Being Anti-Social && What to Expect After Highschool?

Hi! I J. wanted to tell you that you sound like a pretty mature high schooler. Often kids your age have a really hard time grasping the fact that what happens in high school is not all that important in determining how your life turns out. Trust me, by your 5th class reunion, you won't remember half of the kids names! LOL
What IS important is that you get awesome grades, do well, set and achieve goals for yourself!
You sound like a very independent thinker and I think that is a sign of good things to come! You sound like a cool kid. You can do anything you want to do. Best of luck to you!

My last two years of high school I only knew a few people and did not socialize much(new school). What I did was get a job. I got close to the people I worked with and made really great friends. One girl from that job at 16 is still my BFF today, and I am now 32! Find a job or activity you love where you can meet like minded people, and let the others keep all the drama!
It does change after school. People grow up, change, priorities shift, life goes on. High school is J. one very small stepping stone on the path of life. And you know all those perfect and popular kids, this is the best time of their lives. While they spend their adult years trying to recapture those days, you will be living the best years of your life!

You are at a point in your life where that is very normal. Look for friends in places where you have an interest. Maybe through a church youth group or a hobby of some sort. I think it is great that you want to focus on your grades and graduation, but you also need to have some fun in order to continue to find the motivation to be successful. Friends are a part of growing up and learning how to form relationships. Be cautious of those people that are no sincere, but there may be others out there that feel the same way that you do. Making the decision to J. isolate yourself will work for a while, but eventually it will get lonely. I teach Senior High and I am around kids all the time, please remember that your school counselor is a great resource for someone to talk to. They will not judge and listen very well!

You are not alone. I was the exact same way, I hated high school, I felt as if no one was on my level. I felt like I was sitting at daycare for 6 hours a day while horribly fake and selfish people surrounded me. A month after graduation a packed my things and moved. I still consider myself to be antisocial because to my big surprise, even half of the adults in my life act like children. I don't consider anyone my friend, not one single person. To be honest, I am thinking of seeking help. I have gotten so antisocial I feel I am developing a social anxiety disorder. I now get nervous/irritated when I am around unfamiliar people or large crowds. Sometimes I dont know if I need help or its all in my mind. People literally J. make me sick a majority of the time. Id rather be alone or with my pets. I can see myself being the crazy cat lady in about 50 years.

Hmm. I read through a few responses and all I can share is high school is a training ground for life - yes, reallyl!
Byond high school there is life, work, familes, etc and they all expose you to "fake" "mean" and untrustfull people which can, and will, introduce varying levels of drama. How you choose to handle these issues today shapes you and you are deciding what kind of person you want to be based on decision you make today.
Studies, ect. great focus, but two years with no friends can feel like a lifetime. You can't cut yourself off J. because of this ugly incident. Take time to heal, re-prioritize what makes a good friend and try again.
Praying you to find the path that is right for you.

You sound like you have matured quicker than your peers, and good for you! But although you've been burned, becoming "anti-social" isn't the answer because there are a lot of good people in this world. I have a 15 year old daughter who would maybe be considered anti-social by others, but really it is because she does not understand or relate to the teenage pettiness and drama and so she avoids it, as you are suggesting to do. But she has found a few friends in school who feel as she does so she is not alone. And like you, she is looking forward to getting through high school so she can move onto college and a career and surround herself with people of like mind.

Have you considered homeschooling or alternative education? Richland College offers a "collegiate high school" for 11th and 12th graders -- you can finish off high school and earn college credits at the same time (www.richlandcollege.edu/rchs). Can you get involved in activities outside of school that reflect your interests? For instance, my daughter loves art so for several years now we've enrolled her in some type of art class. The other students are not from her school.

Be strong, and follow your heart. Yes, you will always come across drama situations throughout your life, but life is not J. about drama and there are good people out there!

I am also from a small town and had to deal with tons of drama. My mother was the center of it usually so I could never get away. I J. told my self that I would always be the winner of the town. I felt like I was the winner because I got out and never looked back. I J. wish I had finished college. There are so many fun people from all over with so much culture in college. I hooked up with a loser and he convinced me that I didn't need to finish. Selfish reasons on his part, I found out later.

My daughter, who is 19, really disliked going to school in UT. We are the outcasts and this is definitely the bullying state. She J. kept her intentions on school and finished with a really high GPA. This enabled her to go out of state to a university (which she loves) and the government helped us a lot because of her grades. She is very happy and never wants to live here again!! She has found a strong group of friends. I think we all have a tendancy to let our lives be ruled by the past. Personally, I don't want to hang out in the past with all the losers. I want to grow and succeed and open new doors for myself. Learn from the past but realize that you are going to get more for yourself. Many people change after many years of HS. Everyone has trials and winners learn from it all. If you let your past in the small town rule you then there is a great chance that you will become one of the bitter people that stay there for the rest of your life. You have learned from the past and now you know that no one can be trusted in your HS, right?! You can make it through the next few years with a goal in sight. Remember, that you have a better chance at college with good grades. I would keep my head up, smile, bring in the good grades, and look forward to graduation. Let them be sad and you be happy. Misery loves company! They want you to feel sad because that is why they started the drama. Most of the time people who are unhappy and insecure live in drama. The rest of us realize that there is so much more to live for.

This is all my advice because it is what I lived through and I feel very confident about myself and my life. I had a brain injury when I was twelve and I dealt with so much all the way to recovery. I had to learn to do everything again. Oh, I was the butt of all the retard jokes at my school. I J. became very secure with myself through the whole thing and wanted more for myself. I know all things are possible with God by my side. I succeeded and you can to!! Remember that!!

Yea, isn't high school great?! I hated high school too. In college, I did find that people were usually there because they wanted to be there, but you will still run into the selfish type of people. I have 1 friend from college and a few "friends" that am still in contact with. When you withdraw into yourself, it is sometimes hard to get back out.

Are there any extracurricular activities that you are in that can help you stay outgoing, away from school?

I guess what I am saying is that it is always hard and J. because you are out of high school doesn't guarantee that you will make friends, but if the drama isn't worth it, and you don't like these people, you don't have to be friends with them. J. don't let them ruin your potential - finish school, keep the grades up, and see what else is out there in the world for you.

So true. I took correspondence classes (with the help of my high school conselour) and was able to graduate in 11th grade. I did not meet anyone there I could connect with, either. But, it's kind of the same in the adult world, I realise 7 years later. A lot of people will still act like selfish little children, but you will find a few who value friendship. good luck sweetie.

I was J. like you. I told myself the same thing and kept away from the drama. Contrary to what a lot of posts have said, it does get better after high school. I found people that I liked much better in college. There you kind of migrate towards the types of people you would rather hang out with. There are so many more 'types' of people at college and they mostly want to be there. I didn't go thru the greek system - that was J. a 'rent-a-freind, buy-a-friend' system to me. I still have many friends from college that I keep in touch with plus, that is where I met my husband. As for now though, like another post said, get a part-time job if you can. I did that and that is where I made my friends b/c many of them were older and there was no drama. I'm not sure if you are depressed, I wouldn't have thought that about myself when I was a teenager - I J. wasn't into the HS school thing. I'm not a girly girl or athletic either so that was against me in high school too. I truly understand where you are coming from. Do the best you can with staying active where you feel comfortable. Your reaching out here shows maturity and smarts. Good luck with everything!

I've found it depends on the area you live in. While there are jerks everywhere, some of them are more concentrated and in the small town I live in, there are a lot more nice people than I find in big cities. If you go to college, be sure to visit the campus first if you plan on living there. Find out what the atmosphere is like. Look into an online program like k12, where you can do homeschooling and still get a diploma. Many schools will still let you do extracurricular activities such as sports. Start getting on the fast-track to your career, where your social skills will be more of an asset than a playground for drama. Good luck!

Tina C's response is spot-on!

You're absolutely normal!

J. get through high school, relish this time with your family (I know that's probably hard sometimes). You'll really be thankful that you did.

Looking so far into the future is tough, but you can do it. It will all seem so trivial at some point, but right now, it's everything. I know!

You can do it! Trust in God and He will always be your friend!

I'm sorry to hear this is going on in your life. It sounds like you might be experiencing depression. Don't accept a life with no friends... we females need each other. Maybe you could mix it up... and do some different things - where you'll meet new girls.

I've heard once that a person only really NEEDS to have one good friend to make it thru high school happy. I think that's even true later in life. As long as you have one person (can change over time) to turn to for companionship... life is less stressful and more enjoyable. Afterall... when something good/exciting happens in your life... who are you going to call to share the news with?

You don't need to have a lot of friends... but how about seeking one person to socialize with?

Even at your age, I suggest you go to a Girl Scout camp. You don't need to be a Girl Scout to go to camp. You'll pay the $12 reg fee - which gets you on the insurance - plus the price of the camp - but you'll be considered a Girl Scout not associated with a troop. Maybe a little windsurfing, sailing, or horse back riding this summer with a small group of girls will "mix it up" a little for you and get you acquainted with girls you wouldn't otherwise meet?

Knowing there's lots of time between now and summer... you could get the "Going Places" publication from Girl Scouts that shows all the various activities for girls your age to participate in. Register as a "Juliette" (not in a troop) and start going to things that are new and interesting to you... archery, crafting, leadership opportunities, etc. I bet you'll find a girl or two that you click with... and who knows.. maybe even join their troop.

If nothing else... you'll get to do a lot of things you wouldn't otherwise experience.

Good luck... and keep your chin up... there are "drama free" friendships out there to be enjoyed!

-M.

Concentrate on your studies, - you are almost at the end.

Sometimes the best friends we can have are out of the school environment, even out of our age group. Older ones are fun too and already have the wisdom that you can learn from, rather then the same age group that only know as much as you and are muddling thru life, making mistakes. Try learning from the ones who have already been there and have already made those mistakes. Some will become your life long friends.

Try volunteering at hospitals, old people homes, day care - it can be very educational and fulfilling.

I was J. like you when I was in high school. I ALWAYS thought the girls were silly, and I wouldn't do the things they were doing because I had more respect for my parents and my body! I didn't date high school boys because they only wanted sex. I felt years older than my peers. I loved classical music, good literature, and usually my few friends were already in college. LIke you, I found I couldn't trust my peers. I was one of a few who had a car, and some of my peers wanted to be "friends" in order to have transportation, but when they got their own transportation, they dropped me like a hot rock. So, the answer to your question is YES, you WILL find better, more mature people when you get to college. You don't have to be part of a "pack" to do well in school. Volunteer in your community. Read, study and do well in your academics and you will be way ahead of your peers in college. Some of us are J. lucky enough to skip the stupid stages of teenage life.

They will change eventually...at least most of them will. Until then, in addition to the other good suggestions, how about boarding school? There are still schools like this out there (many in the Northeast), and a change of scenery might be good for you. Many offer scholarships if your family needs some help. The admissions cycle is J. about over, but you might get lucky and find a spot for the fall if you really hustle. A job, an activity, a volunteering spot...somewhere out there are a couple of friends you can trust.
"Queen Bees and Wannabes" is a very well-written book with some practical strategies for how to think about the drama that IS high school. It's worth reading...for you and your parents. If your parents don't take your misery seriously enough, this book might help you find a way to communicate more clearly with them so they can understand.

Hang in there, but try not to isolate yourself totally.

The perspective is that if you can make it through to your senior year, graduate and move on to college, any challenge you may face in your future will be a piece of cake. Look at this as an opportunity. In the future, you will have some not so nice bosses, some not so nice co-workers, some not so nice neighbors. This is your chance to learn how to deal with them at a really cheap cost: you're a teenager, so they won't take you so seriously. YOU know it's serious, they don't realize they're giving you free lessons in how to maneuver adult life. As an adult, you can quit or get fired, and you lose your income and ability to live on your own. As a teenager, you can have drama, but you're still ahead of the game. You've learned the lesson, your peers haven't.

You may be more mature in your thinking, but you're still a teenager who has to live by your parents rules. Isolation isn't the answer, it will only stunt your socialization for when you're an adult. Think of them as experiments. The petri dishes you'd trash, don't give them the time of day. The petri dishes that look like they might become something interesting, spend a little more time there and figure out what's happening.

Mean girls and mean boys are only so mean because they haven't left the nest of protection. Life will be so much more different when they're on their own. Revel in knowing you're learning how to live now, not later.

I was J. like you in high school. I had a few close friends, but the rest didn't matter. They were very Cliquie. I kept telling myself once I graduate, I never have to see these people again. I got married right after I graduated (big mistake) and had a baby five years later. I kept telling myself things would get better, once my son went to preschool I could meet other moms. Then it was once he was old enough to go to school full time I could get a job. It was always something. I am now married again, and involved in many extra activities besides raising my 3 more kids. Get involved with people outside of school.
The funny thing is after all these years after graduating, these classmates that I isolated myself from, are finding me on Facebook and inviting me as their friend. Two of them I will never accept, but most are very friendly now. Things do change for the better as people mature.

Sorry to hear you are having such a rough time. I hope you are taking dual credit classes and can graduate ahead of the game from high school.

As for the drama...although most women don't mature to this until they are older it is something you can try to cultivate in yourself now...that is...you can talk to people at school, smile, be sociable and still stay out of the drama. When you are "friends" with everyone you can have a good time, enjoy people, but never allow yourself to be sucked into drama. J. walk away, don't reveal too much about yourself to be the source of drama, etc. I hope that makes since. It is possible to be friendly, but rise above the little stuff. Be kind of neutral...like Switzerland! :)

Give it a try. Highschool will be more fun if you are part of the mix w/o being part of the mix.

Hey -
Instead of "trying" to be anti-social - redirect your efforts. Go Volunteer somewhere - maybe at a hospital? Or somewhere within walking distance of your school (or do you drive)? You will meet other like minded people who know that the world does not revolve around them when you go and volunteer. And, you WILL make friends.

Also, now is the time to really be thinking about what college you want to go to and how to get in. College admissions is way more than J. your bottom line grade - they look at your extra curricular activities. Now is the time to get in shape on all of that (including, maybe, playing a role in your student council or leading a club of some sort). Colleges appreciate someone who can step up and be a leader - and maybe that is not at your school. Leading efforts in your community also count.

Also, don't forget that you need to perform well on admission type tests (SATs). Be sure to sign up for some practice tests. Make sure you understand the process of how to get into college and what you need to be doing to prepare yourself. Talk to your guidance counselor.

Good luck!

-L.

Ah high school. It is its own world. Plug along and do not let them get you down. Set goals to get you through..1 finish out this school year. 2. Apply for summer jobs. 3. Decide on a special treat that you want to work towards and how much you would like to save. 4. Start looking for colleges and Universities you will want o apply to.. BTW, most liberal arts schools no longer make you state your major until you are in your second semester in college.. so you can go in and try different classes!

Do you have enough time to get an after school job or weekend job? Even in a town a little ways away from where you live? Maybe this summer? You will meet more people and will have some outside of school social life.

If you cannot find a job, how an=bout volunteering at the Chamber of Commerce, or a local festival.. It will look great on college apps. Keep up with all of the hours so you can get credit for them..

Our daughter was not into all of that drama either. She spent lots of time with her little nerdy friends and she liked that. They really never went out as much as got together to watch videos, work on volunteer projects and J. hang out at each others homes.. Mostly to study.. I know sounds boring but they had fun.. He r eacher and I used to tell this group, "J. wait till you get to college! You are going to love it. Everybody there wants to be there and has goals."

When you start researching for Colleges and Universities. Make sure their mission statements match your ideas and the people that tend to get accepted seem to have the same outlook you do.

Our daughter applied to 9 colleges and got accepted to all of them. We went on a trip to look at her top choices (based on the scholarships and grants she was offered) and found a perfect match. It J. felt exactly like "her people" and her personality. She is over 2000 miles away and LOVES it!

Work on your school resume, so that the moment it is your senior year you are all set up to start applying.. Let me know if you want hints about what all you will need and any suggestions.

Dear J. A.,

I know exactly how you feel. I, too, could not wait to get out of hs because of the type of personalities that dominate the hs world. I wanted to get out of this scene SO BAD that I graduated a year early!

I'll tell you - it doesn't change after hs. I know. Disappointing, isn't it. There are ALWAYS going to be "that" personality type that surrounds you, there are ALWAYS going to be those clicks that are so unaccepting. I thought it would be different in the "real" world. Unfortunately, it is not different.

The only thing you can do is try to seek out those who are like you. I know, easier said than done. Especially in hs.

My kids don't go to Forney. In fact, they are homeschooled. We DO know some kids from Forney and I know there are some pretty cool, down to earth people there. Well, the guys anyway. I don't think I have met a down to earth girl from Forney. They HAVE to be there though! :)

Try some extra activities - that are NOT school based! Guitar, Karate, etc... Something that will get you around other kids OUT of the school environment.

You sound like a smart young woman with a good head on your shoulders. You will make it through this, I promise! Keep us updated!

Hi J. A,
First of all, grats to you for rising above the drama. You're on your way to a happier life already. Most ppl don't have your courage until much later in life. Nevertheless, you want to be happy in the moment, and you're reality now is 2 more years of high school. Two years must seem like an eternity. You've received many good ideas from other posters, and hopefully at least one of them will appeal to/work for you. Only you know, in your heart, the best path to take. You should know, however, that it will get better.

J. giving you another "similar" story (I know you are unique, but trying to encourage you): I have a friend in her 2nd year of university who went to a h.s. that was full of drama (maybe they all are). Think affluent like our area's Highland Park HS crossed with a private, but with the feel of "Mean Girls" (rumor had it "Mean Girls" was based on her school). She had no "real" friends, the girls she hung out with treated her badly, the boys didn't find her particularly interesting (not saying this is your issue, of course)..... She's quite happy at school now. Yes, there's still drama with roomies at times, but ya J. get a new roomie and move on! The guys on campus have given her tons of atention (she has a steady b.f. now), and she's met girls she enjoys hanging out with. She's happy. :) I can't tell you how miserable she was at 16. Well, you probably know....

I think you posted before about being in drill team. Maybe you'd enjoy taking dance class somewhere (somewhere with nice students, of course). Lots of studios have competitive teams (one of my college friends owns a studio that's very active in contests & conventions). If you have time, maybe it would be fun. Maybe even try a new form of dance.

So, hang in there. Follow your heart. I promise, J. A, there will be better days.

~K.

My son went through the same thing and now homeschools