Daughter Will Not Sleep in Own Bed.

I had that problem too. I finally just got up put her back to bed or rocked her in my rocking recliner until she got tired or went to sleep. Put her to bed and told her she had to sleep in her own bed. I also put a night light in there.

Perhaps if your husband is away serving time in the military, your little girl misses him, as I'm sure you do. If sleeping with mom gives her comfort, I see nothing wrong with it. My daughter slept with me off and on when she was little due to post-traumatic stress from a nearby abduction, as well as nightmares and illnesses.

If you want to wean your daughter from sleeping with you, start with a sleeping bag next to your bed. Then move it away a few feet at a time, then to the hallway, then to her room, and finally to her own bed.

Let her stay. Trust me. My daughter and I slept together for years. I think she was about 6 or 7 when she preferred sleeping alone. She also never was interested in sleep overs at anyones house. She'd go to the party and call me to pick her up around the time girls were going to bed. Then...poof...she became independent.
However, you and your hubby may want to schedule some romantic get a ways.
They are only little ONCE. If her wanting to sleep with you is your biggest challenge...count your blessings that she wants you around, AND enjoy the intimacy while you can. They grow up fast...cherish the fact that she wants to be near you...it wont last.

Hi K.,
My hubby and I agreed on having a family bed and our son slept with us consistently from birth until his sister was born. She was in our bed too and he decided it was too crowded so he moved into his own bed. Our baby girl was not so much into snuggling and by age 1 wanted the independence in her own bed so off she went. After that, our son would come back and sleep with us several times a week. When we wanted our own space, we matter of factly would tell him he will be staying in his own bed OR we tell him to come 'visit' when the sun comes up. When he was first told to stay in his bed, he cried a little and it was heart breaking, but necessary. He got over it. He now understands that our bed is open to him on occasion and he is okay with it. Of course, anytime he is really scared or has a bad dream, he is welcomed. He will be 5 in June. It's ok to tell our kids no and if they cry, they recover. If you have a strong willed child, it may take a consistent and firm approach but it's possible. Best of wishes to you and your family. Thank you for your family's service to our country. God bless.

You seem to be associating the love of your daughter with allowing her to sleep in your bed, just the opposite is true, you are doing her (or yourselves) no favors by allowing her to sleep in your bed. You will lose some sleep initially, but you must return her to her own bed each and everytime she crawls into yours, eventually, your daughter will stop waking and believing it is okay to crawl into your bed. The key for you is consistancy.

That is a tough one. What you could try when she does come back to your bed, get up and walk her back to her bed, lay down with her until she falls asleep and then go back to your own bed. Eventually she'll get used to sleeping in her own room. You might have to keep doing it for a while.

Remember, it takes 3-5 days to form a habit. Sometimes, tough love is really what they need. It will be worth it in the long run. I have read many studies that suggest any child that continues to sleep in the parents room as an adult are more likely to be needing of the opposite sex to accompany them in bed. I know I don't want my kid to be sleeping around. So, you can go about it in a couple of ways. The nice long trying way is to put your daughter back to bed and close the door without saying anything to her, she will get the point. I did this with my son and it came down to holding the door shut while he screamed and cried for about 5 minutes before crawling back to bed. Or you can put your daughter into a crib (as long as she cant crawl out) and let her cry herself to sleep. I hope that helps. Stay strong because you are training yourself just as much as she is getting trained.

We just moved our daughter to a twin from her crib a week ago. What's worked for us is putting the gate across her open door come bedtime, also stripped her room of nic-naks. If she did get up there wouldn't be anything fun to get into and no way out of bedroom. Good luck with it:)

Hi K.,

I would recommend Love and Logic, you can find it on the computer. It is a wonderful program. they have books and videos and you can also attend free classes check out your local foster parent website and sign up for a class.

I would suggest one of those plastic door knob covers(so she can't wander out of her room)(until she learns to stay in her room).
Also get her bedtime routine down. Bath, book, prayers. Have a regular time that is earlier than yours.

Tell her that she has to stay in her room, reassure her that you love her and that you will get her up in the morning.
After a few nights she will understand that you are not going to give in.

Mother of 3 biological, 3 step children and Foster Parent.
Good luck! Have you ever watched Super Nanny?
K.

Hi K.! I'm wondering why you'd like your daughter to move into her own bed? Is it because you feel she *should* be sleeping on her own at this age? Is it that you'd like to have the bed to yourself? Do you and your husband need more alone time?

My suggestion is to figure out what the underlying needs are...for *all* of you. Your daughter is old enough to talk with about this. Ask her what she likes about sleeping with you, what she doesn't like about sleeping in her own room. Maybe she has some ideas on how it could work for all of you! From your post, I'm hearing that you all have needs. I would find out what those are, and work together to find ways that work for all of you, so that all of your needs will be met.

Both of my children sleep with me. They are three and five. There is no pressure on them to move out of our bed. I trust that when they are ready, they will let me know. My 5.5 year old recently said she'd like her own bed, next to ours. Moving out of your room completely might seem a natural step to you, but to her, it probably seems like a really big move. Sure, she's older now, but in the grand scheme of life, 4 years is not a very long time to be on this earth! Though I'm sure she craves independence and autonomy at times, I also feel that kids this age still need lots and lots of comfort, closeness, connection with and support from their parents. I shudder when I think about *forcing* my children to be away from me, when what they need is to be close and connected.

When you trust in her wisdom, she will learn to trust her wisdom as well! When you work *with* her rather than *against* her, there will be nothing for her to push up against. All of your needs are valid, and it is important that you are all heard!

I would say talk with eachother. Open the lines of communication. Provide a safe and nurturing environment in which to work together to find solutions that FEEL good to all of you!

Best wishes!

Hi K.,

Unfortunately, this will not be an easy task since she has been sleeping in your bed for 4 years. If you are willing to deal with her crying and not give into her for about a week or two, you can break her out of this habit. The key is to stay consistent. Put her to bed and tell her that she will have to stay in her own bed. Maybe read her a bed time story before bed, but do not lay in the bed beside her because that is what she is used to and you want to break her from this habit. Be prepared because she will not like it at all. When she gets out of her bed, put her back in her bed. If she gets out again, put her back in again. She will probably cry and maybe even have a fit. It may hurt you to the core to see her upset like this. Ignore it. She will live. You and your husband will have to be there for each other for much support during this process, because her crying may make you feel like you are going crazy. After some time, maybe 1 or 2 weeks depending on how fast she accepts this, she will be sleeping in her own bed. Again, stay consistent. You do not want her to be sleeping with you when she becomes a teenager. I hope this helps. Good luck.

Kaitlyn has gotten used to the Heart beat sounds and having the warmth of you next to her. Now you need to record these sounds when you sleep and find something that she cam cuddle with that will take your place in her bed. I had to do this with My son and the Cuddler was a Dog. It was very effective because he wanted to be independant other than at night. I told Chris that the Dog was his and that he needed him to sleep with him to help him feel better about being alone. (The Dog) Yogi became his dog and they were the Best of Pals. It worked for me.Chris is Now 21 and It sure worked on Him. If you don't do animals, then I am sure that you can find some kind of Stuffed animal that makes sounds too. It is the Feeling of Security and Kaitlyn needs to find something else that Helps her to have that feeling that being Next to you in bed gives her.

We tried everything to get our twins to stay in their own beds. Our solution has probably not the best as far as parenting goes but we like to look at it as positive reinforcement.

We paid them. Twenty-five cents a night to sleep in their own bed. They were so excited to wake up and get that quarter and very proud of themselves for sleeping in their own beds. After four days they would have enough for the dollar store and that made their little hearts pitter-patter.

It didn't take long to change the habit. We set ground rules before hand with them about how long these payments would arrive so we were still paying them when they were teenagers! (And believe me, teenagers want anything but to be near you so rest assured you will have yours cured in no less than nine years if all else fails.)

This is probably going to sound horribly mean, but here goes.

My son had the same issue. As well as my daughter. They were both in my bed from day one. The solution SOUNDS simple, but is very tiring both physically and emotionally. The way My husband and I approached it is this:
They have their own bed. Set a standard bedtime. We selected 8pm. Every night, one of us would go in and read a short story. Give the ever popluar tiny glass of water. Tuck them in and say " I love you. Have a good night. Stay in bed. YOUR bed" and on goes the night light, out the door WE go. Yes, they started out in their bed. YES they would wake up in the night and crawl into ours. And, YES. Each and EVERY time one of us would get up and tuck them back into their bed. We got lots of tantrums including the one that goes somewhere along the lines of..." but if you LOVE me...you'd let me sleep in YOUR bed". It was awful and heartbreaking to hear and see, but we had set the goal of their nights in THEIR bed and not ours. My daughter was easier than my son I will admit, but after about 2-3 weeks of this "routine" they were staying in their own beds (each decked out to fit their personalities) through the night.
I wish you much luck with the bed breaking experience.

Hi K.! Speaking from experience I can tell you 2 things: first, you have created this monster, and second you have to tame it again. Sorry but babies learn to manipulate you a lot sooner than they learn to manipulate their fingers! The solution is hard but simple, every time, did I say that loud enough, every time, she gets in your bed you have to take her back to her's. Yup you lose sleep, but she will eventually give in out of sheer exaustion!!! You want to let her know that this is what will happen, and before too long she will find that she likes it better in her own bed. I KNOW how hard this is to do, lots of crying and headaches, but it really is the only way, I tried everything, and this worked! Good luck, R.

You've gotten a lot of advice about this! Whew! My son is now about 27 mo and he is very needy and strong willed. I totally agree with the moms that say it's not easy and you have to be firm. That is the jist of it! We do the EXACT routine EVERY night,,,,pjs, teeth, floss, water, story, rocking, tucking in and when the music starts up (still using the aquarium brand music box) that's it! Sometimes he loves it and goes right to bed, sometimes he hates it. But it IS bedtime and no other options. No more stories, no lights, one or two words can be spoken, like: it's bed time, shhhhhh, if asked for anything the answer is "no, it's bedtime, shhhhh" or "no, were all going to bed now, shhhhh" (even if were not).

We actually have to duck tape the light switch and pinch a diaper in the door for he almost always tries the nob at least once. (If we don't pinch a diaper in the door he runs out laughing hysterically) but usually now he tries once or twice and goes back to his bed. If he cries, we go back in and put him back in bed, "it's bedtime, we love you, shhhhhhh, goodnight" (The ducktape on the light is necessary because he shares the room with his 11mo sister who sleeps through all this except for the light being turned on.)

Any way, whatever you do, do it the same everynight and don't give up. It's worth it. We still have to stick to our routine and we've been doing it the same since he was 9 mo old. But the pay off, we usually get to sleep by ourselves all night uninterupted!
Good luck, it's not easy.

one last thought, if you don't stick to the same routine, I've noticed with other stories and other moms, that it just tells you child that sometimes the rules apply and sometimes they don't, they just have to learn how and where to "wear you down"...

The other moms are right: Consistency, consistency, consistency. Tuck her in after a song/story, and then keep putting her back in to bed without a word. It's important not to let her engage you in conversation (etc.), because that's another way of stretching out her contact with you and ultimately, it will make it it even more painful. I agree that laying down with her while she's learning to stay in her own bed is not the best thing right now if you can help it. We've found that when we need to correct a situation (or a behavior we've helped create), it's best to start immediately and anew with the behavior we want to see in the future. Best of luck!

Hi K., My son slept in our bed most nights from the time he was 1 1/2 until just recently (he is four). What made the difference for us was leaving the bathroom light on all night. We had tried all different kinds of night lights, giving him a flashlight for under his pillow, leaving on the porch light, which shone outside his bedroom window, etc., but nothing worked until we started leaving the bathroom light on. If there is a hall light or bathroom light you can leave on all night you might try experimenting with that. Good Luck! L. S

My son tried the same thing for a little bit and we started out by staying in his room until he fell asleep and then moving a little further away; like to the door and next the hallway and then just upstairs. He falls asleep on his own now and when he gets up in the middle of the night we always take him back to his room. Sometimes it was several times a night and it was hard, but now it's maybe one time one or two times a week. You have to be consistent. Maybe reward her with something after sleeping in her room all night a couple of nights in a row.

My son was like this as well and he slept with me since he was 2 months as well due to seizures in his sleep. What I did was place a bed in my room so he slept there for awhile then I moved that same bed back to his room, and I put down a sleeping bag on the floor. Then I moved the sleeping bag out and he had to sleep on the floor if he came in. After awhile of gradually making it more uncomfortable he finally started staying in his room. I then took him to the store and let him pick out something special for his room as a reward. He didn't know he was getting a reward and I made it as causual as possible so he didn't start over to get something. I let him know how proud of him I was for sleeping in his bed and he got that big smile on his face.
He is now 10 and sometimes comes in but the last rule applies he has to sleep on the floor and that is uncomfortable so he usaully goes back into his room. Not always happy. So you might try modifying her sleeping with you by gradually making it uncomfortable alittle at a time so it helps break that habit. I also asked my son why sleeping in his room was hard. He replied I am scared of the dark, It is to quiet. So I got a touch lamp and I play music for him very quietly or used a sound machine that plays a heartbeat or ocean or white noise. that helped also with transitioning him back.
I would put him to bed first in my room and put on the light and the sound and that way he got used to those things first and then I moved them in his room one at a time. The sound with the bed and then the light went when the sleeping bag went. That way it was harder for him to fall asleep in my room. Just some thoughts. This is a long process but it did work.

Ugh, I feel for you. I have three children who have all gone through some sort of sleeping 'thing' around 2-3 yrs. old.
I can tell you for a fact, the longer you let her sleep with you, the harder it will be to get her to sleep in her own bed.

You are going to have to listen to some crying, for sure. Tell her what is going to happen that night, earlier in the day when every thing is calm. Preparing her will let her have time to adjust to the idea. Something like, "Kaitlyn, tonight you are going to sleep in your own bed all night."
Let her know that she is safe, that you will be right in the next room. See that she has a comfort object, like a special blanket or stuffed animal. She needs to understand that kids sleep in their own beds and Mommies sleep in their own beds. Try asking at your local library for a children's book to read about a child sleeping in their own bed.
I would start by lying with her until she falls asleep and then every time she gets up just keep returning her to her room, not speaking. You may have to do it ten or twenty times, or more, the first night. The most important part about this is DON'T CAVE IN.
I can tell you from my own experience, it is SO HARD, but you have to do it.
Make sure no one is sick when you start.
Get your husband on board, too. If he is home with you on the night you begin, it is crucial that he understand what you are doing, or he'll think you are just being cold.
After about three or four nights of this, getting progressively better, I am pretty sure she will stay there on her own. Good Luck!

Welcome to the club! My son is 4 and still sleep with us. I asked our Parent educator but she sad that this is a good thing and there is nothing wrong with that. Actually she sad if everybody gets some sleep it is OK.

Hi K.,

I had a daughter do the same thing!! It was really hard but I had to use the tough love and consistancy method. It is hard for the first week but then it started getting easier. We did the same thing like making the room nice and laying with her. So we just stuck to our guns. Does she have a favorite stuffed animal or anything. Make sure she only gets that in her bed then put her in her bed. Read her a story, sing her a song, etc. Lay with her if you want then after you do this leave. If she gets up, which we know she will because she has control in the past. You take her back in her room tuck her in give her a kiss and leave making sure she has that special stuffed animal or blanket or whatever. Then when in a few more minutes she does that same thing you simply walk her back into her room tuck her in, give her a kiss and leave. Even though the tears will probably be flowing by now you stick to your guns. Even if this goes on all night just be ready to win the game!! You might have to do this all night and your hubby needs to help with it. He could even take her if he will someone the times. You do this every night, be tough but loving. Don't give in cuz as soon as you do you will have to start over because you daughter has won again!!

It took about a week before we won with our daughter. If you want lay with her for a few each time and then when she is willing to stay in her room with you laying there then you will need to break that habit as well.

Don't get me wrong, this is tough but the problem was created and now it is up to us to break the habit because when she goes off to college still needing to sleep in her mom and dad's bed she might get teased!! LOL

Good luck and let me know how it goes!!

L.