My 4 year old daughter has started getting really snotty to me and her father. She seems to have the attitude of a 12 year old sometimes! We ask her a simple question, and she rolls her eyes, or replies in a very testy, exasperated voice, as if we'd been nagging her (which most of the time we haven't). It is starting to hurt our feelings, especially mine, because I didn't have the greatest relationship with my mother growing up, and I have been trying really hard to foster a good, friendly relationship with my own daughter. I have corrected her every time she behaves in a nasty way, but that doesn't seem to be helping.
I have been reading "Love and Logic Magic from Birth to Age Six" and giving her lots of choices. It seems to be helping some, but not always, and the sassiness is getting to me. Are there any suggestions on how to curb this? Is there a Love and Logic technique that I have been missing or maybe doing wrong?
WHen she is not exhibiting the unpleasant behavior, she is the sweetest, funniest little girl, and although I know no kid is good ALL the time, I want her to at least be kind and respectful to her parents, not to mention other people!
You are the parent and need to take choices away because you are in control not her. Children need boundaries and the best love I know is to make them behave. Whatever it takes. Have you ever read "Dare to Disipline" It is a loving but firm aproach to rearing a child in love and with limits.
C. B
Hi J.,
I have twins who are almost 3. You could be living in our house sometimes. I have the Love and Logic book too. The one choice that seems to work the best is to offer them the option of A) talking nicely or B) going to their room until they are ready to be sweet. That is what we do now, but for a while it was simply "That hurts my ears when you talk like that. Please take your mouth to your room. You can come out when you are ready to talk nicely." They usually go up to their room, wait a few minutes, then come back down. All I usually have to say is "Are you talking ugly to mommy?" and I quickly get a "No" becuase they know what is coming.
I'm not sure if I'm following the L&L "rules" exactly how they should be, but we have had a decrease in the amount of snotty-ness in our house. Good luck!
My four year old son has started the same thing, being sassy and talking back. When he does, I stop him and tell him that he DOES NOT speak to me like that. I then tell him that he can try again using his big boy voice and he does. The key is that you have to be consistent and make it known that kind of behavior is not ok and will not be allowed. good luck
I have a daughter who will be four next month and she sounds almost exactly like your daughter. We affectionately call her sassafrass. I find that different things work at different times...mostly depending on her mood and my patience level. Choices work some of the time, but often I feel she gets overwhelmed when given too many choices. I also find that having her repeat what she's said in a non-sassy or whiney voice can work. I ignore her until she says/asks it in an appropriate voice. Sometimes I can tease her out of her "sassyness." But, there are times when nothing works and if I have set an age appropriate expectation and set out a consequence, she ends up being disciplined.
For example. This may seem silly, but it is a common occurence in my house...little tasks seem like mountains. This morning I asked her to put her cereal bowl in the sink. She rolled her eyes and gave me a nasty glare. Then when I asked her again she stomped her foot and said "But mom..." Finally I said I will give you two minutes to put your bowl and cup in the the sink or you will go to the naughty step (time-out). I set the timer (which she hates). The expecatation was very clear. She had two minutes to put her bowl and cup in the sink. The consequence was clear (she'd go to time-out). She messed around and drug it on the floor all the while whining and complaining. She finally made it to the sink with 10 seconds to spare!
Good luck. I really like Love and Logic and if you stick with it and be consistent you should see results.
My 3 1/2 year old son is doing the same thing. I just ask him to stop being a sassy frass or he can go sit somewhere else til he can have a nice mouth. It doesn't seem to be working that well but at least I am letting him know when he is doing it. I think that the majority of the time he doesn't realize he is doing it. I heard somewhere that how they act at 3-4 is how they will act at 13. I just think its the age and don't get hurt at what they are saying its just how they are learning to express themselves and I am sure that we get a bit sarcastical and sassy ourselves to either our spouses or to the children themselves. I also make him re-ask questions if he asks in his sassy voice and then I tell him what sounds better and I ask him in a nice voice then immitate him in the sassy voice. He always picks the nice voice (this works well with whining too). Then I tell him that people dont like to hear the sassy or the whining voice and they listen better with the nice voice. I think it will just take patience and just let them know that it isn't nice when they are doing it.
