I Don't Care About Sleeping Through the Night... Just Go to Sleep 1St Please!

You might have already read it, but "Good Night Sleep Tight" has been the best sleep book i've read. It's at the library. It worked with my son. Good luck

I had the same experience. My daughter is five months old and slept through the night for the first time at eight weeks though she didn't go to sleep until 12:00-2:00. Gradually she has gone to sleep earlier. It's taken awhile. I couldn't let her cry between feedings as recommended. It'll settle down. For awhile I was ready to climb out the window.
He's so little. Pamper him awhile. It'll work out.

Hi M.,

You've gotten good advice, so anything I say would be a repeat. I just wanted to add that I hope things get better for you soon. I have the worst time those first three newborn months. The babies are just so new and unsettled. It will get better, but in the meantime, do what gets the most rest for all of you. I'm not a cosleeper either, so I got nervous at first that nothing would work, but after a little bit, the babies just get better at handling life on the outside.

Good luck!
C.

M.,

I read healthy sleep habits, happy child by dr. Wiesbaum (I think). Following his techniques, our child starting sleeping through the night at 9-10 weeks old. (No waking up to eat or anything). He occasionally wakes now, but normally when he is growing through a growth spurt and didn't eat enough at dinner, or when he is sick. Basically, I watched his wake/sleep cycles. Let's say he woke up at 7 am, I fed him (about 20-30 minutes), played (about 30 minutes when he was that young, now he is up to 2 hours to 2.5 hours from the time he wakes to nap time), then nap time. I didn't wait for him to be too tired (he fights it really bad if we keep him up to long). I put him to bed happy, turned his music on and close the door. The book recommends (and I have found this so helpful) not to let them fall asleep in a moving swing, bouncer,your arms, etc... it teaches them to soothe by the motion of closeness- put your baby down before he shows signs of being tired. I am not sure if you have read this book, but I know myself and other moms swear by it. If you want the short version of the techniques, feel free to email me.

____@____.com

I started letting my DS cry it out the very day of his one month checkup. I was going through the same thing as you and losing my mind. I asked my doctor the same questions you are asking now. How young is too young? Stomach or back sleeping? Heating pad? His answer was simply "they are never too young and eventually they will give up". I kept telling myself that the first night because it took an hour and forty five minutes for him to "give up". When it became unbearable I would turn the monitor off for about five minutes, regroup, and turn it back on. About every fifteen minutes I would look in on him to make sure nothing was wrong (like laying in spit up). I dressed him only in a onesie. Once he was asleep I put a light blanket over his legs. He slept in four hour increments that first night. The second night I laid him down once he started showing his sleepy signs and he only cried for ten minutes. He slept in five hour increments that night. Since then he will wimper lightly when laid down if at all. He sleeps for six hour stretches. I know this won't work for everyone but I hope you find rest soon.

Hot topic here, that's for sure. I also had a nightmare of a time with the sleep thing, but I very much disagree with the cry-it-out thing. It just seems to go against nature (seeing as no other creatures ignore the cries of their helpless young). My now 3-year-old daughter is very outgoing, very much an extrovert. You'd never guess how awful the nights were and for how long. She was absolutely unable to sleep without me right there. One thing that helped was I bought a twin mattress and put it on the floor. I'd lay down with her until she drifted off then I'd get up and go get some work done. I didn't have to worry about her falling out of bed since it was on the floor. It also made the transition to her own bed very easy since she was used to sleeping on a mattress rather than crib. She detested the crib and never, ever slept in it anyway. "No Cry Sleep Solution" is a good book with some good ideas in it. There are 2 versions (one for toddlers) so be sure to get the right version. My big mistake was keeping the house quiet. Noise is natural! They will quickly learn to tune out anything that is normal household noise. You've simply got to be able to move around the house without tip-toeing! So try and get him used to noise for sure.

Also try to keep it in perspective. This is such a small part of the many many years to come. It's hard but we adapt. People with older kids always tell me how much they miss the time when their kids were cuddly and wanted to be held.

And remember everyone is different. The experts all say the kids should get a certain number of hours of sleep each night depending on age. I can tell you it's just not a set rule. My daughter never took naps well and abandoned them early (as most members of my family have done - so it's genetic). And she is not a grump at all until close to bedtime. She goes to bed between 7:30 - 8:00 pm and usually sleeps until 5:30 am - 6:00 a.m.

M. - This is my opinion only. I think that you are starting to let go way too soon. I nursed all three of my girls. They each slept with my husband and me until they were big enough to sleep on their own. Having the baby right there with you when they want to nurse makes everything so much easier on both of you.
As for sleeping in the recliner, that was such precious time with my babies. I would take them into the living room, to the recliner, and nurse them until we both fell asleep. My working husband was not bothered by a fussy baby. And the baby and I got to bond even closer. Your baby loves your unique scent and warmth. Don't you notice how easily the baby goes to sleep when nuzzling with you? They have plenty of time to be big, independent babies. Keep this close time as long as you can. I did not have any trouble with the girls leaving our room for a room of their own. When they are ready, they will go. You just have to carve out time for each baby- your husband and the newborn! It is important. It can be done with some effort on everyone's parts. But the sharing with the baby is a wonderful memory for all of you, especially the baby. I think that 7 weeks is too young to let a baby cry themselves out. And as for those who say that you'll smother the baby, unless you sleep like the very dead, you will wake up whenever you need to. We used a Fisher-Price bed rail. The baby slept on my left and my husband slept on my right.

Good luck.
D. T

My almost 3 year old didn't sleep well until about 8 months old - and that's when we got a fisher-price lullabye soothers crib toy to play the bird "video" on the ceiling.

I had to swaddle my daughter and put her in a bouncer to get her to sleep (if I couldn't hold her any longer). She was a large baby, and I had to have a c-section, so I couldn't hold her all the time. I then got a fisher-price swing - the kind that rocks side-to-side. That worked like a charm. She still didn't sleep through the night, but it put her to sleep very quickly and let me get enough rest to try to recover from the surgery. I slept on a special couch and had the swing next to me through the night. She slept in the swing on and off until she outgrew it. She didn't like her crib until about seven months. I tried to make the transition regularly, but it didn't work until one day she just accepted it.

Swaddling with the Miracle Blanket really worked well, though you said it isn't working for you.

It will get better. I remember feeling like I'd never be myself again because of terrible sleep deprivation.

Good luck.

S.

Each child is so different. There is no one size fits all sleep solution.

My son fought sleep and we did CIO and it worked. If he was sick a few days and we pampered him with rocking to sleep, nursing to sleep, etc, then we were in for a 2 week battle and CIO to get him back to going to sleep on his own. For us too, it wasn't about sleeping through the night, it was getting him to sleep to begin with(at nap time too!) !!

Then when our daughter was born, she had a totally different personality, loved her sleep and it was never a problem. And BECAUSE it was never a problem, she was totally spoiled(and we loved spoiling her) with rocking her to sleep every night and then she slept peacefully through the night and could put herself back to sleep if she woke up. Now at 3.5yo we just read her a book, kiss, then turn off the light and that's that.

While my son, almost 6, still fights sleep. It's his personality.

So, I say, just do what works for YOUR child.

But I will say that I think 7wks is too young for any sleep training.

I went through a similar situation only it was my husbands chest that he wanted to lay. After I would finish feeding him (I was breastfeeding) he would be almost asleep and I would go to put him down to bed and he would cry. So my husband would lay him on his chest and he would sleep fine. We did find out it was because of acid reflux that he like laying like this. We put him on Carnation Good Start and the doctor gave him medicine. We never really had to use the medicine because the Good Start fixed that problem. By the time he was about 6 months old he was sleeping in his own bed. Yes he had to cry himself to sleep sometimes but it gets better around that age. All I can suggest it wait it out. He is still young and it is a phase that they go through. Try letting him cry it out about 4-6 months old I'm sure it will get better.

Oh honey!! Do what works for you!! Yes, I hate to say it but 7 weeks is way too early to cry it out. Although in my opinion, crying it out is never a good option and I have 3 great sleepers, but I know that everyone has their methods. If you are certain that the baby is full, you should be able to rock him and then lay him in his crib. Does he like to be swaddled?? I still hold my 11 month old until he is almost asleep. I prefer 10 minutes of snuggle time, to an hour of crying!! So, relax, snuggle him while you still can, and then go to sleep, you will be up in a few more hours!! Someday, you will wish that he still wanted to lay witn you! ~A.~

For the first 3 months or so, my son slept really well in his bouncy seat (w/vibrating motion) or in the babyswing. Or, of course, he slept really well on my chest, too. But I slowly tried to wean him off my chest....to fall asleep on the bouncy and it worked. I got some sleep or was able to do housework....and he got great sleep. Once he got about 4 months, I started making more of an effort to transition him to his crib at night....and then at night and naptimes. It took a few nights of me sleeping on the floor in his room...me keeping my hand on his back...reaching through the crib bars to pat his back so he could feel me. But it slowly worked. And he got used to his crib. But I think during the first 3-4 months ....try letting him fall asleep in a bouncy...it's upright (just like your chest) and it has soft vibrating motion which might soothe him to sleep. any sleep (good non-interrupted sleep) -- off of you -- is better than no sleep away from you.
I think, at this young age, it should be a transition.

Do you realize that the US is one of the only countries in the world that thinks cosleeping is taboo! Our unborn children are with us 24/7 while in the womb. Just want to be close, and secure, and hear your heart beat. Babies cry because they need something. Some babies need more skin on skin contact than others, some don't want anything touching them when sleeping. Listen to what your baby is telling you. It is impossible to spoil a newborn. Unfortunately, they don't come with an instruction manual. Maybe if he/she were 2 I'd suggest letting them cry it out, but for the time being, give him all the holding he needs. Soon enough he'll want to do everything on his own and you will yearn for the times when he was little again. It goes by way to fast, so don't blink.

There is also a great article and lots of resources you can read on this topic.

www.ccl.org

I had a water bed mattress for my babies. It was a mattress with a zipper around and it had a pocket inside that you filled up with water (like a water bottle). It was about as big as the mattress, with about 3-4 inches of mattress all the way around. You don't have to heat it and it isn't cold. I kept my babies in my room in a bassinet until they were 4 weeks old and then I moved them into their crib. They slept all night. Many studies were done at the time I had mine (now 21, 18 & 17), with babies that were premature got better faster than those on a regular mattress. I used to just lay them down and they would go fast to sleep. I didn't rock them, I just fed them a bottle and burped them and laid them in their crib awake. Good Luck.
J.
ps. now water beds are all we have in our house!

Welcome to the world of infants! The behavior we get from them is that exact opposite of what we're hoping to get!!! Sleeping is the biggest issue new parents have...believe me, it WILL get better and he WILL sleep. And so will you! Eventually.

My DD would only fall asleep on my tummy and I let her sleep there until the night that I completely fell asleep and woke up to my 3 week old SCREAMING and I felt for her and she wasn't there. I freaked out and turned on the lamp and she was face down on the floor with her head millimeters away from hitting the metal legs of the nightstand. I was mortified and still to this day (she's 4) I feel horrible about it. SO, needless to say that was the end of THAT!! She would not sleep in her bassinet or her crib when she was that young. Looking back on it, her bassinet was next to a drafty window and I think she just got too cold. I also think the crib was TOO much room for her. So our options were either holding her (FULLY AWAKE) til she fell asleep or she would fall asleep in her little bouncer thing. I really don't think infants should be left to cry it out. That should be reserved for the toddler who is testing her limits. Been there done that! Anyway, when my daughter was 3 months old, we swaddled her and put her down in her crib hoping this time it would work. It was a miracle!! She slept for 5 hours straight and that was the best 5 hour sleep EVER!! From then on she was in her crib every night and she loved it.

Just give it time and just keep trying different things until you find something that works for him. I also recommend a Fisher Price Ocean Wonders Aquarium for his crib. I've known several moms who swear by that thing, I'm one of them. Good luck!!

common issue...loving your baby and being near him is never a bad habit!! At some point they don't sleep with you...it takes time. So many people will make moms feel bad for things they do...don't feel bad. Also, don't feel bad to let baby cry it out...if that is just what needs to happen. the good thing about babies (one of the many) they don't remember this part or growing up. I didn't stop doing middle of the night feedings until our girl was 13 months. We were told we should have stopped at 6 months. We finally just unplugged the monitors so we could sleep all night. We knew that she knew we loved her and we didn't feel like we were abandoning her. As far as we know she sleeps all night. If she wakes up she is able to go back to sleep. I had gotten to the point of loving the middle of the night feedings becasue it was still such a special time with her. now we have special time before she goes to bed. Becasue we have recently quit giving her milk to go to bed. I talk to her about dreaming and what we will do int he morning. I hope you find comfort in your decision!!

Hi M.,
Both of my children did not sleep through the night until they were 12 months old. I am NOT an advocate of crying it out. Dr. Sears has even said that it can cause neurological issues due to the lack of oxygen allowed to the brain when the child gets that upset for that long of a time. You need to do what your gut tells you. Your child is so little; treasure this time. Slowly try to put him down awake. We used the techniques from "Happiest Baby on the Block" and " The No-Cry Sleep Solution". These are good resources and my help you find your own way. My children were great about going down awake; we worked on it from day one though. Both after 12 months of age, go down wide awake and sleep 10.5-11 hours a night. You will see a pattern of eat/sleep occur around 12 weeks and you may be able to form a more consistent schedule around 6 months. For now, go with your instincts and with the response from the baby.

K.

Hi M.!
Ever since my baby came home from the hospital she would not go in her bassinet even after nursing. she would cry and cry. So after about four nights of sitting and nursing her all night long, I wouldn't get any sleep. So, I started nursing her to sleep laying down. The only way I could get any sleep was to fall asleep myself while nursing her. She is 4 months now and I have to lay down and nurse her to sleep. Now she will go in her bassinet after she doses off. Before, she would dose off, but then awaken and cry just as I would put her in the bassinet. I know it has been tough and I am going through the same thing, but it will get better. Just hang in there!

We went through the exact same thing with my son. I was exclusively breastfeeding until he was 4 months. I finally gave up and just let him sleep with me in my bed, although I swore while I was pregnant that I would never let him because of the potential danger of suffocation. That was the only way he would sleep for more than 5 or 10 minutes. When he was around 5 months, I put him in his crib and he just sighed and stayed down with some mild wimpering until he fell asleep after about 5 minutes. He will be 1 on Monday and now I put him down after his last bottle at 8:30 every night. He may cry for a few seconds, but then he goes to sleep. Our pediatrician said that cosleeping was not her first choice, but the most important thing was that we were all getting some sleep.

Good luck, hang in there.

My pedi eons ago said not to even try to start sleep training til about 8 weeks. He also then recommended little steps, with little crying, gradually building.

Frankly, if I had it to do all over again (my son is 9 and my daughter will be 6 this summer), I wouldn't stress so much about who says what for how long. And I'm glad I didn't do the cry it out method; I tried it one night, and ended up so upset that I vomited after about 10 minutes.

I would say that you think about everything you've read and heard, and see what feels right for you and your child. There are a million ways to raise a child. Do what feels best for you.

And remember, he's not going to go to college sleeping on your chest.
;)

My baby would only sleep laying on my chest as well. By her 2nd month she was co-sleeping with me. On her 3rd month or so she was moving around more so I put her in her crib fed. She had no prob transitioning.

I think you might be expecting too much from a 7 week old baby. He has been inside of you for 40 weeks...sleeping on you helps him feel safe and it is what he is used to. He feels your warmth and hears your heartbeat and this is home to him. He will adjust...just give hime time.

Let me know how it goes. Hey my daughter woke up every 2 - 3 hours until she was 7 months old...I know how it can be. But she is 11 months old now and sleeping though the night. My prob is getting her to go down for the night...she doesnt want to miss a thing.

Oh...once he is able to sleep with out being on top of you. I would recomend going to a chiropractor and getting your back realined...helped me a lot.

Good Luck!

Personally, I am a big advocate of letting them cry it out BUT I think your son is still too young. I started that at 4 mo. and now at a year old I can lay him down and he goes right to sleep. We did the Ferber method.

Have you ever thought about your son having acid reflux? My son was the same way. I could only get him to sleep if he was on my chest. His bassinet never even got used. We switched formulas to Enfamil Gentlease which helped a lot but not enough. When we took him to the doctor for it they prescribed two medications, Benthenacol and Axid. He was a totally different baby day and night after we started that. Also, we started letting him sleep in his carseat beside our bed. That way he was still at an angle and he wasn't laying flat. When we started all of this he was about your baby's age and then we would sleep 4-5 hour stretches.

Start looking for other signs of reflux as well. Crying for hours at a time without any reason why, excessive spitting up, unwillingness to take a bottle, arching their back when crying.

Girl, you have no idea how much I feel for you. The last thing I wanted to do was put my son on medications but I was at my wits end. I was exhausted and felt so bad for him too. Some nights we would just cry together. Good luck and let me know what works for you.

Our daughter was very hard to get to sleep (still is some nights) she always prefered sleeping on me.. perferably with boob in mouth... needless to say that arrangement wasn't going to work for me. Sleeping in our bed next to me was not acceptable to her... no I had to be sitting propped up at a 60% angle.

We watched the Happiest Baby on the block DVD and found many of the suggestions helpful...the swaddling particularly... now mind you she hated being swaddled at first, but once we got her to sleep she slept MUCH better and MUCH longer than when she wasn't swaddled. We started swaddling her every night at 8pm then I'd feed her while rocking her in her bedroom with ambient sleep music playing when she was asleep she'd let go of me. I'd continue to rock her for about 15 min till her hands relaxed then I'd put her in her bed in a sleep positioner (her bed also had a wedge under the mattress... she had horrible acid reflux so she needed an incline) and I'd continue to pat her tummy a little and gently rock her till she seemed settled into her bed. She started sleeping 5 hrs when I started doing this prior to I was lucky to get 30 min. Now this only worked till she hit about 4 months when she needed to learn to go to bed on her own... and that is a whole different story... which is ever evolving. Just when we get one routine down she hits another milestone... begins cuting another tooth or just decides it isn't going to work for her anymore... ahhh the joys and challanges of parenthood.

Hmm, I personally think you are expecting too much from a 7 week old baby. My baby is a very difficult baby when it comes to sleep. I used to have to hold him for over and hour to get him to sleep. He would SCREAMMMMM! Holy cow could he scream. I used mostly techniques from the Baby Whisperer. I can't say that everything works as they say it will, but I have noticed that my baby is in a routine that's pretty darn close to what they say you can expect if you follow their advice. He is 4 months old now. From what I understand cry it out should never be used on a baby that young. IT just doesn't work for real tiny babies and can cause problems with trust and bonding. Even for older babies it is pretty controversial. Letting him cry it out in the crib can cause crib phobia too...making it even more difficult for you to get him to sleep n his crib because now he has associated it with pain and fear.

I will tell you how I did it and you can take it or leave it, but the most important part of what I did was to be commited and persistant and to have my husband on board with the plan and have him follow through accordingly.

We established a wind down routine that starts about an hour and a half before bedtime. MY son goes to bed at 7 pm...he didn't always, but once we got a good solid routine down, that's when he crashes out now. We gave him his bath, put on his lotion and kind of rubbed him down (your 7 week old might not like this, but he will get to liking it later. At this point it is just to establish consistency for bedtime). We gave him naked time to let his body completely dry off before putting him in jammies and just to have some quiet mellow play time with mom and dad for a while. WE always do this in his room on the floor (lay down a blanket and a sheet saver to protect from accidents)with the lights turned down a little and some soft music playing. When he gets to the poitn where it's enough (we just watch him and when he starts fussing at all...we know it's time)we put him in his diaper and jammies and I feed him. Then I burp him and read him a book (yes I did this even at 7 weeks....again for the consistency and so he didn't fall asleep on the boob). If he began to fuss at all, I just moved on, but if he is mellow, I finish up the story. Then I take him to his chaning table and ...well at that age I was still swaddling him...and tightly swaddling him. I found for my little guy that having the swaddle be very tight was essential...make sure you know how to do a really good and secure swaddle. Then I turn out the lights and hold him while sitting until his body relaxes and he looks glassy eyed...but not asleep. Then I put him in his rib. Sometimes I could tell he wanted to be on his side (he would crane his neck around) so I would prop him on his side. If he fussed I put my hands on him to settle him, if he cried I picked him up and sat with him again. Some nights...well many nights he would cry cry cry in my arms just before bed. I would just hold him and kind of let my mind wander to a happier place but I never just let him cry it out alone.

Oh...the other major factor with sleep is making sure he gets adequate (but not overdoing) naps during the day. If they are overtired it can be really challenging to get them to sleep. And I always stayed in his room to do any sleep stuff. I never took him out of his rooom to wander the halls or anything. I just was as consistant as possible. It seems like it took forever and I have certainly shed some tears over it, but he does sooooo much better now. It isn't perfect, but liveable and he even is at a point where he has started to sleep through the night.

Hang in there. Choose a method and try it out for a period...not just one day. It takes time to guide a baby andyou need to be consistent with whatever you choose. So pick one, give yourself a couple of weeks with it and don't cave and then see if it's getting better. I am not saying all will be solved in a couple weeks but if you have chosen a method that works for your baby you should be able to see some improvements in that amount of time (probably).

I hope you can hang in there. Things will get better. IT seems like an eternity while you're in such a state, but it will get easier.

Oh, definitely check the reflux thing too...my baby had that and the antacids helped him immensely. Since your baby sleeps on you however...that doesn't seem like reflux. My baby didn't want to sleep at all. He was in pain all the time and it didn't matter if I was holding him or not. But checking into it couldn't hurt.

H.

...yeah, i remember this. is this your first child? it will get better, believe me.

my son is 3 and he was like that in the very beginning, too. you are warm and soft and snug, so of course, he'd prefer it. i think it took 'til about 7-9 weeks before we could get zachery to 'nap' in his crib.

they say swaddling, but that never worked for us, not that it wouldn't for you, but zachery hated swaddling.

i eventually realized that WE weren't trying hard enough and didn't stick to calming/soothing him enough in his crib. it takes, or at least for zachery, lots of back rubbing, lots of "shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh-shing". and eventually we discovered that zachery LOVED the soudn of the kitchen faucet running, so our nighttime routine eventually ended up being we'd walk/bounce him around in the kitchen w/the lights out w/the kitchen sink running.

they also say put them in their bed somewhat awake ... but that didn't work for us 'til he was much older. we had to make sure he was zonked out before we could assuredly put him down.

by 10 weeks z was sleeping thru (10-7) ... maybe b/c he sucked his thumb, i'm not sure ... but he went from the baby who never, ever slept, to the baby who FINALLY slept through the night and NEVER turned back. he still never napped well ... never more than 70 mins morning and 70 mins afternoon. it was frustrating to hear of 2 hour morning and afternoon naps.

we thought it would never end and were at our wits end, but we kept at it b/c what else could we do? i was home from work adn all there was was breastfeeding and TRYING TO GET MY DAMN CHILD TO SLEEP!!

maybe that didn't help, but at least you know you're not alone and that you're not ruining your child. do what you have to do to stay sane. we used to sleep w/z curled up in one of those pappasan chairs for weeks 'til my MIL got us to move him to the crib.

I hate to say it, but you may just have one of those babies who need to have you near by in order to sleep. It's not a bad habit, I think it's just something some babies need more than others. I guess there's a reason why the majority of other cultures out there co-sleep and why so many people lie about the fact that they cosleep in the first place. It's a cultural thing. We live in a society where we expect the babies to be autonomous and independent from a very early age, the thing is, not all babies do well with this and nobody tells you this. People make you feel like a failure for not reading their book or following their instructions. I always thought, great for you if your kiddo goes right to sleep but mine doesn't and I've done everything too. It's not you or your method, it's your baby.

I too was convinced that I didn't want to cosleep until I had my son. He was a horrible sleeper and would only sleep in my arms or next to me. We borrowed a friend's cosleeper at first since it made nursing a lot easier (you might try a side-car bed or something) but I got to the point where I though he should sleep in his own crib. I'm ashamed to say how long he cried for several nights while I tried to get him to sleep on his own. He too would escalate to the extreme and I gave up because it set us back big time in the sleep department. Turns out after talking to my mil, my dh never slept (he was in a crib -- no cosleeping or nursing) and dh's niece is the same too (same deal with her). At 2 1/2, dh's niece dosn't nap or go to sleep without a fight. Yeah, we may cosleep, but at least my ds does nap and goes to sleep (through the night now even!).

One piece of advice I got a while back was: the days are short but the nights are long. This will all be over before the blink of an eye and, believe it or not, you'll probably miss having your little one snuggled up near you. Eventually they do sleep on their own, sleep through the night, sleep in their own beds. They do, but sometimes it's on their terms and not yours and that doesn't mean you failed in any way.

Hi M.. I think most mamas out here have sympathy for you because at some point with our children we go through this.

I have an almost 3 year old and a 6 month old. I am a firm beleiver in doing whatever it takes to make things run smoothly. In the evening we still swaddle our 6 month old and hold her until she is nearly asleep and then lay her down. I have never been able to just put her to bed and let her go to sleep on her own. I know that at her daycare, they are able to do that, but it just doesn't work for us. I don't really find anything wrong with the method. We did the same thing with our son, and now he is nearly 3 and goes to bed by himself. I wouldn't worry too much about it at this point, if holding him and then laying him down keeps him happy, then keep doing it.

I haven' tread the other replies but I wanted to see if you swaddle your son? That can help some kids. Also, as you probably came across in all of your readings, there probably isn't anyone who recommends crying it out at 7 weeks. The earliest I can recall is 3 months. And I think that I also remember that for the first couple of months they don't develop the bad sleep habits. So if you need to hold him for now, that's fine. Just keep trying to put him down in his crib but if it doesn't work, hold him. Good luck.

I have two boys, a 20 month old and a 5 month old. I had both boys co-sleeping with me for the first couple of months, and I have to say niether one had a hard time transitioning to their own bed. We actually transfered them to a pack & play/bassinet in our room for a few months, then put them in their own room. I know it's not for everyone, but it works for me. My first did seem to cry a lot more, and many nights fell asleep on me on the couch, I think they just need to feel that closeness to their mommy. I imagine after feeling all nice and toasty in the womb for the first 9 months of their lives, it has to be hard to suddenly be left alone everyone.

I personally don't believe in letting them cry it out, and have never had a problem with my boys going to bed with no problem at all. My 5 month old, does need to cry a little before falling asleep some nights, but only for a minute or two, then I go in, give him his paci and he falls right to sleep. I would never let them get to the point where you described, that is just too scary to me. Especially after watching a Dr. Phil episode where he had Dr. Sears on. According to Dr. Sears, letting them cry it out is never a good idea, their little bodies get so worked up, they overheat and actually burn brain cells. Maybe you can check the Dr. Sears website for more information. It just broke my heart to hear that your little baby got to that point. I could never do it to mine, it just hurts me too much. Good luck with finding a good technique that will be good for both of you. Oh and I forgot to mention, I know it's not recommended, but I believe that each parent has to do what they find is best for them and their baby, but both my boys would not sleep on their backs, tummy only. Of course, I make sure their is nothing in the crib that will impair their breathing, and their necks are strong enough to lift their heads. I even bought the Angel Care monitor, but they both sleep very well that way.

M.,

You have my total empathy. I know what it is like to try and help a baby and you just don't know what to do.

There are some babies that simply need to hear the heartbeat, have the motion and feel like they are back in the womb in order to sleep. It is so frustrating sometimes.

I am sure that by now you have seen Dr Karp's Happiest baby on the Block DVD. I am certified to teach his class here in Grapevine. He shows how to combine as many as 5 techniques together to allow you to sleep, oh I mean the baby ( ;) )

It works well. You are at the peak of crying right now and baby is truly unable to settle himself at this point. I agree that they are neurologically immature and cannot self soothe. Even with sucking on thier own hands.

If you are interested I have a class next Sat or you could come by The Nesting Place in Grapevine and I can teach the techniques to you as well as offer the dvd to you.

Feel free to call me for an appointment @ ###-###-####

K.

Never fear, this will pass. Both my daughter and my son (who is 9 mos) were like that when they were new. With both of them they needed to be held to get to sleep. I had to make sure that they were fully asleep before I could put them down or else they would have them little eyes opened as soon as I put them down. I guess it was around 4 or 5 months of age before I could put my son down semi sleeping or awake and have him sleep with minimal or no crying. It took my daughter a couple months longer than that. Forget what all of the so called experts say. Do what is best for you and your baby. Personally, I think 7 weeks is a little young to let a little one start crying it out. If he needs to be held until fully asleep, and that is something that you can do- do it! It won't hurt his development, and if that means that you get a couple hours of sleep or rest before he's up again, isn't it worth it.

As far as swaddling, I think that it depends on the baby. Some like it, some don't. Try it and if your son likes it then it something for you to do to comfort him. If he doesn't- no big deal. I bet there is something else that comforts him.

Congrats!!

Hi M.,

I slept with my daughter on my chest for months even after I went back to work. I carried her around in a baby bjorn for months...all the things people say not to do. But in my mind I have created a very secure and confident (too confident at times) 3 year old little lady. I felt like she just got from being warm and cozy and connected to me for months to be thrown into the cold world. So I felt like what I was doing made her gradually feel comfortable with the outside world. I didn't start letting her cry it out until she was 6 months.

Hi! When I ask my son's doctor he said that you should ansewer all there crys until they are at least six months old. Then you can start to train them. My son slept in my room until he was six months and then we put him in is own room and we did have to let him cry it out but it only happen twice before he realized that he has to sleep in his bed. I wish you the best!

I just read all of your replies-WOW.

So many recommended swaddling. DS (now 22 mo) loved being swaddled and I did it for 8 mo-had to get him special "giant receiving blankets". I eventually got him to wear the sleepers with feet. DD (now almost 4 mo) liked swaddling okay, but is no longer swaddled. I also do a specific bedtime routine and stick to the same bedtime every night.

Both of my kids had/have severe reflux and cow's milk and soy allergy. My son was still crying all night for hours on end at 9 months. It was horrible. Bith MIL and my mom said they'd never seen anything like it. With ds I let him sleep wherever he'd actually sleep for a few min. He wanted to nurse every 45 min-hr all night until like 6 mo. I think that was reflux making him want to eat smaller amts. I let him nap in his swing and sleep with us. I tried a sleep positioner and let him sleep on his side and the sides kept him from face planting. When he outgrew the swing at 7.5 mo I began to transition him to the crib during naps first. Then I began putting him to sleep in the crib and letting him come to bed with me at 11, and later 2, and later 6. I also let him cry for 1 min, 3 min, 5 min, 7 min, etc. before checking on him. A HUGE TIP: Get a video monitor. That was what enabled mme to ever let him cry at all. Unfortunately, ds did not sleep all night until 15 mo.

When I had dd in Jan I swore I'd be the crib Nazi-well she was a preemie and had temp regulation problems, so I caved and let her sleep on my chest. She did not arch her back during feedings like ds, but held her head from day one-I now think this was her stiffening her body when she was refluxing. I got a res-q wedge and tucker sling-- pedicraft also make a wedge too. It is a life saver. At 3 mo, I was sick of going to bed at 8 every night and decided it was time for her to move-she didn't seem all that comfy with me anyway. First, though, I got out that sleep positioner and laid her swaddled next to me and "spooned her". Each night I spooned less and less for about 4 days. Finally I had her sleeping on the positioner next to me and I decided to do the crib. I used the wedge. She slept all night the second night in her crib. She went from waking 2-3 times a night to 1 time and then none! I just feed her and lay her to sleep on the wedge in her crib kiss her and say I love her and give the paci and leave. If she drops the paci I go back in (sometimes she'll do it 4 times before going to sleep) but the key is to go back in and don't make eye contact. Also, ds never was allowed to fuss for one second. I think sometimes babies DO need to let off a little steam-I'm talking like 1 min or 2 of crying and then get te paci. Sometimes that helps!

Last tidbit--- I am still wondering...I did no milk/no soy diet with ds for almost a year. DD was weaned at 3wks to Neocate due to such severe allergy to milk. I also have to thicken all her feeds. I don't know if this helps her sleep better or not-I think not b/c I gave ds a bottle after he nursed at night before bed mixed with cereal and it never helped.

Anyway, I just said to a friend yesterday that I truly believe every mom "just knows" when the time is right for the babies to move to their own bed. My son was 10 mo when it felt right and my daughter was 3 mo. Whenever it feels like you're ready, you'll do it. If that's now, I don't suggest you let him cry it out, like everyone else.

Good luck! If it's reflux or food allergy, feel free to email me!

I'm working on my first baby. She is due in June, but I know what worked for my nephew. Your little one is kind of young to expect him to just go to sleep. What my SIL did was rock him until he was still awake but dosing off. Then she would lay him down in his crib with a low white sound noise so that he would go to sleep on his own. I guess it taught him a pattern of if you are tired you sleep. He was consistently put down like this during the day and night, and she made sure his nap and bed times were kept constant, as much as possible for a working mom.

At this stage in your childs life, closeness is never enough. I wouldn't worry about your child never sleeping on his own. Right now, he really needs his momma to be nuturing for security. Most babies don't go to sleep on their own until 3 to 6 months. So, 7 weeks is early.

Good luck!
Jodi

M.,
I am a postpartum doula and I am also about to get my certification with the Happiest Baby. Kay is right. Dr. Karp's techniques are revolutionary and really work. The only problem is...if you try to do it yourself without hands on training by a professional, it may not work. If the swaddle is not put on right, then it won't work. ALL babies cry when you first put the swaddle on them but then when you pick them up and get them in the right position, it is an instant off. The babies also sleep a lot longer if they are swaddled properly, because their involuntary jerking of their arms have been calmed by the swaddle. The Miracle Blanket that someone else mentioned is well worth the money. My mom's/clients love this blanket. If you would like to have me come and show you at your home, I could do that. My fees are $20 an hour and I'm sure two hours would make a huge different in the number of hours that your baby sleeps, or better yet, go to Kay's class. It is well worth the money for anyone with a newborn.

One lady mentioned that her doctor said it is never to early to let them cry it out, and then said they will give up eventually. What they are actually doing is detaching from their needs. Already they are seeing what a scary world it is. They are good babys eventually because they are totally detached. Please do not deprive your baby of basic needs during those first few months of life. Crying is their only way of letting you know they have a need of some kind. Maybe it is to help them calm down, but ignoring them is devastating in the long run. You will have very clingy toddlers. This doctor is just showing his ignorance of the normal growth process and needs of a newborn. If you were to ask him where he got his research on this, he would have none. What you do now, can affect the rest of our child's life.

My daughter did this and it turned out she was allergic to cows milk. I was breast feeding and ate and drank a lot of dairy. I had to quit breast feeding and started formula (Nutramigen by Enfamil). She was sleeping by herself within 36 Hrs of starting the formula. It was heaven!!
I hope this is not the problem but nobody gave me this information. You should also try the miracle blanket it is worth the money. Good Luck!!

M.,

I have a 7 weeker too and my experience with our firstborn has taught me that I need to just throw away the books and listen to my baby. The books must make you feel guilty if you're not "following the rules." Our babies are still very young and I honestly feel that the first 3 months are all about SURVIVAL! You just have to do what you have to do in order to get sleep. My daughter IS in her crib, but is up in the middle of the night twice and I usually end up sleeping with her on my chest for 3-4 hours after her last feeding.

Everyone has a difference of opinion and if you are going to choose a book to go by, then I think the Baby Whisperer is the best. There is even a Baby Whisperer forum where you can ask all the sleep questions and get good advice.

But in the end, your baby is leading the way......I would wait until he is a little bit older to do any sort of crying it out. He just needs you right now and letting him cry for long periods of time will only make it harder to calm him down.

Good luck and know you are NOT alone!!!

-R. (sleepy momma too!)

M.,

Wow! I would take Kay up on her offer about Dr. Karps class...The Happiest Baby on the Block CD & Book Saved US! ....otherwise I would have had my baby on my chest all night long. IT REALLY WORKS! His techniques are beyond amazing, and made my first 3 months much, much easier..my little one is now 16months and some of these techniques still work when she is upset in the middle of the night(teething etc)
If you can't get to Kays class, do yourself a favor and buy the CD for immediate relief...but I would have loved to have gone to a hands on class myself.

I know that you have said that you have read all the books but I will throw another one out there to see if you have read it...Baby Whisperer...Alice Hogg, I think her name is...You don't have to read the whole book, just touch on the chapters that pertain to you. It touches on mainly Sleep Issues (great). I was militant when I came home with my newborn, following "Baby Wise" to a "T" ( A totally different book than stated above and JUST AS GREAT if not better!)...and low and behold, as the book said, Granger was sleeping through the night one week after the book said, 9 weeks. Schedule, schedule, schedule...they thrive on it! I know that we as mothers want our babies to feel close to us and it is hard to put them down on their own but I promise you, it will make a world of difference if he learns that it takes himself, to self soothe and be able to rely on, even at this age to put himself to sleep. I ALWAYS put Granger down for naps and night time, awake..he learned to feel safe, secure with his crib and lull himself to sleep. The great thing about that is, when they wake up in the middle of the night, and the ALWAYS do, they do not rely on you to get them back to sleep. Granger is 2 years and 3 months...still takes one nap or rests during the day and goes to bed between 7:00 and 8:00... I so hope something I have suggested helps you...
Much hope, sleep and happiness sent your way!!!!
C. in FW, TX

You've had a lot of good advice about investigating reflux, and that's one thing you need to discuss w/ your pediatrician. It may just be the newborn infant desire to be "closed in." I noticed that my daughter would be about to doze off in my arms, then that startle reflex would hit, and we'd be up for another hour or two. I couldn't sit up every night in the recliner with her because I would end up with horrible leg cramps that would be dangerous for the both of us when I tried to stand up. I just happed to have bought a little baby seat before she was born. Not a car seat, but just a little seat with straps to hold her in. Cozy, but not too puffy to be a SIDS danger. What that did was give her a soft place to flail against (she didn't like swaddling, either--she was a little Houdini!)when her arms would go out, or her head would jerk. She did perfectly fine in that til she was about 10 weeks or so, then I eventually moved her to the crib. Once the startles had gone, she did fine in the crib. 7 weeks is too young to let one cry for more than 10-15 minutes. The totally cry-it-out method comes into play once the baby is older than 8-9 months. Good luck--I feel for you. I still remember how shockingly tiresome the first three months were, and that was almost 9 years ago. BTW--she sleeps like an angel, now!!!

I spent about 2 weeks with my second child in the recliner with me because it was the only way he'd sleep. He finally adjusted to sleeping alone when I put him on his tummy. He was about a month old then. I know it's wrong, but I was desperate!
Also, what your describing sounds more like what a friend went through. She toughed it out and just thought she had a "baby who cried a lot" and it would pass. But by the time she was 6 or 8 weeks old the pediatrician said it sounded like EXCESSIVE crying and investigated. It turned out she had reflux AND an allergy to cow's milk. Mom was breastfeeding and once she cut dairy from her diet, things got considerably better, and once she added reflux medicine there was a complete turn-around for the better. I'd ask your pediatrician to check for those things. You'll need to take a stool sample to test for the milk allergy, so you'll just need to save the next stinky diaper and take it in. I don't know if there's a way to test for reflux other than discussing symptoms with the doctor and seeing whether or not medicine works.

It takes about 3 days for the baby to readjust after removing dairy from your diet (or switching to soy or nutraminagen formula), and it may also take 3 days for the reflux medicine to take effect once you start giving it.

Hope you get some relief soon!

M., I totally empathize with you. Hang in there. My son is 15 weeks old now but had a hard time sleeping when he was 7 weeks old. And yes, I could hardly put him down without him waking. I think this is because babies are so used to the warmth and comfort of being close their mama. And while I did not try the cry-out method very much, I did try to put him down and let him fuss a bit and hoped he would fuss to sleep. But like your son, he worked himself into a frenzy. I did not want to co-sleep either but this is what I did and slowly, over time, things improved. They may have improved regardless so I'm not sure if it has to do with what I did or that he slowly matured and can sleep on his own better. I would co-sleep with him a bit and then put in down on my bed (firm mattress, not soft bedding) close to me and pat him when he woke or I would nurse him to sleep and put him closeby so he could feel my warmth. I always knew he was there and never really worried about rolling over on top of him. My husband slept in the guest bedroom and we did not allow our pets to sleep on the bed then. And when he was about 10 weeks old, I started putting him in his bassinet. And also, what worked for us but what is not recommended by the American Pediatric Association, is to let him sleep on his tummy. I think the real concern is suffocation so we put him only on a firm surface and we were close by so if he woke up, then moved around and got face down we could hear him. A friend recommended we try tummy sleeping and it helped but again most doctors will not recommend it as "back to sleep" is safest. Over time, he has learned to sleep independently but it took weeks so don't give up. Your baby will be totally different in 3-4-5 weeks. Hang in there. Our son started sleeping better at about 10 weeks and is doing well during the night now (at 15 weeks old). He gets up 1-2 times but not the 3-4 that it was. However, during the day, we still struggle with naps. Like your son, he has a hard time sleeping without being held. I'm hoping this will improve but I am giving it time. Also! Talk to other mama friends - it makes me feel better when I am going through similar situations. And every baby & family is different. I used to get a bit annoyed when folks would say "my baby slept through the night at 3 weeks" because every baby is unique. Hang in there, in a few weeks or a couple of months, I bet things improve for you.

I think I may be the best person to answer this....With my first child (who is 10 now) I definitely set bad patterns in regards to sleeping therfore she slept with me for the most part until she was about 7. I was determined not to have that happen again this time around, so when my 5 month old little boy was born and I could not get him to stay asleep in his crib, I panicked. I let him cry like the doctor said to do but with him eating every hour & a half that left very little time for sleeping ever. So eventually each night I would take him to bed with me & worry that it would never end. I always still tried putting him in his crib at his initial bedtime, I would just give up at some point & take him to bed with me. BUT--at about 2 and a half months, a few weeks before I had to go back to work, I began the pattern of putting him in his crib again at bedtime (he was not eating quite so frequently by this point) & lo and behold--he stayed asleep. In fact, he's been an excellent sleeper. In the beginning, he'd stay in his crib asleep for about 4 hours then wake to eat & I'd take him in bed with me to nurse & go back to sleep. Eventually, that 4 hours just stretched itself out. By 4-5 months he was sleeping from between 8-9pm until about 4am in his crib.
I guess what I'm saying is, it does take persistence to create that good habit. BUT, in those early weeks when he only sleeps for such short intervals & eats so frequently, the most important thing is that you both get your rest. So don't assume that whatever you do in these very early days is going to have to be that way for life. Those first few weeks are very different and new. He's still learning to feel safe and secure. Once he does, it'll make bedtime much easier. Don't stress! Hope this helps!
~~C. in Ft Worth

I know that you said book recommendations weren't going to help, but I wanted to mention "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" It is a great book not only for infants but for children as well. I wasn't able to use it until my kids were 4 months old. I just felt that 6 weeks was too soon to implement it, but when I did finally decide to do it, it took three days and at 4 months old both of my boys slept from 7pm to 7am. It was great for all of us (the kids and me!). It teaches more about why our bodies need sleep and helps us understand the importance of what it does for us. Good luck. C.

M.,
Wheather your nursing or breast feeding try this: Let your baby nurse himself to sleep then set him down in his bed or while holding the baby(of course don't prop the bottle up) give the baby a bottle to suck on until he falls asleep even if he has already had his bottle. It's not that they are hungry, the sucking seems to calm them and pacify them. My sister in law did this and it worked for her. I thought it would be over feeding her. But it isn't. I tried it and it worked. She went right to sleep and it worked ever since then. Try it. Please if you do
and it works let us know.
Lonie