Almost 10 years ago I left San Francisco where I had my first child and moved to the suburbs. When I was in SF I was friends with some women I had met at a mommy and me group. We continued to stay in touch since I moved, though through the years we have seen each other less and less and communicated less. One friend has an annual event at her house. My children are not really interested in going anymore. They don't feel as if they know my fiend's children any more and, for some reason, the kids don't interact much in the group setting. Since the SF kids see each other more frequently they knew each better. I completely understand how my daughter's feel and am OK with ceasing to attend. I do not know how to tell my friend. I can just tell her we can't make it but since it's a tradition she might want to change the date to accommodate us. I would love to continue my relationship with the mom's but the relationship among the kids just isn't there. Any advice would be appreciated.
I read Laura W's response and all of a sudden I realized that I didn't want to go to the event. I think I was using my kids as an excuse. Thanks for helping me realize this. Thank you for your thoughtful responses! M.
Perhaps you can go without your kids? They can have a daddy/kids day, or arrange playdates with their friends for that day and you go. That way you can catch up with everyone without having bored kids with you. I think the other mothers would understand if you said your children want to spend the day with their close school friends.
Why don't you tell your friend what you just told us in your email? It was so honest and sincere. And, if she's also got kids she'll understand why it's harder for them to make compromises, even for one day, than it is for an adult.
Hey, if you would "love to continue the relationship with the moms" -- tell your kids to just suck it up and go. It is just one day. How often do you go and hang out with parents you would just as soon miss, so that they can play with the kids? It isn't a big deal, and a family needs to be a two-way street. Then, after the event, arrange to meet with some of the moms on your own, and let your husband have some kid time.
Really, it isn't *all* about your kids.
