Need Advice with 2 Year Old Sleeping Habits

Totally understand your current practices, but even you know you are lining yourself up for big trouble. I've been a nanny, an aunt of nearly 20 (including siblings' kids and close friends) and of three stepchildren who needed bedtime help. I know this works and it's relatively easy.

Get in a routine, and all will be well after a few horrible nights (or maybe even just one).
1. Put on his pajamas at a certain time each night, and brush teeth. Then read in a room that is NOT the bedroom.
2. At bedtime, say "it's bedtime now." Tuck him in, say "night night," turn out the light and leave the room. Think caring, but businesslike. Don't dwell or be overly affectionate and DONT LAY DOWN WITH HIM. Any of these can send the message that falling asleep alone is hard--even though you are just trying to send love. But he's too young to reason through your guilt and other emotions (sorry :)
3. When he gets up in the night, quickly return him to bed and say "it's bedtime" again. Don't dwell, read, play or anything. If he gets up again, don't say anything. Just put him back in bed.
4. No matter how many times he gets up, do not let him into your bed for even a minute. Don't stray from the simple task of putting him back in bed. Don't reason with him and don't get mad. He's just checking the boundaries.
It may seem at one point that it will never work, but it will! I've done it so many times, and I've also seen The Nanny use the same technique. It always works and life is so much better once it does. Even the child seems happier. They love boundaries!
Good luck and with affections, L.

Your son will stronly object but try using a baby gate or closing his door and putting a child knob cover on the inside. You will still be able to hear him if he needs you but it will help him to stay in his own space while you are in yours and will help to block out the baby when they come home and are up during the night when your son is sleeping. We put a cool night lite in our son's room and have a small radio playing soothing music at night and have his door closed. He has toys and books to entertain himself if he feels the need but he usually will sleep all night long, no issues. Good luck and congrats on the upcoming arrival!

Suretha,
If you want your little boy to sleep in his bed, then you just have to be consistent with it. Follow your normal nighttime routine, and put him to bed. Close his bedroom door. If he can open the door on his own, consider getting a gate. If you want him to have access to your room in the middle of the night, do neither of those things! Whatever you decide to do, you really should put him back in his bed when he wakes up. If his door's closed or there's a gate, you'll hear him crying either through your monitor or through the hallway. When that happens, simply put him back in bed and go about your business. You may have to do this over and over, but I promise you if you are consistent with this, he will learn that the bed is where he needs to be. If you don't want him coming to your bed for the next 3+ years, then now's the time to do something about it. Make your bed off limits until the morning, and keep putting him back in his own bed. You may lose sleep the first several days, but if you keep at it, it WILL get better. Just don't give up!
Amy K

I just answered a similar question in another post. We have been through this MANY times with our 2 boys and have learned from our mistakes. It's hard, but you HAVE TO BE CONSISTENT, communicate what is expected of him, and then DO NOT GIVE IN when he pushes the limits. I, too, have another one on the way and really want to nip this in the bud.
Go through your bedtime routine, tell him he needs to stay in bed, and take him back immediately if he gets out. If you don't want him in your bed, don't let him in.
Every night, I have to tell my 2yo, "Stay in bed. Christopher sleeps in Christopher's bed. No more Daddy, no more Mommy. I love you. I'll check on you. Stay in bed."
He was getting up between 4:30 and 6 wanting to sleep with us, but I started getting out of bed before he got to us, got him a drink of milk (I know my tummy starts rumbling if I'm up at that hour), changed his diaper, took him back to bed, and repeated the "Stay in bed" instructions. He is now sleeping through the night again.
Good luck!

Hi,

I don't know if you letting him fall asleep next to you is "SO WRONG" as you say. 2 years old is still quite little. Our daughter would also find us in the night when she was this age and she often slept with one or both of us. Now she's 4 and 1/2 and wants to be in her bed to have "her time." We never forced this, we just let it happen in it's own time. But considering that a new baby is arriving and that you ALL need sleep and you ALL need to feel secure, maybe some creative sleep arrangements for the short term would benefit everyone. When the baby comes, it'll probably be you responding to the feeding at night (though not always, I'm just guessing), so maybe you and your husband could break up responsibilities...say you sleep in one bed with the baby and your husband sleep in another room or bed and tell your little guy to go to daddy in the night if he needs it.

My husband and I rarely slept together the first few years of our daughter's life (and I mean actual sleeping...not the fun awake sleeping together;). But because we knew this was temporary, we never had any problems with intimacy or finding other places for sex. Of course, every family is different and this option might not work for you, but I'd suggest asking people who DID let their children gradually and gently move to their own beds in their own times and see if there were any long-term problems. I always read posts of people warning about how you have to be "firm" because you'll create these bad "sleep habits" but I have never read or have heard of people who's 16 year old is still sleeping with mom and dad. IMO and in my experience, the more security they get when they are little, the more independent they are when they grow up. I let my daughter fall asleep in our bed countless times because we were all exhausted and I knew she'd fall asleep sooner. Guess what? We ALL slept better and when she was ready she CHOSE to go to her own bed and felt really happy about it.

Being on bedrest - I had to do that too and my heart goes out to you cause it can be so frustrating! Best to you and your new baby.

My advice would be to work your way out of the room. start by sitting next to his bed while he falls asleep, and avery couple nights, move farther away, until you are sitting outside his door, and then gradually out of sight. Letting him fall asleep with you in bed is probably what's making him search you out in the middle of the night. He can't fall back asleep without you. Keep him out of your bed, when he comes in walk him back to his bed. Be patient and hang in there, once there's no reward for coming to your room, he'll stay put and be able to fall back asleep on his own.

There is nothing "SO WRONG" about sleeping with your child either in his bed or yours. Our U.S. culture is one of the few that thinks so. The majority of mothers and their babies in the world sleep together. The most important thing is that your child feels safe, and the second is that you all get some sleep. Do whatever works for you to make these things true.

Hi There Suretha. You are not the only person to have sleeping 'issues' with their little ones - in fact just about EVERYONE I know goes through something similar to this. I love the book "The No Cry Sleep Solution" By Elizabeth Pantley. Her suggestion to something like this is to, 1st, establish a bedtime routine; bath, jammies, brush teeth, stories, tuck in time and maybe lullabies. My DD's cd player (with a lullaby cd in it) is a God-send. In the middle of the night when she cries I just hit the play button and tuck her in, and leave! She sometimes turns it on for herself. My other piece of advice would be to create a place for your son to sleep in your room, on the floor near your bed, in advance. Show it to him. Tell him if he needs to be near you in the middle of the night he can come sleep there. Just having a visual (a blanket or sleeping bag and a pillow) near you may be all he needs! Knowing he can come stay by you could be just as affective as sleepign with you. Good luck!

Hello! Our son would do the same thing at that age - his sister was born when he was 22 months. He would come into our room in the middle of the night and sometimes we'd let him fall asleep w/us, but we tried (unless we ALL were too exhausted) to carry him back into his room and tell him we love him and now it's time for him to sleep in his bed. Some nights this would take one time, others, five times. This took quite awhile, but we decided we weren't going to close his door or put a gate up. We also follow a very routine bedtime.

Now he's 3 and rarely comes into our room until the morning time. BUT he might still wake up in the middle of the night - either needs to go potty, get covered up, or might have gotten a little scared of something.

You have so much going on and getting ready for your new baby and being on bedrest. I'm sure he senses all the changes. Do what you feel is best and take care of yourself and your family - good luck with the arrival of your new little one :)