Crying It Out and Throwing Up

good morning D., the only advice i can give is that to reverse the habit will take time sometimes weeks but sticking to one thing is key.

I am also the mom of a preemie - my son was born at 30 weeks. Your son is very young, adjusted, to be crying it out. I am not an absolute opponent of letting a child cry it out a bit, but I would not let my son cry so hard he throws up (I know he throws up more easily because of the reflux, but still).

I second the recommendation of Elizabeth Pantley's book and I would work on a slower transition to sleeping independently. My son slept next to our bed until he was six months (actual). Then we transitioned him to the crib (though we would let him fall asleep in the swing first and then move him to the crib). I still nursed him on demand (he woke up twice a night from about 6-9 months) and then once a night until he was over a year.

Take the approach that makes your life and your baby's life the easiest. Do not feel like you have to make him cry it out just because your pediatrician recommended it. Encourage him to fall asleep on his own gradually and reassure him that you are there if you need him.

Your son is too young to be manipulating you. He just has needs that he wants met. He wants to be with you and to be snuggled to sleep. This is not wrong - you just want to encourage him to get some of that calming without you. Work on giving him a lovey or a pacificer or something else that can soothe him if he wakes up.

Good luck.

B.

My daughter used to do this too...she would cry do hard that she would eventually gag on her own phlem and eventually, throw up. I HATED it, so we continued to co-sleep. She has never been a 'Going to bed' person. Once asleep, she's great, but...never wants to go to bed and fights going to sleep and staying in bed. It's been a struggle since the day she was born, so we've found that we have a happier house if we just co-sleep. Alot less crying for all of us. This probably isn't much help, but at least you know you're not alone.

Both of my children co-slept in our bed until they were around a year old. I bowed into outside pressure telling me that my son needed to sleep in his own bed and I should just let him cry it out. That resulted in him vomiting all over himself and the bed and another hour in cleaning everything up and getting him calm before he would go to sleep. It isn't worth it. If you want to stop co-sleeping because its a problem for you, then try some of the ferber methods or whatever processes there are out there on the internet. However, if you are only doing it because someone else, even if its a doctor, is telling you too, don't. The people telling you to do it don't have to live with your child. You are the parent and you will instinctively know what's okay for your baby... especially since your baby is a preemie. He may be 9 months since birth, but he started 13 weeks early so that still makes him less than 6 months if he'd appeared full-term.

When your baby gets older, and bigger, and the health problems subside, he will sleep longer. When he's ready, he'll sleep through the night. Both of my children (4 year old and almost 2 year old) sleep through the night, in their own beds. And I have a theory that they stay in their beds because I never let them cry it out so they don't feel abandoned in their beds. They know when they need me, I'll be there.

Good luck.

Is there a particular reason you don't want to co-sleep any longer? Like - it's not comfortable for you with a squirmy kid, your husband doesn't rest, you don't rest, etc? If not, I'd say to hell with what your ped says, to be blunt.

I guess I should say I'm a big opponent of cry-it-out. I don't necessarily think it teaches our kids to have a healthy attitude about sleep - it potentially teaches them that sleeping is lonely, no one will come help you if you are scared/crying... I know I'm making a generalization (not saying these are your thoughts at all), and I'm sure my opinion may not be all that popular in this community, but co-sleeping really worked for us.

Our son slept in our bed off & on for 2.5 years, and now sleeps (through the night) in his own room/own bed with minimal falling asleep "assistance". It was a choice that was somewhat unpopular with our ped (who recommended letting him cry for short periods), but it was right for us. Chase is healthy, happy & well-adjusted with a good sleep attitude & pattern.

If you aren't interested in more extended co-sleeping for whatever reason, you could try reading The No Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley. It is a wonderful resource. You could also try keep a repetitive, predictable bedtime routine: bath, story, songs, feeding, bed (or whatever works for you). Try lavender scents at bedtime (it's calming) - you can find lavender baby wash, baby lotion, etc. at Target.

I think, above all, you have to do what feels right for your family.

Good luck!
J.
Mom to Chase - 3

I have to say that I agree with the other comments as well. I am not big with the cry it out. With my 2 older boys, they co- slept and then transitioned into cribs. I used the "No cry sleep solution" book and loved it! I have had so many people tell me how my boys seem unusally content, confident, and trusting. I think some of that comes from someone answering their cries. My boys have excellent sleep habits and ask for naps at nap time (even though so many people told me they will never leave your bed once allowed in and they will "Never" fall asleep on their own if you dont let them cry it out... simply not true)
With my 3rd baby (7 months) he is still with us half the night and nursing twice. I am starting to apply some of the practices in the sleep book mentioned, but am confident that he too will get it and I will not have to let him scream till he collapses.
Keep doing what you feel is the best thing for your family. Good luck, let us know how things turn out!

You have to do what is best for you and your child. My daughter always slept with me...she is now 4. Shortly after 3 I painted her room and made it a princess room. She started sleeping in there on her own. I did not force her at all. I suggested she try it one night. She laid in there and ended up coming in by me. She was willing to try it though. After maybe 2-3 weeks of this she now wants to sleep in her own room. She will occasionally snuggle with me and my husband and watch tv for a bit in our bed and will ask one of us to tuck her in because she is tired. I usaully joke that I want her to sleep with me. She always tells me she likes her own bed better. Not saying it always goes this smoothly. Basically, give your child the tools and the confidence about anything and they will eventually do it on thier own. Some things we have to let them know that they know whats best for them. Pick your battles. There are obviously times when we call the shots. I think things like this its more important that the child feels comfortable and safe.

Hi D.

My daughter does the same thing when she's upset and crying. She throws up every time she's crying really bad. As she's gotten older, it just doesn't happen as often.

As for getting your kids to fall asleep by themselves.....we had our daughter sleep w/ us until she was about 2 and then she was ready to be in her bed by herself. Sometimes we have to lay down w/ her and sometimes she does it on her own. My son is 6 months and sleeps w/ us still.

If you're comfortable w/ your son falling asleep in your arms and then putting him down, I would just do that. Don't let society be the judge of how you do things. Whatever you and your husband enjoy doing, do that. I would much rather have my child comforted at bed time than crying hysterically just b/c my doctor thinks that he's old enough to fall asleep on his own.

Good luck!!

Well, I have to say, I haven't had an issue with this, but my brother has with my nephew. And his doctor told him that the throwing up when he was upset is part of the acid reflux. I am sorry that I have no advise to share as to how to get your child to stop getting so upset, but maybe knowing that it's part of the acid reflux helps?

D., read the book "Goodnight, Sleep Tight" by Kim West. It saved my life! I started using the process when my daugther was 1 year and it really worked. It took a while, but wshe went from waking everyhour to sleeping through. From having to be rocked to going to sleep on her own. It really is worth a try! B..

I have a 10-month-old who was a 28-week preemie with acid reflux. He is still on prevacid twice a day. We were told to hold him upright for 30 minutes after he eats, so he got used to falling asleep while we held him. He is in his own crib now, flat & out of the Danny sling. He does eat solid food and we got lucky because he sleeps through the night. But he will wake up sometimes when we've just laid him down and cry so hard he starts to choke. He is getting better at this, so my advice is to just try to get your baby to sleep, and if it doesn't work, take him out and do what you normally do. He just might not be ready yet; he's very young! Don't let your pediatrician scare you. Your baby will figure it out with your help, but do be consistant about trying. We tried various things several times before it all started working for us. We started giving our son a bit of rice cereal in addition to his bottle before bed when he was about five months old, and it really helped him sleep better and pretty much cut out the throwing up in bed.

My daughter is ten months old and also has acid reflux. She is a terrible sleeper. I don't think cry it out works too well for these kids. Crying makes their reflux worse. Even with meds and the pain taken out of the equation, once my daughter settles down she still wakes up because food is moving up her esophagus. It startles her and upsets her and sometimes the only way to calm her is to take her into our bed. She sleeps the best there. My advice is that the doctor doesn't come home with you. Do what's best for your family. If you want to break the habit later, it will be harder, but at least he'll have grown out of his reflux. Good luck and if you figure out anything that works well, let me know.

My son who is 1 is kinda like that. We have him in a toddler bed and our 2 month old in a crib and it's like my son wont go to sleep unless he knows we're there. It got to the point where he is wandering around the house and wherever he gets comfortable and falls asleep I let him! Sometimes he'll stay in his bed but needs a bottle still to fall asleep, and the other times he wants to lay down with his dad or I until he falls asleep. One day I had put him into bed and went to take a shower, I got out of the shower and there he was waiting for me laying down on my living room floor with a blanket I had out there when him and I sat down for quiet time before he went to sleep. I then laid down with him on our couch and he fell asleep within like a minute. I put him in bed and he was out like a light. Is his crib in your room or another? If it's in another maybe move it into your room that way when he wakes up during the night he can see you and maybe that'll make him less anxious/aggetated and help him to sleep/get back to sleep. I agree with Brianna (a previos post) who said babies thrive on close contact...I know this especially of preemies...my 2 month old is a preemie and we've already had a taste of his attachment and sleep issues...my 1 year olds issues on top of it as well! I understand what u mean when u say you're tired...that's the only way really to describe it...just tired!

When your dr. tells you that, I'd just nod your head and leave. Then do what is best for you and your son. The dr. told us to get rid of the bottle at 12 months...we waited until almost 20 months because it wasn't time to get rid of it before that.

Our daughter at 20 months still gets rocked to sleep (our pedi would be sooo not on board with that) but it works for us and she sleeps well through the night.

There are lots of good sleep method books out there. We did try the Ferber method and it helped with the middle of the night wakings. Good luck!

I will tell you what worked for us. I do intervals of 5 minutes of crying, then 5 or so minutes of soothing. The first few days were rough, but it really works as sleep will win out and at the same time the child will know that you are still there to meet needs. My son is 19 months old and if he has trouble going to sleep on his own (only when we're away from home does he do this) we do the intervals and it works every time. If you have any specific questions don't hesitate to ask.

ETA: You have to do what you feel is best for your child, giving them guidance, but at the same time letting them queue you to what they need. Go with your gut feeling.

I'm a mom of a former 24-weeker who is now 6. At the point you're at, we didn't think we would ever sleep through the night again until he left for college :). He also had reflux. I completely agree with the poster who said that you have to remember that your child is only 6 months old corrected for prematurity. You'll be "correcting" age for development for up to 2 years. Have you tried elevating his bed on one side (prop up the mattress on one side from underneath)? We had something called a Johnny sling or something like that (you forget this annoying stuff, believe me) that kept him from sliding down. It really did help the reflux at night.

Also remember that he will grow out of the reflux and it might be that you just handle the sleeping thing then. There are no rules - only what works for you and this doesn't sound like it's working. It can wait. And, to be honest with you, something will work for awhile and then it will regress and you'll have to work at it again and then the cycle continues. Isn't it fun? Yes. It is.

Good luck. Flex your Mom muscle - you know what's better for your child then ANY doctor. I was taught that by our neonatalogist so I know it's true :).

Do what you think is right for your son. Not all kids fall into the "normal" parameters that doctors use as guidelines. My son wouldn't fall asleep on his own until he was 12 months old, despite my efforts. He also had reflux, and is generally a sensitive child. I truly believe that he needed the extra help at night to settle down and fall asleep.

First, I'd start with naptime and once he's successful there, move him to bedtime. Second, I wouldn't go cold turkey since he doesn't sound like he's adjusting well to that. Try rocking him until he's almost asleep and try putting him down. Again, I'd do that during the day at naptime first and once he gets used to it, then try it at night. I wonder why he's waking so often in the night? My son did that too at 7 months (he also has reflux) and we finally figured out that he was snacking during the day but never really getting full. That meant that he had to snack a lot at night too. We started working on getting him to eat more during the day. Another problem was that my son's reflux also wasn't quite under control. We had to adjust his medicine a bit more. Once these things were all corrected we had a much better sleeper. I've also read that babies will wake more at night to see their parent if they haven't spent enough time with them during the day. You might try to sneak in a little more cuddle time before bedtime if you're currently working during the day. Good luck!

We worked really hard on teaching my son to put himself to sleep. We really liked what the baby whisperer had to say in her book The Baby Whisperer Solves all Your Problems by Teaching You to Ask the Right Questions. It is in the Hennepin County Library System.

She suggests actually teaching your child to sleep in their bed. Our first goal was Sully laying quietly in the crib, then falling asleep in his bed (with us in the room), then falling asleep in bed alone. The baby whisperer really emphasizes teaching your child how to fall asleep. If your child learns that every time they go to the crib they are alone and it is sad and they cry, that is what they will do everytime! So you want to try to teach things like the crib is an okay place to be, I won't always leave you alone in there, and when we want to sleep, we lay down quietly in our crib.
First, we would let our son play until he showed signs of being tired: rubbing eyes, yawning, getting cranky. Then, we would rock Sully a bit (just until his little eyelids began to droop), lay him in his crib, then said, "Good night, I love you, go to sleep." Then if he cried, we would do the least obtrusive thing to help him sleep. If we could just put a hand on his back, or pat his back to get him to stop crying and lay down, that's what we would do. Sometimes, we would practically crawl in the crib to snuggle him; after all, falling asleep in the crib with Mom snuggling baby is a step in the right direction. If we needed to pick him up, we would only do it until he stopped crying, then put him back down. Sometimes, it seemed we were doing the pick-up, put-down thing a zillion times. But, our son got the message: it was time to go to sleep in his crib. In the beginning, we would stay with him until he fell asleep.

Once he got the hang of this, we would rock him, tell him our mantra, and start leaving the room right before he fell asleep. Now we rock, put him down, and leave. He usually goes to sleep. He also wakes less at night because I think he knows how to fall asleep on his own. Sometimes in the night if he gets a little restless, I tell him, "go to sleep," lay him back down, and he does!! I think if you repeat something every time they are going to sleep, they start to get it!

Hope this is helpful, and best of luck with the sleep thing.
:) M.

My son also cries until he throws up. And he has a real hard time sleeping. He also has acid reflux but was not a preemie, I am not sure if that makes a difference. They allways say big babies sleep better, not true. My son was 22lbs at six months old and he has never slept well at all. He actually unill very recently was up every hour. I was co-sleeping with him and had bought a crib and never really planned on using it untill one night I had to run to the bathroom so I put my son in his crib in his room, when I came out he was sleeping. So I left him there brought the montior in and let him sleep. He does much better on his own. It actually kind of makes me sad that he chose to sleep on his own so fast. Maybe you could try the opposite, let him sleep with you all night. I know it is different but if that is where he wants to sleep let him. It will be easier on him and in return easier on you. Letting him just cry could be traumatic to him. And he needs to know his mommy will be there when he calls you. I am a firm believer in following the babies lead.

My son was a 30-week preemie and he's 12-years old now. Don't listen to the doctor. Your child needs you. You need your sleep. Why torture yourself and him? "Needs" to fall asleep on his own??? If I had a dime for every person who I know who believes that, I'd be a rich woman. Read anything written by Dr. William Sears about attachment parenting. That will give you a really good pediatrician's perspective on this. I have other friends who co-slept and their kids are now nearing teen years, and they are all fine and well adjusted. My cousin fell asleep in his parents bed until he was 10 years old, and he owns a very successful business now. Babies, especially premature babies, have needs we cannot understand because they don't have words. Listen to the crying. Especially since he doesn't self calm, you have to be there to help him. Listen to your mother gut. When your son is ready to be on his own, he will. Let them go through their phases when they need to and be done with them, or they will come back again and again and again. Remember, you're the Mom. You're the expert on your own child.

Okay, my advice, your baby was a preemie - this will take time , esp. if for the last 9 months all he's known is sleeping in your bed. If he does vomit, go in, clean him up, change him, and while standing cradle him, rock him, and then put him back in his crib, and leave his room. This is hard, and it will be, for a short time. You will have to tough it out, maybe even through 45 min -1 hr of crying. If when you lay him back down he keeps on crying for 30 min (I know, it seems like a super long time, but trust me, it will be better for all of you in the long run) , go in, check his diaper, make sure he hasn't thrown up/spit up, and then put him back in his crib. Sometimes babies are almost ready to go back to sleep after you check their diaper, but when you rock them it actually awakens them more and is a stimulant. I encourage you to be consistent, and DO NOT GIVE IN AND TAKE HIM BACK TO YOUR BED. He needs to learn that Mommy & Daddy sleep in the same bed, and baby has his own bed. I know it's going to be hard for about 2weeks -1month, but, if you are CONSISTENT it will work. My son was in his own crib @ 2weeks, and slept through the night by 2 months. It will be better for all of you. Also, I (personallY) think if you can , you and your husband need to flip roles. You need to be able to take care of the baby while he works...if it's possible.

Good Luck

Hi-I also had a preemie, he is now 81/2 months old and does not go to sleep on his own either, I read to him everynight and then he falls asleep but if you don't lay him down just right he will wake up and kick until you pick him back up. I think its up to you if you want to break your baby of the habit not the doctor, I don't mind having to hold my baby until he falls asleep I actually enjoy it.

You do not ever need to do what your Dr. tells you. How YOU raise YOUR child is up to YOU. If you want him to sleep in your bed and thats how everyone gets sleep, then go ahead. Maybe you just need to wait till he is a little older, 9 months is still pretty young. He may wake up less is he was closer to you at night, put his crib next to your bed, or just in your room. Babies thrive on closeness and human contact, they are not wired to fall asleep on their own, or be seperate from their parents. I would also do some reasearch on the damagining affects of crying it out before you continue to use that method. Sorry that got a little long and preachy, I just get so upset when Dr's. give bad advice!