Dinner Rudeness?

I agree with Victoria.

If you guys want some brain relaxation time at the table, let the child go play instead of sit there. trust me, There is plenty of time to teach table manners when the child is more open to understanding the ins and outs of it all. He is quite young to understand all that.

Im impressed with the fact that at 3 yrs old he was waiting at the table for you to finish eating.I dont believe he was being rude at all.

I agree with you. I think he was just acting like a 3 year old.

But I kind of understand your husband's point of view too. Listening to bird noises can be a little annoying. Not rude, but annoying.

I would have to commend you for not saying anything IN FRONT of your child to you hubby!

I agree with you in that he was simply being 3 and entertaining himself. And he should not just "know" that it's rude to make bird noises. However, your husband told him to stop and he didn't listen.

I agree with your husband in that it IS rude to do that, and at what age is is okay to make bird noises at the dinner table and what age is it not? I think you should set the rules now and keep to them. Still, there's no reason to get angry about it to your child. A gentle reminder (since he is only 3) should be fine for now.

My son meows and is 9. It is beyond annoying and he has started losing dinner over it. I say stop the bird noises now while you can before he starts with something worse.
I happen to agree with hubby this time.

I let my son be very silly at dinnertime. My definition of good manners does not include sitting quietly. I never want dinnertime to be a chore. Chew with your mouth closed, say please and thank you, use a napkin, be nice, those are things I expect/will expect. Sitting quietly while adults finish eating is not. Maybe when he is much older. I agree with Gailiski, if you want him at the table while you finish, it should be fun family time- otherwise what is the point of him being there? If you want peaceful dinner, let him go play. So I agree with you. If the table is for dinner, and he is done, let him be done and make bird noises in the play room. I will expect my older kids to be able to sit and wait, but I would rather they join in and have family time than sit quietly.

You should probably decide now how you want dinners in your family to go. I do think you should always start things the way you want them to be later. Otherwise it is confusing, and at what age do you start saying "No, that is not ok anymore"? Even at a young age. It is practice for when they are older even if they cant get it right now. So if you want him to stay at the table and wait quietly, you should probably start that now, even at age 3, but be prepared for a struggle. If you want him to be there but allow fun, do that. Or decide that the kids can get down after they have eaten and politely asked to be excused and the adults can finish and take their time. Also, your son should listen when Dad says something, and time out is an appropriate consequence, and distraction is a good way to avoid this. But basically I think the problem lies in your husband's expectations of a 3 yr old, and that you guys should decide now what approach you are going to take for family dinners and stick to it.

Maybe your husband was having a bad day and little things were annoying him. As Victoria said, bird noises CAN be quite annoying.

I agree with your husband. At home is the place to teach children how to act in public. I would not have wanted to have noises like that at a cafe or other dinning place interferring with my dinning experience. I do agree with you that the teaching moment was lost the moment he said time out for making noises. Redirection is a good way to get them on to something else. But I would have said "Honey, the table is a place for using our best table manners so let's practice" or something along those lines to let him know it was something that he should not do.

I agree that first ad foremost you & your husband have to agree on realistic expectations. 3 is too young to sit quietly for a long time at the table without distraction and you don't want to make mealtime unpleasant but you & hubby should set a strategy and expectations between yourselves, then apply. I also think distraction is a good one - instead of threatening with a punishment over something trivial, simply re-direct as you did and say " we don't make bird noises at the table, the table is for conversation" or whatever you & your hubby agree on. Maybe a better plan is to excuse him as soon as he's done eating so your husband doesn't get annoyed and there's no tension. Even if children don't have the impulse control etc, they do pick up on tension.

I think that three is old enough to learn table manners and agree that home is where it should start. You shouldn't expect your child to magically know how to act out in the world (restaurant, friend's house, etc.) if they aren't taught at home. I also agree that quiet bird noises seem benign, but it's what I refer to as a "gateway behavior (:D) All those cute and adorable things have a habit of turning into not-so-cute, obnoxious things.

Having said all that... He's three. A time out is a little bit of overkill in this situation. Maybe the two of you could meet somewhere in the middle. Possibly, just a gentle reminder of dinner table etiquette.

BTW - I second the person who commended you for not discussing it with your husband in front of the child.

You are not wrong, there is no problem with a 3-year old to invent games like this. He may be even trying to bring up a conversation in his own way, just as we adults do after finishing the meal. Sometimes adults need a larger point of view to see the world through kids' eyes. I have discussed similar issues with many of my friends, and had couple of incidents like it my own. While your husband may think you are spoiling your child by allowing this kind of behavior, I still consider that a toddler will not make a habit of it at this age. Everything they do (up to a point) is transient/changeable and sometimes is not worth prohibiting or trying to discipline them that early. We have to save some lectures for school-years or even for teen-age.
(Is it your first child? If your husband did not have many kids around throughout his life, he may be thinking that you son should act rationally, which is too much to expect from a little guy. If you have friends who have similar aged children, he would realize by just observing them how common could some of the "mis-behavior" be and is not worth to make your kid or yourself upset about it)

there's no right or wrong on this one.....you and hubby just have to decide together where you are going to go from here......fun to be a parent, lol

My son is now 6 and my husband would have responded the same way as your husband. I think that he was raised with very rigid dinner rules in the house. As for me - I like any noise my son makes. So, I have been (still am) in your situation. At this age, he clearly has an understanding of what is acceptable for dinner at home as opposed to a restaurant. We are fortunate that he is always extremely well-behaved. So, like you, I see no problem with your son's behavior. In fact, I love the flamboyancy of childhood. However, raising your son together should allow for you both to have input. I think it is great that you discussed this with your husband in private. Maybe you can have another meeting to set up dinner rules on which you can BOTH agree.

well I'm with you.

Let your husband know... that kids this age, do not have "full" impulse control developed yet. Sure, they are in the midst about learning "manners"... so well, I think, your son was at least "trying his best"... because he was not being "loud" about it. It was just irritating, to Hubby.
So, there is that side to the coin too.
Main thing I think, is that the child at least try their best.... and if they are, it does not warrant scolding/time-out/punishment. Otherwise, why try their best? Or even try?

Kids, will not always "know" what is rude or not... its mostly us telling them, but they may not know it directly themselves... until they have maturity for it and then acting accordingly.

All the best,
Susan

I don't know about the manners part, but if something annoys you as a parent and you ask your child to stop, they should (and if they don't then an appropriate punishment is in order). Imagine if it was some silly thing annoying YOU, wouldn't you want your husband's support? Always good to have your partners back.