Any Advice for Teaching a 13 Month Old to Fall Asleep by Himself?

The best advice I got when I was pregnant with my first was to NEVER rock them to sleep. When it's nap and bedtime, you make sure their tummies are full and lay them down awake. They need to learn to self-sooth. There is nothing wrong with a crying baby! You will be forever having a kid sleep in your bed or you will be laying on the floor by the crib so they will sleep. Good luck.

I hate to say it, because I've been there, but you kind of have to tough it out a bit.

The gentle pats on back, reassurance, and leaving room and checking on them when you feel you should, works wonders earlier on. So I don't want to knock that method.

But with my first, I waited too long. Like yours, mine relied on bottle, rocking and woke to have one in the middle of the night.

I did what you did. Same result. He passed out after screaming and snot and gagging, and I felt defeated and horrible. Because when they are older, they are thinking "Why aren't you coming?" and they become almost hysterical. And they can stand up.

I had some success with that - although I absolutely felt terrible - then he had an ear infection, and was back to wanting the bottle.

So that's when we changed the going to sleep/bedtime routine.

So - give him his bottle when he's still awake. If that means letting dad give him the bottle, or just letting him sit and have his bottle - do that. You will be losing the rocking-my-baby to sleep routine, so you have to say goodbye to that phase. Sometimes it's the moms who want to hold on to these practices because we're so sentimental. So - into crib when super tired and eyes are closing.

So break that habit first - the rocking and bottle in arms at bedtime.

Then I found going in for that night bottle much easier to break. I offered a sippy cup. There was resistance, but much less after we broke the going to sleep routine.

It was part of letting go of that baby night time routine for me. Once I was ok letting it go - he knew it. He knew I meant business. So maybe that's what you have to do.

Good luck :)

ETA: Read your SWH. I'd have him out of your room. I have no idea how you'd let him fuss if he's in your room. To me, that would have been next to impossible. If he wakes at 2 am, he can see you. He knows you are there and he's going to fuss until you get up. So to me, if at all possible, move him into his own room.

Also when you let them fuss to sleep - one minute is not practical or effective. I agree with you - get him to fall asleep on his own first. Do that consistently for a month say, then try letting him fuss in the night at 2 am. But not all at once. Do it in stages. Or that's what I would find I could handle.

He may not wake once he can fall alsleep on his own, so that problem may take care of itself.

I co-slept with my last - so I get why that is easier. But at a year, a toddler who can't fall to sleep on his own - I would start a routine you are ok to follow. Keep it consistent. But I would move his crib out of your room.

I did have one baby where I sat in the room in a chair in corner and read until they stopped fussing. They could see me from crib, but I didn't go over. I was just there. Then I shortened how long I was in room, etc.

Do whatever works for YOU that you will stick with, and shorten it every night.

Smash,

Music. Orchestra music played softly.

Put him to bed later. Make sure he's good and tired when you put him to bed. You need to stop rocking him to sleep. Sorry. I know it's hard. He's still young. However, this is a habit and it needs to be broken. Hold him and rock him while you read to him. Then lay him in his crib. You can stay with him, but don't talk to him. Just "be" there.

Rocking him to sleep is comforting, yes. But you can't be there his whole life doing this.

do NOT allow him to cry for 2 hours. That's just wrong in my book. He's 13 months old and doesn't have a lot of words so crying is telling you - I need you. So go to him. BUT DO NOT PICK HIM UP. Sooth him from the sidelines.

Put him to bed later.
Feed him MORE before he goes to bed so he has a fuller tummy.
IF he cries, soothe him from the side of the crib. DO NOT get in the crib. DO NOT pick him up.

Sounds like he's going to bed too early. And perhaps he's not having a food snack before he lays down.

Having that quiet, peaceful, mom/child time when you rock them and give them a bottle goes away too soon. Your child won't want you in that way in the near future and you're going to miss this special time.

I'd say consider their bedtime, feed them a good complex carb snack right before bed, and maybe just leave a bottle in the bed with them so they'll find it and go back to sleep.

He's still little and needs food and comfort. Doctors are adults that don't need soothing from a mom and
can feed themselves before bed getting their own snacks so they don't go to bed or wake up hungry. I'd say
you're ok`to rock him to sleep, wait no more than 10 mins then lay him down gently in his crib leaning way over
as you hold him so he doesn't feel like he's falling so he'll wake up. I can almost guarantee you that you'll
soon be through this hump. My son did this and the stage ended at about 1 1/2 yrs of age. Even better you
can bring him into your bed to co-sleep after the bottle. Another trick I did when it was bedtime was be
nearby to his bedroom when he went down to sleep (just outside his bedroom door so he'd know I was there). Don't
let hi scream for 2 hours. That's too long. He's trying to tell you something. He needs comfort and is most
likely hungry. Even his body knows that screaming/crying for 2 hours is too much...that's why he almost vomited.
Also, it's hard to sleep after all that. Trust me if you go in or bring him into your bed to co-sleep so he
feels comforted, you'll all get sleep and he'll soon pass right through this stage. He won't be 5 crying for you
when he has to go to bed. He's too young to "spoil" so just go in and comfort him. This too shall pass.
All doctors say don't do this, don't do that. Only counselors don't do that because they work with the mental
side of things not just the physiological stuff. If he's starting to climb and you're worried, you can put the mattress on the floor against the wall w/a baby bed net side wall that is made for them so they don't fall out.
Know that this transition brings some other challenges (getting out of bed) but it's a stage...again short
lived. Hang in there and try these options.

How long did you try the doctor's recommendation? Was he screaming for 2 hours because no one went in? Or because he didn't get a bottle or get picked up?

That's what we did - it took 3 nights. It was awful but then it was done. We went in after 5 minutes, then 10, then 20, then 30, then 60. My husband and I took turns but neither of us got much sleep for 3 days (we picked a 3 day weekend and just resigned ourselves to having a miserable time). But after 3 nights of pure consistency , no change in the routine other than lengthening the amount of time between "visits", it worked. Our child did MUCH better during the day having had uninterrupted sleep. We did it at 6 months on the pediatrician's advice, so yours may take longer because the habits are that much more ingrained.

He does not need to eat at night - you know that. He will make up for it during the day. We did not give a bottle in the bed and we did not rock him entirely to sleep. If we did, he woke up in a different place than where he fell asleep - so your son needs to understand that the bed is a place for sleep, not a place he "winds up". We put our son in the crib drowsy and did the singing then. I made up verses to "Good Night Ladies" with my son's name instead of the word "Ladies", and put in some things about what we did that day ("we had a good day..." and repeat), and always ended with the same verses like "Sweet Dreams ____...and now it's time for sleep." I sang slower and slower as he drifted off, but the ending verses were the same. If you give a bottle, don't make it the last thing you do - do it in the rocker first if you must (but you have to figure out what to do with the wet diaper), then do the books and the singing. He's using the bottle to fall asleep, not for nourishment. So it's a crutch he's used to. I don't think you should lie down in the crib with him - at least not until he falls asleep. That has to be his special place, or you will never get out of his room.

Try a white noise machine or air filter (like those allergen filters) vs. a fan, since there will be noise but no air movement - if you think that might be a problem. Moving curtains, moving mobiles, the feel of the breeze on his face...those can all be problems.

Good luck - I know it's hard, and the temptation to just give in so you can sleep, or the temptation to give up after 2 nights is strong. You may need to do it a few more days than the 3 days we did, as I said, because your son is older and more habituated to this routine, but I do believe it will work. Total consistency, no matter which parent is doing this.

We co-slept. For us, it was one of the best decisions we ever made. The boys always started the night in their own bed. If they woke in the middle of the night we just brought them into our bed and everyone slept for the rest of the night.

I'm not sure it's an age appropriate expectation for a baby to put themselves back to sleep on their own. It's completely normal for them to want the comfort and safety of Mom or Dad while thy fall asleep.

We co-slept. It worked for all of us.

My questions for you are these:
What time do you put him to bed and what time does he wake to eat?

Remember that "sleeping through the night" means a stretch of 7 hours. Often the issue is not that the baby isn't sleeping but rather that the timing needs to be adjusted so his sleep time corresponds with yours. Any chance this is the case for you?

Or, does your child have any medical issues (eg, reflux) that might be interfering with his sleep?

If/when my kids woke up at that age I brought them into our bed and nursed them back to sleep. I needed my sleep and so did they and that's what worked for us. I have NO idea how people can function getting up and down several times a night "training" a baby. Once they were weaned (18-22 months) they rarely woke at night.

I would put him to bed later, or do a semi awake feeding at 11 pm or whenever you go to bed. He is sleeping for 6 hours. If you fed him at midnight, that would take him to 6 am.

We used Ferber for both boys. It worked for us. All of three days and it was done.

He goes to sleep at 8:30 almost every night, sometimes it's 9. He wakes up at 2 am for the bottle. He has gone some nights without waking though, so that's what confuses me. He's up for the day between 7 and 7:30. His crib is in our room at the end of our bed. We tried Co sleeping but after he started crawling he was getting out of our bed and wouldn't stay asleep. When he cried for the 2 hours, I was getting up every 1 then 5 then 10 mins to lay him back down, sing, Pat his back. It was long but I was told it could last that long. I hated it. The next night was the same. So we gave up that method. I give him a carb at dinner, something super filling. Sometimes he won't eat, so I get that he's hungry, some of the nights. But still the major issue I'd like to fix is him going to sleep by himself.