As a Parent, What Are You Doing to Combat the Issue of Bullying?

I think "combat" is not the right approach. All "bullies" have one thing in common, for various reasons; a lack of empathy. I choose to see it as an opportunity to teach empathy. I am very involved in my kids social life, and make it a point to befriend the "bullies". I am teaching my daughter to advocate for herself, and to walk away when it is necessary. I am also teaching her to find good qualities in any person, and to have the confidence to articulate that to others, including "bullies". I plan on continuing to be involved with her and her friends and her friends families for a very long time. I also think it is key to teach my own child to be empathetic towards the "bully". I do not want to label any child, including a "bully". I try very hard to teach my child the same. We are all more complex than any label could try to contain. We all have hard times, we all have bad days....but it does not make us bad or deserving of such a label. I guess labeling children would be my issue I feel very strongly about. Once you slap a label on a child, you are setting him/her up to fulfill that expectation.

I encourage my son to be the O. who speaks up for people who can't or won't...and he has.
I encourage my son to be accepting of differences in people and difference in abilities in others...and he is.
He has been taught he does not have to be friends with everyone but he DOES need to respect everyone.
He's good at spotting bullies.

There is this idea that there are a few mean nasty bullies out there and everything will be okay if we just teach people to stand up to them. This idea is false. Most people have experienced bullying. And most people have bullied others. This is true of children. This is true of adults. Bullying seems to be part of normal human interactions.

Generally, I see two major patterns in bullying. Most "bullies" are actually great potential leaders, who just need a little guidance and education about the ethics of power. The rest are self-destructive kids that are in so much pain that they throw off shrapnel and hurt others. The first group is usually eager to improve their skills. The second group responds well to love and compassion: they stop hurting others once they stop hating themselves.

Non-violent communication (NVC) can be a useful tool, and I use it frequently. But I have seen a number of people who use NVC as a way to bully others while feeling morally superior. It's not a cure-all.

I train all "my" kids (including students, neighbors, etc.) about the responsible use of power. There are four core lessons.

Lesson 1. Learn to distinguish between authority and influence.

People with authority have the right to use force, give orders, and issue punishments. People with influence have the right to make suggestions, negotiate, give feedback, and lead by example. Good authority figures use the tools of influence as much as possible, but they can fall back on the tools of authority if necessary.

Learn who has authority over who and under what situations. Police officers have authority over me. I have authority over my children. My oldest daughter (age 14) has authority over her younger siblings *only* when doing formal babysitting. I have limited authority over neighborhood children when they visit my house, but once they walk out the door my authority over them ends. On the street, I only have influence.

Understand that most problems can be dealt with using the tools of influence. But if a problem requires the tools of authority, someone who has the right to use those tools needs to be called in. I do not have the right to arrest people on the street. Children do not have the right to punish each other. If someone on the street needs to be arrested, I have to call the police. If a child needs to be punished, an adult with authority needs to get involved.

Generally speaking, bullying is about someone trying to use the forceful tools of authority when they have no right to do so. It's about peers trying to force a certain behavior on each other. I work very hard to teach my kids not to take authority that is not theirs, and not to allow anyone else to act like authorities when they haven't the right.

Lesson 2: Be vigilant about consent

Many people with forceful personalities can accidentally bully others. They may think they're being persuasive (a legitimate tool of influence) when actually they're scaring people into compliance. I teach my kids that a "yes" only counts if someone is saying it with their mouth, their body, and their eyes. If the words don't match the body language, back off! Ask questions. If the body says "no" and the mouth says "yes", call it a "no".

Lesson 3: No dominance games
Dominance games is when two people who are basically equal are trying to push each other around to prove dominance, either trying to puff themselves up or deflate someone else. I teach that this is foolish, and cut it off whenever I see it. If someone is actually dominant, it's earned through excellent behavior and skill, and is instantly recognised by everyone. Puffing yourself up just makes you look like an easily-popped puffball. Honest competition, where each person is striving to master a skill, is something entirely different, and I totally support that.

Lesson 4: Be a good leader
Leadership is not about getting whatever you want. If you want to arrange things exactly to your liking, you need to play alone. Powerful leaders take responsibility for making sure everyone is feeling happy and safe, and that all voices are heard. There's a heck of a big difference between being in charge and being bossy.

Last year, the show 20/20 did a show on Bullying in our country. Of which they said it is 'epidemic.'

Here is a link for 20/20 Bullying topic:
http://abcnews.go.com/2020/TheLaw/bullied-death-resources...

Or just do a search, on their website. They have a lot of articles and resources on it.

OF course, I teach my kids about Bullying. I address it, straight on.
My daughter, was bullied in Preschool. And in 1st grade.
I took care of it and reported it to the Teacher and school.
I told my daughter about it, why I reported it, why you NEED to, and how to go about problem-solving.
A child, NEEDS to see their parent, actively doing something about it. That is how they learn.

My Daughter and my Husband, told me how proud they were of me, for doing something about it, and stopping it.

I will always, stand up, to that.
My kids, are taught to speak up. And they do.

You teach kids about it and tell them about it, EVEN if it does not come up. You EDUCATE them on it.

My parents always taught me I was worth more then that. That no one deserves to be insulted, targeted bullied, and that we have a responsibility to protect others when we see it. The instilled confidence in me, to stand up for myself and not tolerate it. I am, a very quite and shy person by nature...but I am not a door mat, and I never tolerated that. I hope to give my son the same confidence in himself, and I hope he cares about others enough, to take a stand.

I think it should be talked about and addressed long before a child goes to school. We don't wait to talk about bad touches, drugs, and things like that when it comes up. Bullying should be handled the same way.

I'm sure most paretns do address it and dont allow it between siblings or friends. However, bullying is in the category that I call the 5 percent club. 95% of our people are great and easy to get along with, but 5% will always cause a problem. We will always have the poor, we will always have the rich and we will always have the sick and we will always have some mean people. Focusing on the 95% that is good and fine is so much better than beating yourself up trying to rid the universe of something that will not go away. Learning to cope and learning how to control ourselves is all we can do. We cannot control anyone but ourself. We are all born naked and poor, we all have an opportunity to do whatever we want to and we all end up where we put ourselves.

I homeschool, so that is how I deal with bullying and peer pressure in school.

I have learned and practiced the techniques used in Non-Violent Communication, and find them an effective way to respectfully and calmly intercept bullying or emotional intimidation from other adults. I am gradually teaching this response to my 5yo grandson. It is very powerful – sort of a verbal "martial art," but it's not defensive so much as proactive. Those who are curious can see more by checking out these and related links:

http://www.cnvc.org/Training/the-nvc-model

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nonviolent_Communication

I talk to my children..I began these conversations since they hit preschool.I'm in close contact with their teachers including the principal,for the preschool the director.I will call if I have any question regarding my children.

I'm raising my children to have confidence in their abilities. Bullies rarely pick on confident peers. My kids are natural leaders, and that helps. I want to be sure they are good leaders, not bullies themselves. As a teacher, I often share stories of what goes on in the school where I teach, and use those stories as teaching tools with my boys. We talk about what could have been done differently, or what was done correctly in any given situation, and how they can help others. So far bullying has not been an issue with my children. Hopefully it won't be.

Absolutely. I have told my children if they see bullying they must step in to stop it. I don't tolerate bullying at my school.

Well, I address it in more than the kid realm to my kids. When someone on the news starts bullying someone we talk about how the newscaster is a bully (really it is amazing how often they DO bully!) Same with things that many adults see as funny on TV. I try to cut those things out as much as I can but also address them about how to deal with it because it is so inground in the culture our children will need to deal with it.

Some how my daughter just had the personality to always stand up for herself. Not sure what I did to help that. My youngest has a different personality and I will have to work harder to prepare him to deal with bullies.

My children are 6 and 3. So, pretty young. We're doing the basics for our 6 year old daughter. Things like looking at people, all people, in the eyes so that you can tell what color their eyes are. A small sign of strength and one simple tool that might take my normally shy daughter out the bullying equation.

We've also told her that she's got a lion voice inside her belly. And when something is wrong or when she's getting picked on, I give her permission to use that lion voice. To let it rise up and out and be as loud as she needs to be. (did I mention that she's shy) I think it relieved her to know that I'm okay with her using this type of voice to advocate for herself.

There's this great children's book we've read called "Wild Boars" that kind of put things into perspective for her, too. It teaches that even though we can try to be kind to wild boars, have playdates with them, share our snacks, and etc., sometimes they just can't help being wild boars. It has nothing to do with my daughter's ability to be a nice person and friend. We just can't please absolutely everyone.

So far, only minor incidents have happened at kindergarten and we talk about the right and wrong way to deal with them in the future. But I must say that I do worry about what's to come. I just hope we can meet the challenges head on, unflinching, confident. Both of us.

We talk, alot. I try to teach him to have a voice. I also teach him that not all precieved bullying is really that. We talk about different personalties, and the changes so many kids are going through (middles school and puberty is where we are at). We talk about reason why kids bully and how to avoid being a target. We talk alot about tolerance. I believe the biggest gift I can give my son is by teaching him to be tolerant of others. I myself put that to work in my own life.

It is still tough, and you never know what child might end up getting it the worst. It sucks.