Daughter's Clothes and Self-esteem

As soon as my daughter was able to express a preference, I allowed her to choose her own outfits. As long asher privates were covered and it was appropriate for the weather, I didn't care if it matched or how outlandish it was. SHE was the one wearing it and SHE liked it.

My daughter picks out her own outfits, but she knows that I have veto power.... If I think it looks too crazy, we work together to change it. I try to keep at least the main part of her outfit the same, if I can, so that she still feels like she picked it out. We also always do this the night before... she's much more rational at night than in the morning, and I'm much more patient!!

I don't think it has anything to do with self esteem and everything to do with she's figuring herself out. Encourage it! My 6 and 8 year old daughters have been dressing themselves for years, I make them pick out their school clothes the day before... if it's something wildly inappropriate for the weather we're having, that's the only time I say no... they've gone to school in some pretty wild outfits before ;) AND, my 6 year old has worn the same dress twice in one week before... no big deal, it's her favorite! I make sure their wardrobe (since right now, they wear the same size) is comprised of mostly plain jeans/khakis, and an assortment of different tops, so there's no real way they can mess up ;) Encourage her individuality!

It actually sounds like your daughter has great self-esteem -- and she thinks for herself. I wouldn't worry about her clothing choices right now. Kids have a strong drive to make their own decisions -- just like babies have a strong drive to crawl and then walk. Clothing isn't a bad arena for this. If you're really bothered by having her walk around like a crazy quilt, try buying her clothes in all solids. But honestly, in a few years she'll probably be more conscious of what other girls are wearing and model her choices around that. Let her be a free spirit while she can.

My DH tried to get his ex to help SD match when she was 7. Turned SD into a total wreck before school, til she got home and realized that "nobody else matches, either." So while some matching is good, we have ALL done the crazy clothes (I told my mom the teacher said I had to wear dresses because I just loved my new dresses) and maybe your DD is just going to have other things to focus on. Is she clean? Is it appropriate (no spaghetti straps, too-short skirts, pants with holes in the crotch, meets dress code)? Does it really matter?

My SD (17) went to school this week in black and colored striped tights, ballet flats, a pettiskirt, and a sweater. She's happy, she has school activities, she's getting good grades, has friends and a boyfriend. Clothes are like a costume/fun thing for her. Unless your DD's outfit is really hideous for Picture Day or something, I'd give her a lot of room. There are bigger things to worry about and worse fashion choices to discuss when she's older (like falling out of her tops or shorts).

My son is like this. He's a clothes hound. I just let him pick and I don't overrule him unless it is a really bad choice. They have to learn, just let her experiment..I spent some time on weekends giving him basic instructions and let him loose.

When I was her age I used to tuck my sweatshirts into my jeans. It drove my mother CRAZY. She was always trying to untuck me but as soon as she turned around I'd tuck it back in. Sure it looked dumb, but at that age I had very little control over anything in my life so I took whatever opportunity I could to "individualize" myself. My mom put me in an outfit that I didn't pick out so the only control I had was HOW I wore it.

I think your daughter has great self esteem if she cares enough about how she looks to take an interest in the clothes she wears. If she didn't, she'd just wear whatever you laid out and wouldn't try and do it herself. I also got frustrated a lot when I went into my drawers too, because nearly every stitch of clothing in there was picked out and bought by my mother and sometimes I was hard pressed to find something I wanted to wear.

It sounds like she is searching for her own style. I would let her pick her own clothes. Just politely suggest that certain colors clash or strips don't go well with flowers etc.
My daughter wears a uniform for school, but she can wear different color pants/shorts. Her choices are khaki, navy blue, black or denim. On the weekends I let her pick her own clothes and do my best to guide her. She is five and does a pretty good job now at matching her stuff.

I think she is just being herself, and figuring things out. I can tell you I looked crazier then Punky Brewster most days, and my parents always encouraged it. I KNOW my mom would have preferred me to look more...well, a lot less wacky!! They just went with it. I think you should just go with it, and let her dress how she wants. It's good for kids to be themselves, even when it doesn't make sense to us ;)

My granddaughter is the same age and one of her earliest heroes is Pippi Longstocking. She prefers her pigtails to stick out and her socks had not better match. She just was recently introduced to Punky Brewster by her mother by the joy of DVD. Loved her of course! She had an informal dance recital at a mall last weekend for the holidays. The dancers wore matching red sweatshirts, black leggings and their dance shoes. My dear ballerina? She was wearing brightly patterned socks and they did not match with each other or the shirt color she had on! Enjoy your different drummer!

Have you asked her why she's upset?
Unless you have other reasons to believe she has self esteem issues, I wouldn't connect these two things together.
She may be frustrated with her options and not like what she chose, but gave up. Or she may be frustrated with you for picking out things that "she doesn't like". With girls, you just never know. So I would ask her. But I don't think it's self esteem.

I saw something once from Kelly Ripa and how she handles this. I thought it was brilliant. She picks out two outfits - they can all interchange/match, so really, you could make 6 different outfits with all the combinations - and then actually padlocks her daughter's closet door. That gets rid of the stallling, changing, emotion, etc... So her daughter has options, but not infinite options, each morning.

My daughter is 8 and she dresses pretty wild sometimes too! It's fun for them at this age and she likes it, so why not?

A lot of it could be kids at school and what they are wearing or saying...so just encourage it and maybe help her put together some fun outfits.

Layering is always fun and easy when it's cold out!

Why is she upset if she is picking out her own clothes? I would say don't lay out her outfit. Make life easy - blue jeans and black pants only, then she can match any top to it. Same with skirts - black shirts or denim skirts, everything goes with them.

My daughter always seemed ahead of the fashion when she was little. A friend of mine gave her some earrings that she had lost the matches for. I was not sure about it when my daughter started wearing different earrings in each ear but then I noticed not long after that, it was fashionable to do so. She always picked out different clothes but she looked cute as a button in them. Now my 5 year old granddaughter is doing the same thing. Picking out her outfit and putting together some different but some cute outfits..lol Enjoy and let her show her own sense of fashion.

Does she express that she is not happy with her selection of clothes? Is she starting to feel some peer pressure?

From an early age I tried to impress upon my daughter that it is not about the clothes you wear. Clothes do not make the person. I do try to buy her some of the name brands she likes on sale but not all of her clothes come from there. Actually I find it amusing when someone gushes over a no name piece she is wearing.

My daughter is younger, ony 5, but when we do laundry and fold clothes, we fold outfits together, tops folded inside the matching bottoms, then there is no issue with not matching. Ask her if she would like you to help create outfits and fold them this way, even include the matching socks if you want. Also I put similar types of outfits in the same drawer - leggings with their matching long sleeves in one drawer, capris with short sleeves in another, skirts, tights and shirts in another, shorts and tank tops in another, and jeans and sweatshirts in another. Then she just needs to choose the right drawer based on temperature, and pick whichever whole ensemble that is already put together.

If she doesn't like what she has available, maybe a shopping spree where she really has some say so would be a good idea for Christmas or Birthday gift. And if she does like her mixed up outfits, encourage her to go with it! Just ask her, and try to support her in what she wants and needs, as long as it is age-appropriate and weather appropriate, she is 7 let her have fun with it, she doesn't need to look like a catalog kid!

Good Luck!

Jessie