Other Forms of Discipline

Hi, W..

I say keep it up. I remember my daughter 'wanting' to go to time out after doing something she KNEW not to do. I remember that being very frustrating as well. I thought, 'this isn't working' and in fact it was. I look back now and think that it was a good thing because she knew she did something wrong and she knew the consequence.
She's testing things out and that is wonderful actually. She is getting action/reaction or action/consequence for herself. Trust that this is working.

Keep it up. You are doing great! :)

Been there and doing that now again. I have a 2 1/2 yr. old as well. This will start to slow down around the 3-3 1/2 yr. mark. Just keep doing the time out thing. Keep her there for 2 full minutes though. A minute for each yr. they are. Mine will hit her brother and sister than say I sorry. They know they are wrong but they just can't seem to control themselves sometimes. Keep it up, it gets easier.

You will also enjoy:

http://books.google.com/books?hl=en&lr=&id=29Qhmp...

K.

Hi W. -

At that age when the time outs in a chair/corner didn't seem to work I would resort to them needing to lay down in their bed without any toys or books. They had to lay on top of the covers so they wouldn't play with them, too. When they found themselves in their room on their bed they were in there for a minimum of 5 minutes, even at 2-3 years of age. If they got up out of bed another minute was added until they complied. As they aged a bit on top of putting them on their beds I would take away their favorite toys or movies for at least an hour. As the punishment wasn't effective anymore I would increase the time. I always make them apologize with an "I'm sorry FOR... and it won't happen again, please forgive me. What can I do to make it up to you?" If they couldn't say it (sometimes I had to help phrase by phrase when they were younger) then they wern't ready to be out of time out and they had to go back to their room, sit on their bed and think some more about what they had done then come out and try again. Stand firm and have all adults in her life be consistent across the board. You'll make it through this phase. Remember, too, the challenges we face with our kids will always be there, it's only the subject matter that will change. What you do now will carry through the rest of their life.

I hope this helps - blessings - S.

I have a 2 1/2 year old who is also starting to exert her independence. The only thing I can think of to say is consistency. I'm guilty of giving in from time to time, but as they say that only shows them the chink in the armor. Try to always follow up with the same response. Make the discipline quick right after the acting out (after a warning) and from the Super Nanny show - get down to their level and look into their eyes with a voice of authority to tell them no. If your daughter doesn't nap I would put her in the bed when she gets out and keep doing that until she stays there for nap time. Sounds like she needs one if she's getting cranky and sassy.

It sounds to me like she's asking for attention by hitting and then requesting to be "punished". She probably likes the attention she gets out of the huge fuss you make of her doing the thing that needs correction. This is not to say you don't pay enough attention to her at all! Just that she (as you say) is "high energy" and that might require a bit more focus. Have you read "The Discipline Book" by Dr. Sears? My daughter is younger than yours so I haven't come across this specific issue yet, but the book has helped me in other ways.

Good luck!

Try taking her favorite things away. It worked with my 3 year old. When he goes above and beyond what he knows is wrong I will say OK no white motorcycle for the rest of today, or no swimming... time outs work sometimes but when he tops the chart (which hasn't been in a long time since he got his 4 wheeler taken away) we take something away for a certain time period. He has a tendancy to throw his cars when he's mad so I make him pick it up and walk it to the garbage can. I take it out when he's not looking and stash it for a week or so then slip it back into the pile of toys.
I know it sounds mean but it's better than having a brat for a child.

Yes you must stop it now. I have two nieces who were still hitting their mom in their late teens becasue mom did not stop when they were little. Most two year olds can understand consequences. You just have to find the consequence that works or the right "carrot". My one son was similar. Any attention was better than no attention. Be consistent. Offer her choices and stick to the consequences you established. It is hard, but perhaps putting her in her room if is safe for a bit may be a good consequence. It will take diligence on your part to keep putting her back in her room. You can also offer a positive consequence if she does cooperate; ie. doing something fun that she likes to do. My two year old daughter was told that she could not cross the street without the help of a big person. If she did not listen, then she would have to stay in the house or the gated yard. She wanted to be with her older brothers so she made the right choice after "trying" me a couple of times, and followed through with the consequence each time.

This sounds very familiar! I have 4 children, and all of them have done something similar at some point, even the youngest (currently 20 months old)! For us, it most often seems to be that they are getting more attention when they are "in trouble" than when they are doing good, so they get pretty obnoxious. When I realize the imbalance of positive reinforcement and start looking for the good things they do, even being quiet or playing nicely (even 30 seconds? sometimes) and praise them then or even go and play with them for a little while if I can, then they very soon start behaving, sometimes like little angels. Of course,they must still be corrected for the "weed-like" behavior, but lots of positive attention otherwise really makes a difference. I cannot just let them play nicely and not acknowledge it, while they are playing nicely, and expect the niceness to continue very long. Even my almost 10 year old needs as much praise as my 4 and 6 and 1.5 year olds! They thrive with the praise, yet I try not to let them get big-headed (what a balance to keep!) but it's worth the effort.

So, maybe she just needs more positive attention when she's doing good, and as little attention as possible when she's in time-out (yet you might have to hold her in time-out!) If you do have to hold her, make sure you just stick to business and not take the opportunity to cuddle your adorable darling until after the time is over, and make sure she knows its over before you lovey her good.

This doesn't say anything about what you are doing or not doing, but her behavior just may be her expressing the desire or need for more attention. Also, some children need practically constant focus on them, while others are more relaxed -- I've got both, but the behaviors come out very similar for the same needs.

Good luck, and enjoy your baby!

W.,

I have a friend who has two daughters that sound much like yours. She has been reading the book "Raising Your Spirited Child" and it may be a great help to you.

Here is the Amazon link:
http://www.amazon.com/Raising-Your-Spirited-Child-Percept...

Good luck!

-C..

Please look into a Love and Logic coarse in your area! It has changed how we parent and it has helped our little one be apart of the family. It takes a lot of practice and patience but it works. GOOD LUCK!

i have a diffecalt 7 year old (also a 9 and 6mon) we are seeing a behavior person and for us it has turned in to a all or nothing discipline thing if you dont do something now that works then it will get worse so taking things that she loves away is a good start if she understands things like tomarrow we ar going to ... and if she miss behaves then dont go kind of a all or nothing kind of things good luck

W.,

First allow me to say that you're not the only mom that has experienced this, and you're noth the last either. I on the other hand believe that "Spare the rod, spoil the child" it doesn't mean that you enjoy spanking your children (I now understand "it hurts me more than you" that was always said) but it's usually the last resort. However I do understand your decision not to do so, my sister doesn't either yet she experience the same dilemma with 2 of her four children. With that said, I'm suggesting that perhaps you should increase her time to be in "time-out". I would also take her favorite things from her and place them in a box and tell her that when she behaves she can get one of them back. If she continues to misbehave, continue to take more of her favorite things. Tell her that it's a privilege to have toys and to do what she wants at the time. If she doesn't deserve it by earning it with good behavior that she won't be able to do it. It's simply unacceptable to hit adults and misbehave with your grandparents. Reinforce the unity with your father and let him know that you support his form of discipline as well when you're not there so that she knows you're aware and agree that it's unacceptable with him as well. We used to have to say a formal apology in front of the entire house when we misbehaved. Make her say a formal apology (yes, even at her age she may not be able to write? but I'm sure that she can talk!) with her own words every time.

Also, if she has a television in her room take that first. I remember when I was younger they had books on behavior for children on subjects such as sharing, respecting others, jealousy, anger and so forth. I believe that they still have them and you can get them the same way you would get those Dr. Seuss and Disney book packages. I believe it's Groiler Books, you may want to contact them to see. I hope this helps in some way.

Best of luck,

A

REmember standing in the corner? When she is in time out, she should be facing a wall, with no stimulation, viewing , etc. Is the T.V. still on so she can hear it? Music? Is she holding a toy/stuffed animal? Most toddlers will find that to be very unenjoyable and will understand that is a punishment. She doesn't view her time out as a punishment. Her time out should be 2-3 minutes at least. 1 minute isn't even enough for her to switch gears. And hitting you should evoke a very strong response, with a very firm, you mean business look and tone of voice, (practice in front of your mirror if you have to), followed by a punishment that is really a punishment. Get down to her level, firmly hold her hands, look her in the eye and say "you do not hit me", followed with an extra long time out. Expect a backlash, hold her there if she tries to run out before the time up is up (use a timer). Right now, she thinks she is in control, and you have to let her know that you are at all times. Take a deep breath, and go Mama!

I feel like I am reading about my 4 year old little boy...sounds like she is attention seeking to me. It also sounds like you (like me) have a child for whom timeouts are not the best choice of discipline. I actually put his toys in time out (not him) - if he throws them, does something I tell him not to, doesn't listen, etc. he can get them back once he does something positive. Explain to her what you are doing. Little kids understand a lot more than we give them credit for - they just don't have a complete handle on their emotions - it is up to us to help them with that. It was once explained to me that the punishment should bear some relationship to the behavior. I do like the love and logic books - it is about them making choices and it does work. It sounds like your little girl is smart - she will catch on to this quickly. make sure your dad gets with whatever program you decide on though - if she senses a rift there, you are doomed.

Hi Wendy,

I recommend reading the book, "Shepherding a Child's Heart" by Tedd Tripp.

hello W.
two 1/2 is a age all of it own .if you can talk and reason with her she is old enuff to have small thing taken for bad behovior but the rules need to be black and white and the same nomatter what.say if you dont take your nap then no dora today or if you hit then you do 3 min time out or two 1/2 min then make her say sorry always tell her why she going to time out. and when it over ask her do you remember why you are here make sure she know why she was in trouble.

hey W.,

that age is extremely challenging and can wear a person out in an hour let alone a full day. every child is unique and i can only speak to my personal experience. what has always been very effective for us, even at that age, was leverage. we would take away privileges, toys or anything that was valuable to my son. he would then have to earn his things back. i can recall at 3 he went through a biting thing at his nursery school, which he attended part time three days a week. we took every single toy he had, bagged them up and put them in storage. each day he came home from nursery school without incident he got a set of his toys back. it took some time but he earned them back.

i have a very verbal child so talking about it with him also helped, even at that age. we did use time outs as well but they were never effective in terms of changing behavior. often, i found i was the one who needed a few minutes to collect myself.

i guess the bottom line is vigilance, clarity and reinforcement of boundaries, and follow through with clear consequences is crucial. it sounds like she is trying to test her boundaries, which is perfectly normal.

as with all phases, this is temporary. :-) best of luck!!

S.

That's a difficult age; they really start to test you and are trying out some independence of their own. She knows what is right and wrong since she asked for a time out when she hit you. I noticed you said she gets a time out for 1 minute. I've heard (and use this myself) that you give a time out for every minute they are old. So if she's 2 1/2 then she gets a time out for 2 1/2 minutes.

Make sure you're consistent (and so is your Dad when he babysits) when disciplining - do it every time she misbehaves and if she gets out of time out, put her right back in. When you get her out of time out, explain why she was in it. Don't ever tell her she was bad, but rather what she did was bad. And then give her a hug and let her know you love her.

If you want to begin taking away movie/t.v. time, toy, etc. just do what is appropriate to the misbehavior. For instance, if she is acting up while she's watching her favorite show - warn her you'll turn it off if she continues. If she does continue then turn it off and DO NOT turn it back on no matter what (that would not be consistent with what you said and she'll learn she'll get it back and your punishments won't be effective).

Good luck!

W.; yeah this can be very difficult, hang in there and be consistant, my oldest did stuff like that when he hit 2 1/2 and did not stop till almost 4, its callled the terrible twos, ahahah however these years are not so terrible, they stll are great kids and are a blessing, i had the same issues, they also say timeout for one minute per age, legthen her time out, she may enjoy sitting , but this does not work effectively is she likes it, i too tried everything, it was hard, but consistancy is the key, you need to change you , and how you do things, dont frustrate her by saying no , no,no ,no, no, and then change it to ayes, if its gonna change, then say yes up front, this keeps alot of frustration down, if before you say no, ask yourself if i say no wil she fight so much i will change it to a yes, ? and if that is so, then just go for the yes right off the bat, nothing wrong in giving themsomething they want if you are gonna give it to them anyway, also learn how to say no without saying no, haahahah this can be very difficult and tricky, my one son would want to go home as soon as we got to church and iw ould say no, he would get mad, finally i said yes we can go home as soon as its over, he was happy, he heard a positive, and it made him feel better he got his way, its the same result, just different approach, and i know spanking is not necessarely the route you need, but spanking does not have to be harsh, one littel swat on her padded but wont hurt, it startles them to change, not saying do it, but like a tap on the hand too can work ,i had a nephew nothing worked but he loved his hands, and all you had to do to get his attention was to tap his hand, not hard at all, you can tap softly and just redirect their atention , try moving the time out chair to, move it to the corner, face the corner, or other things, try to change how you say things, so as to not affect her, like saying a no in a positive way, or when you do this..... it makes me feel ......... because, ...... she may also need an explanation of why something is wrong, hang in there and buckle down it could be a long road but take heart they say terrible twos make for good teens, which worked great in my case, hopei t does for you too, consitancy, and be positive, D. s

If you have a chance, read "Love and Logic Magic for Early Childhood", by Jim Fay and Charles Fay. It addresses a lot of specific issues and gives you clear examples on how to handle situations. Not method is perfect, but I found that the "Love and Logic" method makes a lot of sense. It teaches children to make choices and how to deal with the consequences of their own actions. Good luck!

What a challenging age! Yikes. 1-2-3 Magic worked for us when our son was that age and still works as a 11 year old!

I can tell you more if you don't see it on-line!

S.

It's great that she gets it...she knew she was misbehaving and the consequence that goes with it. I would make her time outs longer...at least her age: 2 1/2 minutes, no talking during timeout and an apology afterward with a hug. Toddlers are very busy testing their limits and learning who has the strongest will. You need to be the one with the most patience. She needs to know you are not going to give in. Be firm but fair. She will get it. Your Dad needs to know the program so she gets consistent discipline.