Anxious 5Yr Old Boy

A. are you sure you're not talking aboyt my son? My son is the exact same way, and that's just who he is.

He doesn't like loud, sudden noises so birthday parties can be challenging. The Thanksgiving program went the same way for us...he didn't like the loud music or being in front of everyone.

As much as he loves to play baseball, getting him to get up to bat is hard because the anxiety he feels about everyone watching him. He's in a little group right now at a pediatric psychologists that is helping him work through some of these anxious behaviors. There are 8 boys and they all just need a little help and some tools to use when they are feeling anxious. It has been a lot of help!

I hope he outgrows this, but the world is full of shy, anxious people - they usually marry outgoing, confident people and balance out. Good luck, you're not alone!

No, this is not normal. Shy children are not fearful children. I would never force him into a "scary" situation. We can't control our fears. My sister is 65 and still fearful of the dark. To be as fearful as you describe I feel professional help might be advised. He is lacking the security base that would allow him to venture out. Family counciling might also be advised.

It sounds so sad that your precious boy is living like this, but one of these days, who knows, he could get over it little by little. Does he do that all the time, or just sometimes? I will certainly pray for your little one. I show my kids (ages 5 and 3) educational videos, especially Veggie Tales to help them conquer their fears of all kinds, then I talk about it a lot when they claim to be afraid. As for show and tells, I rehearse the stuff with my boy over and over, until he knows his stuff really well. My boy cried the first time he participated in a program, and did better the second time, when he had rehearsed more and his nana was there...

Does he talk freely and openly to people? Does he answer people's questions when asked? There is a what is called Selected Mutism. It is absolute, painful shyness.

If the above questions pertain to your son, check out:

http://www.beachpsych.com/pages/cc76.html
Here is a selection from this webpage:
Selective Mutism

Selective Mutism is a psychiatric disorder most commonly found in children, characterized by a persistent failure to speak in select settings which continues for more than 1 month. These children understand spoken language and have the ability to speak. In typical cases, they speak to their parents and a few selected others. Sometimes, they do not speak to certain individuals in the home. Most do not speak in school, and in other major social situations. Generally, most function normally in other ways, although some may have additional disabilities. Most learn age-appropriate skills and academics. Currently, SM is thought to be related to severe anxiety and social phobia. SM may be associated to a variety of things, but the exact cause is yet unknown.

These children may respond, or make their needs known, by nodding their heads, pointing, or by remaining expressionless or motionless until someone correctly guesses what they want. The majority of these children express a great desire to speak in all settings, but are unable to do so due to anxiety, fear, shyness and embarrassment. Many do participate in activities non-verbally. The withdrawn behavior is not usually disturbing until the child begins school. Sometimes, even then, the child is viewed as shy and is assumed that the shyness is temporary and will be outgrown. By the time SM is recognized (if it is recognized), the child has usually had at least 2 years in which non-verbalization has become a pattern. The behavior then becomes increasingly difficult to change because the child has found a way to avoid the anxiety of speaking.

The first symptoms of SM usually begins between the ages of 1 to 3 years. These symptoms may include shyness, a reluctance to speak in some settings, and a fear of people. Although onset is usually before age 5, the symptoms become noticeable when the child is requested to respond verbally in social situations, including preschool, elementary school and community environments.
SOURCE: Selective Mutism Foundation

Dear A.:
Stage fright is normal. It can be trained away, but I did not find out until I was past high school. The room scare does not sound normal.

In a good scenario, he is just a general scaredy cat which you can help go away. In a bad scenario, something bad may have happened to him. The worst case would probably be some kind of misuse, a milder case would be separation anxiety or bad dreams/scary movies. You will have to find out. Has this been going on? Getting worse? Popped up one day? After a landmark like first day in kindergarten or out of the blue? Who was there?

Good luck.

Regards,
W.

I would try thinking back to the first party that he started this behavior (though you may have already) and
see if you remember anything traumatic that happened that
day. Or some event close to the party.

I am sorry he is suffering so.
My would consider my son a little anxious, but he is not what you are describing. I would talk to your pediatrician and his teacher. Sounds like maybe Aspergers or a phobia of some kind. I'm not a doc so I may be wrong... and I don't mean to scare you.
Please update us.
E.