place to stimulate him like that, my job and my joy, I guess it's a feeling of betrayal. He knows his body and he's chosen to go there knowing another woman is going to make him tingle. Yeah, I would feel hurt.

While yes I trust my husband, why put yourself in that situation. I think the exploitation goes both ways. Why would you want some naked woman rubbing up on your man? For me--- the only naked woman rubbing up on my husband and getting him aroused should be me. Besides, what a waste of money (cover charge, drinks, dollar dances, table dances, lap dances, champagne room... all very pricey...)

How could I resist answering this...... There are two similar questions up on this topic right now. Let me assure you, for those of you that have never been to a strip club. No man, no matter how good looking you think your husband is, is getting any action at a strip club. Those girls are working for CASH. Even if the guy were to give them $500, all that gets him is her fawning all over him for the night, running her fingers thru his hair, swinging a leg over his leg. But THAT is it. Have there been exceptions, I'm sure there have been. In most clubs there are VERY strict 'NO TOUCHING' rules for the guys, yes you heard me. The girls can rub their boobs in his face, run their hand on his crotch etc. But he CAN NOT TOUCH THEM. There are big goons in the shadows to kindly show you the door is you disgard this rule.
I haven't been to O. in over 10 years, but the wife and I had the conversation and she has always said "I don't care as long as I know where you are". If this enlightened anyone, tell your husband I'm sorry LOL So I guess it all goes back to trust.... it's a two way street.

My husband won't go to a strip club. If that is where the bachelor party is going he won't attend. This was something we both felt strongly against before we got married. It goes against our vows. Be careful what you consider entertainment.

Strip clubs are interesting to me. A patron is paying for the experience; the fantasy. If I were to go, for example, I'd be paying to *pretend* that the women on stage are dancing for ME (rather than my money), that they want and like ME (rather than to get paid a living wage). They're seeing the water bill paid, while I'd be seeing boobs *obviously* displayed for MY benefit. I'd be paying to feel special, they'd be getting paid to give me the illusion that I am special.

I think it's easy to forget that a sex worker is providing a *service* for money.

Would I trust my husband to go into a strip club? Yah, I would. It would confuse me, that's for sure. My husband understands that strip clubs provide fantasy, and so it doesn't hold much allure. He'll pay for other fantasies (video games, books, etc.), but sex and romance are not fantasies he wants to pay for.

In all honesty, he has more opportunity to cheat on me at his work - where women are actually *looking* for more than just a fantasy/to get paid. They'll offer more than a dance, they'll offer to be a partner in sex - for FREE.

Either way, if he cheated on me, it would be on HIM. It'd be a choice HE'D be making. Women are not sorcerers. Men have the ability to say NO.

I'm with O. Crazy Lady - 100%.

Ladies, please don't kid yourselves that this provides a passing fantasy and then it's done. My issues have nothing to do with trusting my husband. Knowing what I know - and what OCL has outlined so well for you here - why do I need the stress of competing against that? I'm already hard on myself to look perfect and that would drive me nuts. Who needs it?

Most marriage vows include "forsaking all others, give yourself only to him / her" and I believe that is in every way - visually, emotionally, physically.

I dont blame the strippers.

But I also have never had a hubby that thought they were anything to slide down a pole about. so I am thankful for this.

We did the strip club thing when we first met...but it was always with a big big group of people(guys and girls) and normally for a 18th birthday.

I hate that going into a dude strip club...where dudes dance in the State of Washington is not allowed, I guess...for guys.

I think it all depends on what sort of guy you caught. Some are not into that stuff...Others have huge problems with it.

I think the strippers can get caught up in what they are doing...and dont make it obvious that it is there job to give guys hard ons. I went to O. club in Tacoma...With a ton of military guys back in the day...and they had three stages that rotated...and I had O. girl come up and hard press me to get a lap dance from her....and she was not taking NO for an answer. we finally got up and left. I could see where a guy would find that very miss leading....and how he could see those signs as an invite....and regret even thinking that way after that fact.

Ahh...I am just glad this is not something I have to deal with. And my heart goes out to anyone that has too. cause that is NOT fair.

Mine used to go to a strip club when friends or family visited (guys). It was a fun place for him to take them for entertainment purposes. We girls would just chill at home or go shopping. We knew it was folly.
So, yes, if you trust your husband it's pretty certain that he isn't going to take advantage of that trust if he's a good guy.
My guy is old now and the strip club holds no interest for him anymore. He'd be embarrassed to be seen in O. I think. Gotta love what maturity does to a guy.

Having lived with strippers, they DON'T want other people's husbands fawning over them with anything except their wallets. It's a job. And it's pay to play.

Rather ironically, I *don't* trust my husband, but I do trust most strippers. ANYTHING they may or may not do my husband would be actively seeking out and paying for. There are no "oopsies", and they are NOT trying to sleep with their clients. Strippers aren't hookers. Most wouldn't even date men who go to strip clubs on a regular basis. Sure, they love their regulars, but who doesn't love their regulars? Regulars pay well, are polite, and don't try to push the boundaries (because then they get bounced).

Groupies on the other hand, are just plain nasty.

I trust my hubby completely. Plus he's not the stripper kind of guy. He had O. at his bachelor party (25 years ago) and I had no problems with that. If he wants to watch stripping, he will come home and watch me!! :)

Mu husband respects me enough to not go to strip clubs. I have never told him he couldn't go. It has never even come up. He chose on his own accord, that is not something he is going to do. He turned down a bachelor party going to O., and I didn't even know about it. He feels it's wrong, and I'm OK with that. Yes, I trust him. Not once in our marriage, has "laying down the law" even been thought of. We know what we will and won't do.

P.S.
I HATE strip clubs and the sex industry. I think I simply lucked out to find a man who feels the same way. He also feels he doesn't need anyone, but me. His decisions, not me pressuring him.

Well, I do NOT trust him, not even a little bit. He has never managed a long term monogamous relationship (largely thanks to me), and neither have I.

However, I'd have no problem with him going to a strip club with a bunch of guys after a bachelor party. That is not his style. Likely he'd be texting and sending me pix the whole time he's there making fun of the whole silly mess.

A 30 year high school reunion (coming up on 40 years now) chock full of old girlfriends? Well that's an entirely different story. THAT'S where there's temptation. So yeah, for that either I go too, or nobody goes. And vice versa.

:)

I agree. I trust my husband completely. I believe it is a respect issue as well. My hubby has no desire to watch strippers. He'd rather I put on a show for him in the privacy of our own home. That way he gets lucky 100% of the time :-)

I think you have a point, OneAndDone.

The women are there doing a job, making a paycheck. I don't fault them that. It's super easy to say what you would never do when you haven't been in the position where you had to.

I also really trust my husband. He would NEVER step out on me. He would leave me first (not that I expect him to do that either). It has nothing to do with me and everything to do with him. He has no respect for cheaters so he would never allow himself to become O..

I just don't want him to look at other naked women. I would go with him, if it came down to it, but I would just as soon he not look at other naked women. It's kind of like if I made him a gourmet dinner and, knowing that, he stopped for McDonald's on the way home. I'm the gourmet meal.

amen.

and OH lord. They go to a strip club, that means they don't love their wives? HA! If I think another man is attractive (there are plenty), or want to have some innocent fun at a male revue, that means I don't love my husband? WOW. just WOW.

My husband will go to a strip club on male bonding occasions, usually a bachelor party, this has happened a few times. On O. occasion i was all the way across town watching buff men get naked with the bachelorette.

I do trust my husband not to mess with strippers. Definitely!

But that doesn't mean that these women cant be shady. Most of these women aren't "putting themselves through college" they are lots of times drug addicted, partial prostitutes that make it their business to seek out the weak and inebriated.

Husbands should behave, but the strippers are not past judgement.

I wouldn't mind if my hubby wants to go to a strip club. I do trust him and like O. mentioned here, you can't steal someone who doesn't want to be stolen. lol I wouldn't mind going to see Chip-N-Dale dancers...whoo hooo! Never been...My Grandma taught me how to play poker with ChipNDale cards though!!! Yes my GRANDMA! Ha ha ha...She was a hoot...Loved to play cards with her.
Anyway...as far as going to a Bar, both my husband and I don't believe in going to a Bar without the other. When I was single, Country Bars were my thing. Love to Two Step, Waltz, Line Dance etc.....It was so much fun!

I agree..if a spouse is trustworthy, you have no worries. :-)

I dont blame the strippers, I have been to strip clubs, they dont walk up to you and just start dancing on you and take money out of your pocket. Money has to be flaunted or clearly stating what you want. And I KNOW nasty things happen at strip clubs, if you have a lot of money, you can get a lot.
I trust my husband not to do this. Usually, its just them standing in the back watching the girls dance. Im sure they will pay for the bachelor to have a lap dance, but I think it will all be funny to them.
I do trust him.
I do think the whole concept is nasty, but if he goes once every 4 years with a group of his good friends, Im not going to be the party pooper.
He doesnt get out much with his friends, and its really not his fault they are probably going to end up there, they are taking a bus downtown, so what is he supposed to do? I know he will have a good time tonight, WHILE thinking about, and honoring yours truly. ;) Im his baby!

I have never trusted ANYONE in my life completely - including my parents and my husband.

I've noticed men seem to equate withholding important information as telling the truth... to me, withholding information is lying. I've seen many couples' downfall due to this 'accepted' behavior in men and I don't allow it in mine. I've caught my husband TWICE in this situation and I told him point blank if I catch him withholding information again, he's out. I was a single parent before and have no qualms with being O. again.

Yep - my husband has had to travel for his job, go to conventions, etc. And I trust him 100%.

very good point. strip clubs aren't the only place he can get some 'action.' my friends who used to strip talked a lot about what many of the strippers would do for extra money. let your imagination go and you can probably figure out what happens. money talks of course. when i did amateur night, it was mostly on stage and a little touching- boobs in their face, butt against them- not much. i did do a few lap dances in the champagne room (still think it's funny how they call it that)- more definitely happens even in a basic lap dance. and if you're in vegas or toronto (my gfs used to go there a lot for BIG MONEY), take out all stops...

you're right though, if you trust him, it shouldn't be an issue- if you're worried about him going to a strip club, what about going to a local bar, or hooters, or tilted kilt?

and of course a man would get turned getting a lap dance- they are rubbing all over him and men like that touch. i know my past bfs have loved it.

i reaped the benefits when they got home and put on a show of my own ;)

I agree with you oneanddone. The strippers are not interested in your man, they are only interested in paying their bills. They are doing a job, like any other. If your man breaks a vow at the strip club that is in no way the strippers fault, he is the O. in the marriage. I don't understand all the hate and judgments some people place on these hard working woman.

Totally agree. I don't even think about strippers or other women; I know what my husband's reaction would be. (he's probably laugh) So yeah - I don't understand the comments that they trust their husband but not the strippers. It's not like strippers are going to hold your husband down and make him accept a lap dance.

I have complete trust in my husband. I wouldn't care if he went to a strip club or bachelor party with a stripper because I know that for him, I'm the only woman alive!

Yes, I agree with you. And I'll take it a step further too...food, cigarettes, guns, casinos, alcohol, drugs, strippers, prostitutes, escorts ARE NOT evil. People need to take some responsibility for themselves and their actions.

We are all tempted in some way. Maybe it's chocolate cake for you. Alcohol for me. Casinos for him. Etc. That doesn't mean you just eat chocolate cake day and night does it? Or eat yourself to 300 lbs and then blame The Cheesecake Factory.

I know that sounds stupid but how many people "blame" being drunk on their bad behavior/choices?

I think we all need to be a little more accountable ALL THE TIME and stop making excuses for our bad behavior/choices. And that goes for the cheating spouses too - if you can't tell your spouse about what you do, where you go or who you talk to then maybe you shouldn't be married!

I don't see being married as "limiting" myself. I see all the benefits.

I've never cared if he went to a strip club.
I told him for his bday in August I would pay for him and his best friend to go to a strip club and get a lap dance. He told me no, he would rather have dinner out and drinks at the house with everyone.
My guy goes on occasion for guy bonding nights, and bachelor parties. He hasn't been to O. in years (like almost 4 I think). So he doesn't go very often. But he is in constant contact with women through work on a daily basis. So if he is going to cheat he is going to cheat..and more then likely it wont be with a stripper. You don't have to have it all out to tempt a guy. Sometimes it's whats hidden thats the most sought after.
If him having a quick fantasy is bad..then you might as well put me in the guilty category too, cause you sure in the heck don't want to be in my head every time I watch a Johnny Depp movie. =P

Pretty much ditto what Bug said...
My DH has no desire to go to strip clubs. When he goes on business trips that is all his co-workers want to do. He chooses to go elsewhere.
I certainly don't blame strippers. I can only imagine if I were in a position where he did do something foolish I would be furious AT HIM-not her.
I also know that if my DH did go into a strip club...I could trust him. He has re-buffed advances in other situations.

ADDED: ive had friends that work at strip clubs and I;ve been there, unless theyre paying for the VIP session, which u;d know about because it costs ALOT, theyre strictly not allowed to touch the girls, and the bouncers watchm, andd its only 2-4 minutes and the girls cant be shady either or they get fired. Theyre NOT going to risk their jobs which they makes tons at J. to go further with your husband, now in the VIP rooms, the bouncers wait outside so then it can get shady
i agree with you completely, and feel the same about my bf....BUT unfortunately not everyone can turn down tempting things as easy, ecspecially when alcohols in the mix, and if theyre not having that good of a relatiionship at home. Also many guys can justify a lap dance, and then the girl gets too frisky and he's too into it and drunk to stop it from going a tad further than J. a lap danc. If there were at a bar they would never be in the sittuation where a girl got them so arroused and offered to "help them out" on the spot...theres more decision making if they're going to cheat anywhere else, at the strip club, it can start off as J. a lap dance and go further quickly. BUT like i said you have to know your guy and what theyre into and their willpower I guess

I would rather my husband go to a strip club then a bar with the "boys". Like most have said they are getting paided to entertain. My husband and I have even gone to the strip club together a few times mostly to eat, and that I know he enjoys going. Now at the bar, I have had women up front hit on him with me standing right there. These women are not working for $$ and many times are just drunk and lonely so they don't mind a O. night stand. I trust my husband but I don't trust women and with the mixer of guy friends, and drunkness things can happen that the moment it happens you regert but the damage is done. I know this because at the end of my 1st marriage my husband called me at 3 in the morning crying saying I am so sorry, and that's all I could understand. O. of the friends got on the phone and said we are at apartment ___ come over here. Well it turns out they met some girls in the bar and went to they apartment to an after party and some of the girls where dancing and O. of them danced up to my husband and started kneeing his area (at that point he should have left) but anyway she ended up giving a BJ right there in front of everyone and then he stopped her before he could ___ because he "woke up" ran outside and called me. I was unhappy with what happened but so happy he called me it showed me he was turely sorry by not covering up what happened even know the marriage was pretty much unhappy (for other reasons, like we only got married since I was pg and had only been together for a few months so really didn't know each other) to this day I cherish that night (in a sick way) because it showed me even know we didn't work he was still a great catch! Anyway back on subject, my now husband feels the same, we don't really go out to the bar's without each other but when we do we have a no dancing with other rule and no afterparty's or such. when he going to the strip club I don't worry. I don't find it "bad" when he goes because I know he has playboy (that I got him) on a monthly basis and it's about the same. sometimes we even read/look at the playboy together.

I trust my husband completely. HE is not interested in being in that kind of environment. Did he go to an occasional strip club before we were married - when he was in his early 20's? Yes. He has matured and has a different set of morals now. He wouldn't be caught dead in a place where women take their clothes off. He has too much respect for himself, women and ME. He saves all his "sowing of wild oats" for me. Do I look down on men who frequent these places? Not really, but I'd hope that O. day they might realize that there are better ways to spend their time. I certainly don't think it's appropriate for married men to frequent these places - it makes no sense to me.

For my husbands bacholer party they took him to a strip club.. the only thing I was mad about was "they" slapped him with a belt and he had bruises across his back.

The rule in our house ( there is no male strip joints around) is that he is welcome to go to a strip club anytime he wants but if I ask to go he can't turn me down no matter who he is going with. Well its never been an issue and he doesn't enjoy them and other than the bach. party the only time he has gone is with me and a group of friends :)

Yes I trust him whole heartedly and I know he wouldn't do anything stupid.. but its also nice to have that in the back of his ( and his friends head) that I could show up any time... if he went. But I have never needed to.

Trusting him doesn't really mean anything--I trusted my husband completely for 13 years. When he had to travel (for work) to the city where his ex girlfriend lives, I wasn't worried--I trusted him completely. He knew I trusted him to not do anything to jeopardize our relationship, that I believed and had faith in his strength, in HIM.
He cheated. Yup, with his ex. Threw away a 12 year marriage.
So, as good as it is to say "it's okay, I trust him...", it doesn't mean he's trustworthy.
Live and learn.