Son Skipping a Grade

I would absolutely NOT skip him a grade. If it is a good school, they will keep him challenged. It is not
all about academics. There is the social issue. He could
be the smartest kid, but without the social skills, he
would be behind the eight ball. Just let him be. Good
luck.

how about if you could have be homeschooled? then he could go at his own pace...and he would still be able to have social interaction with other kids too. Congrats to him!!!!

Dear M.,
I understand your concerns more than you can imagine. First was our daughter, so eager to learn and advanced for her age academically. I didn't want her bored in school, as I had been. I wanted to push her ahead, but the school phycologist advised me that children usually level out academically and socially in third grade. It turned out, he was right. She ended up with good grades in school, taking mostly AP classes.
Secondly, was our son who was ready socially and academically to enter kindergarden, but he shied the cutoff date by 6 days. We decided to keep him home a year - what a blessing. Socially, athletically, and academically he blossomed - all without having to work too hard. He too took all AP classes and graduated at the head of his class with honors. At least, now they have advanced placement courses for such gifted kids.
Challenging a child is good, but not if that challenge becomes more than they can handle.
Continue to encourage your child, but as parents, I advise you to relax and enjoy. They grow up quickly.
You may choose not to take my advice and that is okay. But suffice to say, both kids graduated from college and are now happily married. Our daughter is a family therapist dealing with children with behavioral problems,and our son is in the military because he enjoys exercising discipline.
Thoughts from an old-timer,
W.

I have 2 boys who are a year ahead in school. They essentially "skipped" a grade because they were educated in the UK and started school at age 4. When we came back to the states they were so far ahead academically, socially & physically that it made perfect sense to skip. Personally my biggest fear with keeping them w/same aged peers was that they would be bored and disrupt the classroom. The final decision was made by my DH and I with the direction of the elementary school principal & a psychologist. However we always knew that it might not be a great fit forever.

Fast forward 7 1/2 years.... The oldest is in 10th grade and the fit is perfect for him. He does well in school & socially AND is a fantastic athlete. This being said we ponder his potential level of success if he was a freshman quarterback at his size (5' 11", 185 lbs!!!) We had moments of wondering but there has never been good enough reason to age correct.

My younger son is in 8th grade and the cracks have begun to show. The fit was right until 7th grade. He is fine socially but slipping on the sports fields and (more importantly) struggling academically. The ironic part of this is he's very smart but I think the challenge is motivation and he is not really ready for the demands of late middle school. We are now preparing to meet with his guidance counselor & teachers to discuss correcting him. He is amenable to it as well which is good.

I guess I am giving you such details about my kids because they were skipped for the same reason but with differing outcomes. I live in a town where so many parents are holding their kids back to begin with that we are considered a bit insane. Knowing what I do now, I might not have skipped. I lost a year of their lives, they mature too quickly, I will have a 17 year old college freshman soon and my sons will be rushed into "real life" early - there is no benefit to this at all.

My daughter is in second grade and I am so glad she is "old" for grade (a december baby). It is to her advantage in every way! Keep challenging your son and think long and hard about the ramifications of skipping.

Hi M. --

My DS, like yours excelled academically (able to do work several grades above where he was), but we never regreted his grade placement and did not want him skipped. Coming from a family of educators I know that education is not just about academic ability, but social maturity as well.

My sons teachers knew me/us well, as I asked for extra work for him so that he would stay motivated and on track. We kept him active in extra-curricular activities like sports and clubs and he was accepted into the enrichment program. In HS he took many AP classes and scored well on them which prepared him well for college (and gave him a few extra credits toward his degree). He also received a nice academic scholarship.

Today, he's a sophmore in college and doing well. For us, keeping him in his grade was the best choice we could have made.

Best of health,
S.

a friend of mine.. skipped a grade twice.. she skipped 2nd and 4th.. she said it was the worst thing..one grade might have been ok.. but she said 2... not good... the only reason why she hated it.. was about 7th grade she didn't have many friends.. because of the age difference.. and this lasted thru high school... She was very smart.. has since become a doctor.. but she feels that skipping grades was hard for social life.. she also finished highschool in 3 years.. so she was about 15 in college.. She was so behind kids who were almost 19. She hated being left out.. the same with dating.. puberty... She was small for her age which didn't help either. What about excellerated classes or honors classes. My daughter is in 5th and is in all honors courses... so she is pushed.. and it's great.. good luck

NOTE: is there any other schools in the area or within say 15 miles or so.. that would better fit your child. A very academic class sounds like a better fit for your son. My cousins little boy goes to a special school for the truely talented and gifted.. it's awesome what he is learning.. and the best part is the kids are all his age.. but he is learning so much more than a reg. school. His parents drive him 35 minutes to school but they feel it is worth it.. because he is so smart. Good luck.. but think of the future... having a 16 year old go off to college is scarey.. when they will be with 17, 18 , 19 year olds... ??

Hi, M.,

I have a little different perspective, because my husband skipped two grades when he was growing up. That meant he started at Yale when he was only 16, and when he graduated four years later at 20 he was really unsure of what to do with himself. He ended up going right into law school just to have something to do, even though he didn't really like law and only practiced for a year. Then he got another graduate degree (and now he has his third).

For him, while it might have made sense for his K-12 schooling, it left him too young/immature for the early-adult part of his journey, and he was rather directionless in his 20s. Going from graduate degree to graduate degree can be expensive! Anyway, he's turned into a great man, but I don't think his parents did him any favors with the decision to skip grades.

Good luck in your own decision,
A.

My son was in a similar situation. I home schooled him until the third grade and then he entered a classroom of 3rdthru4th he was already ahead one year when he entered that small school. the teacher always forgot he was a younger student and when we talked about it and she was reminded she always said NO WONDER HE'S SO IMMATURE. I knew the other students in her class and most were silly immature little boys, I felt he fit right in, although he tells me now at seventeen his friends always knew when to curb thier behavior and hide their sillieness and he didnt. I thought that was interesting. He Graduated this year in June and took college courses during the evening for his last two years at an extension center in our area. He enjoyed this very much. although He made his high school basket ball team and practiced all summer with them and decided he enjoyed the college classes more and chose to continue on this path. He Is maturing nicely and has always been very confident socially. I know this helped him greatly. He always attended Youth ymca basketball leagues and summer basketball camps. He decided this summer to be a instructor ot a camp and he loved it. Still a happy kid!

I was in your son's situation back in first grade. They did skip me to second and I never had a single issue. OK, back when everyone else was 16 and could drive and I couldn't was a bit annoying, but I just hitched rides with them. :)

I happened to be tall and hit puberty earlier anyway, so in my case it would have been worse if I'd stayed in my own grade - I would have been the giant girl with the big chest! So you never know what's going to happen on that front anyway. And, really, there generally isn't a huge difference in sizes between one grade and the next anyway.

So all that to say, it was a great experience for me. My husband skipped 2 grades and aside from being a scrawny 16 year old when he went to college so not having much luck with the ladies the first year or so, he had a very positive experience, too. I've never met someone who skipped who regretted it.

Yep, we just did it this year. Our son skipped over 6th grade. I think it's a lot easier to have them skip earlier grades than higher grades, but some schools do not reconized the gifted until 3rd grade or later. My son and I were kind of nervous about it, because we were worried about how the "new" classmates would react. My husband wanted him skipped to 9th grade, so he could be with his math classmates; (He's way ahead in math.)but the guidance counselor was concerned with being mature enough to do term papers and note taking skills. (Same thing I thought about.) It turns out that this is the class he should be in socially. The class he's in now is so much more mature than the class he would have been in, if he didn't skip a grade. I am so glad we did it. Sure he has to study harder, but he has made many more friends. Most of the time when a child is academically ahead of the class, they wind up being ahead socially too. I'm glad we let him skip. He's been taking college classes these past 2 summers and didn't have any problems with the college students, so he was ready to skip in middle school. As for graduating at 16...It's only one year earlier than I graduated from high school. If you're worried about sports, just train him on the side with exercise and weights later on.

For more information about studies on grade skipping and academic/kindergarten redshirting, check out your local library. Ask them about access to a database called ERIC. (Educational Resource Center) You'll find lots of article on gitfed kids and grade skipping or starting school early. A lot of them are pro-skipping/starting early.

As an educator I am not a fan of skipping grades. I am sure academically your child can handle it, however maturity is a whole different story. Children today in grammar school are exposed to things that I was exposed to in high school. I think you may want to keep him with his age group as long as you can. Being around older kids and older situations can not always be a good thing. Is he showing signs of boredom? For example by getting into mischief, talking in class etc. If the teacher feels he is okay then I would let him be. There is so many other aspects to school along with education. There are social aspects that he may not be able to handle with older children. I personally had two boys within a two year period that attended the Kindergarten program at my pre-school who were reading and completing 2nd and 3rd grade math no problem. However, their behavior was what was expected of a five year old child. If your son has made friends I would leave him be. It could hurt him down the line with sports down the line being the youngest boy in his grade. I think in elementary school once they hit 3rd grade they all catch up anyway so he will be fine. Good luck in whatever you decide. When it comes down to it you and your husband know what is right for your child.

It's great that your son is doing so well in school. That does bring special challenges though. Have you spoken with the principal about skipping a grade? I'm not even sure that's done anymore - if you're in a state where there is required state testing, the child has to take those tests in the appropriate grade and can't miss any, he would be younger and less mature than his peers (and with some kids being held back before entering school, they could be significantly older than your child) and while he may be capable of some of the work of the next grade, what will he be missing in the curriculum of the grade that he would not attend? Would you be comfortable sending a 16 year old off to college? A lot to consider. I think in this situation, I would be looking for a school that offered a gifted/talented program that would address your son's needs and academic levels.
Good luck!

Hi there. My son didn't skip a grade but he did start earlier than most of the kids in his class. He's also got a bit of a shy personality so the difference in height, maturity, puberty, etc, did make a difference and if I'd had a chance to do it over again, I would've held him back until he was 5 to start school but I took the advice of his pre-K teachers who insisted he was completely ready and excited to start kindergarten.

This is purely my point from a social standpoint but their social education is still important and he could have some of the older kids give him a hard time. I think it mostly depends on your son's personality. If it was my middle son who skipped a grade, the maturity difference would be an issue, I'm sure, but the rest wouldn't be as big an issue because he's an outgoing kid and doesn't really care what others think of him.

If you're really concerned, you could consider moving him up by just one year. It wouldn't be such a drastic change for him and he could go into gifted/honors classes when he's a little older which will give him more of a challenge than the regular classes. Good luck! You've got a heck of a decision ahead of you.

I am a teacher ((second and third grades)and not a fan of kids skipping grades. He may be ahead now, but is it just in academics? Behavior, interests, friendships and experiences are all just as important in school learning. It sounds like there may be room to work with the school and teacher about some independent learning projects though. Since it is a school with 2 grades per class, they may be willing to assign other more challenging work to your son. I don't mean "more" work, but maybe having your son expand the ideas further- so if they are learning about addition with regrouping, then your son has to use this in a real world situation or help make up challenge problems for the other children to solve. Or if they are learning about area, design a playground with dimensions. This can be done in all subject areas. To be honest, some really high kids at this age group can handle this type of project, others can not.

You and your husband know your child best, but I would talk to the teacher about what she feels can be done, and then work together with determining realistic goals.

M., when I was at one of the elementary school during my practicum, I knew a young girl who was VERY SMART, and what they did for her was kept her with her peers, but gave her years head work and she would stay after school to help kids with their work during the afterschool program. She loved it because she was helping and she was still with her peers and she was challenged and doing years head work. Why not talk with the educators and see what they can do for your son, for he is an exceptional child. Why not talk with them explaining your concerns that if he's held back and not challenged, he may get bored and act out which is normal for bored kids, but you don't want him to be push up far ahead with older kids (and I personally would fear that the bullies up higher grades would have him do their work). So, why not tell the educators why not keep him with this peers but given years ahead work and have him help others at his age, but guide him to show him how to help without giving the answers. That is one of the REASONS I love homeschooling because you can go at their pace, not the school's. If they are ahead, you go ahead far up to where they are and if they can't catch on YET, then you back up and work on it until they catch onto that and then more forward when they are ready. but, not everyone can do it for various reasons.
That is wonderful that you and your husband see that and doing something about, you two are great parents and keep up the good work!! God bless you!!

M.,
If your son can interact with the older grade okay, then I would say go for it. It sounds like you are pretty sure he can handle the material. I would just keep an eye on him as he matures, because he will always be slightly behind in social maturity and possibly a little more vulnerable to peer pressure during his pubescent years.
Good luck to you and your son.

This is an interesting question and I am usually asked the reverse at work- retention. Here's the deal, though, cognition and maturity are two very different areas of development. While your son is academically very bright he is likely a typical eight year old in many ways. If he "skips" a grade you are going to put him in a classroom with children 2-3 years older than he, not just one due to the arrangement of the split-level classroom. Essentially you would be asking your son to go from a developmental level of second grade into the socially complex 5th grade without any of the "practice" in between.

You talk about graduating at 16, but that would also mean college at 16. Do you think he would enjoy his freshman year when his mom would need to drive him to class b/c he doesn't live on campus? Look much further down the road... will he be able to date in HS and college? Probably not. Will he have a peer group in HS and college? Probably not. Could this lead to some emotional and social challenges as a young adult- very likely.

Just some things to consider... are you wedded to his private school placement? Could you look at a different private school that could offer him additional experiences and opportunities? Could you look into enrichment programs in the community? I'm not sure where you are located, but there are some great programs at the local community colleges for gifted children. Vassar College (Poughkeepsie) runs an outstanding summer "college" for gifted children as well.

Please consider the social-emotional aspect of your son's life as well as his academic enrichment. Learning to negotiate and communicate with peers is as much a predictor of long-term success as is academic achievement. Your son is very bright, there is no doubt about that, but if he doesn't have a peer group and goes through HS and college without a date and no driver's license, how happy will he be?

Good luck with this one and truly consider a different private school. This model may not be the best for your son.