Dating (Thanks Lisa K for the Response But.......)

instead of thinking of dating.Maybe start thinking about how you are going to move on.. you are already carrying all the financial burnden and it sounds like you dont want your daughter to be watched by him soon during the day while you work. I would start praying.. and focusing on how you are going to set you and your baby up for the future.
Home, daycare etc... You sound like a smart young woman.. the dating will come later when you are secure where you want you and your baby to be.. its one thing to talk about it.. but are you going to do it?What is best for that precious gift in your arms.. what do you want for your child. BEleive in your self.. and ask God to give you strength!! You can do this.. Your doing it already but sadly you are comprimisisng you and your child. for what? Please dont let your child be around cig smoke!! everything you do your child learns..Step up and do what is rite for YOU .. YOu are worth it! Your life is precious and you make your choices.. so what do you want with your life!!!!

Try your best to really love yourself, with or without him. Believe it -- you are lovable all on your own. Start today, and trust yourself to find whatever you need. You've been carrying much more than your own weight a long time now.

Best of Luck, so many of us have already been down that road... not even wanting to look over my shoulder anymore, I just keep looking ahead.

L. D., happily married mom of three
(formerly single mom of one)

One possibility might be to look for a roommate who can share financial responsibilty for your living expenses. Or a family member?

You may be able to find affordable childcare through a church program, or with a stay at home mom.

If what you describe is accurate, I would be having major reservations about leaving my 2 year old with this man on a regular basis.

I had to go back and read your other questions to find out what was really going on here. Yes, sounds like it is time to move on, but moving on DOES NOT mean moving on to another man. For your son's sake, please make him your first priority and do not worry about dating as soon as the current man is gone. The only thing worse for a little boy than have no father figure is having a multitude of them come in and out of his life. Yes, you do deserve to be happy, but your little boy deserves it more.

I guess all has been said. You must consider that it is better to suffer for some months, maybe a whole year, than to spend the rest of your life that way.

You must be familiar with the saying "Better by yourself than by ill company".Get rid of the BUM! You can probably hire a better babysitter. As for yourself, when the time is right for dating, you will. Think of your darling child first. Good luck.

Hi T., First of all, been there done that. Run, do not walk, leave him because he will never change. You deserve much better than that. If you haven't got ulcers yet and high blood pressure yet, if you stay there you will. Your unhappiness transfers to your baby, so pack up and leave. First of all, do not let him know what you are doing. Get you a new place to live, etc. etc.. I know you can do this. God speed, and good luck. M. H.

A friend of mine was in a 13 yr relationship/marriage and they had 2 sons. She was so unhappy, but it was comfortable and a habbit. They split, got back together, etcetcetc, until she finally filed for divorce. Girl, I haven't seen her happier! She's in her mid-30s and has to beat the men off with a stick. What I'm getting at is that no matter what, listen to your heart and your instincts. You might not find the happiness you're looking for until you do. Dealing with day care is going to be tough, but maybe easier than dealing with an adult child! From what you've described about the father sounds like he is not going to change. He might not even change if/when you leave him and at that point you will be thrilled you got away when you did. As for getting out, bite the bullet. It's not going to be pleasant no matter how it is presented. The father will be loosing his support system and will be forced to support himself. He's going to be highly pissed that you see him for what he's worth and there's nothing he can do to fix it. Sounds like even if he got a job it might be too late- your respect for him has all but gone (i think!!).
Anyway, I wish you much luck because this will take time to heal. Just believe in the fact that you are a strong mother and all that matters now is YOU and that sweet little one~

I think you need to move on first before you start dating. Finish this relationship before you start a new one. DOn't stay with someone because of childcare or money. Changes like this are always hard on children. Let your son heal from this major change before you introduce a new man in his life. He will have a lot to deal with with his father not living with him. You might be ready to move on but he still loves his dad. Have his father watch him during the day once you separate. Bring your son to his house like you would to a daycare. He is his father and should take part in his upbringing. This could take the place of child support. Remember your child is always first, rushing into a new relationship wont be healthy for him or you. Get to know yourself first before you start dating again. Women don't always need a man to be happy. My advice don't worry about finding a new man get rid of the one you have and deal with your son first. It could take him months to bounce back from the split. Give him time to heal.

My sister is in the same spot as you nearly. She has an almost 2 yr old and expecting #2 mid December. She is also afraid of the same things and this is my advice to you (and her). A divorce will be hard on your child so while you are saying you are afraid to start dating, remember that when you are dating you should take all precautions to keep your dates away from the kids. They will latch on, and then if your relationship doesn't work out, it will be like divorcing all over again and they will go through that trauma over and over.
As far as assistance goes, look around your local moms groups and usually they have a few moms that will watch one or two kids in their homes for very cheap. Has your "man" filed for unemployment? You should look into all possible government ran programs such as WIC for food. And tell him you don't have money for his ciggy's or other habits because gas went up as well as the over all price of food. So no ciggys and it's hamburger helper for dinner.
Best of luck to you!!!
Jen

I totally agree with Tina F. Really read what you wrote. It's time for you to take some serious action. He's not holding up his end of the bargain because he's got it for free. Give him a deadline to be out the door and make sure you follow through. When that date comes, call a locksmith and change the lock on the door! DON'T let him come crawling back, either. You are strong enough to do this. Do it for you and your baby:-)

Wow, T. you are hell of a woman. You are in the same situation my sis is in now. I must say, you're a trooper. I can tell you are doing what ever it takes to make it work, but based on your story he is "worthless." If he has been jobless for years and expects for you to support his bad habits- he is no good! You are a young woman (your my age), you can still go out with friends and eventually hit it off with a "good" man. A man who won't bring a "burden" to you. I mean, I don't know...do you consider yourself a strong woman? A woman who can make it alone for some time? Do you have family/friends that can support your decision in leaving this man? These are questions that only you can answer. I have a great family (Psychotherapist) whose helped my marriage work. If your in love and you want to try again...she is good. I can provide you with the info..Good Luck :-)

So the question I am going to ask is what are you getting out of this relationship by staying in it? Being a victim perhaps. Also why would you attract this man in your life with the way he is? Remind you of anyone in yourpast?

H.

Hi, the first thing you should do is read what you posted. Really read it. You know what the answer is and you know what the right thing to do is. Just because he can watch your child is no reason to stay with someone. He is not going to be a good role model for your child. You're YOUNG. Find someone if not for yourself than for your child. Someone who can teach your child responsibility etc. After all that's what it's all about. Our children. Do the right thing and good luck to you.

I was just curious and wanted to know if you have expressed to him how you feel? If not, then talk to him, let him know how stressed out you are and make suggestions how he can be more useful during the process. If you feel like you will get no where, you've tried. You seem worried about day care assitance, either leave him and make the sacrifice or bear with it until your situation become better. Frankly, LEAVE HIM! he does mean well. I can feel your frustration and you are still young so don't be afraid about the dating thing, (just don't rush it) you just have to do things "differently" from now on, a nice guy will come along and accept you and your child, don't rush it even if it takes a little while. I've been there and done that! I had similar concerns about the dating thing when I was going through my relationship (guy not wanting to work etc.)- single mom of a daughter. In time I moved on and he wanted me back! HELL NO! Be Strong and Be Encouraged!