Today it slipped. I Said "this d*mn thing is not working" . My daughter asked what that word meant and I do not know what to tell her. She had never heard me say it only my oldest daughter.(she thinks it means something like any other word)
I decided not to tell her unless she brings it up again because of some of posts. thank you for them. Unfortunately she did bring it up again. I did not tell her it was a grown up word because I agree that she might want to be grown up word. I told her that it meant really bad because of the posts. I also told her that it was not a very goid word to use. She asked me " then why did you use it?" I told her I meant " the darn thing is not working" but I shouldn't of said the other word. I did not repeat the d*mn again because of one of the posts. She might of forgotten it. thank you for all the help.
Tell her it's a grown-up word that you shouldn't have used & she certainly is not allowed to use, ever for any reason. Let that be the end of it.
I DO cuss like a sailor. Got it from my Dad (Love the man, tough as oak and smart as a whip - he is QUITE a character ;-). I also have a decent vocabulary, though it could be improved, especially in my common speech (rather than in writing). I'm pretty good about not cussing in front of my children, but honestly, it leaks out every once in a while. Just the way it is.
So I've explained, that cuss words are for grown ups. When they are used, people can feel angry, sad, or confused. So,they are not to use cuss words until they have many, many more words. It's not okay for them to use them until they know WHEN it's okay to use them. So they're just for grownups.
My kids don't cuss. Don't know if that would work in your home, but it works in mine ;-)
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Tee hee hee hee hee,
8kidsdad, how different our homes seem to be!
I can open doors myself, AND my husband will open doors for me. Either way! It's okay by us! My kids (girls!) play like little boys, and I have male friends who wear nail polish! Tee hee hee.
Some days, I vacuum in heals and my husband comes home to lunch on the table. Other days, I spend the morning in my PJs, writing, reading, catching up with old friends. He gets home to a sink of dishes (which he'll do!), and to a mountain of never ending laundry. Other days, you'll find me on a ladder wearing men's clothes. I'll be repairing or renovating our home. I'm better at drywalling than most men I know. I bring a woman's touch to the mudding process and it cuts my time in half.
I'll admit, I'm not a very good 1950's style housewife. But my kids and I have a blast, and I love being alive. Most passionately. I try to be of service where I can be, and to allow myself to bring Love and compassion and Willingness where I go. Should I have to be a 1950's version of a housewife, I think I'd probably feel very, very, very defeated. Very sad. Because that's not for *me*.
I love that now we have the choice. If 1950's SAHM works for us, we CAN do it! If it doesn't, we don't have to do it! Nothing wrong with different approaches, right?
I like to take trips often, and leave the house to work, volunteer, or just hang out with my friends. My husband will hang with our kids so that I can do those things. My husband took a turn as a stay at home parent, for 6 months. Didn't really work for us, but boy did he understand (by the END) how hard of work it is. Fulfilling! Yes! But challenging.
He harvests shellfish while surface supply diving. It's stressful, semi-dangerous work. He's muscular, and quite handsome, a "real man", but kind and filled with humor too. He's not homophobic, and he is loyal and compassionate. A real family man.
I'm so glad he likes me the way I am. And that I don't have to be a lady all the time. It wouldn't work for us. But I'm glad you and your wife have each other, and that your system works for both of you!
It's wonderful that we can all like different things, and have different roles that match who we are, as a person. That's a real gift to our kids, don't you think? To live authentically and parent authentically? I'm glad that there isn't just One way to live. Makes me exceedingly happy. Especially today, 'cause we are going to run around in the forest playing dragon, and then we're going to go catch crabs and jellies on the beach, and poke tube worms, and blow bubbles, and pick up trash.
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I agree with the other posters.
I told my kids that "Profanity/vulgarity is a sign of a person with a limited vocabulary that is out of control." That's what my 7th grade teacher taught us. She had to have been in her sixties and had been taught Ladies never utter profanity. It was important for her to always be thought of as a lady. It had such an impact on me that I think of women as ladies until they prove themselves other wise.
When I was dating, I knew I wanted to marry a lady. I would go around and open the door of my car for a date and offer her my hand. I wanted my children brought up and taught by a lady. I only dated one girl that told me, "I can open my door for myself." That was our first and last date.
Good luck to you and yours.
I just want to give you a hug for damn being the word you let slip! :) That's not how it would have gone down in our house...haha! I agree with Melissa....just tell her it's a grown up word, you probably shouldn't have said it, but if she says it she'll go to time out, or whatever. Don't make a big deal about it, and don't beat yourself up over it either!
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It happens!
Saying it's a "grown up" word implies a double standard for the acceptability of certain behaviors and also gives it a bit more mystique. If she's like many kids who like to act "grown up" she may be attracted to the idea and use this again thinking it's making her like a "real" grown up, you know?
I don't think I'd be too nonchalant about it, either, bc then she'll use it thinking there's no harm in it.
I remember in 3rd grade, I heard the word "b!tch" and asked my mom what it meant. She told me it meant "a female dog" (probably trying to use the above approach) but neglected to tell me it wasn't a nice thing to say. I remember using it all the next day on the playground bc I thought it was ok - LOL!
I think I would tell her that I meant to say "darned" and made a mistake. We shouldn't say the other word. (Don't actually say it again -by then, maybe she'll have forgotten it?)
Audrey Wood's book "Elbert's Bad Word" is a great (and hilarious) way to explain the hazards of inappropriate language to young children in an age-appropriate manner - in the book, young Elbert overhears a "bad" word that is represented by a fuzzy caterpillarish-looking thing that perches on his shoulder and follows him around, until something heavy drops on Elbert's foot at a fancy garden party and the word (now much larger and fiercer looking) escapes and causes total chaos. Various remedies are tried with no success until a wise wizard helps Elbert find words that "crackle and sparkle" and can effectively convey his feelings without profanity.
Tell her it's a word people use when they're angry. If you don't want her using it, also tell her that it's not a very nice word, and that you shouldn't have said it.
Tell her it's something that holds back large bodies of water. :)
"Damn" is my husband 's go-to curse. I don't think he realizes how often he uses it. My son repeated him once (intonation and all) and that pretty much nipped it. I wouldn't bring it up again unless she asks again. If she does, a simple "it isn't a nice word & mommy shouldn't have said ir" is enough.
me and my husband both slip up with the cuss words, some even harsher than damn...my almsot 4 year old knows that they are bad words, even words like shut up, dumb, etc....he even tells us we said a bad word and not to say it again but he doesnt repeat!! i tell him i i'm sorry i shouldnt have said that...i try really hard to watch what i say now, but it is hard and something we have to work with...
Tough one, hard to define. Maybe tell her it means "really bad", but some people don't think it's a nice word to use. Whatever you answer, do it lightly, don't make a big deal.
I was watching Project Runway the other day, and Heidi Klum was saying how sexy a dress was, and my 3 year old asked "what does sexy mean?" I always think I have such great answers, but I was stumped! My husband said, it means that dress is really small and short. I thought that was pretty good. (Not that sexy is a bad word, just hard to define at a child-level.)
