My husband and I have very different ideas about going out of our way to show support for the other person's activities. He does very little by way of hobbies and what he does do, he prefers to do on his own. For example, he would never ask me to tag along and watch him play hockey (I've offered to go). Most of my hobbies/activities are related to kids/church/school or crafty things like the garden club that aren't conducive to family "support" but on occasion I participate in races and some of these are really set up to be family events. He thinks the idea of bringing the kids to the finish line of a race is ridiculous.
At the end of the day, I do what I do because it's enjoyable to me and fulfilling for me but I think it's kind of sad that because of his attitude, we don't do much "together" other than things for our kids, and I think spouses who support each other openly have stronger ties. I know a lot of couples who seem to have strong marriages and one of the things it seems they do well is that they support each other. Most of the friends I race with have spouses and kids at the finish line for at least some races. My friends watch their husbands play softball or basketball or meet them for a beer and a bite to eat after a round of golf. I know a family who plans summer vacations around dad's amateur car racing hobby. Another family travels to marathons and triathlons in far off places because one spouse is an endurance athlete. Even in the garden club, we have lots of husbands who pop into the club house to help build or move things. I know women who actively promote charities their husbands are involved in and vice-versa.
So...do you and your husband/SO show interest in and openly support each other's hobbies outside of the home? Why and how do you do this or, if you don't, why not? Has anyone managed to change the dynamic if you've had a very disconnected spouse or do you just accept that this is something you can't change and go on your merry way?
We both do community theater and we never miss one another's opening night.
I take music lessons. I don't participate in recitals, so there are no performances for him to attend, but he stays out of my way hen I'm practicing, and he listens if I want to play a piece for him.
We support each others hobbies by making it possible for us to do them. i watch the kids on tuesday so he can league bowl. he watches the kids when i do an occasional office happy hour or work event. I watch sports with him and we try to go to a lot of sporting events together. Thats me indulging him. He goes with me to every church thing or couples group I ask, so thats him indulging me.
My hunny and I take interest in each other's interests, ask about them, listen when we want to share, but don't necessarily participate in them. I used to follow him into all his friendships and social contacts and discussion groups until I realized I was just spread too thin. I needed that time to deepen myself, alone.
So now I take the time I need to do my art, or garden, or listen to music, or think. One of the ways he supports me is by giving me that time alone. I'm just not as social as he is, and we've both learned to honor that. If there's something I want to share with him about it, he's receptive. And he goes off on a grueling 2-week backpacking trip every year with an old hiking buddy. I wouldn't think of trying to do that with him, but I love to hear all the stories about it when he returns.
We do family things together. We share a common spiritual life. We follow our individual interests separately. We love each other and are very close. Going on 30 years, now.
we uplift each other by non-judgmental support of each other's hobbies & activities. He loves fishing....OMG, all day...as in up at 3am to prep...out of the house by 4:30 & on the lake before dawn. Returns home btwn 4-6pm. Nope, just shoot me now.....that is NOT fun for me!
By contrast, I love long days on the road. I love revisiting fav sites & exploring new ones. Whether it's an amusement park with the kids, an entertainment venue, a town full of antique shops, or just hitting the backroads.....I'm there! Love, love, love road trips! He considers them a waste of time....& that's okay with me. I have learned so much, seen so much, & just enjoyed the views....
As a couple, we don't do dates for the most part. What we do enjoy is participating as proud parents in our sons' activities. For us, that's a date - & it's fun. & the best part of these activities is that occasionally we have the house to ourselves! Our older son travels to car shows all over the midwest, & our younger son travels with Band & Scouts. Love those reconnecting wkends.
So perhaps, that might be an answer for you....have a honeymoon wkend at home or run away together. We always enjoy ours...allowing us the freedom to pursue our own individual pursuits without questions, qualms, or misgivings!
My DH is much more into our hobby group than I am. I support him by watching DD so he can go without us and he supports me by sometimes skipping a meeting when there's something important going on. DH and I usually do our own things. I don't really need his help for the church newsletter for example. I just need him to allot me the time to go to my meetings.
i fully support my husband doing yoga, collecting beer bottles (he has three laundry baskets full of various empty beer bottles), working out and riding his bike. he loves to do all of these things. i dont support him trying to make his own beer YET because we live in a small apartment and dont have the room for it. once we get to live in a house or bigger apartment i have no problem with it.
i dont really have any hobbies because im busy with taking care of our daughter full time and cleaning but im sure if i did, he would support me. i do love to read and he doesnt mind that as long as its not during a time when we like to be with each other "alone" if you know what i mean ;)
I'm pretty much with Tracy K. on this O..
We make the others free time and hobby time *happen* by NOT participating!
We've never been the kind of couple that asks "permission" to do things...if it's important enough to wither of us...we have every right to expect the other to take over responsibilities so it can happen.
I would NEVER meet my husband after a round of golf for a "bite to eat"! That's his time. With his friends! Not my time with him.
I disagree about this causing a "disconnect." I think it's causes "connect"!
People have an innate sense of what is fair and what is not fair.
It needs to and should work both ways.
If my husband has been golfing for 6 Sundays in a row, then we both pretty much know that "my time" for "my stuff" is very near.
I am firmly in the camp, that while couple time is essential to a marriage, mutual hobbies are not!
I'm the kind of wife that would prefer to walk, shop, read, etc. by myself without my husband "obliging" requests to go. He would if I asked him but I really don't *need* him to be there. Ever see those guys following their wives around the mall? What's UP with that? Can she not pick out her own clothing and shoes? LOL
I'd rather spend time together on a date, than have him come to the park to walk with me...kwim?
I do think your husband can & should make an effort to have himself and the kids at the finish line of a big race because that IS important to you!
Well, my husband is in a couple bands. I support him as long as it doesn't get out of hand, sometimes I have to "check" him. I don't really have a hobby and thats my own problem. We have designated the weekends, especially Sunday as family time. We go to church which is #1 in our lives and spend the rest of the day with family. My husband and I like to do slumber parties with our kids on the weekend. Every couple is different. Its good for you two to have your own time and special time with each other, since you two came first before the kids! Find something you can do as a family too! Maybe go to the movies, or a bonfire!!
We tend to support hobbies out of the home. Or at least, I do. Some of the things we've done before are he's gotten into a flag football league, and I'll go to games. Also he likes to play poker with the guys and we'll either host it, or he'll invite me and the kids to tag along just to hang out. (None of the guys he plays with are "hardcore" poker players, so it's pretty fun.) After thinking about it, there's just not a lot that I do outside the home. Most of my hobbies are pretty solitary; sewing, knitting, etc. So, I guess he doesn't really support my hobbies, but mostly because there's not a lot for him to support. He would if he could, though.
My husband and I have a lot of the same hobbies/interests, such as historical reenactment. But there are some differences. He does theater, which is easy to support -- I take the kids when he has rehearsals, and we all go to performances... my daughter (6yo) is in her first play in a few weeks. He's taken her to all the rehearsals and we're all going to the play. Most of my hobbies we either do together, or it's easy to do side-by-side while he works on something he's interested in, like when I'm knitting or spinning, and he's working on other crafts. But yes, we do support each other in our hobbies when it's appropriate/possible, which often means being with our kids and giving the other one the time to do it.
Yes we do. Before we met I was in a dart league every Wed. he has always played with a band.
Now he has "band" practice two nights a week ( one during the week, one on the weekend) and then when they have a gig coming up they will practice more, then play that night. He keeps the practices no longer than 2 hours so it doesn't take up family time. When he plays I always go and listen to the band.
I play darts every wednesday night. I don't go out and practice any other day, I do go about a half hour early to warm up. When we are playing at home ( in our town... we travel between 3 towns that are with in 15-20 mins of each other) he will come down and watch me play until about 9 then goes home and gets the kids in bed and goes to bed himself. He use to be on my team but getting up at 4am was taking a toll on him the next day so he no longer plays, but still watches me.
Its something we both love to do and its our break from being parents or being at work for a couple hours a week. I think if we didn't have our "me" time ( his is more than mine, but I don't care) we both would be cranky sitting in the house or at work all the time.
My husband and I do everything together [with the exception of mani/pedi day with the 8yr old daughter].
No, we don't openly support each other in our hobbies and it has become a big issue because it carries over into lots of things and helps create a disconnect. Part of the problem is we are polar opposites in what we enjoy doing (he likes to hunt and I hate everything about it, I enjoy music and at home he turns the tv on or at a concert he sucks the fun out)...it's something that we've recently been discussing because it has become a real problem.
I play kickball spring, summer and fall. If I have an early game at 6pm my hubby and daughter come and watch me. Most of the time the games are 7 and after and daughter's bedtime is 8pm or close to it. Having them there is great BUT I love it just being me somethings, I am doing something for myself, it is almost relaxin (only if we could win more games it would be really relaxing). I also work at church with a girl/boys group and a handfull of other activities, yes most of them are not ment to have the family cheering along. These are things I do because they are dear to my heart, love my family supporting me but they usually have to do that at home through how was it questions and helping out when I ask.
Hubby has a few things he does on his own. He is on a softball team during the summer, daughter and I go to his early games (before 6pm) but otherwise we just show support at home. We do not try to shove yourselves on each other because sometimes we need space and do something by yourself.
We have family things that we do together, hiking, beach, zoo, board games, mini golf. These are less hobbies and more family activites. Maybe that is what you should look into or start a family hobby like kite flying, gardening or whatever. Do NOT try to take over what you hubby is doing, that is something he is obviously doing for himself/others. Be respectful of his wishes. Find change by starting a family hobby or family time together.
