Asking for a Friend About Her Husband...

I wouldn't call the other woman period. She needs to direct the issue to her husband. Yep save name and number as evidence just in case but do not make it a "love triangle".

"Who is this?"

I think she should ask the husband first, but that's just my opinion. If she trusts her husband, and he's not the cheating type, there is NO WAY she should call the girl first.

I wouldn't dream of calling unless I'd asked my husband and something about his answer didn't add up. When you have a trustworthy husband, calling without asking is kind of Wacko behavior.

With the note on it there has to be a good reason. He probably needs it for another reason other than cheating. I would have her ask him whose so and so while she is adding money to the wallet in front of him like she is just finding it.

This might seem simplistic, but why doesn't she just ask her husband?

She should just ask her husband about it, I'm sure she'll be able to tell by his immediate reaction/body language if something's up. I open my husband's wallet for cash all the time, if a woman's phone # fell out I wouldn't think twice to say, "who's this?". I'd just be curious.

I would just ask my husband about it before making a fool of myself going around him. It seems irrational and unnecessary, esp if they have a decent marriage. Give him the chance to explain, and if he acts strange, it might be worth investigating further.

Ok - let's think about this for a second....

If you are a man and you are going to cheat on your wife, are you going to do it at a fishing dam, and have the girl with whom you are cheating write THE SPOT where you meet for this fling down on a piece of paper along with her name and number, and then leave said name and number in your wallet?

If he is that dumb, he will be completely unable to lie his way out of this. She should ask him first. None of your post makes me think "cheater" - it makes me think "this poor guy is renting a fishing dam spot and his wife is about to look like a nut job when she calls this woman".

I have made the mistake of thinking my husband was doing something he shouldn't - and each time I look like a crazy person. Thank goodness I only look crazy to him and never called anyone! Example - found a woman's name and number on the back of a business card of hubby's - when I ask hubby, turns out it was a woman who ended up selling us our first home. How dumb would I have felt if I called her - "Remax, can I help you?" Uhhhhh......

And what if this woman is fishing with her husband? Men can't fish with women? I guess I would be a little peeved my husband didn't tell me about this new "fishing partner" - but I think your friend needs a little more to go on before she calls the woman. She should talk to her husband. She should be able to tell immediately if he is lying. Talk to him with no distractions so he has to look her in the eye.

If her husband is cheating, she already knows. What I mean is this - no one cheats without leaving clues. My husband is home every night at the same time, rarely goes anyplace without us, and if he does, his friends are all present and tell me about the last time they were with husband golfing, etc. Is her husband a family man and rarely gone, or is he traveling, acting strange/distant, not wanting to have sex as much, not fighting with her as much (yes, this is a sign of not caring anymore and possible cheating). If he doesn't shows any signs (and it sounds as if he doesn't from your post), then I am sure she has nothing to worry about.

If she absolutely must call this woman, she can do one of two things....be honest and say "I found this number in my husband's wallet" or, I misplaced a business number a while back and was hoping this was _____".

Good luck!!

why wouldn't you just ask your husband? I mean really there is not reason to call the girl and freak out. Tell the husband she found the number what does it mean? And no she shouldn't call she should talk to her husband first. This is not high school

Tell her to get it out in the open immediately with her husband. He knows she puts money in there, so he obviously wasn't hiding anything. She might have (I know sounds silly, but could be true) fishing lures or something great grandpops didn't want, or a contact for a new job and if her husband is like me, he has to make a note to himself to remember where this person was. I seriously doubt if she is his potential lover that he has to write where he met her. We all remember anybody we're attracted to and where we saw them.
Take it from me, it is pretty harmless. I spent wasted years snooping through wallets and could of read a good book with all that time.

I gotta be honest, if I found a woman's number in my husband's wallet, it would not even occur to me that there was a possibility of an affair with her. If I was curious I'd just say hey hon, who is _____? So I think there must be something up with their relationship or maybe she was hurt this way in the past? Either way, I think checking up is a bad idea, but as you said, it's her call not yours, hope it all ends well!

What do you mean he might "deny it altogether"? He has it. The denial would be an important reaction she needs to gage.
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Sounds like they met at the "fishing Dam" and he TOOK her number.

So even if nothing more happened. It's NOT OK.

UNLESS, she is someone who has a direct service for them that he's about to bring up to her, like, "hey, honey, you know how we're shopping for a roof? Well I met a COUPLE with a roofing business and told them we need a new roof and the wife gave me her number because the husband doesn't have a phone"

And I would only buy this if he came to her proactively with the intention of calling them. :-0

So. She should be worried. It's very hard for wives whose husbands haven't done anything wrong "YET" to feel OK inquiring about stuff. Sadly, that's how they get away with their first several transgressions. But it may be nothing, and it's OK to ask. She needs to. She was putting money in his wallet, not doing anything wrong. And if she never snoops, who knows what else she hasn't found.

The more calm and direct she is the better. No tone of accusation, just a plain, curious, "Why do you have this person's number?" That's not psycho.

If she's not feeling that ballsy, she needs to just dispose of or hide the number. My guess is that he won't dare come to her asking if she has it, unless it's innocent, and he really needs it and has nothing to hide. I would also check his phone to make sure he hasn't programmed it in. And she should start keeping an eye on him obviously. It's better to bring it up now, than wait around for other things and get suspicious every time he fishes. He sounds like he may need the entry level relationship course "no taking numbers 101".

Your husband may know about this if they BOTH met the lady. Ask him if the friend took some lady's number and why too.

Don't be coy, ladies, if there is an issue, it needs to be handled.

I wouldn't call the girl. I would talk with my husband. My relationship isn't with the other woman no matter who she is. My relationship is with my husband. I would however keep the number just in case I have some questions.

My husband is always in the company of women. I have all of their numbers and names and have befriended him. Since we have been married, all his women now belong to me. There is full disclosure. My husband does nothing in the dark. He would let me know who this woman is and why they need to interact.

I think your friend should talk to her husband and not call the number she found in his wallet. Too much drama there.

Sometimes a name and a number doesn't mean what you think it does. It could be that the location of that fishing place is private and she gave him the number of the place and her name to drop...
Or not.
If she wants to call, she should. She's not going to be happy until she does.
I think communication in a relationship is the key. She should simply go to her husband and ask what the slip of paper means.
LBC

Why doesn't she ask her husband first?

Honestly, since she was doing something normal like putting money in her husbands wallet and the little note was just right there not hidden, she should really just ask him what it is. If his answer was "fishy" sounding THEN I'd call the number and see who was at the other end. I think maybe the girl was fishing and lost something and told her hubby if he found it to call her.

She should ask her husband. And she should expect the truth from him. If she doesn't feel like she got the truth, then she should call her. My mom and dad had a fight early on in their marriage about my mom finding a woman's number on my dad's dresser. Turned out it was his grandmother!! BAHAHA!! Just saying, if she thinks he would deny it, what makes her think he wouldn't cheat? Sometimes its the ones you least expect. And they always get caught. Good luck and prayers to her!

why not just go to the fishing dam the next time the husband goes....& see what's up? Nothing like seeing/hearing with your own eyes. Phones are an easy venue to hide the truth behind.

& as a head's up, my husband/sons have come home with "insider's info" from fishing trips....to use the next time around.

1) has she asked her husband about it?

2) is there a fishing dam that he goes to? or one around that he hasn't been to and maybe it the number to a fishing shop located at the dam?

3) do a reverse search on the phone number and make sure it goes to a woman and not a business... she could have referred him somewhere and gave him the number to that place and put her name on there for reference?

In my opinion if she saw this and immediately jumped to the conclusion enough to want to call some woman then she apparently DOES see him as being the cheating kind. If she thinks it is nothing he would do there would have been reason for to not at the moment she saw it say ot him "i put your lunch money in your wallet! whats this number? did you find a new place to fish?" or something to confront him and why he has the number but not go directly saying he is cheating.

If she insist on calling without talking to him, i would make sure to call from a number that couldnt be traced back to you (not necessarily a blocked number cuz some people do not answer blocked numbers). I would just act like i dialed the wrong number. I would just ask for someone else... "can i speak with steve please? oh no steve there... whose residence is this? oh i'm sorry i thought i was calling a fishing camp..." just play it off......

If she calls first and it's nothing, the husband has a right to be angry that she didn't trust him. I would say she has to have a really good reason to suspect him of cheating if she's going to go that route.

If she *is* going to call, to me it would make more sense to enlist a male friend/colleague to do the calling and say he is the husband. Then see what the woman says. If she is confused, have him say something about meeting at the fishing dam?

She needs to ask her husband first. It's probably something harmless, and if she calls the lady first and is all "Who is this? Why does my husband have your number?" she's going to come across as a little crazy.

It's very possible it's something completely unrelated to an affair. It could be that she was at the dam fishing and mentioned something about needing a sitter (or him needing a sitter) and they exchanged numbers to set something up...or maybe this woman owns a business that your friend and her husband could use the services of...the possibilities are endless, but really, there is no way for her to call this lady without coming off as a crazy person and potentially ruining whatever business they have together.

Ask the husband first!

she should ask her husbadn first..maybe because i was cheated on by my ex for years and was one of you girls saying my husband would never I'd like to point out more than 50% of people cheat....so we cant all be right in saying..mine would never...I did that for years....I would suspect something but ask him first...there are really only a few easy reasons he has it
1. he got her number and wrote where he met her- hopefully he has a good reason for wanting to keep it, but could have intentions of more and do this often enough to have to write where he met her
2. hes cheating and she wrote hima cute note on where to meet (this would be odd--if its his writing i would think option 1, her writing it could be this, bcause unless he has amnesia if its not an adress he wouldn't need to write the location if it was for a date
3. theres some insanely simple reason and she's going to regret calling

unless shes convinced hes cheating she shouldn't call..the lack of trust wll ruin things,

R.:

If you can't change her mind and truly care about the situation - call her yourself and just say - hey 'I found your number with my hubby's fishing gear'....why would he have your number?

I don't know an easy way to handle it - re-reading it is still sounds lame...but you are a smart cookie - you will come up with something!!

Leave the girl out of it, if possible.

She needs to ask her husband what's up. She should be able to tell a lot from his response.

If she doesn't get what she wants out of her husband, then I would possibly call the woman. I might even do it in front of him, to see if it would coax some honestly out of him.

I would just ask my husband, but.......That she is suspicious and doesn't want to ask her husband first....... well, she may have a reason to be worried.

but.......why not google the phone number. May be a fishing store!

If she must call the number do it from a phone at the mall or something...... not either of your houses!

Interesting (sort of) opposing viewpoints from Scarlett and Amy J. And I kinda agree with both?

I've been in a cheating relationship, and 9.75 times out of 10, if I found something that was indicative of cheating, he WAS cheating. But I also think that she should approach (notice I didn't say confront) her husband, and she will be able to tell by her husband's immediate response whether he's lying or not... if it's something legitimate, he'll be able to tell her what that is with no hesitation, nervousness, defensiveness, etc. If it's not on the up and up, he'll get defensive, red faced, stammer, evade her question, and make weird excuses... she'll know.

On one hand, I agree with Scarlett, that if he's cheating, she *probably* has other signs too. But as Amy J. said, the question needs to be asked. This IS a situation warranting an answer.

Let us know how it goes.

Every great once in a while my husband (or I) will find another man's business card or even phone number in my purse or car.
Guess what? I'm not cheating. It's ALWAYS just related to work. I work with the public and will take down a name and number from a voicemail....take my work down with me to the "service desk"....leave straight from the desk to go home, work stuff gets shoved in my purse or passenger seat...etc.
Oh and my husband never called these dudes, he just asks about it and I tell him the truth and he trusts me.
So unless there is OTHER reason to be suspicious, she really needs to just ask him about it directly.

Calling the girl can only end DISASTROUSLY. For someone who is concerne about her husband having a secret number, that sure seems like a lot of sneaking around on HER part. She found it in her HUSBANDS wallet. She is in a relationship with HIM. She needs to ask HIM about it if she's curious. She also needs to be prepared to accept whatever explanation he gives as the truth.

she should ask her husband what's going on first. leave the "girl" (could be an old lady selling fishing dam greeting cards - you never know!) out of it as much as possible.

While I agree that asking the husband is the RIGHT thing to do, personally I"d probably call the girl... SHe can also do a reverse phone number lookup on the internet, can't remember the name of the website but you can probably google it.