Help! Need suggestions that work, we've tried everything!
Do you have a routine?
My kids had the same routine for years. Dinner -- bath -- story -- bed we started at about 7 every night and they were in bed by 8 - 8:30. It takes a few days to a week to get them into the routine but they know when it's bath time they are getiing ready for bed.
You've not given any specifics so it's hard to answer. If this is a new problem, my answer would be different than if he's never been good at this and now it's coming to a head.
If you've "tried everything" maybe you are trying too many things and there's no routine? I see a lot of books recommended by other moms for issues like this - "1 2 3 Magic" is a popular one. You can get something from the public library too - maybe try two to find something you both agree with and can sustain. That is the key!
Kids have a built in respect for their teacher and principal. When my son didn't want to get his act together to go to school, I told him, "Fine, I'll take you in when you're ready. Remember though, if you don't go on time, you have to stop in the office and check in. And while you're there, you can sit down with the principal and explain to her why you don't think it's important enough for you to get dressed, eat breakfast, and get to school on time. I'm sure she'll be very interested in your reasons." He never gave me a hard time again.
Your son is somehow getting rewarded for his behavior - he's getting attention, even if it's negative attention. You need a calming routine that is the same every night. Whatever those elements are, they are the same every night: bath, brush teeth, get in bed for a story or a song or quiet talk, whatever calms him. I'd take away anything really stimulating for an hour before - TV off, games and toys put away, running around curtailed, and so on. Make it book/story time maybe, and create a get-ready-for-bed routine.
If he keeps getting up, put him back in his room without talking to him. No glasses of water, not conversation, no lectures, no threats. If he's overtired the next day, then take away all the things that kept him revved up. Some parents play down the fact that the evening is their time together. If he thinks his missing out on something like TV, he'll be more inclined to get up. If he thinks the hours after his bedtime are spent doing laundry and washing dishes, and that anyone who stays up has to do those things, he may be less inclined to find that time appealing. But you have to be able to sustain that and not have him get up and find you watching TV, you know?
So that's why I say both parents have to agree on a style of discipline and be firm about it, with no rewards in any way (including a lot of attention or cajoling) for a child who keeps getting up. Kids don't understand that being overtired is a problem - they only think about NOW.
Duct Tape. Lock on the door. Rope. Chains. Tell him the boogie man is under his bed and if he gets out of it he will be eaten.
Dog collar. Cattle prod.
Just a few off the top of my head.
GFQ
After a week of K he will be exhausted. A routine is your friend! Stick to it.
Pick 1 routine and stick with it. Kids love routine so when every bedtime routine is the same they fall into that pattern and it gets easier. That being said, once he does start school he'll probably be exhausted by the end of the day and bedtimes will take care of themselves.
21 days to make a habit, 21 days to break a habit.
In other words, you can't just try one thing for a couple of nights or only a week. You have to try whatever it is you choose to try for a minimum of three weeks before you decide it's not working.
Choose a method with a routine and stick with it for three weeks before you decide it's not working.
Well the way around it basically is to start off with a steady routine, so it needs to be noted that his bedtime is say 8pm and that at 7:30pm he has to have a bath and get into his pyjamas and then at 8pm you tuck him into bed and read him a story and then you leave him in there.
The first time he comes down you simply tell him he has to stay in bed, after that you don't even make contact with him, or eye contact, you simply take him back to bed and leave him there and every time he comes down just don't make any communication and march him to bed, usually it takes a while before he gives up but that time will get less and less until after a week or so he just goes to bed when he is told.
Put a sleeping bag on the floor next to your bed and let him sleep there.
It's closer to you but doesn't leave you with no room in your bed.
The floor will get uncomfortable after awhile.
When my son feels stressed of anxious, he seems to need to be closer to me for awhile for some reassurance.
LIsten to Diane's post and what she says about rewards -- even your "negative" attention is still attention, and if you are fussing at him or begging him to go back to bed (really if you are interacting with him in any way, talking to him at all) he is getting the reward of your attention when he gets out of bed. It seems counterintuitive to adults that a child would WANT negative attention but to young children, any attention is desirable. Remove the attention. He gets up and walks to wherever you are; you walk him in silence back to his bed, ensure he lies down, cover him, leave immediately. Do not fuss, argue, engage. You can keep a hand on his shoulder to walk him back but don't drag him -- that's more attention. Make it boring, boring, boring to get up -- ensure that he does not "get a rise out of you" and get you to talk to him, beg him or bribe him. Be very consistent. The statement "we've tried everything" means you have jumped from tactic to tactic so he knows you won't stick with any one thing for very long and he can deal with that just fine. Stick with removing attention and being silent. Be aware! You will have to take him back to bed over and over and over again in a single night, more than once -- if you have ever seen TV's "supernanny" she has had cases where the parents are returning the child to bed dozens of times a night but if you can stay calm and cool and not interact, not turn on lights, be boring -- it will work eventually. You must be consistent and not change tactics if it doesn't seem to work after a few nights or even weeks. He is getting some kind of payback for this behavior and it's your interaction with him, so don't interact other than to escort him firmly to bed.
Make sure during the day he is really active. 1 to 2 hours in the morning, running, jumping, climbing, peddling, swimming. Then again in the afternoon.. Children have a tremendous amount of energy. They need to expend this every day.
No TV during or after dinner.
Make sure you stay on a schedule. Children thrive on schedules and routines.it helps them feel secure.
While he takes his bath and gets ready for bed. Stay calm and quiet. Since it stays light longer.. Make sure his room feels dark. I used to put up quilts over our daughters windows once school was about to start. It stays bright here till 9:00. also make sure the outside noises are blocked.. A noise machine, a fan, soft music can help to quiet his room.. In the house No cell phones, no loud tv, softer voices in the house. If it feels like there is something he is missing out on, he will fight to stay awake.
If you still bathe him, use really warm water, rub him using stronger strokes like a massage, on his back, shoulders neck, legs, arms hands and feet..wash his head and shoulders with a slight pressure.. It will totally relax him.. No horseplay.
Then pajamas, tuck into bed. Read him a book, but do not engage him. Just have him listen. I used to sometimes, rub our daughters head while reading.. Use the least amount of lighting possible while you read.
A routine like this every night, will eventually not need so much thought. He will be used to calming down and becoming drowsy on his own. But you must stay on this schedule. It works..
Two years ago, I had my cousin's kids for a week while she was on hospital bedrest. She didn't tell me that her five and four year olds hadn't slept more than 5 hours at a stretch since infancy. After night from hell number 2, I took them for a run (really a slow jog) after dinner. Then I used the little tester strip from Duracell batteries to show them that their energy was really low. I suggested that they recharge so that the next day we could have more adventures. I gave them each an old phone charger to hold while they stayed in bed. To my shock it worked. Well at least until 6 am.
He's probably not tired out enough. Don't let him take anymore daytime naps. Get him to "play hard" after super. You could kick a ball around with him, play tag, etc. Just get outside after super and play. Then after you've gotten him already for bed and put him in bed, read him a bedtime story until he falls asleep. It can really be that simple. The bedtime story needs to be a long coninuous one like "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." That way he won't be able to wait until betime to find out what happens next.
