Dealing with 4 Yr Old Sassyness!

I suggest that you tell her that you won't tolerate her attitude and then completely ignore her. Tell her when she can be respectful you'll once more pay attention.

You can also send her to her room telling her that when she can be respectful and do what you've told her to do she can come out.

Never argue with a child. As you've found out the argument goes on and on. When I first became a supervisor I was told that if I had to say "I'm the boss" I'd already lost. I learned to stop talking long before I felt the need to say it. It's much more effective to say, this is what I expect, and then walk away.

Girls are very verbal. The sooner you can accept this, the easier you life will be, for the most part.

After that, just teach her the actual words to say when she responds to something. Parents say to their kids over and over "don't answer me like that" but never take the time to tell them what they actually can say. If you ask her to do something and she start sassing (sp?) stop her right there and tell her what you want to hear (usually "yes or no ma'am). If she complies, tell her thanks and then take the time to ask her what she thinks about what you just asked her to do. Not only are you teaching her how to answer you appropriately, you are also giving her the chance to express herself in a more appropriate and less stressful way.

Ditto Marda.

This happens, at about this age.
But you need to address it, or it will become a bad "habit" of the child.
My kids went through that too, but are excellent in school. And they are good kids.

They are also testing limits with the parents.
So, instead of sugar coating things, for me... I TELL my kids bluntly, it is NOT ACCEPTABLE. They DO know better. They do.
So, I tell them, IT IS A CHOICE... that they either act like that or not. It is a CHOICE. But if they act like that... I will be much stricter, with them. Rudeness is not, acceptable.
So I tell them, "You redo that, or Mommy will become very... strict and you will lose privileges. YOUR choice." Then I walk away, and let them ruminate about it. IF my kids then, redo their action/attitude, I acknowledge that and say they made a good decision. I don't reward them with treats. Because, I want them to learn to CHOOSE their behavior, on their own and with their own thought processes. A child needs to learn that. To self-direct themselves.... and hence, become more self-AWARE and self-reliant. Not just doing it to get a "reward."

DO NOT argue with your child.
It will not work.
It will just makes things worse.

Also, at times, when/if my kids were like that... I go and sit by them. And I hold them, I tell them in a heartfelt way... that acting like that is mean. It is not nice, they KNOW that. They should not be treating their Mommy or anyone, like that, it hurts the other's feelings. And I talk to them, in a calm quiet manner... and tell them in a direct but heartfelt way, that being like that, is poor behavior and disappointing, but I KNOW they know better. So SHOW, me. And they do, rise up.

Never argue with a child.
I treated sassiness like whining. Tell her you don't want to hear it, and send her to her room until she's ready to be respectful.

I agree with Marda. My kids now know by my look when they have crossed the line. They lose things, they are told they are hte CHILD and I am the adult. If they want to continue that behavior, there will be more consequences. So put her in her place and then ignore her if she tries to take control again. And I suggest that you not feel bad. She has to learn, and you'll be glad she did when she's older!!

Welcome to the 4's!!! So common at this age, and also important to get a handle on. My daughter never gave us terrible 2's or 3's, but at 4 1/2 we got it with both barrels.

Don't battle her. You said it... You are the adults and are in charge, not her. She needs and wants you to set the boundaries and hold them. And that's appropriate. I'd much rather have a child who questions me than one who passively conforms to everything I say. So set the boundaries, give the expectation and let her make the choice. If/then statements are very good because there's no excessive talking and explaining and it's clear. If you do xyz, then abc will happen. Then let her choose and follow through.

Do remember to give positive reinforcement when she does something well or makes a good choice. I think sometimes we get stuck in feeling like we don't need to give praise when they do what's expected, and you don't have to go overboard. But if she does make a good choice and one that is tough for her, say something like..." Asking for your toy back instead of grabbing it from your brother was very kind of you. You're such a good teacher for him."

As far as stopping the sass when she starts it, I would say (at her eye level, "When you speak in that tone to me, it makes me not want to help you or listen. I'l be happy to talk with you when you can talk to me in a respectful way." Then walk away.

Good luck~

My daughter got her smart mouth from me. So when hers got to be more than I wanted to deal with, I simply let her know in no uncertain terms that if she really wanted to have an attitude contest, mine was bigger and I had had it longer.

I say, "The way you are talking to me right now is sassy. If you do it again, you go to your room." Or if it is a specific phrase my daughter is saying rudely, I correct her and usually she will repeat back to me the polite phrase. If the sass continues instead, she goes to her room.

When my kids tried that I would say, "I'm sorry. It's not okay to talk to me that way. Would you like to try again?" Sometimes they wouldn't understand what I meant, so I'd repeat their snotty attitude back to them, then repeat it again, this time modeling the way I wanted them to address me. If they kept up with the sassy talk I'd let them know that I was going to ignore them until they spoke to me with the proper respect.

Fast forward - I now have 3 teenagers. And naturally, they're again trying to pull attitude on me. But - the same thing still works! They know the drill. My response now is more likely to sound like, "Excuse me? Who do you think you're talking to that way?" It usually stops them in their tracks.

My daughter was about the same age when I got alot of sass from her. One day when I was home alone ALL day with her she was VERY VERY sassy. I followed all the "right" steps with her, talking to her, taking things away, putting her in her room ect. I was worn out! That night we were having dinner and my husband told her to finish her food, she told him NO and went and dumped her food in the trash. My husband had a jalapeno I grabbed it, grabbed her and I swiped her mouth with it. She didnt sass for a LONG time. After that I would always tell her I had a jalepano pepper in my pocket!

I remember my older daughter doing that. I did it as a child myself so I used my mom's tricks.

One was to stop what I was doing and say, "What did you just say?" in a calm, curious voice as if I hadn't heard her right. She would rarely repeat it.

Another trick was to say, "Do I speak that way to you?" and when she said "no", I'd say, "Maybe you should say it differently".

If the sassyness was a look rather than words, I used to tell her to go say it in front of the mirror and look at her own face.

This is just a phase and someday it'll be replaced by an equally annoying (but new) phase. She's just experimenting with her own power. You don't want to take that power away, just teach her to use it appropriately.

Best of luck to you