My daughter has been invited to her first Homecoming dance. Her date is a boy who she has been friends with since 6th grade (they are both in 9th). I really don't know him much less his parents. Question is; should I take the initiative and contact his parents? The kids aren't sweethearts, just friends, so I don't want to make a big deal of the situation and get all mushy but I still want to honor it as an important event. I already bought the materials for his garter, but did I jump the gun? I was going to make a mum corsage (or whatever they call them now) for her from us to commemorate her first Homecoming so it's not a big deal to change gears and make something for him.
My mom never did anything for me whether it was for Homecoming, Prom or my wedding so I have no role model, no example of protocol. Am I over-thinking again? Has anyone been in a similar situation where your daughter was invited to something by someone you didn't know? I would love to hear your stories and advice.
Thanks.
Well, I suppose I should have restricted this question to my area; didn't think there'd be confusion about mums and garters. In Texas, if you haven't heard, things are typically done bigger. The Homecoming corsage for girls has evolved into "The Mum"; a rather large corsage centered around a mum, surrounded by miles of ribbon and embellished with pounds of stuff - bells, whistles, charms, even teddy bears in the school colors. They range in size from 8" across the flower to the size of a metal garbage can lid. Plus all the hanging ribbons with the stuff tied to them. Girls generally no longer pin them to their clothes due to the weight. They now are worn pretty much as necklaces around their necks, suspended on cotton cords. Google Homecoming Mums in Texas if you don't believe me.
The garter for the boys is basically their equivalent of a wrist corsage. Instead of a boutinnerre being pinned on their shirts, they wear these garters around their biceps. They are also decorated; sometimes simply, sometimes more.
I'm sure for some of you all of this pomp and circumstance may be a bit over the top, and yes, yes it can be. Some parents - dare I say mothers? - go way overboard, treating this almost as a sacrament. That's why I'm asking your input as far as contacting my daughter's date's parents, if anything to check on transportation.
Keep it coming, people, I'm taking it all in. Thanks.
Welll the doorbell rang tonight and my daughter answered. There was a teenaged boy on the porch with a pizza box. He opened it and there was the "formal" invitation to be his date. Right behind him were both his parents so we got to visit and take pictures. We exchanged info and will make final arrangements later. So - why do I worry so much?
Heartfelt thanks to all who replied.
yes, It is nice to have this communication about this event.
I would call a parent that has an older child at this high school and ask them how do the kids celebrate.. do they do boutonnieres for the guys.. are there any other traditions you need to know about and share with this young mans parents.
And NO communication between parents is ever creepy. It is very important at this age. Especially when you are new to a school..
I think it's absolutely fine, and even thoughtful, to contact them. You can easily set the tone to avoid the implication that this puts them on the road to marriage or something! Just say you're glad they're going together and know they'll have fun, and btw here is what we were going to do for your son, is that ok? This will let them know your plans and they will say whether or not they are doing the mum thing for your daughter. I'm sure he's bringing her a corsage of some sort, so you can play your mum corsage by ear. She can wear both or just save yours. I personally would not flat out ask if they are doing one for her, seems pushy maybe? But letting them know your plans for him hopefully spurs them to offer.
Since this is the beginning of a new chapter in your daughter's life and yours. I'd start it with a good example and standard. Call the parents and just have a short pleasant coversation about the kids and how it's exciting for them etc. who's driving etc.
Do it even if the kids don't like it. Set your standards now. You can always change a rule from stricter to more leient (sp) but not the other way around. Always remember to let the reins out just a little at a time. Once you give too much rein it is very difficult to pull back.
Have Fun
Yes, you should still take the initiative and contact the parents. Only in Texas we do the mum thing, (so most moms not from around here won't understand the bid deal here!)... so yes, it's good for you and his mom to discuss this if they are going to get your daughter a mum or not, and you can let her know you are providing her son with a garter. They also may want to get together to take pictures of the kids with their garters, and discuss after the game/dance if they will be going out, or going with friends....
*for the record, my 2 mums I got were almost bigger than I was!! look at these huge senior ones!
http://www.specialeventfloraldesigns.com/gallery/albums/u...
It definitely sounds like there are some regional differences with what is expected at the first prom. Boutonniere versus garter, for example.
I would call for sure just to figure out who's driving who and when everyone will be rolling on home.
And I am with you K., my mom never did anything for me either during highschool, and I was the darn Prom Princess. So I'll be asking around and unabashedly so. Get out there and ask what other parents are up to, but don't feel pressure to do what everyone else is doing either. Strike a balance that works for your family.
GL!
Why would you contact his parents? I guess I'm just not getting it. I thought the boy is supposed to bring a corsage for his date and she should have a boutonnair (sp?) for him. Not sure about the garter thing. But then again, my daughter is in her 30's so it's been a little while since I had to deal with Homecoming and the like.
Hope your daughter has a wonderful time!
I will be very interested in the friends of my kids and their parents, especially ones taking my daughter out, and I would make friendly contact with the parents casually, and I would find it very nice, not creepy (dang, people-is no question safe?), to hear from them. Why the heck not? As for formal protocol? Who knows? That wasn't big in my high school a million years ago, and my parents were not big fans of dances and such either (but we lived on an air force base in a small community, so my parents knew the boy's parents already)..but ask someone who has been through it at your school.
Have a great time! and I hope your daughter does too!
Definitely call his parents. My two oldest are Freshmen and while we don't have a homecoming dance (that I know of) there is some kind of Freshmen dinner dance that they're already talking about. If my son is still "going out" with the girl he's dating (in quotations because they don't go anywhere LOL) then I already know her family. If I don't already know whoever my SD goes with, I will call the parents and introduce myself, chit-chat about logistics, etc. I know all of their friends' parents - some of them are my close friends and some I couldn't pick out of a line up, but I have at least spoken to the parents of everyone my kids hang out with, and the first time someone comes over, I make it a point to go out to the car and say hello to whoever did the drop off. It's not creepy, it's just basic courtesy and good communication.
Ahh, umm, they are friends! I never met any of the parents of the boys who were friends with my daughter nor did I meet a lot of the parents of the girls she met in high school. That is just strange.
If a mom contacted me as you are suggesting about one of my sons I would find it creepy. Although I am not big on advising my kids about their friends I would suggest the apple does not fall far from the tree and they may want to consider distancing themselves from that friend.
I get you are not creepy but that is how I would take all this if I didn't read this.
No one did flowers of any sort until Junior ring and even then I didn't meet the parents just the boy.
It sounds like you are trying to make this special but it really isn't. Just like you title this dating where it really isn't.
Okay I am still trying to figure out what you are talking about when you speak of his garter?
My mom got me a corsage for my first high school dance, but that was a Valentine's dance and I went stag. Anytime I went with a guy, he bought my corsage. Also, I never went to homecoming, but ours weren't full-blown dances, just mixers.
if they arent actually dating and just going to this dance together i dont see any need to call his parents.. if the corsage/garter thing is something everyone does and all her friends will be doing the same i say go for it.. is ask your daughter about that.. im sure she wouldnt want to be the only one
