How to Get Kids on a Schedule and Get Them to Sleep by Themselves.

I have a question....do the boys sleep in the same bed. Do they have their own beds and are just wanting to sleep in the same bed.

My suggestion is to go gradually. Start by saying you'll stay in their room, but not in the bed. Sit by the door and read a book. You can also do the "checking on" method, which I still do with my kids. Tuck them in, tell them you will be back to check on them in 5 minutes, then go check on them. Keep doing this, and they'll eventually fall asleep. As they get used to it, you'll have to check less and can lengthen the amount of time between checks.

You might try a fun bedtime routine. I read to my kids at night. The younger ones fall asleep before I am done. If they are not ready to sleep and we are done then I sing to them for a few minutes. I find that investing this time to help them quiet down takes less time than crying and sending them back to bed over and over again. My older boys now read on their own in their beds until they are ready to sleep.

A.-
I used to lay in bed with my 2 year old until he was asleep. When I had my second, I knew I couldn't do that anymore. My son was very challenging (i.e. screaming, flailing) when I would try to leave the room if he was not asleep yet. So what I did took a while but it worked with minimal complaints. I would be consistent with the bedtime and routine. We did bath and then books or puzzles. When it was time to lay down, I sat at the end of his bed and I told him that I could not lay with him anymore. I sat there and rubbed his feet until he fell asleep. I did this for a few days, then I moved to the floor by the bed. I moved foot by foot closer to the door every few days. The last stage was sitting outside of the door with the door slightly open. After 7 weeks of this, I was kissing my son good night and he asked me to turn the light out and go downstairs! I still say it was my biggest accomplishment as a parent to date. If you have any questions, please feel free to contact me. Good luck!

Hello! This can be accomplished...don't worry! I have two kids (6 & 4), as well. What I've learned from studying them is that in order for them to go to sleep on their own, they shouldn't be overtired. If I get them to bed BEFORE their bedtime, read a book, say good night and I'm out the door! And most times, their bedtimes aren't the same as the other. The younger one will usually go to sleep before the older. I have one-on-one time with reading a book and saying good night, while the other one is either getting ready for bed or doing something quiet. The 4 year goes to sleep 12 hrs from wake-up...she doesn't nap, just has down time...and sleeps 12 hours. So, I make sure I know what time she wakes up, to determine bedtime. It's usually around the same time, but it does change at times. The older one, an hour later. Although, he sometimes wakes an hour earlier, so it's sometimes the same time. He usually sleeps for about 11 hrs. With yours, try an earlier bedtime. Also, a big boy bed for the 2 yr old might be what he's looking for...since his big brother doesn't sleep in a crib. The older one may just like the comforts of you. I've used reward charts. A sticker or stamp on the chart if (1) they go to sleep by themselves & (2) sleep in their beds all night. Give lots of praise and affection each time they accomplish either of them. After a few days, reward them with something material...$1 Stores are great. You can increase the amount of days once progress is made. And I've also used, "If you're big enough for _____, you're also big enough to go to sleep by yourself". I take into consideration the situation and will stay if we've caused their bedtime to be pushed back later than usual. Also, I've found that once one gets their second wind, it's harder for them to fall asleep. So, I'll refocus them by telling them to close their eyes, take deep slow breaths, be still, be quiet...all in a calm voice...and sometimes rubbing their backs in a circular motion for a few mins. I try not to lay with them, I'll fall asleep, too! I'll sit near or on the edge of the bed. Just my presence helps. And the rule is, if I stay for a few mins, they have do all the above mentioned to try to go to sleep. Talking, moving and looking around I have to leave. I will give them a reminder, but if it continues they know I can't stay. Lastly, I've explained to both of them that I don't fit well in their beds and it makes my back hurt. And if I don't sleep well, I get grumpy the next day. I don't like to be tired and grumpy. They like it when I'm happy, so it helps them understand. I hope some of this helps!!

A.,

I would suggest setting a schedule for your family. Create a schedule that fits with your day-to-day activities. All 5 of my children go to bed no later than 8:30. I start ending the day after dinner, by baths, personal grooming change of clothes, laying out cloths for the next day then storytime. I would suggest having the boys help you prepare for the next day so they know bed time is near. I have an egg timer that I set for 60 mins. I read a book to the kids ask questions then off to there beds. I also purchased a soothing classical cd that I quitely run to help the little ones drift off to sleep. I keep the room door open and if they run out I place them back in there rooms. The first two weeks were rough but thsngs are working great now. Hope things work out soon. No more sleeping in there beds :)

J. Z.
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www.shaklee.net/Z.
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The best but hardest thing to do is toughit out for 1 week. If they cry and come out you walk them back in without talking and then leave. Everytime you have given in it sets the bar that much higher. If you go in after 1 hour they know that is how long they have to cry for 2 hours thats how long and so forth. It is very hard but just like giving up the binky once it is done you will say why didn't I just do that sooner it won't last as long as it seems at the time. Good luck!!!

A., I have an almost 2 year old and an almost 4 year old and we have had the same bed time routine for as long as I remember. My son is in bed at 8 and my daughter at 9. We start my son's bed time routine around 730. Bath, pjs, diaper, snack and then to bed. My daughter starts hers around 830, while she likes to bathe with her little brother which cuts down on stuff for her routine, it helps because she is already in her PJ's when 830 comes. She helps me take the dogs out one last time and then we fill the dogs water bowl, she goes potty, brushes her teeth and then we read a book in her bed and then I have to Karate chop the "bed bugs and monsters" and then it is lights out. When she first started sleeping in a bed not her crib we put the baby gate up in the door way and left the door open and she has always slept with a night light. We did the baby gate in the door way so she can hear us to know we didn't leave but she can't escape. When she got a little bit bigger she thought it was cute that she could climb over the gate and come back down stairs, so we put the baby gate about 6 inches off the floor so she couldn't get over it and then she lost interest in it.
The thing to remember is even with kids starting a routine and getting into the routine will take a few weeks, it doesn't happen over night. Try using an egg timer or the timer on the oven if you have one. We use that for TV time. I would say getting them to sleep in their own beds is a must because they will disturb each other as well as it will continue the habit. Good luck!

A.,
I have a 6 year old who is terrified of the dark so bedtime can be rough if certain things are not in "place". So maybe that is part of the problem. We have learned that to make bedtime easier, we have the room cleaned up, he does that, and as little on the walls and as litte cluttered furniture as necessary. His room is small so only a bed, dresser and one toy bin, closed of course! Also his closet closed. You may also let him have a stuffed animal or toy that brings him pleasure. Also, the more tired he is and wore out, the worse bedtime will be. A schedule and routine is the best. Also for your two year old. Now is the time. You may make-over the room for them and let them help you and make their beds special. Make a big deal about it. Then it becomes personal and they have some control over it. Be patient, it will take some time. But be firm once you start. But remember, being scared to them is very real. But if you cave one more time after you have changed everything, they know you will do it again so be careful what you do. Best to you and I know you can do this! You are a mom! :) A.

My 6 year old goes to bed good by herself, but my 3 year old was still needing me to lay down with her at night- until recently. Sounds like your 2 year old needs a big bed rather than a crib...and if you are planning to get them to try and sleep alone, I would go ahead and just start out with a big bed rather than a crib and switching beds. My daughters are both in twin beds, touching right next to eachother, but are different heights so that it keeps them staying on their own beds. About two weeks ago, I created a chart, labeled "I went to bed like a big girl!" with both of their names on it, and 7 boxes under each name. I told them that if they went to bed like a big girl, without fussing, wining, staying in their beds, and falling asleep on their own...they would each get a stick in a square the next morning. Since my oldest can do that already, I explained to her that her job is mainly to be a good example. Once they each got 7 stickers, I took them to Wal-mart to pick out a nice new fuzzy blanket- their choice. We actually ended up picking out a new set of twin sheets for each of them, and the fuzzy blanket. Now when they go to bed, they have pretty new sheets, and a snuggly blanket...all for being a big girl! And the idea of mom taking these comforts away at bedtime when there is too much talking, or fussing...is a great insentive to get serious about sleeping! I have yet to lay down with the 3 year old at bedtime to aide her to sleep!
K.

In my experience, the most - very most - important thing is being consistant. Set up a routine and stick by it. My older boy (now 4) had the same problem not long ago. Either my husband or myself would have to lay down with him, or he'd be up/crying/calling out. We had a talk with him and told him how it was going to be... no options... one of us would sit on the edge of his bed... then a few nights later, move to a chair by the door, then the chair moved outside the door a few nights after that, then "I'm just across the hall in my bed." This was probably 6-8 months ago. Now, he goes to bed just fine, we can do whatever we want. There was a lot of verbal checking in throughout the process: "Are you still there?" "Yes, I'm right here, go to sleep... I love you."

As far as a routine goes, that's very important, in my book. My boys (1 1/2 and 4) take a bath at about the same time every night... somewhere around 7:30... then a little bit of playtime, we read some books together, then in bed for prayers and, for my older boy, music: "On with the music, off with the light, down with your head, and say goodnight.:)" He knows what to expect, and at 3 1/2 could tell time enough to know when it's bedtime.

Good luck. It's not easy, but it's worth it. Your husband will thank you, too! :)

A.,

I've read the other suggestions, and the underlying message is that you have to put your children to bed, they will not go by themselves. They are looking for you to take them, and set an appropriate time. Expect some resistance from your 7 year old, but you should be able to talk to him and and tell him he has to go to bed at a certain time because he does all of his growing at night, and that getting enough sleep will help he play better and be smarter (simplified truth). Try a night light and maybe a fan or something else to make white noise so the house noises don't keep them up. I understand about being afraid of the dark. I didn't like doors or drawers being left open (still don't) or things left out. Try filling a spray bottle with water to "spray away the scaries." I use Holy Water for these needs because I'm Catholic; works like a charm.

When I had may daughter, I was determined that she would sleep well, so I did the opposite of what my mother did. My mother thought kids as young as three could put themselves to bed. She sit herself in her rocking chair and start telling me go to bed at 8:00 without bestirring herself to help me. So, when did I go to bed? At 10:30-11:00 when she did. Her technique never worked in 18 years; I guess hope does spring eternal. And she could never figure out that it didn't work and she had only herself to blame for me being so cranky (of course she thought she knew more than anybody else and was the perfect mother). With my daughter I knew children need to be put to bed, need a consistent routine and need a little ritual to help them relax. I sing a lullaby to my daughter, that she chose when she was two. Often she is asleep before I finish singing.

So, come up with a good time for your children to go to bed, help allay your sons' fears and please put them in their beds.

Now is the time for the united front. You and your husband have got to be on the same page. If you aren't this won't work.

You need a schedule.
Have the boys help you make one. Believe me, they know what goes on during the day. At 7pm. put Bed Time.
Discuss how at 7pm, it's bed time. We will read a story. I will tuck you in. I will go do my chores around the house and you will go to sleep. (No discussion after this point.)
Second - if there is any possible way, give each boy has his own room. They are too far apart in age to share a room.
Now for the hard part - bed time.
This will take some time... I mean a few nights...
Be prepared. This will NOT be fun.

At 7pm bring them up to bed. Read them each a story. Turn out the light and leave. Do not make a fuss. Do not listen to the whining. Close the door behind you.

If they come out:
The first time: Tell them that you love them and bring them back to bed. Do not give them a drink of water. Do not talk to them. Do not engage them.
The second and subsequent times: Do not engage them. Do not talk to them. Just put them back in the bed and walk out.
The second step is the hardest. Take turns because it's going to be a LONG night.
Eventually they will fall asleep.
The next night you do the same thing.
You cannot waffle.
You have to be firm. YOU are the parents. You need a back bone.
If you let them get away with this, just think about what they will get away with later. You need to fix it NOW.

This is not easy stuff.

Best of luck to you.
LBC

you already answered yourself. you know what to do, you just 'give in' and don't do it.
for 5 months they've done a great job of training you to do it their way. the longer it goes on, the better trained you will all be.
i suggest beginning the retraining immediately. it is very simple. stick to your routine.
simple does not mean easy.
khairete
S.

I have a 7 and a 2 year old too, and can completely relate on the challenge. Our girls share a room and have a bunkbed. Our 7 year old is on a set routine and heads off to bed on her own. Sometimes she protests and the way we get her to cooperate is by allowing her to "stay up reading in bed." This way she feels She can stay up if she is not feeling sleepy but she never lasted longer than 10 min awake after hitting the pillow. She also is afraid of the dark so they have a night light and I leave the hallway light on until I go to bed. As for our 2 year old, we're still working on getting her to bed... sometimes she falls asleep after I read her a story in a rocking chair and just rock with her for a little while, but it takes longer to put her to bed and she's the first one up! I know experts will give standard recommendations about how much sleep kids should get, but also I do think each child is different...follow your intuition about setting the bedtime they each need to not be grumpy in the morning.

If your boys are sharing a bed, I would recommend you get them separate beds... a bunkbed or separate rooms. It will make it easier because otherwise they wake each other up in the middle of the night. Also, talk with your 7 year old. That's old enough to comprehend that your room is your room. Wish I had more advice for the 2 year old but we're still working on ours. Best wishes to you for restful sleep!