Attitude Change Suggestions

If he is almost as big as you try making him do push ups when he's disrespectful. It's a good work out for him and no strain on you. I hope that helps a little.

Hi, J.. I've found, with my 12 year old, who also gets a bit (HA) mouthy, that taking away important things works better. My son skateboards and plays video games. I have taken both away a few times. He has longish hair and I have threatened to cut it off, if he doesn't shape up. That works, too, sometimes. Good luck.

I found with my daughter the best thing to do was ignore it. As soon as we stopped ignoring it she started doing it less and less.

Hi my daughter is 9 and she also can get very argumentative. I have found sending her to her room to cool down (she has no TV not many toys only books in her room). When she has cooled down (and me too) Then we talk about the problem she is having and how we can work together to solve it. Trying to reason with a TWEEN when they are in the zone of mouthing off is useless. Good Luck
Beth

Jen,

I am sorry that you are having the issues with your 10 year-old. I too have a 10 year-old and he was headed down the road of disobedience at one point, but with Prayer and lots of discipline he has changed for the good. Actually he is always looking for ways to assist me now.

In my opinion, your son talks back because you allow him too. Can I be real with you? He either angry with you, doesn't respect you, or he is being heavily influenced by what he sees on T.V. or from his friends. I work with children regularly and I have seen many children speak to their parents disrespectfully, but the source has always been one or the other- anger or lack of respect.

However, this does not give him any right to talk back to you. In the case of my son, he was angry because his Dad was stationed in another country and we remained in the area. He rebelled as a result. I took away everything that meant anything to him and he had to earn it back. Limited T.V. and internet access, I removed all of his clothes from his room and he had to wear black and white everyday, I did not allow him to participate in an extra-curricular activities, I didn't care how talented he was. I gave him a list of chores that were to be completed on a daily and weekly basis. This routine continued for an entire semester. He tried to kick against the discipline, but I had to stand firm, regardless.

If we as mothers are not consistent with the discipline, then the child will know that it is just a matter of time before we give in. God has blessed you with 3 beautiful children. It is your responsibility to instill the right values in him and to do your best as a mother.

Don't be afraid, just demonstrate tough love. It's Okay. It doesn't mean that you are being a bad mother; actually it's just the opposite. You are training up child in the way he should go, and when he is older he will not depart from the values and lessons that you are instilling in him now.

Jen, I know that I have said allot here, but pray about the situation first, trust God, seek him for guidance, and you will see a difference in your son.

God Bless

I hit a button - so am not sure if my previous idea went out half done - but here it is again...

I am glad the other advice is suggesting that you work with your son to stop (or limit) his bad behavior. He is learning what behavior is acceptable - and if he thinks disrespecting you if OK - he will continue to disrespect others and probably his future wife. When he does talk abck I agree with taking away toys/games/computer time. I also ask my daughter to please go to her room since she onviously isn't at her best right now - maybe she needs a little time alone.
I would also make sure you are spending some nice times with your son ( and each of your children). I believe they all need and want time with a parent and not just homework/nagging time. Please try to find something you guys can do together - that you both can enjoy - and both can laugh doing. Also - when driving around - I used to try to use that time to ask questions about friends and school - and it seemed that car time was when I found out how things were really going. Something about both of you looking forward - instead of toward each other - makes children less defensive...
Good luck - and remember to find fun time with you kids!

Hi J.,

I have 3 girls that are now on their own but when they were home and growing up it was a real challenge let me tell you. I am not a single mother, but my husband was military and gone alot. My girls had the smartest mouths ever and it finally got so bad and I tried the same thing you did. I finally started taking things away that they loved-the telephone,Tv,games,friends and whatever else that was a hot item at the time. That seemed to work for me, mind you it didn't make them completly stop but it helped. Hope this helps a little and good luck!

C.

Hi Jen,
I too am a single mom and I know it can be difficult to do it all without a partner, but we can do it and do it well!
Most of what I read here is good advice, the one thing I did not see though is....are you respecting your son? How do you talk to him and in front of him? Or other people? Remember that children learn from example...friends, tv, computer, but mostly from family. Using Positive Discipline and being a good role model are powerful! Google positive discipline, it has made a huge impact on my parenting.
Also, being a single parent, be aware of your own stress levels, if you need a time out, take one. It's not only good for you, it's good for your children as well.
Good luck,
S. B.

What is he trying to tell you? Most children, most adults for that matter, want to be heard by the people who love them. How do all of these important women in his life talk and act towards him? Are there any men in his life? How does he feel about school, friends, family? He hasn't learned how to express feelings appropriately, so he needs your help! If your approach is to help him instead of punishing him, and you make sure that everyone around him, yourself included, is always respectful in tone and actions, he will catch on. Let him know that out of frustration you have resorted to hurting him instead of helping him, but that from now on, everyone is going to try to do better. Hold high expectations for him, he can learn to do better. Ten years old doesn't need to be such a hard age.

Well, stop the spankings and mouth washings, they obviously don't work. What does work - take away priviledges. TV, computer, friends, phone, music, video games. Make him earn things back through treating you with respect. Sit down and have a talk about respect and what respect means to you. That if he talks to you in a disrespectful way, then x,y or z will happen. This is the only warning he will receive. Tell him he is old enough to know what you are talking about and that you mean business.

Make sure you follow through. And be calm. Don't yell or shout. Next time he is disrespectful after your talk, say, "No TV for two days. Go to your room. You may come out when you apologize, but still no TV until tomorrow."

Let us know how it goes.